The Workaholic, the Recluse and the Wild Woman
by 0atis
Summary: Brittany wants Santana. Bad. Unfortunately she is exact opposite of what she wants in a potential girlfriend. Santana thinks so too. At least she does until she meets a blonde bombshell named Felicia and notices some…similarities.
1. Chapter 1

**The Workaholic, the Recluse and the Wild Woman**

* * *

Santana woke at 5:30 a.m. on the dot as she had every day for four years. She had long ago surpassed the need for an alarm clock as she was now hard wired to get up before the sun hit her window, yet every night she set it anyway. Like every morning before it she got up, got immaculately dressed and went into her spotless sterile kitchen to make coffee. As she waited she turned on the television, listening to the news while making a full breakfast.

She ate her meal in the dining room, sipping occasionally at her fresh brew while listening to the weather and contemplating the day's itinerary. At 6 a.m. her mother sent her a birthday text that she formally replied to and exactly two minutes after that her father sent an identical one. It wasn't surprising, her mother had more than likely done it for him since he never remembered without her reminder.

6:30 a.m. found her walking into her office which looked as immaculate as her house, it bothered her slightly because she wasn't a neat freak she just had nothing else to do with her spare time but organize. Tonight was supposed to change that, but she knew it wouldn't. Usually on her birthday she looked forward to the end of the day, however for some reason this year she wasn't feeling it. She wanted to meet someone to change her uneventful life and failing that she'd settle for a good old fashioned one night stand, but she was pretty sure this birthday would pass like all the others.

It wasn't exactly a good omen when she looked at the blank space by her keyboard and found it devoid of a brightly colored gift that would usually be waiting for her.

Santana wasn't one for childish presents, but she could honestly say now that she didn't get one it made her a little sad. Apparently even her secret admirer had given up on her.

Chuckling at that thought she pulled her chair up to her desk and got to work.

* * *

Brittany sat at her desk staring at a screen full of numbers and figures she had no desire to deal with, she really didn't understand what half of them meant. To be perfectly honest she didn't understand what her job at her company actually was. She knew the word Analysis was in title and it paid well so she stayed. The only reason she had managed to stay employed for five years was that her best friend, co-worker and roommate, Sam, had practically pulled them both through school and when he got a job, he got her in too while showing her everything she would ever need to know. He taught her the process and what sort of numbers she had to come up with, everything else was on a plane above her head and as she looked over the numbers shining dully back at her she wondered, not for the first time, why she insisted on keeping this job.

_Oh yeah, the economy sucks and food costs money, _she thought bitterly.

With a sigh she began to type in the necessary figures to get the right numbers for her presentation the next day, she knew these numbers had to do with the company's net gains and net losses (which surprisingly had nothing to do with fishing) and they wanted them to be high and low respectively. This concept that, when first explained to her, seemed the easiest part of the job, until Sam told her that it was not only wrong, but illegal to put in any numbers she wanted, so she had reluctantly erased the $1 from the losses column and $1,000,000,000 from the gains. All it meant was more hard work she didn't really get in a profession she didn't want to be in.

Brittany sighed again, adjusted her glasses, a side effect of too much desk work, and started typing. She was in the middle of doing boring work on a typical Monday morning when the best part of her whole job walked in. Her boss; Santana Lopez.

The woman was everything Brittany could ever want and more and she was also totally out of her league, she was gorgeous and kind yet stern, even fierce if the situation called for it. She was a great person to work under, but at the end of the day Santana wasn't one to join in on employee conversations or say anything that wasn't work related. She dressed like a supermodel and walked in a way that told everyone she knew how good she looked.

There was nothing about her that made Brittany feel she had a snowballs chance in hell of asking her out, not that her own looks weren't sufficient, but she didn't feel that she could offer anything the Latina couldn't get tenfold with a mirror.

Keeping her eyes on her unobtainable prize she sighed yet again watching as her boss went into her office and closed the door.

"Today not the day huh?" came a voice from above.

Her head snapped up and she saw Sam looking down at her from over the wall of his adjoining cubicle with a smile on his face, "You scared me!" she whispered fiercely as she panted her panic.

He laughed, "I know. So what's the word bird? You thinking about how to give her a present?"

Brittany frowned at the question, Sam knew about her attraction to Santana, but he also knew how impossibly unlikely it would be for her to pursue it, "Are you kidding?"

He frowned a little and moved from his position, most likely kneeling on his desk, to walk around to her side, "No, I mean for her birthday. It's today."

Brittany's mouth fell open. She had known that, she really had, but almost being late this morning and being faced with a quarterly report the next day had wiped it from her already cluttered mind, "Crap I forgot," she muttered.

"Wow, you _must _be swamped," Sam chuckled.

Brittany just chewed her lip for a moment before shrugging, "Whatever it's not like I ever do anything special usually."

"Uh, I think you forgot you are talking to your roommate, you get something for her every year you just never let her know it's from you."

A furious blush overtook the blonde's pale face and she stared determinedly at her screen, "Either way I forgot."

Sensing her irritation at herself and the issue in general Sam changed the subject, "So are you going to Rachel's party tonight?"

At this Brittany glared at the computer screen again, but for an entirely different reason. Rachel Berry was their other roommate, she was a small woman who was somehow filled with nothing but words that were bigger than she was. Though it wasn't her constant talking or unwanted criticisms that made Brittany upset about her, it was her lack of need to be with them at all. Rachel was already an established Broadway actress who had recently made her transition into the movie industry to wild success, the woman was a multimillionaire, but because she had an upcoming role as a 'common person' she felt she needed to research the part by living it.

As luck would have it she decided to pick up the paper and look for a suitable place at the same time Brittany and Sam had put in an add looking for another tenant. What they got was a total drama queen who liked to refer to everything they did as 'cute' or 'quaint'. And even though she was supposed to be living the 'peasant life' every once in a while she would throw a huge party at her actual home in Beverly Hills to report her findings to her Hollywood friends. Of course Brittany and Sam were always invited, usually to back up some story about the time the toilet was clogged or something, though Rachel clearly thought being given an invite at all was an honor. Kind of like she thought giving Brittany a key to her home was a privilege. She could go over anytime to watch TV or use the pool but since Brittany was also constantly busy and didn't have a car that didn't happen much. The only time she saw the place was when she was asked to go and grudgingly traveled, by bus, to pick up some mundane item or another for the smaller woman. Somehow Brittany suspected she planned it that way.

"I don't think I'm in the mood to be her show and tell tonight," Brittany grumbled.

Sam smiled and shrugged, "Too bad, you know I have to, Cedes will be there."

She had to smile, at least Sam had gotten something out of their weird lot in life, Mercedes Jones was one of Rachel's friends who would attend her parties. Sam met her and they hit it off quite well despite her being a hit R&B artist and him being a total geek. She was happy for him and wished she could have something like they did; a thought that brought her eyes back to a certain closed wooden door.

Her stare didn't go unnoticed and Sam laughed again, "You've got it so bad. Just try wishing her a happy birthday. I mean you have been working with her for what? Four years now? I think a real, personal conversation between you two is long overdue."

"Can't I have to work on… this," she said, suddenly not remembering what it was she was actually doing.

"Fine be that way, but if Jake Sully hadn't followed his heart he would still be crippled and alone on a post apocalyptic earth."

Brittany nodded deciding not to call him a total weirdo for bringing that example into a normal serious conversation, "Yeah I know."

He moved back to his spot and she finally started to focus on the mocking numbers in front of her face. Usually she would enjoy her day at work by sprinkling mini-breaks throughout the day to make it more bearable and sometimes at lunch she and Sam would go to a small coffee shop around the corner to talk about any and every thing. Today she had no such luxury as she had to go over every figure about ten times because she tended to rarely get the same answer when calculating sums. That meant she would have to double, triple and quadruple check her work and then do it over just to be sure. Her whole existence at the company depended on her ability to get numbers right and unfortunately she was terrible with them.

This dilemma was how she managed to still be at work two hours after closing time alone in the building except for the cleaning staff. The worst part was that she was quickly coming to the realization that she was going to have to take her work home. She was still nowhere near done because after all her multiplication and addition the final sum was still less than the starting one and she was pretty sure that was fundamentally wrong.

With a sigh she leaned back in her seat and began to save the data to her flash drive so she could go home and snuggle up to more numbers. She yawned and rubbed her neck as she waited for the files to transfer when she heard a voice.

"Working late again?" was the calm casual sound that came from behind her.

Brittany's natural response was to snort and tell Sam to stop asking obvious questions, but it hit her rather swiftly that the voice did not belong to Sam. Disbelievingly she spun around and saw Santana smirking down at her. She had to fight not to choke on air, she had been so sure she was in the building alone.

"Oh! Um, no! I mean yes!" she answered loudly somehow sounding even more flustered than she actually was.

"I'm assuming that's the quarterly report?" she said glancing at the screen.

Brittany casually slid her chair in front of the monitor hoping her boss wouldn't see her wildly incorrect figures, "Yes ma'am, it will be ready by tomorrow."

Santana smiled and gave a friendly nod as she turned to head out. Brittany watched her go and was suddenly hit with an image of Jake Sully sitting drunk and sulky in a back alley on an decrepit earth and she spoke before her natural shyness could stop her.

"Happy Birthday," her voice was small and weak, but Santana had heard it, stopped and turned with a curious expression on her face.

"How did you know it was my birthday?"

Brittany frowned, "It's the same time every year isn't it?"

Santana laughed, "Yes, but how did you know at all? It's just that I tend to keep my birthday and, subsequently, my age a secret."

The blonde woman fidgeted nervously, she hadn't known it was supposed to be a secret, "Erm, I sort of looked you up when you first started working here. Well I didn't my friend Sss… friends," she deflected determined not to drag Sam down with her, "My friends looked it up for me cause I'm not good with computers… wait, I mean, I'm good with these just not with… uh… looking up people."

Santana just stared blankly at her for a moment before she laughed, "Brittany Pierce right?"

"Yes ma'am," she said meekly, thrilled that Santana could remember her name without a roster.

Smiling the smaller woman walked back to Brittany's cubicle and leaned against the divider at the door, "So can I assume that I've had you to thank for the timely gifts on birthdays past?"

If Brittany could have seen how red her face became at that she would have found the situation as amusing as Santana did, "Yes," she said quietly then her eyes widened, "And I'm so sorry I forgot to this year, I had something thought out, but with the report and all…" she rambled again gesturing vaguely at the machine behind her all while staying in the way so the figures on it couldn't be seen.

"It's fine I'm just glad to finally have that mystery solved. Why the secrecy by the way?"

She averted her eyes and mumbled, "No real reason, just thought you should have something. You always work on your birthday so I thought a present might cheer you up."

Santana smirked at that, "I see, well thank you, they did actually perk up my day. I've never had anyone get me stuffed animals before."

Brittany tried not to look totally embarrassed at herself, "I always love getting them so I thought you might like them too, I guess it's kind of lame when you think about it."

"I thought it was very sweet."

Santana had that smile on again and Brittany felt her heart flutter, "So what are you planning to do tonight?"

At that question Santana's pleasant smile faded and was replaced by a slight scowl, "Nothing really, same as every year. I guess I'll just go to Stellar, have some drinks and go home."

Brittany wasn't a party girl but she knew Stellar was a club, a party hard kind of club and even though it was only around ten Santana didn't seem to be in the party hard kind of mood.

"You don't sound too happy about it."

The smaller woman sighed, "I am and I'm not. I go out to try and find Ms. Right and all I ever get are women who just aren't what I am looking for, it's sort of depressing to only have one real cut loose night and spend it realizing I'm probably going to end up alone for the rest of the year. The best part is that today is Monday so I can't even stay out that late. That's why I'm still moping around here I guess… putting off the inevitable," she said looking around the empty building.

Brittany couldn't help but be ecstatic, not only was her boss single she was in the market for a girlfriend. She was nervous to even try and broach the subject, but she felt the circumstances couldn't possibly be more perfect.

"Well, what is it that you are looking for when you go to the clubs?"

Santana took a moment, taking the question rather seriously, "Hmmm, I can't say I have a definitive type when it comes to looks, but she would have to be attractive." Brittany nodded, she felt that with a little help from Mercedes she might be able to pull that off, "And definitely assertive, borderline aggressive." Brittany's hopeful smile faded, there was no way. "Not that I am looking for someone controlling or abusive, but I just like women who know how to take charge, but the problem is I'm a difficult person to get control from so she would have to be persistent and pretty stubborn." Brittany sighed, she caved like a house made of dry leaves, even Rachel could walk all over her, "But I would want her to be kind of wild and free and adventurous, just totally different from me. Most importantly she would have to be fun to be with."

Brittany looked at her feet and sighed internally, it was exactly as she thought, Santana wouldn't want an unattractive stick in the mud who was a pushover and was almost the textbook definition of unadventurous. She supposed she could be fun to be with at times, at least that's what Sam told her, but she was pretty sure they had different definitions of fun.

"And you haven't found that person yet?"

She snorted, "Not with all those traits combined no. Usually I get someone who is controlling and no fun or too wild with literally no restraints whatsoever. Three years ago I ended up with a woman going through, what she later called, an 'experimental phase'. We dated for six months and right when I thought it was marriage serious she tells me it's been fun, but she prefers men and moved to London the next day."

Brittany nodded, she knew who that had been; Holly Holiday, the name alone should have been a hint about what kind of person she was. She remembered her because she had burned with jealousy every time she had seen them together and every year after when someone would say 'Happy Holidays' she would reply 'I hope not' confusing everyone, but Sam who knew the reason for her deep rooted hatred of the greeting.

"Guess you gotta watch out for the crazies," she said noncommittally.

"Yeah. Well," Santana straightened up and offered her kind smile to Brittany once again, "Better get going, don't want to keep my potential heartbreak for the month waiting."

"Don't lose hope I know you'll find someone," she said feeling herself melt under the brown eyed gaze.

Santana gave her a final smile and a wave before she disappeared around the corner, Brittany felt a little sad that her dreams had just been stomped on, but so very excited that she had just talked to Santana in a real, honest to goodness casual conversation since the first time they had met.

Making sure she was alone she did a happy little dance that was halted the moment she turned and saw her monitor full of numbers and figures. She sighed heavily; it was going to be a long night.

* * *

Santana raised her martini to the man at the end of the bar thanking him for the drink and decided to let him think he had a chance in hell of her going over to him. She took a sip and looked around realizing that a Monday night was maybe the worst possible night to go out looking for anything but light conversation. The music was blaring loud enough to blow out her eardrums and the dance floor was full of beautiful women dancing with average looking men, a sight that only made her feel more alone. It had occurred to her to actually go to a gay bar to increase her odds, but it was in that environment that she first met Holly.

_As if that counts for anything, you're finding fuck-all here…_she thought glancing around.

After another hour she was beginning to think she should give the poor man still giving her drinks a chance and that snapped her out of her desperation and alcohol induced trance, making her decide it was time to go home. She downed the last of her drink and was about to leave when she turned and almost crashed into someone, she backed up apologizing until she saw that she had run into her sponsor for the night, the man that had been sitting at the end of the bar.

"Hi," he said looking her over nervously.

Santana realized that up close he was extremely tall and even more stupid looking, "Hi," she said back offering nothing in her tone to imply he should keep talking.

"You look bored, want to get out of here or something?" he asked goofily.

"Yep," she said trying to sidestep him, but his massive frame blocked her exit, "Listen buddy I don't even know your name."

"Finn Hudson," he said eagerly and she mentally groaned knowing this was not going to be an easy brushoff.

She opened her mouth to tell him all the reasons he had wasted well over a hundred dollars to woo a woman who had no interest in men, a fact that was his fault because if he had bothered to talk to her first she would have gladly told him to save his money. However, the words never left her mouth, because at that moment the door opened and a whirlwind came in the door in the form of a tall blonde with electric blue eyes.

Santana gawked at her and she wasn't the only one, even Finn had his attention diverted. The woman had wild golden hair that fell down her back in waves, an almost inappropriately low v-cut shirt, a skirt so short that every step threatened to reveal something that shouldn't be seen by the public and knee high black heels that made the other woman tower over everyone else.

When she came in the door she made a beeline for Santana and Finn, a fact that had the man smoothing his hair and straightening his shirt. To both of their surprise when she arrived she brushed past the man like she hadn't seen him and closed in on Santana pushing the startled brunette up against the bar and placing her arms on the marble surface trapping her there.

"Hello," the woman purred and Santana couldn't help the smile that formed on her face.

"Back at you," and this reply contained all the flirtatiousness she had denied Finn.

"I'm going to take you out on the dance floor and grind up on you till you can't take it another second, then you'll take me home where I will fuck you absolutely stupid, sound like a plan?"

Santana felt her mouth go dry, "It does…"

"You don't even know her name." Finn grumbled indignantly, clearly upset by the turn of events and how he wasn't invited, but still obviously interested in the exchange.

The blonde never even glanced at him as she remedied the problem, "Felicia Hardy."

Finn gawked at that, "Wait isn't that-"

For the first time the blonde's gaze moved to Finn and she gave him a warning glare, "Don't you have somewhere to be?"

The intensity of it was enough to make him vanish and get Santana even more excited about her prospect for the night. Felicia turned back and smiled, "So where were we?"

"We were about to dance."

"Definitely."

Felicia pulled her out on the dance floor and proceeded to do exactly what she had promised. The music finally served a purpose, it gave her pulse something to regulate it, because the woman who was currently backed up on her was making it spike out of control. The world was just the two of them and Felicia was the sole cause of global warming, her hands were everywhere and the blue eyes seemed to have an x-ray function, because her gaze went from leering to plain lecherous the further down Santana's body they traveled. They danced closely and with Felicia grinding expertly into her and pulling away at all the perfect time, it was enough to make the shorter woman grit her teeth in frustration.

It took one and a half songs before Santana found that she had reached the aforementioned point of not being able to take the teasing anymore and when she said as much Felicia wasted no time pulling her out of the building and to the parking lot. Santana took the lead from there, taking the woman to her car and thanked her lucky stars that she had come to Stellar and that she kept her place tidy. The car ride was silent, but screaming with sexual charge, Felicia played idly with Santana's hair and damn near caused her to kill them both when a pale hand rode exceptionally high up her thigh.

They arrived at her apartment in record time and Santana led them up to her door feeling a nervous anticipation of what was to come. Unsure of how to instigate their liaison she opened the door and turned around trying to think of something clever to kick things off but Felicia clearly already had the next move in mind. The stunning blonde pounced, kissing her deeply the moment she had turned around, her tongue exploring every inch of Santana's mouth as she pushed them inside and kicked the door shut.

Santana went with the flow and kissed her back, getting lost in the sensations that were overcoming her once again from their dance. In between their fevered kisses and their aimless stumbling they ended up on the couch, and a second later Santana realized that Felicia had _somehow_ worked her pants off. She would have said something if the action hadn't been immediately followed by strong flexible fingers being pushed deep into her most intimate place. Gasping in surprise she held the other woman closer as Felicia began to expertly work her fingers in and out at an unforgiving pace. Desperate to make the encounter last Santana gripped hard onto the arm of the couch over her head, but the intensity of the pace compounded with the fact that she hadn't so much as masturbated in almost a year meant she didn't last long.

With a loud cry her legs began to quiver and her breathing went out of control, the blonde didn't seem to notice or care because she kept up the same movements now shoving Santana's shirt up under her arms. A black lace bra was between Felicia and her goal and in the face of her lust it didn't stand a chance. The delicate fabric was unceremoniously ripped away leaving her to take a full breast into her mouth nibbling and sucking on it moaning in a totally wanton way.

Santana's hands found blonde hair and pulled her head closer as she switched between breasts only pausing to suck roughly on the exposed skin between them. Under her oral ministrations Santana felt a second orgasm building quickly and decided she had to do something to distract the other woman or she was going to embarrass herself again in the next ten seconds.

Without really thinking about it Santana pushed her thigh between Felicia's legs and was surprised at how wet she was, it was almost as surprising as the knowledge that the she wasn't wearing panties in that skirt. But she decided it didn't even matter as she began to rock her leg into that heat and gave a satisfied smile as the blonde halted her internal explorations and pushed back, her breathing fast and heavy.

The ploy seemed to have worked at first until Felicia's fingers began to move again, the brief reprieve had allowed Santana too cool down slightly, but she realized the error of planning to hold out while having a beautiful woman getting off on her thigh while moaning into her chest and fingering her simultaneously. And despite all that she had a chance, a small one, until Felicia located that special area inside her that made her vision blur and her mouth hang open with a slight graze. Zeroing in on that weakness Felicia pressed into that same spot over and over as she kept her frenzied pace within Santana. The brunette cursed loudly as she came again, but felt slightly better as Felicia followed her shortly coating her thigh in even more of the slick heat.

Santana gasped for breath looking down at those lively blue eyes and decided that this was the best birthday she'd ever had.

"That was amazing," she panted not knowing what else to say.

A wicked grin slid onto the beautiful face, "Oh honey I'm not even close to done with you."

She gulped audibly as Felicia moved to kiss her deeply once more before sliding down and burying her face between Santana's legs.

* * *

A/N: Betaing this one solo for now so please forgive me if I have failed.

Please feel free to comment :)


	2. Chapter 2

Brittany woke frowning, she was at her computer desk the in den face down on her keyboard and sunlight was hitting her in the face, which was totally wrong for someone who was supposed to be at work before the sun rose. Jumping up she span confusedly in place before deciding to dash to her room, kicking the door open she found her alarm clock blaring dutifully all while informing her she was an hour late to work. Now truly upset she turned and dashed back to the computer looking at the screen, almost crying with relief when she found that she had managed to finish the report and do it correctly this time. Saving the data, and emailing it to herself twice just to be safe, she scrambled back into the bathroom brushed her hair and gargled mouthwash simultaneously before she ran full tilt towards the door. She straightened her clothes as best she could knowing how mortifying it would be to show up in the same clothes from the previous day especially with them as wrinkled as they were.

Twenty minutes later she made it to work hoping no one would notice her tardiness, least of all Santana, but when she finally made it to her floor and dashed to her cubicle she noticed that the blinds on her boss's office were open showing it to be unoccupied.

Brittany sat down and stared openly at it, Santana was never late. Ever.

"Glad you decided to show up." Came Sam's voice.

The man was standing at her cubicle doorway looking amused, "Why didn't you wake me up!" she hissed at him.

"I didn't know you were sleeping, I should have checked I guess but from the living room you looked like you were hard at work."

"I was face down on my desk."

He shrugged, "Sorry, I honestly thought you were right behind me."

"Didn't you suspect when I didn't get on the bus!"

"Cedes drove me." He said bashfully. "And before you accuse me of being a jerk I swear I asked if you wanted a ride but you didn't say anything."

"Because I was asleep!"

"Calm down." He said motioning for her to lower her voice, "Boss lady isn't here anyway so it's cool, what isn't is that you have a presentation to give in about twenty minutes and your clothes look rough dried."

With a gasp she turned to quickly download the necessary data and desperately pawed at her clothes to make them more presentable.

* * *

Santana woke with a smile on her face, stretching fully she rolled over in bed to find herself alone. She wasn't surprised and honestly it saved her the awkward morning after talk because after what had transpired between them the previous night there was no way she could hold that stunning gaze without blushing ferociously. Felicia had made good on her promise to fuck her stupid, by the end of the night Santana hadn't been able to form a single cohesive word, it was all just animalistic guttural noises and she hadn't cared enough to try and correct it. Not that she could have even if she wanted to, that blonde knew how to make a person lose their minds.

Sitting up she looked around her bedroom and smirked, it was a wreck, a total and complete catastrophe. Every single perfume bottle, picture and piece of jewelry that had been on her dresser was now on the floor, some just lay there others were broken or shattered. The lamp on her nightstand was dangling off the side by its cord and the clock was upside down on the floor. Casually she glanced down to see that she was at least two hours late for work but she couldn't find it in her to care as she stood and kicked various odds and ends out of her path to the bathroom.

The spacious area looked like a life or death fight had taken place within and in a way it had. The door to the medicine cabinet was half ripped off and she had to stoop down to see her reflection in it. Her hair was a total mess and her bare chest was covered in hickeys like they were some sort of pox.

She picked up her comb and fought with a couple of tangles before gave up on the effort lazily and stepped into the shower, which had the curtain ripped off and in tatters on the floor. Thinking back she couldn't even recall how that had happened and even if she had wanted to place the remnants back up she couldn't have because the curtain rod was bent in half, both parts hanging pathetically from the wall. Sighing contentedly she turned on the shower and stood under the steaming water enjoying the sting on her cool flesh and loving the way it stimulated the various love bites along her inner thighs and under her breasts.

When she was done she located a towel and dried herself off as she strolled into the living room. Upon seeing it in a worse state than her bedroom she supposed she should have been upset, but her body felt too calm and relaxed for that. It was totally worth every single painting she owned hanging crooked or laying discarded on the floor, her couch being totally overturned and her television leaning against the wall threatening to fall behind the stand.

She searched for the remote, finding it in the hall leading to the front door, and turned on the television before heading to the kitchen. The sound was a bit muted since the speakers were now pointed at the ceiling but she didn't mind. Though it was odd that on the way to her destination she had to step over a shattered lamp and move an ironing board that she could not recall putting at her kitchen entrance. Of course this room like all the others was in total ruins and the refrigerator itself almost looked like they had actually had sex in it. She was pretty sure they hadn't, but it was a very real possibility.

It took a while to locate a bottle of water that she drank greedily, knowing she needed to replenish her body's supply of fluids. Glancing at the mess the kitchen was she could hardly justify bothering to put the water back so she screwed the top back on tossed it to the counter and sauntered back to the bedroom to get dressed.

* * *

When Santana arrived in her office she was officially three hours late but unlike most of fantasies of tardiness there was no crisis and nothing was on fire. As a matter of fact it seemed like no one noticed that she was only just arriving, however since she was the boss it wasn't like anyone would have called her on it anyway.

After she set her suitcase down on her desk and sat to look at her computer screen she realized that even though she had arrived late she still didn't feel like doing work. And for the first time in her life that didn't bother her, instead she pressed a few keys pointlessly and eventually quit even pretending. Leaning back in her lush chair she allowed her body to ache deliciously as she stretched out, it was the most mellow she had ever been and she saw no reason to snap out of it.

Standing she decided she could look the most productive by patrolling the floor and that was just what she did, walking up and down the aisles peaking into the cubicles not caring at all what was going on in them. Everyone was hard at work and some seemed not to notice her intrusion but even if she had caught someone on their phone drinking tequila while shaving their legs she wouldn't have said anything.

On the final row she came to the desk of Sam Evans who's lips had always disturbed her slightly. Seeing her he smiled widely and she grinned back, mostly out of amusement at how small his head seemed in comparison. Passing him she came to Brittany's desk and that's when she froze.

For a moment, for a brief fleeting moment, she thought she had seen Felicia but when she honestly looked she knew she was just seeing things out of the corner of her eye. Brittany was blonde and had blue eyes but was nothing like the woman who had come bursting in the doors of the club the previous night. Felicia's eyes were bright sharp and cunning, her hair was long and wild she had a presence that could command a room and had done just that. Brittany's eyes were a darker blue and covered by glasses that barely hid the fact that she almost always shyly looked at the ground when talking to someone. Her hair could have been the same length but she kept it in a ridiculous bun all the time so who would know and if she wasn't required to speak before the board every month Santana probably would have forgotten she was employed with the company. Not that the woman wasn't nice she just wasn't Felicia.

However some people were totally different when out of the work place and she _had_ told Brittany where she was going…

Then again she didn't know Brittany that well she was pretty sure she wasn't gay, after all she lived with Trouty Mouth. But who was she to judge that? Santana had lived with her high school boyfriend through the first two years of college until she came home to find him in bed with another man, an outcome that would have been more of an issue if she hadn't been trying to sneak a woman into the same place.

The more she stared the more she began to think that the two women had entirely too much in common for mere coincidence but despite all that she just couldn't see Brittany being that forward.

With nothing but the most innocent intentions Santana slipped into the cubicle to perform a few tests, first she had to turn her Gaydar on and figure out if this was even worth her time to investigate.

Casually she leaned against the desk next to Brittany's keyboard allowing her skirt riding up inadvisably high, the action was laid-back and easily brushed off as an accident should the plan go awry.

Brittany was typing diligently, earphones in her ears blaring music, until she noticed the proximity of the person next to her.

Turning with a questioning gaze her eyes met Santana's and her mouth fell open, "Hello! I mean good morning! Er, afternoon…ma'am." She added hastily while scrambling to pull her earphones out.

"Good afternoon. I'm sorry I missed your presentation this morning."

"N-no problem." She stuttered.

And there it was. Brittany had spotted her exposed thighs and was leering like an old man at a nursing home, the poor girl was practically fogging up her glasses.

_That was easy. How the hell did you not pick up on this before?_ She thought until she remembered that before she hadn't really noticed Brittany enough to really care one way or the other.

"Ms. Pierce." Santana tried to regain her attention but she was quite fixated.

"You can call me Brittany." She replied carelessly.

"Well Brittany I was wondering, what did you get up to last night?" she asked, her tone was slightly suggestive in order to try and coax the other woman to drop the act.

Instead the blonde hung her head and pointed dejectedly at her computer screen, "Working on the figures for the report. The presentation went well and everyone was happy with my work… I think."

Though she supposed there could be a double meaning buried in her words Santana detected no trace of recognition for the things they may have done the previous night, "That's it? Just the accounts? You didn't go out anywhere at all?"

Brittany laughed a little, "I rarely go anywhere even on my off days…" she admitted embarrassedly, "So how was your birthday night? Did you find what you were looking for?"

Santana tried to read a hint of recognition in her words but the most she seemed to be able to get a read on was bitterness, "I think I did." She said frowning. Had she been totally off the mark?

"Oh." She said quietly dropping her eyes to the floor.

This wasn't the same person at all…

"It ended up being a one night stand sort of thing." She offered.

Brittany seemed slightly cheered by that news and Santana could see her eyes for the first time in direct light as the woman looked right at her, and those eyes were awfully blue… far brighter that she had initially thought.

It seemed absurd that the two women were the same person but it was too much of a coincidence to ignore. Felicia would have had an interesting set of teeth marks on her shoulder, but Brittany's blouse covered it up, all she would have to do was ask her unbutton a little and show her back. Unfortunately she didn't know the blonde that well and she was already leaning well over the line of sexual harassment as it was.

Santana spent the rest of her day fighting between finishing the work she had been neglecting and staring daggers as the visible part of Brittany's cubicle as her brain worked overtime to make a connection between the two women. By the end of the workday the absolute calm that had fallen over her was replaced by wriggling curiosity.

* * *

"What's your lunch plan?"

Brittany looked up to see Sam leaning into her cubicle grinning widely at her, "I don't really have one. I was thinking about snagging something from the vending machine."

"What? Why? The report is finished, and you've got a month before the next one is due."

"I know, but I still have a ton of other work to do." She sighed looking at her computer again, "I need to get back to it, you know how hard it is for me to get through these."

"Alright." He sighed and gave her a brotherly pat on the head, "Don't work too hard, and even if it's junk be sure to actually eat." He warned before turning away.

Brittany returned to keyboard feeling a little guilty, she really hadn't meant to lie like that. Yes she was actually swamped since one of her duties was to check the figures for purchases and sales as they came in, but it wasn't actually pressing. The only thing she really wanted was to be alone and allow the sight of Santana's prefect legs stay in her mind. Doing so while out eating with friends would make her feel like a desperate pervert instead of just desperate.

As she was about to put her earbuds back in and change her music to something a little more racy to match her state of mind there was a light knock behind her. Turing she almost dropped her iPod to see the subject of her current fantasies looking in on her. It made her feel like she had been caught doing something and she had to frantically remind herself that Santana couldn't read minds… though the look on her face suggested she might be trying to.

Panic turned to elation as she marked this down as the best month ever since her inactions with her boss were at a 300% all time high, "Hello."

"Hi Brittany. I was wondering are you going out for lunch?" Santana asked tilting her head to the side.

She wasn't sure whether to start freaking out that Santana had used her first name or that she might actually get an invite to eat with the very subject of her desires.

"I hadn't planned on it."

"Well I know a little place that's right up the road, would you like to come?"

Brittany didn't want her mouth to hang open stupidly, but it did anyway, "Uh, yeah. I mean yes definitely." She said scrambling grab her bag.

"You like Thai food right?"

She had no idea what that even was but if she was eating with Santana then the answer was definitely, "Yes."

"Good, come on we'll take my car."

_I must be dreaming,_ Brittany swooned as she followed Santana to the elevator.

The restaurant was as described, small and served Thai food which Brittany quickly decided was an acquired taste, however Santana seemed to be totally enthralled with it so she cleaned her plate without a second thought.

The silence of eating provided Brittany with a large, much needed, window to try and figure out what the hell their post-meal conversation would be about. The only thing she could think of that she had any deep knowledge of was comparative contrasts in the Marvel and DC comic heroes and a somewhat biased opinion on the Captain Picard versus Captain Kirk debate. And suddenly she absolutely regretted having Sam as her one and only best friend.

"How did you like it?" Santana asked indicating Brittany's now empty plate.

Thankful for being relieved of the duty of icebreaker she smiled back, "It was delicious."

"I knew you'd think so, this place has been a favorite of mine for years."

Brittany actually already knew that but didn't feel like branding the word _Stalker_ on her forehead, "Oh?"

"Holly and I used to come here all the time." She said rather distractedly making Brittany force her smile to stay put, "Where do you usually go out to eat?"

_Home or somewhere super cheap._ "Here and there. Sam usually picks for me so…" she said trailing off, not wanting to start digging a hole she couldn't get out of.

"I hope it isn't rude of me to ask, but are you and Sam a couple?" she asked watching with steady searching eyes.

Brittany wasn't sure what they could be searching for but they got a laugh, "Sam and I are just friends we have been since the second grade."

Santana raised her eyebrows in surprise, "That's a long time. I'm sorry I guess I just assumed with how close you two seem."

"We are close just not in that way." She said feeling herself blush.

"I see." She paused and Brittany could tell there was something else she wanted to ask so waited, "Have you… do you have a twin or something?"

That threw her totally off guard, "Huh?"

"Or just a sister that looks very similar, or a cousin…" Santana trailed off clearly waiting for an answer.

"No, I mean yes I have a sister, but she's much younger and almost a foot shorter than me. Her hair is more of a dirty blonde and her eyes are a kind of grey blue. Why do you ask?"

Santana sighed and shook her head, "I saw someone that looked a lot like you but acted totally different."

Laughing lightly Brittany ducked her head feeling a little excited that her boss had thought of her outside the workplace even if it was a mistake, "It definitely wasn't my sister, she's still at home with my parents in Ohio."

Santana was eyeing her critically now and Brittany squirmed under the gaze, "Hmmm, well I guess we should head back." She said finally.

The bill came and Brittany thought she might pass out, the place charged like the plates were made out of solid gold and could be taken home, "Erm…" she muttered as she opened the leather satchel that doubled as a purse and a briefcase feeling all kinds of poor and for the first time feeling incredibly embarrassed by her income.

"I got it." Santana said easily.

"Oh, no Ms. Lopez I-"

Chuckling she threw a couple of hundred dollar bills on the table "Call me Santana." She said as she stood to leave.

Brittany gaped at that feeling jealous of Santana _and_ the waitress who was getting a fifty dollar tip.

* * *

A/N: Wonder if anyone will make the connection that I'm waving around before I reveal it...


	3. Chapter 3

A haze covered the rest of Brittany's day, upon returning from the best lunch of her life she proceeded to sit in her chair and stare blankly at the screen with her earbuds in her ears and no music playing. When it was finally time to go home she almost stumbled out of her cubicle and to the elevator with a ridiculous grin. Sure the lunch hadn't been exceptional and Santana had asked pretty strange questions but it was more interaction than she had ever dared to dream of. Plus _Ms. Lopez_ asked to be called _Santana_. Brittany was pretty sure she could die happy now.

She was abruptly dragged from her happy place by Sam who dashed into the elevator after her and gave her a light shove.

"What the hell Britt! I have to hear _the_ Santana Lopez asked you out to lunch from Lauren at the water cooler?"

"Sorry I was a little distracted." She said still grinning.

He smiled back at her, "I can tell you look half drunk. Look I called Mercedes to give us a ride home so can we call it even from this morning?"

"Kay." She said not even caring about that anymore.

The ride home was enjoyable because thoughts of Santana filled her head, the way she smiled and laughed. The way she sectioned her food off perfectly before taking an exacting bite, and never mind the sight of that mouthful disappearing behind those lips.

Pressing her forehead to the cool glass of the rear window she sighed, _Brittany Pierce you are officially pathetic._ She thought because she could honestly get off to that imagery.

In the front seat Sam was busy arguing with his girlfriend over their movie night movie choice; Sam protesting her picking _Serenity_ having never watched an episode of _Firefly_. When they got home however somehow the conversation had been shifted to her encounter with Santana, Mercedes was especially interested since Sam had long ago filled her in on Brittany's obsession and was eager to be brought up to date.

"So she just walks up to you one night and strikes up a conversation?" Mercedes summarized, "And then the next day she asks you out to lunch?"

"And pays." Sam added.

"That is like courtship one-oh-one, so what did you talk about?"

Brittany frowned a little, "She asked me about Sam and then if I had a sister."

"Asked you what about Sam?" Mercedes asked defensively.

"If we were dating."

The other woman's face lightened considerably, "Oh well she definitely wants a little attention from you."

"The sister thing is a bit of a mixed signal though." Sam said his puzzled expression matching Brittany's.

"She said she only asked because she thought she saw me somewhere."

Mercedes laughed, "Sounds to me like you got her attention."

Brittany tried not to look too excited by that encouragement but she couldn't help it, the thought that Santana may actually be interested in her made her heart do a little dance.

"Well I'll leave you two to it." She said gesturing to the DVD menu already cued up.

She pranced off to her room before Sam could invite her to join them, partially because being Sam's best friend meant she had already watched every episode of _Firefly_ about three hundred times, but mainly because she wanted to get into her sweats and let her thoughts linger on what tomorrow might bring.

* * *

Santana sighed for the thousandth time that day.

Brittany wasn't Felecia, not by any stretch of the imagination. As a matter of fact Brittany was the antithesis of Felicia, a literal mirror of the woman's personality.

But still…

She sighed again.

There was no way to know for sure because if by some chance they were the same person Brittany clearly wasn't going to reveal that and asking directly wouldn't change anything. Besides she didn't even know enough about Felicia to investigate any ties to Brittany.

_But still…_

Deciding thinking on it further would get her nowhere she attempted to think about what she would make for dinner when she got home and was reminded that her house, therefore her kitchen, was still in complete disarray. That of course led back to Felicia and the cycle began again.

Then, when she pulled up to her driveway, she made the official decision to drop the whole thing. It was making her crazy, it was an unsolvable mystery, and most importantly she had no idea what she would even do or say even if Brittany was in fact Felicia. They had both understood the encounter to be a one night only deal so why in the world was she looking so hard.

_Because the sex was **incredible**._

Yeah okay there was that.

Even then she resolved that it was over once and for all, until she reached to the back seat for her briefcase and saw Brittany's satchel lying on the floor.

It took all of four seconds for her to reason that this was essentially Brittany's purse and as such may even contain papers vital to her work, meaning she would need it. Sure she could just give it back to her the next day but something could come up. As she used her phone to check her personnel records and look up Brittany's address she patted herself on the back for being such a Good Samaritan.

In reality she wanted to try one more time to find some hint of the woman that had so epically rocked her world.

* * *

Brittany sat lazing in her bed staring at the ceiling listening to the distant muffled sounds of a gunfight blaring through the exceptionally loud speakers Sam had insisted on. She was trying to focus on sleep, or work or anything that _wasn't_ the way Santana's lips pouted perfectly when she was considering something, and especially not the way her skirt had ridden up her tan muscular thighs.

Growling she rolled onto her stomach and placed her hands firmly at her sides, allowing herself to give in to baser thoughts like that would make her already awkward interactions with Santana more so. Granted it wouldn't be the first time she would have touched herself with her boss in mind but it had been a while since she'd even had the time. Now with them having a possible friendship in the works her face would heat up like a torch if she had to talk to the woman with _that_ in her recent memory. And when she got flustered she couldn't speak and it was already hard enough not to stutter.

But that skirt had gone up so _high_.

Feeling totally ashamed of her lack of self-control Brittany allowed one hand to slip under her and into her sweatpants, an action that was halted abruptly as a heavy knock blasted from her door.

"Hey Britt you have a visitor!" came Sam's voice and he sounded highly amused. As usual her paranoia made her feel he knew what she had been about to do.

Brittany scrambled out of bed as if distancing herself from it would make her innocent of attempted self gratification, "Coming!" she shouted and then winced at her word choice.

Flustered she grabbed her glasses and threw her hair into a messy bun while trying to imagine who in the hell would visit her.

* * *

Walking into the small apartment Santana was surprised to find the inside screamed male. Posters covered almost every available inch of wall all featuring some sort of comic book, animation or sci-fi character except for an oddly placed one for _The Sound of Music_. Weights were stacked in a corner of the dining area, none of which were appropriate for a female that wasn't a body builder. The table itself seemed to have been converted into a desk as there was a computer and stacks of office documents next to it. There were red bull cans and partially empty bowls of ramen noodles littering the counter in the kitchen and the sink within. This did not look like a place Felicia would live, but once again what the hell did she know about her?

On the couch in the living room she saw Sam, who had let her in, and a black woman who was waving pleasantly. Santana waved back feeling quite certain she had seen her somewhere before…

Before she could open another internal mysterious person file Brittany came bursting out of her room fiddling with her hair. The action had her looking at the floor until she was right by Santana and when she looked up her face when from curious to horrified.

"Whuh-uh, Ms. Lopez- I mean Santana- I mean, er-" she stuttered her face starting to glow red.

Santana had to assume her embarrassment was from being caught in her 'at home' sweats and had mercy, "Relax, I just came by to return this." She said offering the satchel.

"T-thank you."

She took the offered bag and turned to put it on the table, "You're welcome." Santana said following her a few steps and getting a clear view of the hallway that led to the other bedrooms.

Idly she guessed at how many people lived in the apartment and she pathetically wondered if one knew how to find her Cinderella of sex. She was also acutely aware that even though the television was displaying what appeared to be a riveting action sequence, the people in front of it were looking at her.

Looking back to Brittany she could see that her surprise visit had thoroughly flustered the woman and she wasn't going to get any further than the living room without being creepy, "Alright then. See you tomorrow." She said pleasantly and left.

* * *

Brittany stared at the door in shock; Santana Lopez had been in her home and seen the mess in the kitchen. She had seen Brittany in her oversized college sweats. That thought alone actually made her a little queasy, until the memory of where her hand had been a moment ago resurfaced and the shame rubbed that out.

"What the hell are you doing?" Mercedes yelled snapping her out of it.

"What?"

Sam threw his arm over the back of the couch and gave her a level look, "Brittany she just drove well out of her way to return a bag that she could have given you a few hours from now. If that isn't a signal I don't know what is."

Brittany tried not to get too hopeful, "Maybe it was on her way?"

"She lives in the city we're twenty minutes out of her way."

"Do you really think so?"

"I think you need to go get her before someone else does."

Fearing she may have already missed her chance Brittany flew out the door.

* * *

The car beeped to signal it was unlocked and Santana was just about to reach for the handle when she heard an alarmingly rapid succession of footsteps coming from the third floor where she had just been. The stairs were rumbling as someone raced down them and soon Brittany came into view.

Santana opened her mouth to form a question, or maybe even a greeting but Brittany tripped on the last step and fell fully on the ground making her dedicate everything she had to holding back a chuckle until she was sure the woman was okay. It hadn't really been funny that she fell but somehow Brittany made clumsy work for her.

By the time the blonde stood her face was that now familiar shade of burgundy and she was stuttering again, "Um- Santana hey- I-I was wondering if maybe- I dunno- I mean possibly- erm, do you want to uh, do something sometime? Together, with me, in a ah, date type situation?" she asked looking fixedly at the asphalt the whole time.

Watching her carefully Santana considered the words, mainly to separate all the stuttering to get a complete sentence. As a personal rule she never dated anyone that worked under her since that was a lawsuit waiting to happen, but her gut was telling her Brittany wasn't that kind of person. That aside there was the glaring fact that Brittany was not her type at all. A fact highlighted by her messy hair, timid demeanor and terrifying choice in house wear. However her type got her people like Holly and worse yet Quinn who had less compassion than the average rock and was the most verbally abusive self hating bitch Santana had ever met. And up until Felicia she was the best lay she'd ever had.

With that track record it was time to try something new, and if it didn't work out at worst she'd be back to square one. Mind made up she turned her attention back to the other woman who was still looking incredibly nervous, "Yeah alright."

For a moment the taller woman stared as if she didn't understand the words that had been spoken, "Really?"

"Why not?" she shrugged, "How about Friday night?"

"That sounds perfect!"

"It's a date then." she said with a smile, climbed in her car and drove away leaving the blonde looking like the winner of a million dollar sweepstakes.

* * *

The sound of the door slamming shut was the only thing that broke Brittany out of her daze, she honestly hadn't remembered climbing the stairs back to her apartment yet here she was. Mercedes and Sam we watching her expectantly from the couch having even paused Firefly as they waited for her to speak.

"Come on do not keep us in suspense, what happened?"

"We have a date on Friday night." she answered wistfully as she practically floated to her room.

Sam gave a cheer and Mercedes threw a congratulations to her, but all Brittany could hear was her heart thudding wildly in her chest.

She had a date with Santana on Friday.

Friday was a horrible time, the weekend was when she began her blitz to make sure all her work was up to par before the big wigs got a look at it. From the moment she got home she would work straight through to Monday. It would mean Saturday and Sunday would be miserable scramble to catch up, but for Brittany the date was totally worth it.

* * *

Santana glanced fitfully at her watch, she was seconds from running late and she never ran late, not since- No. She was not going to think about that. She was going to focus on the meeting she had three minutes to get to and how the traffic was almost at a standstill. Her destination was less than a block away and in her irritation she considered just parking on the sidewalk and walking. The only reason she didn't was because the meeting wasn't that important, it was merely a monthly get together that allowed upper management to rub elbows with the 'social elite' who owned the companies they managed.

Regardless she hated being late.

After about five minutes she made it just far enough to squeeze into the right lane and make a slightly illegal turn before parking her car in a narrow alley next door to the restaurant she was trying to reach. Getting out of the car was a little tricky as she had parked in quite a narrow space and she had to back out cautiously.

Suddenly she was shoved roughly back into her car and for a heart stopping second she thought she was being robbed or worse but when she landed splayed out between the passenger and driver side seat she was able to see who was climbing in after her and her breath left her in a rush. Those captivating electric blue eyes stared back at her.

"Hi there." Felicia said grinning widely.

Santana looked at the crazy small shorts she had on and the two sizes too small top that pushed her bosom up perfectly.

"How did you know I was here?" she asked suddenly needing to know.

Felicia crawled on top of her and closed the door before turning to Santana, "You can have _one_ of two things; the answer to that question or sex with me."

That wasn't even an offer really.

For a moment Santana considered the fact that Felicia might be a slightly unstable stalker woman and that she was now officially three minutes late. Then she thought on the fact that this alley was indeed shielded from the street, the windows were tinted and her body was ready for action. Not to mention the last time she'd had sex in a car had been before she actually owned one and it had been memorable as she was sure this would be.

Then there was Brittany. Sweet shy Brittany who by the second was seeming less and less likely to be the same woman who was in the car with her currently.

But Friday was a whole day away and she did not see the shy girl putting out on the first date or being anywhere near as talented as the goddess above her. Besides it wasn't like they were officially an item and realistically she didn't see it happening, but still she felt bad.

Until Felicia pulled off that deliciously tight top and that feeling left her all together, "Sex please." she panted.

"Thought so."

Santana gave a small yelp as Felicia roughly yanked her belt off, unbuttoned her pants and pulled them with her underwear down in one forceful yank.

"We need to move this seat back." she said her blue eyes dancing with mischief.

Fully expecting the seat to be pushed back in a horizontal position she was a little puzzled to see she moved the whole seat back creating a large gap between the seat and the steering wheel. At least she _was_ puzzled, the confusion was cleared up once Felicia swiftly maneuvered her over the wheel and entered her quickly from behind.

Santana gasped and struggled to keep herself from pressing on the horn, it didn't take long for her arms to start burning with the strain of it and their strength was further drained by Felicia running her hot tongue along her neck. Right before she thought she was about to fail her mission to not draw attention to the car she was being pulled back into Felicia's lap, the long fingers within her only breaking contact momentarily to slip around to her front to continue their work. The seat had been reclined slightly without her notice though to be fair she was sure there were a lot of things escaping her notice at the moment.

Felicia kissed her wetly behind the ear as she panted with the effort of her exquisite pace, "Fuck you feel good do you know that?"

Santana mumbled some barely coherent response that she couldn't even decipher as the complement went in her ear and straight between her legs where her orgasm was building to insane proportions. Something about the combination of her car, their relative exposure and the fact that her colleagues and bosses were eating a few yards away was having a very powerful effect. But the biggest factor was of course the blonde and her expert fingers that knew exactly what to do to make her toes curl.

It didn't take long for her to arch off Felicia shouting some nonsense that she thought was some insane mix of English and Spanish that wouldn't make sense in either language.

Once her limbs regained most of their functionality she flipped over and looked down at the other woman who was smiling back at her, that wicked twinkle in her eyes. Even now with her eyes a bright cerulean blue, her long blonde hair falling in waves around her shoulders and the way her hands were boldly making Santana's orgasm continue to make it difficult to see straight, she could still see a trace of Brittany. And it was making her nuts because she _had_ to know once and for all it they were the same person.

Decisively concocting a plan of her own she grabbed her left hand, the one that wasn't still trying to work her up into another release, and tasted the delicate skin of her wrist. Felicia watched her with obvious interest, her breathing becoming slightly labored as the Latina's tongue danced on her skin and then, without warning, Santana sucked hard on the flesh with the intent to bruise, nibbling slightly to be sure to create the desired effect. Felicia hissed with pleasure and the hand that had been so passively pleasing her before began to move with purpose making Santana moan. A sound that was swallowed by the blonde who was now actively discarding the shorts that were almost too small to be called clothes. And of course she wasn't wearing any underwear making Santana's difficult task of maneuvering her hand between them a little easier.

For what felt like forever, yet nowhere near long enough, there were only the slick wet sounds of them moving within each other and the labored breathing that accompanied the action. Santana was on a mission to not come first for the sake of her pride since the first time Felicia had touched her she had crumbled almost immediately and she was going to get the other woman to scream her name in under a minute or give up on sex all together.

And she was not going to give up on sex.

As she planned she made Felecia tense and clench around her fingers within the first fifty seconds, but she felt a little underachieved as the only vocalization was a trembling groan. Though it did send shivers down her spine it wasn't the same as hearing her name come from those lips.

At that moment realized she had never told Felicia her name.

But that thought couldn't stay with the battle she was already fighting to outlast Felicia. The moment she felt the woman shudder and buck beneath her knew she'd done it and with that accomplishment out of the way Santana finally allowed herself to come a second time, collapsing bonelessly on top of the woman below her who didn't seem to mind at all.

After a long moment of catching her breath she sat up enough to look at her again and smile, "Santana Lopez by the way."

Felecia's eyes seemed to laugh at that though all she did was smirk, "Santa Lopez?"

"No, Santana." she chuckled.

"Satan?"

Frowning she sat up a little, "_Santana_."

"Hmm, I'm not really getting it. You might have to show me how to wrap my tongue around that one." she said in that wicked little way that made Santana body tingle.

She couldn't help but grin widely at that, "I may need to make you say it a few times to be sure you've got it."

"I have a _terrible_ memory so you are really going to have to leave an impression."

With those words, just like that she was ready to go again and Santana couldn't help but wonder if she would ever see the outside world again.

* * *

By the time she made it to dinner everyone was on dessert and Santana didn't give a fuck.

Her hair looked an outright mess and she hadn't really bothered to fix it beyond running her fingers through it and her clothes were rumpled from having all, at some point or another, been thrown on the floor of her car.

Everyone seemed shocked at her random appearance and ruffled look, but no one commented.

All that mattered was that her body was alight with absolute untamed pleasure, (though on the downside her car was going to need to be thoroughly cleaned before she could let another person in it with a clear conscious) and that now finally she had a way to know once and for all if Felicia and Brittany were the same. The bruise that had been on Felicia's wrist had been purely spectacular and by the time she had exited the car it had damn near wrapped around to the other side. Come Friday she would be sure.

The only problem was she still didn't know what she would do with the answer once she got it.

* * *

A/N: As of this part I am officially working as I go. As I said this will be a side project while my main one was underway, but I promise I won't keep you dangling too long.

And pestering me won't make me work faster...that's a lie it totally will XP But reviews work just as well and keep me on the right track so leave your thoughts if you have any lingering.


	4. Chapter 4

Brittany took several swift, bracing breaths before knocking on the chipped door before her. It almost immediately swung open and there stood the last person she wanted to talk to but the only living being in the apartment that could offer her help. She had tried Mercedes, but regrettably the diva was recording for a new album, she had even tried Sam but after he suggested cowboy boots for her date she had to concede that her only remaining option was Rachel.

"Brittany!" she exclaimed unnecessarily, "To what do I owe this pleasant surprise? I hardly ever hear from you anymore!"

"That isn't an accident." She grumbled and as she expected Rachel hadn't heard because she was busy rambling already.

"-there aren't may left so be sure to get your tickets soon!" she pranced to her oversized chair in the corner of the room that was opposite another smaller less comfortable looking one, "Have a seat and tell your roommate what is troubling you."

Brittany sighed heavily and walked in, Rachel's room was the master bedroom but it was almost impossible to know that with all the unnecessary furnishings cluttering the place. With her elliptical, the enormous armchair, her queen sized bed, Victorian style tallboy and a small platform that had a microphone on a stand for her morning vocal warm-ups, there was almost no room to maneuver.

Walking past all the things that nullified the limited usefulness in her staying in their apartment to learn what life is like for average people, she sat in the offered chair. Her bottom had barely touched the seat before the rambling began again.

"I'm thrilled you thought solicit my advice with whatever problem you're having. I know we don't always see eye to eye so this is truly an honor."

Brittany didn't roll her eyes but it took all her willpower, "I, uh, need some help getting dressed for a date." She muttered knowing how this was going to go already.

As predicted Rachel's eyes lit up and she clasped her hands together loudly, "Oh I have wanted to give you fashion advice since the first time I ever saw you!" She exclaimed leaping up and almost dashing out the door and down the hallway.

Brittany reluctantly followed the small woman as she burst rudely into her room and barged into her closet. After making a belittling remark about it not being a walk-in she began to pull clothes off the rack and throw them on the floor or her bed while muttering phrases like, 'That'll do I suppose.' or 'That's just plain abhorrent.'

The blonde let her do as she pleased reminding herself all the while that she really did need the help. Her date with Santana was in less than three hours and she didn't want to look like crap next her. And since the woman could make a paper bag look good whatever she wore was going to outshine Brittany's outfit bigtime.

"So what does your date do for a living? That can have a bearing on how you should dress, if she's a mechanic then you shouldn't go too L.A. chic, wouldn't want her thinking you're in vogue because we both know that's not true."

Brittany ground her teeth to keep from snapping and mumbled, "It's my boss actually."

Rachel leaned out of the closet, "Lopez right?" when she nodded the overexcited roommate only became more animated, "You mean this is a first date with a longtime crush? Oh, my! Helping a shy woman come out of her shell to capture the heart of the one she loves, this is a dream come true! Well not really, in a dream you would own more fashionable clothing, but this is exciting nonetheless!" she exclaimed moving to the bed and tossing some of Brittany's best dress shirts from the accepted pile on the bed to the floor before returning to the closet. "Your outfit is going to have to be something anomalous, but not too ostentatious."

She didn't really know what that last part meant but she nodded anyway, "Yeah, and I need it to draw attention away from this." She said holding up her arm.

Rachel peaked out of the closet to see what Brittany had to hide and noticed for the first time that Brittany was wearing a wrist brace.

"What happened?" she squeaked moving out to get a closer look.

"Twisted my wrist running after her to get this date."

"Well I wouldn't worry about it too much, I didn't even notice it until you showed me."

_That's because you're self absorbed._

"But I think Santana definitely will. It was embarrassing enough to fall in front of her and I don't want the reminder of why she's out of my league drawing her attention every three seconds so I was thinking of something with long sleeves."

For once Rachel didn't launch into another annoying speech, instead she stood totally still and eyed Brittany critically, "Why do you think she's totally out of your league? Brittany you have a very classic beauty hidden underneath that layer of grease on your skin."

She decided she didn't feel like rooting out the compliment in that statement, "It's not really that I think she's out of my league… I mean it is because _she_ is, but it's more that I simply have bad luck with relationships." She really didn't want to tell Rachel all this but she needed the other woman to understand so she could get the best possible help, "Even back when I used to date boys in middle school things went bad. There was always a point where the other person realized I wasn't even close to what they wanted from a girlfriend. I want to make the best impression I can, I'm pretty sure there is no way this will last but I want to go for as long as possible. I don't think Santana is so shallow she'd call off the date because of my clothes, but one of her requirements for an ideal woman was 'attractive' and since I fail like literally every other one of the available categories I want to be as attractive as possible to even attempt to have a chance at this lasting past the weekend."

Rachel thought some more before nodding, "Okay, I can do that for you."

For the first time Brittany felt that getting Rachel involved wasn't a mistake.

She went back to the closet and came back out with an elegant black blouse paired with loose cut black pants. The pants were simple but made with a thin flowing fabric and the blouse had long sleeves so it would help cover her brace. Though the blouse was decorated it was only jeweled lightly to break up the monotony of the monochromatic palate, but not enough to be gaudy or obnoxious.

"This is beautiful. Why isn't this already out?" she asked looking wonderingly at the stitching.

Brittany looked at it and snorted, "That thing? It was part of my outfit when Sam and I went to Dragon Con as the Captains Jack Sparrow and Elisabeth Swann."

Rachel frowned, "Why go as a pirate to a Dragon whatever?"

"It's not about dragons… well not totally… there is sci-fi and anime and-"

"Geek stuff, got it, but this is still beautiful, you should wear it."

"It's a pirate costume." Brittany said eyeing it warily as Rachel set it down carefully on the bed, "Besides we didn't even win the costume contest, but Sam did win best prop for his jar of dirt."

Rachel as usual had stopped listening a few sentences back, "Brittany it's the most beautiful thing in your wardrobe. Where did you even buy it?"

Years of human interaction had taught her how not to launch off into a rant about store bought costumes, "I just made mine. Easier than getting the wrong thing in the mail or finding out a million people have the same outfit." Okay so a mini rant, but it wasn't that bad.

"You _made_ this?" she asked gaping at the clothes again.

"Yes."

"Well clearly you have an eye for fashion, why aren't you doing that?"

Brittany shrugged not liking how off topic they were getting, "I was just for the convention. No big deal."

"This is a big deal, did you make anything else?"

"Yeah, but most of it is packed up in my parents attic back in Lima, Rachel can we please get back to what I'm going to wear?"

"This." The brunette said pointing to her costume.

"I'll look like an idiot."

"No going dressed as Dark Vader would make you look like an idiot, this is sleek sexy and simple. No one will recognize it from _Pirates of the Caribbean_. All you need are your heels, that are literally the only ones you own for some reason."

She decided to leave the Dark Vader thing be, "Are you sure?"

"Yes. Positive."

Rachel left to give her some privacy to change. It took ten minutes for Brittany to put everything on but when she had finally finished she came out to see Rachel giving her an odd look.

"Uh…"

"Told you." Brittany sighed. She was running out of time fast, she still had to catch a bus to the restaurant where they were supposed to meet.

"Brittany.. what is all this?" she asked waving her hand generally at her outfit.

In addition to the selected clothes the tall blonde had donned an intricately made Chinese style wide brimmed hat and a similarly styled black tunic with an enormous belt wrapped around her waist.

"You said to wear the costume and this is the whole thing, well without the boots cause you said wear heels."

Shaking her head Rachel moved forward and signaled for her to remove the tunic, hat and belt, her smile only returning once they were gone, "Much better. This is lovely, but you're right it is a bit theatrical as an ensemble. Now!" she exclaimed suddenly making Brittany jump, "Let's get some make-up on that face."

* * *

Santana was having a hard time keeping still.

Brittany was due any minute and with her arrival would come the final answer to the biggest mystery of her life. Already today she had tried to get a sneak preview by talking to Brittany ahead of time but of course everything that could go wrong did and she spent the day running around the building putting out fires that others were well paid to handle. Even their finalized dinner plans had been made via email so the blonde, or at least her wrist, had avoided her view all day. However now was the time.

She had already ordered a red wine, realizing only after it came that she had no idea what sort of wine Brittany liked, or if she even drank the stuff at all. It was one more thing that had her thinking this date was a mistake. If she was wrong in her assumptions about her being Felicia then she would be left with _just_ Brittany and she wasn't sure the blonde be someone she could really have a relationship with.

Fiddling idly with her fork while lost in her thoughts was how her date managed to sneak up on her.

"Hi."

Santana jumped a little at the sound but looked up and saw Brittany looking the most radiant she had ever seen in their four year long working relationship. Her eyes, unhindered by her glasses, were a very bright blue and with her hair out of it's normal bun it flowed down her back in perfect curls. Her eyes lacked Felicia's predatory edge and her hair was more neat than wild, however Santana could now more easily see how the two women could be the same. Especially given the elegant and surprisingly sexy number she had on, it was far more than she had ever seen Felicia wear, but she never would have guessed that outfit was in Brittany's wardrobe. Santana almost felt under-dressed and that never happened.

Suddenly she remembered her mark and her eyes went directly to the wrist where it should have been plain as day.

And saw a wrist brace covering her only piece of mind.

_You have got to be fucking kidding me!  
_

Brittany noticed her gaze and slipped into the chair across from Santana pulling her sleeve down, "Hurt my wrist when I tripped." She mumbled clearly embarrassed.

Santana was fighting between the need to call bullshit and the knowledge that clearly the woman was ashamed and she _had_ seen her fall hard. Then her manners kicked in as she realized she hadn't said a single word to her date.

"Sorry I was a little startled, how are you?" she asked not knowing how she was going to finish dinner with the answer sitting just under that brace.

"I'm great I've been super excited for this dat- er day, this day because… it's sunny out. It was. Earlier."

Santana frowned, that hadn't quite made sense, but nothing about the woman seemed to, so she reached for the bottle of wine and offered to fill Brittany's glass. The blonde stared at the wine blankly for a moment then smiled and allowed the pour. Santana then tried, really tried, not to think about Brittany's wrist but every time it came into view, taunting her, she had to fight not to just reach across the table and rip the brace off.

Before it was mere curiosity, a small mystery in a take it or leave it case. Now it was a mission and she wasn't going to give up until she had an answer.

* * *

Brittany was a clumsy person by nature and less than adequate schooling meant she often said stupid things that made people stare. But in all her years of embarrassing moments had she ever been as humiliated as she was now.

She couldn't figure out how Rachel had talked her into leaving the house for her first date in a billion years with the _sophisticated_ woman she was madly in love with in a _pirate_ costume. Every guy in the place had been staring at her when she came in and she felt like they knew what her blouse was. Not only that but the whole thing was topped of with the damn wrist brace making her look even more like an idiot.

Worst of all Santana would not stop looking at it. Even with her keeping her left hand tucked in her lap those brown eyes seemed to be staring at it through the table. And if she dared bring it into view Santana would look at it like the answer to all life's questions were written on it.

Self-consciously she tugged at her sleeve again while trying frantically to think of some conversational topic that didn't rest firmly in the land of fictional characters, but like with their previous encounter her brain was no help. With the wine in her the best she could come up with was an intellectual analysis of the works of Hayao Miyazaki. Usually she never drank because she was a textbook lightweight but the bottle had looked expensive and she looked so classy drinking it. Right now looking classy was a top priority, even if it was making her brain fuzzy.

Thankfully just like at lunch Santana saved her from the burden of starting the conversation, "So Brittany what do you like to do when you do get some free time away from the office?"

No this wasn't like lunch, this was _bad_. What the hell would she tell her? That she helped Sam practice his Na'vi? No, that was too juvenile. That they sat around watching Japanese cartoons all day some days because they both freaking love them? No, too childish. That occasionally she and Sam dress up and reenact scenes from Star Trek? Hell no, that was off the charts immature.

Santana needed a real adult answer but she didn't do any of those things, she was going to have to make something up, but she knew from experience that it couldn't be too far fetched.

_What would be safe to tell her, come on, you have to have one skill you can pretend is a hobby!_

Then a small voice gave her the answer.

Fashion.

Rachel said that her clothes were amazing and Rachel didn't like giving out compliments that weren't meant for her. She didn't think her skills were anything special, but as a hobby she felt it could pass as an adult activity and keep Santana from walking out of the restaurant in shame that she was on a date with a twelve year old.

"I make clothes." She finally answered.

Santana looked surprised, "Really? Like what?"

"Uh, like this." Brittany said tugging at her collar and eating more of the pasta she had ordered already looking for a way to change topics again.

Now she looked outright shocked, "You're kidding! Brittany that's amazing."

Her response was encouraging so she perked up a little, "Yeah? The design I based it on was more simple,"_ but we were going to the costume ball later and I wanted something light yet presentable underneath my tunic, _"so I added a few sequins and got fancy with the stitching." _It got my picture in a cosplay magazine._

The omitted portions she felt would keep the conversation from dipping into uncomfortable territory.

"Well with skills like those I'm surprised you don't have your own fashion line." Santana said seriously.

Brittany was a little at a loss, if Santana was just saying that then she was trying to butter her up for something, if she was serious then she really did have an unusual talent for clothes. She wasn't sure which she would prefer to believe.

"Thank you." She said modestly before hiding behind another mouthful of food. "So what about you? What do you do for fun?"

"Nothing really." Santana sighed, "I'm always going to some meeting or retreat or seminar. I hardly ever get any time for myself, but when I do I guess I like to read."

"Read what?"

"Anything. Poems, novels, shorts. I love them all."

_Damn that was a good answer. I know how to read, I should have said that._ Brittany griped to herself.

"I guess the best part is that you can do it on the go."

"Yeah, especially now since my parents sent me a Kindle for my birthday."

"Oh right!" Brittany exclaimed, exasperated with herself that she had forgotten Santana's birthday a second time.

She had a large black clutch as her purse tonight, on loan from Rachel of course, and from it she pulled a ceramic duck with a small slit in it's back indicating it was a piggy bank. She handed it to Santana shyly but with an excited smile.

Her joy was contagious and Santana grinned back even though she clearly didn't know what to make of the gift, "Thank you." She said laughing lightly as she looked it over.

"For your birthday. I thought I would switch things up and go ceramic this year. It took me forever to get it everything I needed and I almost dropped it twice, but it was done in time. I just, you know, panicked about the report and forgot to give it to you."

Santana held the duck up looking dubious, "You made this?"

She nodded, "And the stuffed animals."

Looking it over with a whole new appreciation Santana set it down next to her plate looking a little overwhelmed, "Thank you, again. I've never had someone go through so much trouble."

"That seems unlikely, you're seriously awesome."

_Whoa Britt bring it back a notch. We're entering creeper territory._

To her surprise the compliment seemed to embarrass her date slightly and she played with her salad before a her next question, "Brittany I want to ask you something and it's going to be random, but please answer honestly."

Feeling worried she straightened in her seat, "Okay."

"Do you know Felicia Hardy?"

Brittany's face bloomed into a smile, Santana had brought the conversation on her home turf, "Of course! I went to the Big Apple Con as her two years in a row!"

Whatever Santana had been expecting that clearly hadn't been it, "Went to what as what?"

"Big Apple Con. It's a convention in New York… went with my vacation days… we're talking about different things aren't we?" she said slowly at the confusion clouding her date's face.

"I don't think we are. Are we?" Shaking her head she started again, "Okay back the conversation up, you said you know someone named Felicia Hardy."

"Well I don't _know_ her, I mean you can't she isn't real." Seeing the confusion only expand she elaborated, "Felicia is the Black Cat." Nothing. "From Spiderman. She's a comic book character."

A hint of realization seemed to click in Santana's eyes, "I see. And you say you dress up as her?"

"Not since the Con." Brittany said quickly, she didn't want her boss thinking she ran around in a skintight cat bugler outfit especially since she worked with the company's finances.

Santana seemed to think about that very hard and Brittany wondered if she hadn't just ruined their date with her big mouth.

* * *

After dinner Santana drove them to a park, it was a pretty decent date spot and as the night grew dark it was rather romantic. The real reason was Santana didn't really know where else to go as every date she had been on previously had been planned by the woman she was with. And she thought Brittany could use the fresh air. The taller woman seemed to suddenly not be as in control of her limbs as she should be and if Santana didn't know any better she would think the blonde was drunk, but that was impossible since she had only had two glasses of wine.

The fact that Brittany began to ramble about how weird it was to have famous people constantly in her home would have supported that theory, but Santana didn't pick up on it because her mind was miles away. Ever since the revelation at dinner she felt more sure _and_ unsure that Felicia and Brittany were the same person. The problem was that all of the evidence was circumstantial.

Brittany's wound was accounted for before she left her mark and the name Felicia Hardy wasn't exactly unique so meeting someone with that name was entirely possible. Extremely coincidental, true, but possible. Plus in California it was likely that it wasn't her real name in any case. The state wasn't short on blue eyed blondes and the chances of one picking that name in the hopes of grabbing attention weren't low at all. Every answer she got begged more questions and it was driving her crazy, the only sane spot was Brittany. Regardless of what she may or may not pretend to be other times, right now she was a pretty sweet girl.

Honestly Santana hadn't dated anyone like her in a long time, she had a childlike innocence that was endearing, and her smile was dangerously infectious. Currently Brittany's babbling had moved on to something involving robotic chickens and she wasn't sure what to make of that, even so she felt an easy smile lift her cheeks.

However there was a reason she never dated women like Brittany, she got bored fast with relationships if something wasn't happening. The shy timid thing tended to wear thin quickly and soon she was off in search of someone more adventurous, she knew herself well enough to know that whatever they had, if anything, wouldn't last long.

Then again with this possible Dr. Jekyll thing happening with Brittany she thought that maybe it would go longer than she thought, because she wasn't backing down until she got an answer.

And as if to prove that she could keep Santana guessing Brittany suddenly stumbled face first into a lamppost. She hit the thing so hard it made Santana wince and the post shake. The collision lay Brittany out on the ground, but she bounced back up almost immediately looking positively mortified. Santana was sure she would have tried to play it off if her nose hadn't started bleeding profusely.

Noticing the alarm in her date's face Brittany clamped a hand over her nose to try and staunch the bleeding, "Crab." She muttered nasally, the attempted 'p' sound sent blood spraying all over Santana's light green top giving it a macabre Christmas vibe, "Shid Imb sorry!" she exclaimed only making it worse.

For a long moment Santana stood perfectly still trying to figure out what had just happened. Disbelievingly she looked down at her shirt then back to Brittany who was tugging uselessly at her blouse to try and gather enough fabric to stuff her nose. She was pretty sure this would be hilarious if it was happening to someone else. After she was able to mentally give up her shirt as a lost cause she picked up Brittany's dropped clutch and dug through it for some tissue. She found napkins instead and decided not to give any thought to the fact that they seemed to be from an endless variety of fast food restaurants.

Brittany gasped in surprise and Santana rose, gently tilted her head back and pinched the bridge of her nose while pressing the tissue to her nostrils.

"You need a cold compress." Santana said looking around for the nearest place to acquire such a thing.

Making sure Brittany kept her head back and her nose pinched she took off for a shop across the street and returned a short time later with a small baggie full of ice. She guided them to a bench and sat her down before applying the bag to her nose focusing on not being affected by the stares they were getting from the few people that lingered around. Once the bleeding was down to a bare trickle Santana sat next to her bonelessly, the excitement had made her more tense than she had realized.

"Should we give your nose a minute to settle then call it a night?" she said forcing a smile.

Brittany wouldn't meet her gaze she just nodded as best she could with her head still craned back.

"Sorry." She said again more clearly.

Santana took it as a broad-spectrum apology and patted her hand, "It's alright, just watch out for poles in the future." It was an attempted joke but Brittany didn't even chuckle.

* * *

The pole had been violently sobering, leaving Brittany to lament how badly she had managed to fuck up her one and only shot at impressing Santana. She let Santana pick their next location because she couldn't think of anything that wasn't an arcade or comic book store and now she was wishing she had suggested one of those. At least then Santana wouldn't be covered in blood probably trying to figure out how to end the date as soon as possible.

Brittany wasn't even sure how she had managed to make this big of an ass out of herself in so short a time.

They sat quietly for a moment while she lamented her life before Santana leaned over and moved the ice pack.

"Let me see." She said quietly as she hovered over Brittany.

One of Santana's strong hands rested on her shoulder as her face was mere inches away examining the damage.

Brittany's hands hovered in front of her not knowing where to go with the ice out of their charge and Santana leaning so close. And then the smaller woman leaned forward to check the left side of her nose and one of her breasts pushed into Brittany's hand.

One second after her face went red her nose started to gush again, Santana leapt back scurrying to put the ice back on her nose, "I think you might need a doctor." She said worriedly.

Standing and keeping herself well away from Santana in case she sprayed her again she shook her head, "No I think I should just go home, don't worry I'll take a bus, I don't want to bleed all over your seats."

"Don't be silly, come on." She said simply guiding Brittany back in the direction of the car.

On the ride back, with the help of water from the melted ice and some more napkins she was able clean up and end her date without looking like the subject of domestic abuse. Unfortunately nothing could be done for Santana's but at least she didn't look like an abusive girlfriend… now she just looked like a serial killer.

Once they pulled up to her apartment Santana kindly walked Brittany up to her apartment even though the blonde would have understood it if she had rolled her out of the car while it was still moving.

With the door in sight she pulled out her keys and turned to say her goodnight, "Sorry again about your shirt."

"Yeah…" Santana said obviously not knowing how to reply to that.

"I can get you another one." Brittany said hopefully.

"It's an Oscar de la Renta." She said looking it over, "So don't worry about it."

Brittany had no idea what that was, "Okay."

Smiling softly she leaned forward and placed a firm kiss on Brittany's cheek and for a moment the blonde worried her nose might start bleeding again, "Bye." She said and turned to go back to her car.

"Santana." Brittany called out making the brunette stop and face her, she knew this had been a total disaster, but it was a day that she would always treasure and it seemed a shame to not let her know that, "Thank you for tonight. I know I'm not your ideal or anything even close and I won't pretend I ever thought I had a real shot with you, but this date was really amazing. Even with all the embarrassing parts. Thanks for giving me the chance."

* * *

In her mind Santana had pretty much settled that this woman was in no way Felicia and as such she should save the poor girl some heartache and let this date be their last. Already she'd been through too many relationships that dragged on because she was too nice to tell the other person the truth and Brittany didn't deserve that. She was interesting to say the least, but Santana didn't see where they would have a chance together.

Those were her thoughts up until that moment when Brittany called her back.

For Santana it was the way that she didn't seem sad or needy when she spoke, the way that she seemed truly content as she opened her door and went inside that made her feel a change of heart. Brittany may not be Felicia but there was definitely something to her, Santana got constant praise and adoration from men and women alike both above and below her in station, but Brittany was the first person who made her feel like she was a treasure worth having. And at this point in her life she wasn't about to pretend that didn't mean anything.

* * *

A/N: Little Disclaimer: Brittany has image issues in this fic, we'll work on those XD I personally put my fandom in the air and wave it like I just don't care (and I don't) Matter of fact I'm D&D'ing via Skype rite now. Not even kidding is the funny thing.

This wasn't supposed to be out so soon but you guys responded so positively so soon I had to do a rush job as promised. So much speculation going on ppl need to know what the deal is with Felicia or they will burst!

Don't worry though Santana hasn't hung up her detective hat just yet, and neither should you, we will get to the bottom of this mystery yet!


	5. Chapter 5

By morning the magical night had faded and Brittany woke to find that despite having come to terms with not winning Santana over she really did wish a miracle could have happened. Like her boss would have seen her and been blown away by her beauty.

That thought was humorous enough to make her laugh herself awake.

Once the night had ended she had gone straight to her room and thrown herself on her bed after tossing her bloodied blouse on the floor letting herself sleep off the unfortunate night, shoes and all. Now she regretted that slightly. With a reluctant grunt she sat up and got in the shower, washing away the dirt (and a little residual blood) that had accumulated during the previous night and also, hopefully, the failure. While brushing her teeth she contemplated how she would face Santana again after being such a shitty date, but maybe it wouldn't be too awkward.

After she was cleaned up a brief look in the mirror showed her nose to it's normal shape and size, though it and her forehead were slightly bruised it didn't seem like medical treatment was needed. Glad for that small miracle she threw on some lounging clothes, fished her glasses off the nightstand and headed into the dining room to catch up on the work her night of leisure had left undone. But the moment she stepped out of her room she knew that wasn't going to happen so easily.

Seated at the table, and effectively her workstation, were Rachel, Mercedes and Sam all looking at her, each and every one with an expectant look on their face. She had slipped in unnoticed last night, effectively avoiding any questions or explanations, but now it was obviously time to face the music.

"Morning." She said and walked into the dining room to have Rachel leap up and shove her into a chair before Mercedes slid her favorite breakfast in front of her, which consisted of Raisin Bran and orange juice.

"Thank you." Brittany said, surprised.

Mercedes sat next to her looking serious, "I'm sorry I wasn't there to give you fashion advice, if I had known you didn't have an outfit in mind trust I would have made time."

"It's okay." She shrugged, the mission had been hopeless anyway.

"Oh hush Mercedes, I did fine she looked stunning. So tell us everything." Rachel said nearly bursting at the seams.

"There isn't much to tell. I blew it." She said simply before taking a mouthful of cereal.

"What makes you think that?" Rachel asked.

"You didn't unload the full extent of your love for fantasy did you? Because Sam did that on our first date and that is a definite no-no, those things need to be revealed in stages." Mercedes advised.

"A little bit but only because she asked… I think. It doesn't matter. The date was fine, she was really nice and she even paid for everything like before but… I think I lost her somewhere between showing to a fancy restaurant in a pirate outfit and spitting blood on her Oscar Rent."

Rachel gasped, "Oscar de la Renta? You bleed on an Oscar de la Renta and she didn't kill you? It must be love then!"

Mercedes spared her a glare as Sam asked, "How did you end up bleeding on her shirt?" he seemed totally vexed and after Rachel seemed properly cowed Mercedes did too.

"I ran into a pole." When the table seemed to have replaced that question with another she continued, "I had a couple of glasses of wine." She admitted.

Rachel and Mercedes were still lost, but Sam understood immediately, "Really?" he groaned, "Why would you do that to yourself? And on a first date?"

"I thought it would be okay since I was eating." She grumbled.

Seeing the looks their exchange got he saved her from having to explain, "She can't hold her liquor. At _all_. A couple of appletinis can get her sloshed."

"Wow." Rachel sighed looking at Brittany as if she were a new breed of animal.

In response the blonde began to shovel cereal in her mouth to give herself something to do besides be ashamed.

"Other than that the date went well though, right?" Mercedes asked hopefully and by her tone she knew the answer.

Finishing her mouthful she swallowed slowly deciding to be brutally honest with them and herself, "It wasn't just the alcohol and the… accident, we're totally different people. She likes books and poems and I make ducks and costumes. She lives alone in a nice apartment and drives a convertible and I'm living with two other people and riding the bus. We're different and I could tell she knew that when were together. Even when she gave me a kiss goodnight it was a bit more like a kiss goodbye." She said with a blush.

"Why do you say that?" Rachel asked with great interest.

"It doesn't matter. I just need someone like Sam. I mean like a _woman _who shares my interests." She added quickly to quell the look Mercedes was giving.

Sam took hold of her hand, "Britt, Mercedes and I are nothing alike and we work together. You know I love you like family, hell my own sister thought you were our cousin for about three years, so please believe me when I say I value my time with you. I say _that_ to say dating you would be boring, not because you're boring but because we already know all the same things. We agree on almost every major debatable point in the sci-fi animation fantasy realm. I will always want you by my side for every major movie and figure release and we will be in line for Stan Lee's autograph every time he's signing something. But Mercedes is totally different, I get to show her all my favorite things for the first time and she shows me hers, I mean I still listen to Hikaru Utada, but now there's also some Barry White on my iPod. A different perspective can be refreshing, even though it's infuriating that she disagrees with me about Kirk being a superior captain to Picard-"

"Shatner can't act." Mercedes interjected.

"We are not basing the merits of his captaincy on William Shatner's acting!" he paused and took a deep breath, "The point is finding someone who likes the same things as you can be awesome but someone different can be an amazing thing too. Don't put yourself in the friend zone because you don't share the same interests."

Rachel nodded, "Sam's right. Having someone who shares the same likes and dislikes can be a bit trying. My last boyfriend was a total disaster." She sighed.

Mercedes shot her a look, "Your last boyfriend was gay and you didn't have similar interests you were the same person."

"Kurt was _not_ gay that was tabloid rumors and you know it!"

"Is that why he was sleeping with your _male_ co-stars."

"We're getting off subject!" Rachel snapped.

"Guys thanks for the encouragement and the breakfast, but I'm pretty sure the dream is over. Though it was awesome while it lasted. I'm glad I went for it even if it put me a whole day behind on my work and was a tiny bit heartbreaking." Brittany said squeezing out a small smile, "I let her off the hook, she knows I know and I don't expect much to change from now on so if it's all the same I'd like to not talk about it anymore."

Understanding Sam gave her an encouraging kiss on the forehead and Mercedes gave her arm a comforting squeeze before they left her to enjoy her meal.

Rachel on the other hand lingered for a moment before saying, "Brittany I respect not wanting to dwell on past defeats, but this is only one if you let it be. I lost the man of my dreams to Broadway and though it is my natural proclivity to bask in the tragedy there I realized later that it didn't have to be one at all. I loved him, but I never fought for him and if I had I _know_ I could have had him and my career. You keep setting your sights so low, you went into that date already thinking it would never become something real. Maybe you're right and it wasn't meant to be, but how can you ever know with that attitude?"

Brittany jabbed the bowl harshly with her spoon, "It's over Rachel. Maybe my sights are set low, but they are goals I can reach."

"That could be true and I won't tell you to burst into her office and serenade her as would be my biological imperative. All I'm saying is if you see another chance to reach for the stars, no matter how crazy it seems, go for it and you may just find they are within your grasp."

"You sound like my great grandma."

Rachel paused and stared for a long moment, "I have decided to take that as a compliment." She said and rose to join the others in the living room.

* * *

Though the disastrous/perfect date stayed in her mind by Monday Brittany was back to her old self. Her bitterness of not even being able to pull a second date was gone and she was ready for a day full of numbers she was only partially sure she could calculate. She and Sam walked in at the same time and went straight to their desks to begin work, it was obvious to her that Sam was waiting to see her stare longingly Santana's door but she refused to start her first day back like that. Instead she focused on the water cooler where Lauren was gossiping with someone as usual. Brittany kept her eyes focused there as she walked down the short aisle dashed into her cubicle and sat facing her computer.

But her chair was weird feeling yet somehow very comfortable and as she sat in it there was a loud 'Oof' sound.

Only when she heard, "I guess that's my bad for being in your chair." Wheezed in her ear did she understand that she had somehow just sat on Santana and leapt out of the chair, face already ablaze and stuttering in full force.

"M-Ms. Lopez- I mean Santana- er… Sorry." She finished deciding to just keep her mouth shut until spoken to.

"It's fine, I only wanted to catch you before you began work and, well, mission accomplished I guess."

"Wha-What can I do for you?"

At that question she sighed and stood, "I know it's unprofessional of me to do this at work, but I only made my mind up this morning and I didn't want to wait to ask. Would you go on another date with me?"

Brittany's mouth dropped open and, "Huh?" fell out of her gaping maw.

"Another date. I know I seemed sort of… actually I don't know how I came across, but it couldn't have been good for you to end the night like you did."

"No you were perfect!" Brittany exclaimed in a placating whisper.

A whisper because she could see Lauren inching closer from the cooler.

Santana seemed a little thrown by the surety of her declaration, "I'm far from that, but I think maybe after such an, ah... _eventful_ night maybe we should start again?"

Rachel had told her to reach for the stars, but it felt like the stars had come down and hit her in the face.

"Yeah, sure I'd love to."

Santana's face broke into a smile, "Excellent. Alright so an old college friend of mine is playing some songs off her new album at this little jazz place around the corner and I thought we might go together on Wednesday night. We wouldn't be out late or anything."

Brittany felt the familiar insecurities surface. Nevermind the nerve-wracking thought of meeting a longtime friend of Santana's, that the woman even knew people that did things like have jazz club debuts was intimidating enough. Granted a platinum label artist hung around her house and she was roommates with a Broadway-now-Hollywood star, but that was different, that was dumb luck. This was just how Santana rolled, knee deep in sophistication.

"Sounds great."

"Actually I'm pretty sure it's going to be awful, but I haven't seen her in a long time and I said I'd go. I think having pleasant company might make it easier to get through."

"I'm honored you thought of me." only after she said it did she realize how goofy that sounded.

"It isn't that big a deal." Santana laughed lightly.

Brittany didn't exactly want to tell her how big a deal she thought it was because this was her star studded second chance and she wasn't going to blow it so she just nodded.

Santana smiled again and headed back to her office, this time Brittany's eyes were trained firmly on the door, or more accurately on Santana's rear until the view became the door.

Turning back to her computer she was shocked for a second time by a person who had slipped into her cubicle without her noticing.

Sam was clearly trying not to grin, but it wasn't working, "And I thought you said it didn't end well."

"Since you were listening in you should know how bad it was." she snapped but they both knew that was bullshit since she was ginning hard too.

"Another date! Britt this is great, you were all doom and gloom while she's at home thinking about you all weekend."

Brittany flushed, she hadn't picked up on that, Santana had said she had been debating the issue all weekend however that could only mean that it wasn't all good. But she had decided they should go on another date so it couldn't have been all bad either.

"I guess, I know I was thinking about her."

"You two are going to work out, I can feel it." he said smiling.

"I hope so." Brittany said softly and for the first time since Santana talked to her she let herself dream of a future where that was possible.

* * *

On Tuesday Santana found herself still in her office, long after hours, finishing work that she had put off over the weekend. Brittany, and admittedly Felicia, had invaded her every thought, though for once Brittany was in the majority of them. When she had gotten home from their date and cleaned herself off, after throwing her shirt in the trash, she was able to think a little more clearly about the day.

The blonde had indeed showed every sign of almost clinical clumsiness and apparently couldn't handle more than a single glass of wine, but had downed two. She'd made a duck bank as a late birthday present that now rest on her nightstand at home looking totally out of place amongst the silver picture frames of her colleagues and overly ornate bottles of perfume. Brittany was definitely unusual and she couldn't really say any of her oddities made her particularly desirable, yet she still had asked her out again.

Even now she wasn't sure why.

The weekend had been a battle to figure out if it was worth the effort to pursue something she was pretty sure was doomed to fail. But that morning coming into work she had suddenly felt a wave of nostalgia that made her sick.

Every day year after year everything was the same, she came to work right on time, usually staying late, taking a lunch alone or with people she couldn't stand and going home to an empty apartment. The long lonely stents were only punctuated by failed relationships with women who she knew were bad for her but she couldn't resist.

If Brittany could break that cycle, even if it was to throw a duck and bloody nose in the mix she'd take it. The date had been technically the worst she had ever been on by far, but it had also been the most interesting.

But Felicia.

That woman wasn't out of her thoughts just yet. Brittany may have been a much needed change but the other blonde was something special too. She was literally everything Santana had ever dreamed of… except she kept disappearing. While Felicia was out on the town she had no idea who or what she was doing, maybe she made it a habit to find lonely women at clubs and just cycled through them during the week. Or maybe she had the sole attention of that divine creature.

That made her shiver.

Shaking her head she focused on her work once more and signed several more documents before tossing them into her outgoing mailbox and packing up to go home. She was just closing her briefcase when she heard her office door open.

Her thoughts being what they were she turned hoping to see Felicia standing at the door ready to pounce. When she looked at who had entered she was somehow startled to see that was exactly who it was.

Somehow she hadn't actually believed she would appear. Maybe Felicia was a sex fairy summoned by the power of thought.

Nah, if that was the case she would have met her in high school and worn that woman out.

"Hi there." Felicia purred at her.

"Hey." Santana replied quietly, it seemed all the moisture in her throat had moved… elsewhere.

Without another word the tall woman had crossed the office and had her pinned against the wall, covering her neck with wonderfully hot kisses.

Santana wanted this, she wanted to let Felicia have her way because her way felt so damn good, but she was able to focus and resist the urge to pull off her shirt, "Wait." She panted and was truly sorry when Felicia pulled away and looked at her expectantly.

The sudden loss of contact almost made her forget what she was going to say.

"What are you doing here?" she asked since all her other questions had flocked out of her head.

Felicia fixed her with a hard stare, "Do you really want me to answer that? Because I will but you know what it'll cost and I had some absolutely devious plans for us tonight."

_Felicia planned a whole night for us. No. **Focus!**_

"Nevermind." She said suddenly remembering that she truly hadn't meant to ask anything.

"Good because the answer was depressingly obvious." She said returning to her previous task of making Santana's legs tremble.

"Wait, stop. What I meant was I am sort of seeing someone right now."

The taller woman paused again and backed up looking down at Santana with a raised eyebrow, "And when did you start seeing this person?"

Santana wanted to jibe back about _her_ asking questions but she felt the end result of that would be counterproductive to not ending the conversation in sex.

"A few days ago."

"Before you met me?"

"No." she said not really following.

"Are you official?"

"Well no-"

"Then it seems to me like you should be telling _her_ to back off since I was here first." Felicia replied with a wide grin.

Santana couldn't help but feel a rush of pleasure at her tone, "I just don't think I should be dating two women at the same time."

"You just said you weren't official and sex isn't dating." She said and moved on, pushing her legs between Santana's making her involuntarily moan.

It was really unfortunate that Felicia was making it so hard to think because she was almost sure there was some sort of flaw in her logic.

"She's really sweet." Santana tried to argue knowing it wasn't relevant.

"I'm sweet too." She pushed her leg in just the right way to make Santana have to remember how to form words from scratch. "I'm willing to share as long a she doesn't mind me absolutely _dominating_ every part of you I can touch." She whispered in Santana ear and the brunette couldn't help but clutch her closer.

Quickly Santana realized she was about to lose this battle badly and it was almost amusing how little she cared. Already a list of reasons she and Brittany probably wouldn't work out had formed at the same time a complimentary list of all the reasons she should let Felicia have her way was.

Then a stray thought struggled to the surface and she was able to capture it before Felicia's lips burned away the last of her resolve.

There was still the chance that Brittany and Felicia were the same.

Leaping back she looked at the woman in front of her and gathered her thoughts quickly before the confusion on Felicia's face wore off putting those beautiful eyes back to their seduction setting.

"Do you have-" _Not in the form of a question_, "Show me your ID." She said quickly and at that Felicia seemed even more confused.

"What?"

"Your identification card or drivers license." She repeated quickly.

"A little late to check and see if I'm of age." Felicia laughed.

Santana only held out her hand though she did wonder where the blonde might put her identification. Between her skintight tank top and her scandalously small jean shorts she figured any identification slid in those pockets could be read from the outside.

_Seriously she dresses like they don't make clothes in her size! _She thought, trying not to be aroused by the sight.

Felicia smirked, "I don't have it with me. I left my purse at home, didn't think I would need it."

_Even better!_ "Then take me to your place." She said triumphantly.

This, if nothing else, would prove it. She knew Brittany's salary and she knew there was no way she was keeping a house on the side. This round was hers and she wasn't giving Felicia so much as a kiss goodnight until she knew the truth.

"As you wish sexy, but it's a bit of a drive."

"Don't you have a car?" Santana challenged and Felicia gave her a look.

_Right, questions._

She wasn't necessarily against trading sex for an answer, but if she was going to it had better be a damn good question.

There was something definitely suspicious about the way she would respond to requests but not answer questions. Nevertheless she expected the woman to try and worm her way out of this, so she was surprised to see her already walking towards the door.

Scrambling to grab her things she followed and together they went to the parking lot and climbed into Santana's car. Felicia never said a word, she only smiled lightly and gave the occasional directions.

To the brunettes everlasting surprise she was directed straight into the heart of Beverly Hills and to one of the largest estates she had ever seen.

The house, the gate and the overly lit cobbled driveway were all gaudy and expensive looking making Santana feel for the first time ever in her life like she was under accomplished.

While Felicia deliberately leaned over her lap and dialed the numbers that got the gate to open Santana said, "Let me guess. Jed died so you and Jethro inherited his fortune."

The gate opened and Felicia leaned back laughing softly, "Maybe I need to see _your_ ID if you're making references that old."

"Whatever." Santana replied with a smile and drove up to the magnificent front door.

Felicia led her inside with a bounce in her step and unlocked the mansion presenting the foyer to her easily. Santana was in awe; the house was dazzling from top to bottom and every inch of the place was spotless that indicated there was a maid of some sort involved. Which would be a given since the house was so big and the owner was obviously so rich.

An owner Santana wasn't so easy to convince was Felicia.

This could be one of her lover's estates. She didn't really think so but she needed something to keep the blonde from being as appealing as she was in those shorts as she led them further into her home.

"I haven't forgotten about the ID." Santana said warningly.

Felicia threw a flirtatious wink over her shoulder, "And I haven't forgotten about claiming that body of yours."

Santana blanched only now realizing the huge flaw in her plan, she was now totally at Felicia's mercy in her house. Even she knew she had no chance other than to bolt out the door and there was no way to do that without giving up on the one iron clad piece of evidence that she needed.

The seductress ascended a long spiral staircase to retrieve the requested item leaving Santana to wander around the lavish living room. There was an enormous fireplace and plush furniture all over and the cream colored walls were given a golden hue by the ceiling lights that seemed to be miles above. In the center of all the seats was a coffee table large enough to be a regular table if it were a foot or two higher off the ground.

Every room was similar; wide and sweeping, all furnished with extravagant furniture in warm colors. And somehow that raised her suspicion.

Then across from the living room she saw a dimly lit area that begged her attention. Cautiously she crossed the lush carpeting to a small hallway with a metal door at the end. For a moment she feared this would be a morbid revelation, a room filled with bodies or some such horror. Instead through a small viewing window she saw a garage with about five different antique cars and two brand new Porsches.

Felicia reappeared behind her holding out her license and Santana took it looking over the details and then disbelievingly to the cars.

"You have a license and you don't drive any of these."

She shrugged, "Like most people who drive I'm terrible at it, but unlike most I admit it and stay off the road."

_That… makes sense._

Santana looked the piece of plastic over and frowned heavily trying to find something wrong with it. Everything looked to be in order, but something in her gut still wasn't buying this. There was a house and cars and Felicia did have a key and identification in it. The visit had been completely impromptu so there wasn't a chance to set this up before hand.

Yet something was still off.

The worst part was that Santana was sure the answer was staring her in the face.

... and speaking of staring her in the face.

Felicia pulled her close and her arms automatically wrapped around the taller woman's neck as those wonderfully soft kisses were placed along her jawline. She'd found what she was looking for, reservations or not Felicia may have been suspicious as hell but she was holding proof she wasn't Brittany.

Meaning she was kissing another woman in her home while Brittany was off somewhere dreaming of their upcoming date.

Felicia led her back into the living room where she pinned Santana to the couch and began to undress her in earnest.

"Hold on." Santana whimpered as Felicia began to suck gently on her pulse point.

"Nu-uh waited long enough. I proved I'm old enough to ride." She grunted her hands sliding Santana's pants down to her knees before busing herself with the black lace underwear that were now exposed.

It hadn't been about proving age, it had been about proving identity, but those fingers went to work and Santana didn't get a chance to explain herself.

Somewhere under her uncontrolled moans and desperate grasps for pale skin was a woman who knew that she couldn't have it both ways. That very soon she was going to have to make a choice between Felicia and Brittany.

But damn it was hard to remember all of Brittany's good qualities when Felicia was making her scream.

* * *

A/N: Santana fells she's solved the mystery, but something's still bothering her... I wonder.

I'll throw you a very small bone and tell you often times with me it's not so much what I did write but what I seemed to go out of my way not to write. That's either a helpful or intensely frustrating clue.

Thanks for all the reviews, favorites, PM's etc. They get you faster updates. Like seriously I can't work on anything else with me getting constant notifications about this story XD

I guess as long as you keep the reviews n stuff coming I'll keep it at the front of my fanfic line.


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning was staggeringly uneventful, Santana's body forced itself awake at 5:30 am exactly as it always had and she turned to find she was alone in Felicia's home with only a note on the nightstand to greet her. It said; **Out and about, but totally thinking about you and what I plan to do if you're still here when I get back ;)**

Santana had taken that as a cue to leave because she, in no way, could justify sticking around and waiting for more of last night's treatment when she had a date coming up. Quickly she dressed, scampered down the stairs and straight out the door trying not to remember why most of the furniture was overturned. A part of her wanted to stay and see what would happen if she stayed, more sex obviously, but what after that? Felicia was exactly what she was looking for so why not wait and see what happens?

Because she was already doing that with Brittany.

Clambering into her car she started the engine, taking a moment to revel in the still present afterglow of the previous night, and drove to straight to work determined to be on time. Her drive back to Los Angeles was spent trying to think of how she could get around the evidence staring her in the face. She had been so sure she would finally resolve the mystery by going to her house, but now that she had proof she was even more intrigued. Because if somehow she were right about Felicia and Brittany being the same it meant that she had gone through a tremendous amount of trouble to cover it up.

Or maybe it was that she didn't really want to consider them as separate people because that would mean having to make a tough choice. It would also mean Felicia was suspicious as hell. The woman always seemed to know where she was and only appeared at night. Maybe she was a vampire. A sex vampire. A succubus?

Shaking her head to clear her irrational thoughts she turned on the radio and drowned her own brain out to the sound of hard rock.

* * *

As was her routine Santana made it to the office right on time and immediately threw herself into her work in the hopes that it would keep her too busy to think about the women in her life. Apparently that was unavoidable because after two hours of productivity there was a timid knock on her door and when she called to the person to enter she saw Brittany standing there.

Instantly she compared the woman in front of her to the one she had seen the night before. Now more than ever they seemed nothing alike as Brittany looked like the very definition of exhausted. Like she had been up all night…

"Um, S-Santana?" she said quietly as if unsure if they should be on a first name basis at work.

Gathering herself she managed a response, "Yes, come in."

Brittany took a few steps past the door and placed a file on her desk, "These are the reports Sam and I were able to finish for last weeks inventory."

"Thank you. You look like you had a rough night." She said watching the pale face closely.

For the first time Brittany looked like a deer caught in headlights at her inquiry, "Erm, yeah sorta, with the reports to finish and all." She said quickly leaving Santana immediately suspicious.

Before she could ask anything else Brittany stepped closer, clearly with something to say, "Um, I've been meaning to ask, where should we meet? For Wednesday?" she asked in almost a whisper.

Santana stared blankly until she remembered what she was talking about, "Oh. Well don't worry about it. I'll pick you up at eight, dress casual."

Brittany smiled brightly, "Okay."

She turned to leave and Santana watched her go with slightly narrowed eyes. Brittany had dodged the question. Her previous calm evaporated as her suspicions went soaring once again.

* * *

Brittany had been racing the clock on deadlines since her first day on the job so she was no stranger to the stress of the passage of time. But now she was in a frenzy. It was a Tuesday and on top of her normal workload she was buried under a ton of fabric and a million sketches none of which were helping. Upon returning home Monday night she had pulled out her small drafting table and began attempting to make a replica of Santana's blouse, the one she had ruined on their first date, in the hopes of starting off the second in the best possible light, but it was impossible. The floor was coated in discarded sketches of various designs because she had spent all of Monday night, and most of this one, trying to remember what in the hell the blouse had looked like. It definitely had buttons and a collar, but other than that she was lost. The only thing she could remember in perfect detail from that night was Santana's face, an image she had drawn and then tossed aside because it didn't help her.

Already she had made seven green blouses but all of them had been wrong, something she seemed unable to determine until she was done. They lay useless on her bed mocking her attempts to remember. The only thing working in her favor was that she had watched Santana closely enough to be pretty sure of her measurements.

Something she would be more sure of if she could get her hands on the woman.

_Well you sort of did._ She thought looking at her right hand and remembering the soft feel of Santana's breast in her palm.

A depressed groan escaped her as she allowed her head to hit her drafting table and it immediately shot up again when Rachel flung the door open.

"Brittany dinner's ready."

"Rachel. Knock." She said for what had to be the hundredth time.

It wouldn't even be so bad if Rachel herself weren't prone to going full drama queen if someone burst in on _her_.

As if she hadn't heard anything she stepped into the room causing Brittany to frown in irritation, "What's all this?" the smaller woman asked.

Brittany was aware that there was no point in trying to fight Rachel's curiosity, "I'm trying to remake Santana's blouse. The one I bled all over."

Stepping gingerly into the room the brunette looked over the garments on the bed lifting one and looking it over, "What's wrong with these? They're lovely."

"They're wrong. Her blouse wasn't cut like that."

Rachel turned it over in her hands noting the intricate stitching along the sides and sleeves, "So what? This is work of art, all of these are." She said placing the one she held on the bed and grabbing another, "This is truly a talent, why on earth are you working at an office when clearly this is your calling?"

Brittany averted her eyes at the unabashed praise coming from her roommate and focused on trying to sketch another version of the blouse that would hopefully be closer to correct this time.

"I don't know, I only make stuff for my costumes." She said offhandedly.

"Ooh! Brittany you have to make this one for me!" Rachel exclaimed lifting one of her sketches off the floor and pointing to a particular design that had been more cowgirl than casual girl. At the time she was thinking what she would like to put on Santana rather than what she had actually been in and the result was another failed attempt.

"Um-" she started to reply, but of course Rachel cut her off.

"Obviously I wouldn't want it in green, maybe a pale gold with a star embroidered in the front." She said placing the sketch over the one Brittany was trying to draw.

"I'm sort of swamped here Rach-"

"I'll pay you."

"How much?" she asked immediately.

"Double your monthly salary?" Rachel offered.

Brittany gaped at her, "Do you know how much I make a month?"

"I don't, but I assume it isn't that much since even with you and Sam combined you can only afford the bare necessities after rent and utilities. I will assume I went insultingly low then, my apologies, how's triple sound?"

Brittany had been implying that the price was a little high for something that wouldn't take that long to make, but she wasn't going to correct her now.

"Okay, but it'll have to wait until the end of the week because I am behind on everything including sleep."

Rachel nodded and began to shuffle through the rest of the papers lying around and looking over them critically. "I was serious about what I said before. You should come and work for me, I could use someone with an eye for fashion. Believe it or not before I broke into Broadway my style was… less than becoming a woman of my impending status. And though I got it together my style was never sharper than when I was with Kurt, really up until we broke up he was the one who made the Berry name synonymous with fashionista." She gave a dramatic sigh and sat on the bed not realizing that Brittany had already tuned her out, "I miss him and his catty humor. But time is no man's, or woman's, mistress so as she marches on I ask that you fill that place."

"No thanks." She said automatically.

Rachel pouted, "Fine. But the offer still stands as does my requested commission."

"Guys dinner!" Sam shouted from the kitchen, the clank of silverware indicating he had reached the end of his patience rope.

"We had better get in there or he will inhale the whole thing." Rachel said standing.

"You go ahead I need to get this right." Brittany said tossing another failed design on the floor in agitation.

Rachel watched her with a bemused smile, "She'll love whatever you give her, you shouldn't fret so much." When Brittany didn't respond she picked her way out of the room stepping over the sketches gingerly making her way to the door. "I'll tell Sam to bring you a plate." She said softly before closing the door again.

The soft click of the door made Brittany drop her pencil and look over at the bed. Could she get away with giving Santana something of her own design? Well it was better than trying to remember a shirt that was a blur in her memory compared to the face of the woman wearing it.

Turning back to her drawing table she began a sketch of something totally different, something that was nothing like the blouse, but would look beautiful on the woman that was always on her mind.

* * *

Santana found that where Brittany was concerned everything was a long list of firsts. Their second date was no exception. Though she had offered to pick Brittany up, mainly because it was easier since she didn't have a car, it didn't change the fact that she had never picked up her date before. It had always been the other way around _and_ all her dates also always owned cars.

This unsurety had her sitting in front of Brittany's apartment complex wondering if she should wait or go up and get her. Deciding it was more polite to go upstairs and greet everyone she exited her car and climbed the staircase. Finding the correct door she gave two brisk knocks and almost immediately Sam yanked it open.

At least she thought it was Sam because right after the door opened the person dashed off in a streak of blonde. Cautiously she stepped in and after a few steps found the man on the couch next to the same woman who had been there before.

"Come in!" he yelled randomly over his shoulder in case she hadn't gotten the hint.

"Sam your door manners are deplorable." Came a condescending voice from the kitchen.

Santana turned and was shocked to see a woman she most definitely recognized, Rachel Berry was standing in the middle of Brittany's kitchen doing the dishes in a flowered apron while wearing bright yellow gloves that went up to her elbows. Seeing Santana Rachel smiled placing the cup she had just finished washing in the strainer.

"You must be Santana." Rachel said happily.

"Yeah…" she replied slowly trying to be sure she wasn't imagining things._  
_

Rachel daintily removed her gloves and walked around to Santana's side of the counter with her hand extended for a friendly shake. The taller woman took it still totally baffled.

"You'll have to excuse Sam, he forgets his manners when his Doctor Whom marathon is on."

"Doctor Who!" he snapped over his shoulder.

Looking over she noticed the woman from before was waving pleasantly, and as Santana waved back she finally placed her face, she was Mercedes Jones one of _the_ most famous singers in the country.

"Hey Santana." She said kindly.

"Cedes watch, you're about to see a Dalek!" Sam whined tugging her shirtsleeve until she turned back to the television.

"That's Mercedes Jones and you're Rachel Berry." Santana said numbly trying to make sense of it all.

Rachel nodded, "Indeed." She said before marching off abruptly. Before any questions could be asked she returned with a thick stack of papers in her hands.

"I am flattered that you know me and I would be pleased to sign anything for you, for free even since you're a friend of Brittany's, but first I'm going to need _your_ John Hancock."

"Wha-"

"Your signature, on this NDA, see I can't have the press knowing I'm here for the time being as it would ruin the authenticity of the experience. This also extends to Mercedes there as well so please keep this hush hush." She said rapidly shoving the documents and a pen into Santana's hand.

Still rather perplexed she signed them and initialed so many pages for a moment she thought she was back at the office.

"Rachel!" came Brittany's voice as she came from her bedroom.

"What?" the little woman asked as she took the completed forms and looked them over casually.

"Sorry Santana she can be a bit of a jerk."

"In what way?" Rachel barked offended.

"Keep it down the killing is starting." Mercedes called.

"You mean the extermination." Sam corrected.

"Come on." Brittany said grabbing her bag from the counter and pulling Santana to the door.

It wasn't until they were in her car that Santana was finally able to find a suitable string of words for her feelings, "What the hell are they doing in your house?" she asked bluntly.

"Uh Rachel is researching a role and Mercedes is dating Sam." Brittany said quickly and lightly like it was no big deal.

"Sam is dating Mercedes Jones, _the_ Mercedes Jones?"

"Yep."

Brittany was officially more suspicious than Felicia.

There _had_ to be a connection between the two of them that she was missing, it seemed almost impossible that she had found two identical blondes that were equally unusual.

* * *

The jazz club was everything Brittany had feared it would be, instead of a seedy joint located underneath a drugstore it was a large building that displayed the name _Jukebox_ in dazzling lights. It looked like the type of place 40's movie stars would have gone and there she was in a vintage _Voltron_ shirt and blue jeans next to Santana who was wearing tailored slacks and a delicate spaghetti strap top that showed off enough skin to make looking at her without blushing a chore. Apparently casual dress meant casual for people who can afford to be casual in nice clothes.

If Santana had noticed she said nothing as she led them inside. Brittany was surprised to find that they were expected and were escorted to a table in front of a large stage. There were already a few musicians playing soft tunes while the patrons came in but there were seats available for more to join and looking further she saw there was an orchestra pit.

_How is this a _small_ jazz club?_ Brittany thought as she wished desperately for a way to hide her shirt. If only it had been cold enough to bring a jacket.

Santana ordered drinks for them and thankfully got Brittany a Shirley Temple, the blonde wasn't sure if she was flattered or embarrassed that Santana had taken into account her low tolerance. She decided on flattered since embarrassed led her to do more embarrassing things.

"So you want to tell me how two of the biggest names in entertainment came to be in your house?" Santana asked after the first sip of her martini.

"Oh, it's not much of a story really I pretty much explained everything earlier. Rachel is researching how the little people live for an upcoming movie roll and Sam met Mercedes at one of the parties Rachel always invites us to."

"But why did she chose your apartment?"

She shrugged, "Random pick she said."

"Why have you never mentioned this before?" Santana asked chuckling clearly still miffed.

"You saw all those papers Rachel had you sign, it's pages and pages of how you can't tell anyone anything and how you have to deny all knowledge of her whereabouts. I think the only way you can say something is if the FBI comes to the door and asks for her or something like that."

"That's…"

"Weird I know."

"Kind of, but it's pretty cool too."

Brittany couldn't help but smile, "Thank you." She said

There was an odd silence between them as Brittany looked to the floor for a moment before going into her bag, when she sat back up she handed Santana a package wrapped in what appeared to be a mix of birthday and Christmas themed tissue paper.

She tried to hide the blush creeping over her cheeks by adjusting her glasses unnecessarily as Santana took it.

The brunette gave a lopsided grin, "It seems like every time I take you out I get a present."

"I m-meant to give it to you before we left b-but Rachel was being, uh, Rachel." Brittany cringed at her stutter, why couldn't she just talk? However the stutter was the least of her problems as Santana opened the flimsy wrapping, her heart was pounding so hard it was making her whole body tremble.

Rachel tended to over exaggerate things on the positive and negative end of the scale and she was so worried she was about to take one of the most embarrassing moments of her life and make it worse by offering a crappy gift.

Once the wrapping fell away Santana held the baby blue garment in her hands looking at it with an unreadable expression.

Brittany kept her eyes trained on the ground and put all her might into keeping her stutter under control and stopping the beat of her heart from making her voice tremble, "I made it to replace the one I ruined. I would have just bought you a new one but they were kind of, er way, out of my price range. I couldn't remember exactly what yours looked like so rather than get close and fail I tried something different." With everything else going on she supposed _only_ rambling was technically a win.

"Brittany this is… wow." Santana said softly holding up the long sleeve blouse that was embroidered with various patterns in fluctuating shades of blue.

She seemed happy, but Brittany was still unsure, "Is it okay?"

"How did you even make this?"

"With a sewing machine and a serger." She replied simply.

Santana set it back in the wrapping still looking astonished, "It's more than okay, my shirt may have been expensive, but it wasn't half as nice as this."

Brittany was saved from having to think of a reply to that earnest sentiment by a tall man on stage announcing the first act of the evening.

However when he said the first act was Sugar Motta Brittany almost spat her drink out laughing. She turned to Santana to share her mirth to find the woman was looking very somber and it occurred to her that this was the friend she was talking about.

Panicked she wanted to turn and apologize quickly, but music filtered from the stage and she didn't want to be even more rude by talking through the performance.

The woman who had been introduced walked up with a sultry strut, grabbed the mike and the most powerful melodic voice filled the room. Brittany was in total shock, the woman could rival Mercedes with her pitch and range, not to mention she had a commanding stage presence.

Somewhere inside her something stirred as she wondered if this woman was Santana's ideal, she was very confident and incredibly talented. If they didn't have some sort of history together beyond friendship she would be amazed. Suddenly being able to sew a shirt seemed like a really shitty hobby.

Cautiously she looked over to Santana who was watching the performance with the same face she had when Brittany had laughed at her friend. Feeling like an idiot _again_ she fixed her eyes on the stage, unmoving until Sugar had finished all three of her songs. The last one ended with her throwing a little wink and wave to Santana and Brittany refused to see how she responded to that. All she needed was to be goaded into jealousy on a second date after already putting her foot in her mouth.

_Just get through this and don't make a fool out of yourself._ She thought bitterly as Sugar left waving at all her applauding fans.

Brittany turned to Santana and was sad to see she seemed to be forcing a smile on her face.

"She was great up there. With a voice like that I'm surprised this is her first debut."

Santana snorted in apparent disgust and Brittany clamped her mouth shut, too late to sing her praises now.

"Yeah she's something alright." Santana said her eyes fixed somewhere over Brittany's head.

Turning to look she was surprised to see Sugar had come from backstage and was approaching their table. Brittany wanted to run but she was frozen in place, she didn't belong here. She tried to tell herself she was afraid Santana would tell Sugar she had laughed at her name but really she just did not want to see whatever chemistry they had being revived at the table.

But of course she didn't run.

And after she had signed a few autographs Sugar joined them at their table beaming. Brittany tried to look anywhere but at Santana a useless endeavor since that had always been impossible. Which was how she saw her date staring at the singer with narrowed eyes.

"Who did your dad pay to do your voiceover?" Santana asked with a half annoyed smile.

Brittany gaped at the bluntness of the statement, Sugar however seemed unfazed, "Some Filipino girl."

"You are unbelievable do you know that?"

"Whatever you're just jealous cause you had to go to college to make your living." She said while waving to a waiter to take her drink order.

Santana glared at her for a second before pressing on, "By the way Sugar this is my date Brittany."

The woman's eyes found her immediately, and suddenly Brittany wished she could have remained anonymous. Sugar gave her a once over with her eyes before leaning back in her chair.

"She doesn't look like a total bitch."

"Behave." Santana warned.

Sugar looked positively offended, "When am I not on my best behavior? Anyhow all I was going to say was you usually date total bitches and she seems nice."

"Thank you?" Brittany said unsure if she had just been approved of or not.

"They haven't all been bad." Santana huffed.

"You know I would go into the list but it would be rude to do so in front of your date and all I really have to say is; Quinn."

It was quite reassuring to hear their banter as it was made more clearer with every word that they weren't anything other than friends, "Who's Quinn?" Brittany asked.

"Only the biggest bitch that ever bitched atop mount bitchmore." Sugar said smoothly as she took her drink from the waiter.

"I used to date her, it was a bad idea. The end." Santana said gruffly and Sugar seemed to get the hint.

"Right, in any case it's good to meet you Santana has needed a good solid fucking since she moved out here."

Brittany was shocked and Santana looked like she might shoot lasers out of her eyes, "Shut up!" she snapped.

"Sorry Asperger's." Sugar said lightly as she sipped her drink.

"You do not have Asperger's!"

Ignoring that outburst she stirred her drink slightly, "Brittany you must really be laying down some serious lovin', she looks way less uptight-"

Either Sugar had gotten a reign on her mouth or the sudden jerk of Santana's leg had connected with something that silenced the singer.

Rubbing her shin gingerly she said, "Alright, I feel like a third wheel so I'll go."

Rising Sugar gave Brittany a wink, "Later, and I guess I'll keep talking to you too." She said cutting her eyes to Santana, "Call me, we'll do lunch."

Once she was out of earshot Santana let out a deep breath and laughed nervously, "Sorry about that, I didn't expect her to actually come down here and open her big mouth."

Brittany shrugged, "She kind of reminds me of Rachel."

"At least Rachel sings her own songs."

"Was that really a voiceover?" she asked looking a little disappointed.

"If you had ever actually heard her sing you wouldn't need to ask that." Santana chuckled.

"By the way you lied."

"How?" Santana asked earnestly.

"You said this was a small jazz place, it's huge."

She frowned and looked around, "I guess, I was mainly judging by the fact that they don't have a dance floor."

"That's for the best, I can't dance to save my life." She laughed.

Santana seemed to give her a searching look at that statement.

"At all?"

"No rhythm."

Looking down at the gift still lying on the table she asked, "And Tuesday you were so tired because you had been working on this?"

She nodded making Santana sigh for a reason she couldn't quite decipher.

After a few more drinks they decided to call it a night as they both had work the next day. Santana drove Brittany back home and as the car pulled to a stop she couldn't help but smile at the excitement alight in the blonde's face, even if she didn't know what it was for.

"I had a great time." Brittany said practically beaming at her.

"I did too, and thanks again for the blouse."

"Thanks for giving me another chance. I thought I had totally ruined it again when I laughed as Sugar's name."

Santana giggled at that, "Please I teased her for months about it when we first met."

"I can see how that would be hard to resist."

Santana looked at her again still trying to place her feelings for the woman, she couldn't honestly say at this point there was no attraction. Somehow underneath all that was odd about her there was something undeniably beautiful and Santana found that even excluding Felicia she wanted to know Brittany better.

However things were still too far into weird territory to totally let go and now seemed as good a time as any to try a new tactic.

Before Brittany could reach for the door handle Santana leaned across the console and pulled her close for a goodnight kiss.

The blonde gave a small gasp but didn't resist, and she continued not to as Santana boldly deepened the kiss with a little tongue trying to find some sign of the woman that had claimed her so thoroughly. Instead Brittany responded with delicacy unwilling to push too far but desperate to take all she was given, her hands hovering in the air unsure of where to go but clearly wanting to go everywhere.

When they separated Brittany was breathing heavily, her pale face now tinged pink, Santana was almost disappointed because that proved it. Even during their most relaxed languid kisses Felicia had never been that timid. She wasn't Brittany. This woman was what she appeared to be and nothing more. But when she took in the look Brittany was giving her she decided that wasn't necessarily a bad thing, she was something special in her own right.

Clearly flustered Brittany fumbled for the door handle again and managed to get it open before she stopped and turned to Santana, "Do… do you think we could do this again sometime?"

She asked the question quietly, but Santana could still hear the tremble in her voice. It had been a nice night and Brittany was still the only person she knew that made her feel like the most important person in the room, even when she honestly wasn't. And some selfish part of her wanted her to stay and not turn that loving smile on another, even if she was playing the 'we're not official' card and seeing Felicia on the side.

"Yeah I'd like that." She said and felt her heart beat in an unusual rhythm at just how happy that made the blonde.

* * *

Brittany burst into her apartment smiling widely feeling elated and lightheaded at the same time. It was literally amazing to her that she had managed to score another date.

In her excitement she walked straight past the two people still sitting on the couch, somehow failing to hear them as they called out to her, but once Sam jumped up and placed his hand on her shoulder she looked up.

"It must have gone well 'cause that isn't the smile of someone who failed to impress." he said smiling back.

Brittany couldn't help herself, she hugged him tightly and lifted him off the floor in a tight spin, "I got another date!"

"Ha!" Sam shouted at Mercedes as he was spun around, "Told you my lucky _Voltron_ shirt was actually lucky!"

The darker woman rolled her eyes, "Whatever Sam. Congratulations Brittany."

She set him back on solid earth before hopping with excitement, "You were right, this shirt totally kept my bad luck away!"

"Or maybe she liked you because you are a good person to know." Mercedes laughed grinning at their excitement.

Sam nodded, "Yeah of course it was mostly you, the shirt just helps keep things cool. I was wearing it when I met Mercedes."

"No you weren't, I wouldn't have come within ten feet of you." she scoffed.

"Shows what you know, I had it on under my dress shirt the whole time." he said smugly.

"I should take it off I don't want all the luck to get used up." Brittany said thoughtfully.

"Be sure to put it back on my silver hanger, not the black ones, they stretch the fabric. After you can come and watch the rest of Doctor Who with us, we're almost to David Tennant."

The offer was truly tempting, but she declined and retreated to her room sitting on her bed in a daze. The still present tingle of Santana's lips on hers kept a silly smile on her face well into the night.

* * *

A/N: First I would like to _PROMISE_ as of next chapter you shall receive answers to the Felicia/Brittany mystery, and not fake answers, real honest to goodness ones.

Second a few reviewers feel that Santana is overly obsessed with sex, but she isn't supposed to come across that way. I tried to make it clear early on that had she been in several long (though failed) relationships, and even when she went out to Stellar she was indeed looking for something long term, but was realistically aware that a one night stand was about the best she could hope for. Her interest in Brittany stems purely from her ability to see past the superficial and note something of long term worth.

Her thing with Felicia is based off the fact that, though she sees the possible benefits of a relationship with Brittany, Felicia is exactly what she wants from a partner. In a nutshell she isn't obsessed with sex she's obsessed with Felicia, unfortunately for Santana all the woman offers is sex.

The new plan is to work at top speed to finish this and get back to my other story so every update shall be as soon as I possibly can.

Thank you for all the support so far, it's what gets you these chapters so quickly.

Reviews are greatly appreciated.


	7. Chapter 7

Santana was at a complete and total loss.

For their third date she had taken Brittany to the beach, by her request, and as they had walked together she found that the other woman was actually quite charming when she relaxed, and more than that she was really funny. It had been a pleasant outing and Santana had still been wrestling with herself on whether to keep things going with Brittany or not when they had reached the pier.

It was then that she watched the tall normally clumsy blonde jump effortlessly up onto the posts that lined the dock and leap gracefully between them as they continued to speak. Santana had been in awe of how easily she moved from one to the other without so much as wobbling, and when Brittany saw a bird dive into the water for a fish she had smiled and pointed for Santana to look. But the only thing she could do was watch Brittany and realize for the first time that the girl was really quite beautiful and it was something that seemed to radiate from inside her.

She had immediately asked Brittany to go out again and when the girl smiled that free unhindered smile once more she was glad she did.

For their next date Santana had decided that, in spite of her claims, there was no way a woman who could move with such fluid ease could be that bad at dancing. So she had surprised Brittany by bringing her to a club to try and get her to loosen up a bit and give dancing another try.

It was a bad idea.

This was true in part since, not knowing they were going to a club, Brittany had dressed in jeans and a long sleeve shirt, but mainly because she seemed terrified of the dance floor.

Consequently instead of dancing Santana had spent the last hour in a booth dressed to kill in a little red strapless number with matching heels, her form fitting clothes showing enough cleavage to earn her countless offers to dance from everyone.

Everyone but her date.

And every time she tried to suggest it Brittany would begin to nervously talk about her favorite Disney movies. The woman was easily distracted by exposed skin but from the moment Santana mentioned where they were going Brittany had become so uncomfortable she didn't even seem to notice her date was practically spilling out of her top.

Her eyes were darting around the room as if searching for an exit as she rambled on, "I don't know if you know this but _The_ _Lion King _is a rendition of _Hamlet_. Well, Sam says it's a total rip-off of _Kimba the White Lion _but my literature professor almost flunked me when I made that focus of one of my essays."

Santana nodded, "Yes, you did mention that before."

"I did? When?"

"About ten minutes ago. The last time I asked you to dance." She said flatly.

"Oh."

"Come on Brittany it can't be that bad."

The blonde ducked her head and looked at her hands in her lap, "It is and I really don't like being stared at."

Santana chuckled, "Really? You told me before you went to a convention as a comic book character. I think that would worry you more than being seen dancing off beat."

"That's different." Brittany replied quietly.

"How?"

She shrugged, "It just is."

"Brittany it doesn't even matter how bad you are, I mean look at that guy." She said pointing to a man who had ripped off his shirt and was spinning it over his head, howling at the ceiling while making an odd hopping motion that could either be a dance or an indication that he needed a bathroom. "No one is even looking at him." And no one was.

"Santana…" she whined a pleading apology in her eyes.

Grabbing her hand Santana pulled her from the booth, she tried to lead her to the dancing crowd but stopped almost immediately. Brittany was a tight bundle of nerves, from only holding her arm she could feel how tense she was.

Turning to look into her eyes she could see pure fear looking back, "Brittany relax. We'll keep it simple, this is supposed to be fun."

"O-okay." She said, but Santana could see she was only saying that to please her.

She could feel Brittany's pulse beating erratically through her wrist and she was totally stiff except for the mild fearful shake that was taking her over. It was clear that, whatever her intention, this was causing the taller woman intense distress and pushing it would only be cruel.

Stepping back she pulled her away from the pulsing music and dancing bodies and over to a quiet nook between the bathroom and the emergency exit. Brittany seemed confused but followed silently, her body noticeably relaxing when they were out of range of the crowd.

The small area was not only secluded, but the music was noticeably quieter and from the moment they stepped in it was like they had moved into their own private world.

"How about here?" Santana asked, "Small area, no other people, just me and I promise I won't judge."

Brittany smiled and nodded, "That sounds nice."

Santana moved closer and put her hands on Brittany's hips guiding them in a gentle sway that could only match every other beat from the bass filtering in, but it didn't matter. At first the blonde just stood there not knowing what to do but after a second she placed her arms around Santana's shoulders allowing them to move closer together.

"How did you even see this spot?" Brittany asked.

Santana figured it would be prudent not to mention that she used to come to this place often and this was her usual make-out corner, "Been here before, spotted it on the way to the bathroom." She said with a shrug.

Brittany was silent for a moment more before she added, "Sorry I'm such a coward and lame dance partner."

Chuckling Santana looked up at her, "Everyone has things they don't want to do. I didn't even ask if you wanted to come here so that's on me. And I don't know why you say you have no rhythm, you've got this swaying thing down."

Brittany laughed and Santana could feel her relax a little more in her arms, "I am glad I came here though I like being with you." She said.

Santana knew Brittany was embarrassed by her own words and offered her some relief by saying, "I like being with you too."

She could honestly say she enjoyed Brittany's company, no matter how unusual she was.

* * *

As they swayed Brittany closed her eyes and pretended for a moment that this was more than a date, that Santana loved her and wanted them to become something more. And after she had very considerately gone out of her way to keep Brittany from feeling uncomfortable it wasn't hard to imagine.

With those thoughts it wasn't long before she began to feel that insistent urge to heed Rachel's advice and reach for the stars. Their dates had been wonderful and even though this was only their fourth it was almost the end of the month again meaning more work for both of them. That meant fewer opportunities to go out... fewer chances to convince Santana that they should be together officially.

Since they first met she had wanted Santana to be hers, it had seemed impossible then and unfortunately, even with Santana's hands firmly on her hips, it seemed just as impossible now. Why would Santana Lopez even want someone like her? Especially with her acting like a total idiot about doing something simple like dancing. But with every day that passed it was another chance for her to do something to make Santana give up on her.

However as much as she wanted to reach the unreachable, to be Santana's one and only, the thought of asking alone made her worry she might actively be having a heart attack and the idea of rejection made her nauseous on top of it all. She knew a negative response would be terribly crushing but the possibility of being in a real relationship with her made the risk completely worth it.

Preparing herself to not cry at the inevitable let down she asked, "Will you be my girlfriend?"

* * *

Santana froze at the question. It was unexpected and bold from the girl who barely got through a standard goodnight kiss without turning beet red and running all her words together.

Though she had to admit it was a fair question to ask as they had been on several dates and were now standing in a private little corner making what was supposed to have been an evening of wild dancing an intimate affair.

She hadn't seen Felicia since that night at her mansion and had given up wondering if it was because Brittany was so busy lately. Her acceptance of them as different people meant that if she agreed to be Brittany's girlfriend her relationship with the other woman would have to come to a full stop. She may have been willing to dance the line between technically not dating and being unfaithful, but she was never one to step out on someone she was in an actual relationship with. And that was exactly what Brittany was asking, for her to give up her tentative line walking.

Normally she wouldn't, Brittany was sweet but Felicia was everything she was wanted, however Felicia hadn't found out her birthday and made sure she had a present every year. She hadn't hand made maybe the most outstanding article of clothing in her closet and most importantly she wasn't here, now, looking at her with such tender affection. It was a look that made Santana's chest feel full and her blood run a little warmer, Brittany wasn't what she dreamed of however she somehow managed to be exactly what she needed.

She brought a hand up to Brittany's face cupping her cheek and running her thumb along the freckles that she had somehow only noticed two days before. They reminded her of the stars in the night sky and she traced her thumb across her favorite constellation.

"Yes I'll be your girlfriend." Santana said finally and watched shock pass over blue eyes.

"You will?" she asked as if unsure that she heard correctly.

Kissing the Gemini cluster of freckles by her nose she nodded, "I will."

Santana was surprised when Brittany lifted her in the air and spun her in an easy circle, leaving the smaller woman to wonder once again what in the world she was so scared of. She had an easy grace that came out when she was relaxed and Santana suspected, if she could just be calm enough, she could probably probably show some killer moves.

"Can I kiss you?" she asked suddenly prompting Santana to laugh lightly.

"I should hope so-" the brunette was cut off by a breathtaking kiss that was slow and loving yet quite persistent.

Santana hadn't planned on reinstating this as a make-out nook, but things seemed to be heading that way... until she tried to get under Brittany's shirt and the woman pulled away looking sorry she had and extremely apologetic.

"S-sorry. I'm not…" she muttered but let her voice die in the thrum of the music.

"Not ready to let me feel you up in a public place." Santana chuckled, "Yeah I think I got a little carried away there."

Brittany was clearly trying not to look completely embarrassed as she nodded, "I know we're hidden, but it still feels like everyone's watching."

Santana tugged at the collar of her shirt until her ear was right by her lips, "What if I took you home so we could have more privacy?"

She took the shudder that ran through the taller woman to mean yes.

* * *

Brittany was in hell.

It was the best hell anyone could even imagine, but it was still hell.

The time after they left the club seemed to go in slow motion. Brittany couldn't stop staring at the woman next to her because for the first time in a very long time she had a girlfriend and it was Santana freaking Lopez of all people. It made her happier than she could have imagined, it also distracted her from really thinking about what would happen once they arrived at their destination.

Which was how she found herself in Santana's immaculate apartment on her couch with the other woman kissing her insistently on the neck.

It was torture because she wanted to pin her to the floor and do the horizontal mambo, but couldn't because she had performance anxiety of the worst kind. Several of her ex's told her she could be a bit of a drag in bed, and the fear of disappointing the woman on the very night they became a couple was making her chest tighten. And with her heart beating twenty times faster than it should that was really, really bad.

However the feeling of Santana's soft lips on her neck was turning her body into a pool of jelly and she was already panting from pure arousal and her elevated heart rate.

It was hell.

It was wonderful.

Santana lay back pulling Brittany with her and the blonde followed trying not to let go too much, but when Santana's hands once again slid under her shirt she moaned like a wanton harlot.

To disguise the noise she captured Santana's lips and frowned with the effort of keeping up with the other woman's tongue while _not_ dry humping her. But then those hands wandered to her bra and Brittany knew better, she knew if Santana touched her breasts she was going to do something completely embarrassing so she grabbed her hands and clenched them in her own.

When Santana looked up at her confused Brittany realized she really had to have a reason she was stalling and after thinking for a moment she realized she didn't have one that wouldn't reveal how scared she was.

"Brittany?" Santana said softly, "Have you ever done this before?"

The blonde's already red face went more so, "I have I- um, I'm not a v-virgin if that's what you're asking, or did you mean making out?" she added the last part suddenly aware that she had made an awkward assumption.

Sitting back up she buried her face in her hands, and tried to calm down, she wanted this so badly yet was making it impossible at the same time.

"Brittany it's okay." said pulling her back into their previous position and kissing her softly, "I only asked because you seem pretty nervous."

"I kind of am." She admitted as Santana placed another light kiss on the corner of her mouth.

"Why is that?" she asked looking Brittany in the eyes, a small comforting smile on her face.

"I don't know." Part lie, but she couldn't possibly tell the whole truth.

"We're moving too fast." She knowingly, "It is a little much all for one night."

Brittany forced a smile even though she was mentally kicking herself for spoiling this. But then Santana turned on the television to find a good movie and let Brittany stay where she was nestled at her side and she found she was able to forgive herself.

* * *

Santana ground her teeth fitfully while looking over the documents before her, but she couldn't really read them because she was so very hungry. And she was so very hungry because she was working through lunch to get more work done. The catch 22 was in place and killing her slowly.

Deciding it was time to actually eat she leaned back, reached into the mini-fridge next to her desk and pulled out a _Lord of the Rings _lunchbox that made her chuckle on sight. Brittany had brought her a homemade lunch on their first day back at the office as a couple.

Their weekend together had been full of heated make-out sessions and cuddling, and only that. Santana spent a lot of time irritably wondering why she could never make it past second base without the other woman pulling her hands away. She had said they could take things slow and she hadn't been trying to be a hormone riddled teenager about it, but the way Brittany would squirm and moan when she kissed her made her want more.

However, regardless of her still present urge to round the bases, on Sunday night Santana had made it clear that no one at the office, other than Sam obviously, needed to be privy to their private affairs. It wasn't a secret, but things were to be professional at work. Which was why Brittany waited for her in the parking lot to give her a brief kiss and a lunchbox.

Opening the plastic container she saw that it contained a thermos of hot tea, a small tin filled with her favorite kinds of sushi and dessert in the form of a bite sized Butterfinger.

The lunchbox had gotten more than a few stares on the elevator and the way the contents were packed reminded her of being in the first grade, but it also made her feel more cared for than she had felt in years. Sushi was her favorite dish and Brittany had made all of her favorite kinds, and had even gotten her preferred brand of Earl Grey tea. She had only mentioned an old love of Butterfingers in passing, but Brittany had obviously heard and remembered.

If anything she felt the whole display made her look bad because she knew next to nothing about Brittany's likes and dislikes. The woman always differed to her judgment at restaurants and usually changed the subject whenever Santana inquired about her passions. She knew all about Brittany's parents in Ohio and her sister who was just beginning college at Crawford University, she knew about all kinds of various adventures she'd had with Sam when they were younger and plenty of anecdotes about her cat. But none of the information she knew told her what she could possibly give Brittany to repay her kindness on a personal level. Maybe take her to a fashion show?

Santana sighed, somehow after learning all about her girlfriend she found she didn't know anything at all.

Taking a bite of probably the most delicious sushi roll she had ever tasted she leaned back in her seat resolving to fix that in the very near future.

It wasn't long before she found herself looking at the door, wishing she could see through it to the woman that had started to occupy her mind all the time lately. And after she had finished the last of her meal she wandered to the door and opened it looking like a boss who merely wanted to see that her floor was running efficiently. Subtly she let her eyes roam until she caught a glimpse of blonde hair in a tight bun from Brittany's cubicle. As if sensing her, Brittany leaned back and found Santana's eyes immediately. Her glasses where on her head and she was worrying the end of a pen between her teeth when a totally genuine smile appeared and it seemed to light up her whole face.

Santana automatically smiled back and was more than a little disappointed when their moment was broken by Lauren marching up to ask a question or, knowing her, to tell some random bit of gossip. Turning back to her office she groaned irritably at her remaining workload and closed her door sealing herself in with her computer and all the work it contained.

Right as she sat down her phone buzzed and she yanked it from her desk expecting to answer some desperate plea for help from one of the other departments, but instead it was a text.

**Brittany: I love it when you smile. **

And just like that her workload didn't seem that bad.

* * *

The text managed to carry Santana through until the end of the work day when the woman that had been on her mind knocked quietly while peaking in.

"Hey, come in." Santana said seeing her hesitancy.

Brittany took several steps inside and rocked on her toes, "So did you like the sushi?"

"I loved it, where did you learn to make it so well?"

"Sam taught me in high school. He went through this phase where he wanted both of us to be chefs at Benihana." She said scuffing her feet on the carpet.

"Well however you learned it was delicious. Thank you and here's your lunchbox back."

Brittany took it beaming happily, "Is there something special you want for tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow? Brittany you don't have to make me lunch every day." Santana laughed.

"But I want to… unless you don't want me to." She said her smile faltering slightly.

"Alright how about this, you can make me lunch, but you have to let me take you somewhere you want to go in return."

This seemed to confuse the blonde, "I thought we were already going out to eat next week after all the reports are done."

"I mean somewhere you want to go. Somewhere you and Sam might go." She clarified.

Brittany suddenly looked worried, "Um, we don't really go anywhere special-"

"Then lets go somewhere un-special."

"Er…alright I guess." she said the joy returning to her face slowly.

"I've got a few more things to finish up here, but if you want to wait around I can give you a ride."

"I would love to but I really need to get home and work on this month's reports, I'm sorta behind already." She said quietly.

"Why do I feel like I'm the main reason behind that?" Santana asked with a smirk.

"You kind of are, but I am always happy to have you as a distraction." Brittany said blushing at her own words.

Santana crossed the room and gave Brittany a tender kiss, "I'll call you later then?" Brittany nodded but seemed worried, knowing her concern Santana added, "Work is officially over, I'll kiss my girlfriend if I want."

"Oh, in that case..." Brittany yanked Santana close and kissed her soundly before backing out of the door grinning widely and leaving Santana looking dazed.

Once the blonde was out of sight Santana shook her head slightly and sat back at her desk, somehow managing to focus and hunker back down into her work. It didn't take long before she fell into her usual rhythm and time managed to pass without feeling the drag of every second.

At 9:30 she began to shut down her computer and prepare to leave, rolling her eyes at herself as she tried to decide if she wanted to call Brittany from the office or wait until she was home. It seemed weird that they had worked in the same office for years and had never spoken until recently. How had she missed such a person sitting right under her nose? It was sad the only reason she lucked into Brittany was because she was busy chasing after Felicia.

Her briefcase packed and all the lights turned out in her office she left and headed for elevators. On her way she passed the women's restroom and was more than a little surprised when someone darted out and yanked her inside throwing her totally off balance.

With a yelp she managed to steady herself against a wall and turned to the offending person, a scowl already on her face, but when she saw Felicia smirking back at her it made her heart drop.

"Why are you in here?"

Felicia sighed laboriously as she slowly approached, "You really have a thing with questions."

"No, I'm not doing this anymore. You may as well answer me because I have no intention of having sex with you."

That seemed to startle the taller woman, "Really? Hmmm, well we've been apart too long so how about I just opt to not answer." She said simply before moving closer.

Santana placed a warning hand on her shoulder keeping her at an arms length, "I said no."

For some reason it was a little sad to see the way her face fell, "But I came all the way here to see you."

"Then walk down the hall and see me. Why are you creeping around in a bathroom?" she snapped.

The mischievous grin reappeared on her face, "I _was_ coming to see you, but then I heard you coming down the hall and thought this might be more fun."

"Felicia I wont say being with you hasn't been fun, but I have someone now. Officially. And I really think things are going to work out with her. I don't want to ruin it for… whatever this is."

To this Felicia frowned and backed away slightly looking pensive, "And you're serious right now?"

"Completely. Why is this shocking?" She really had no idea, it was clear they were hardly more than fuck buddies despite Santana's silent wish that she might actually hang around after one of their trysts.

"Because this has never happened before."

"What someone turning you down?" Felicia nodded and somehow she could believe that, "Well it's happening now."

"But Brittany's such a big baby about everything."

"Well I- Wait what did you say? You know Brittany?"

"Of course I do." She huffed.

A slow frown formed, "How? What are you twins?"

"Sure if you want to put it that way, we're like Siamese twins that share all parts of our body."

"Will you please make sense!"

"I am, we share a body, but we aren't the same person."

Santana felt her head swim at that, "Hold on. You're Brittany?"

"No. Felicia." She said slowly and deliberately pointing obviously to herself.

"How… but…"

"Yeah most don't really get it that's why I stopped trying to explain it to people ages ago."

"So why are you playing coy all day when we've been sleeping together since before our first date?"

"_I've_ been sleeping with you, not Brittany."

Santana clutched her head, this was the answer she had suspected all along but now that it was confirmed it was freaking her out. Ignoring all other evidence when she looked at Felicia, really looked, she could see everything she had missed during their sexually charged encounters. Most importantly, under a light dusting of makeup she could see a shadow of her favorite constellation sitting right next to her nose.

"Brittany please tell me this is a joke."

Felicia frowned, "She can't hear you, it's just you and me."

Santana closed her eyes tightly, "This has to be a dream. I fell asleep at my desk and I will wake up shortly-"

Felicia held her face gently until her eyes opened again and met her gaze, "I know this seems weird but Brittany has a problem or two."

Pulling away she glared at the taller woman, "Why didn't you tell me who you were from the start?"

Taking a bold step forward she extended her hand, "Hello I'm Felicia Hardy I share a body with your subordinate Brittany Pierce, I would like to take you home and have a _lot_ of sex with you without her knowledge."

"I… suppose I see how you wouldn't want to lead with that." She said slowly still not really understanding it all, "So she didn't know she –er you were seeing me?"

Felicia played with the ends of her hair, "She doesn't even know I exist."

"So, let me get this straight, you have been running around in the night having sex with strangers without her knowledge?"

"You aren't a stranger we both know you."

Santana had to take a deep steadying breath, "Have you ever?"

"What run around having sex with strangers? Not in a really long time."

Nothing that had happened to her in her whole life had prepared her for this sort of conversation. She had no idea how to respond, if any of this was even real, which she was _still_ having trouble believing.

"So now that the proverbial cat is out of the bag…" she said moving closer, "There's no reason we can't keep having fun."

Realizing what she was implying she slid around Felicia trapping herself against the sinks, "Uh-uh, I couldn't do that. It's like taking advantage of someone who's drunk… or something."

"It didn't stop you before."

"I didn't know who you were _before_."

"The same person I am now."

"And that's still not Brittany apparently!" she snapped and took another much deeper breath, "I just need a minute." She said trying to think while Felicia was closing in on her.

"You can have a minute while I take that top off you."

"I'm serious." Santana said in her most commanding tone and thankfully the woman stopped.

"Fine." She said simply.

Her tone made Santana raise an eyebrow, "Fine?"

"Fine. I'll stop, you want Brittany and not me I get it. I know when I'm beat."

"Um… what now?"

Sighing dramatically Felicia turned to walk towards the door, "Well I guess I could go back to Stellar and see if I can find someone else to play with."

"Whoa hold it! You can't just sleep with other people!"

"Why not. I'm not the same person and you seem to agree so why should I stay single because Brittany's in a relationship?"

Santana had no idea how to counter that point. "Because that's my girlfriend you're taking with you."

"I'm taking no one but myself." She said simply and walked out of the bathroom.

There were a lot of things still confusing the hell out of her but Santana knew that until she found a way to prove Felicia was a liar there was no way she could let Brittany be in someone else's bed tonight, even if it was her body and not her consciousness. Quickly she darted out after Felicia and grabbed her arm to stop her rapid progression down the hall.

"Changed your mind?" she asked with a sly grin.

"No not about… look can we just talk? Please?"

Nuzzling close she whispered, "We can talk all night."

Santana distanced herself from the woman, "Not here, somewhere public."

* * *

Applebee's may not have been the best choice for a place to have a serious conversation but it was open late and, thanks to a boxing match, very crowded. Santana sat quietly observing Felicia as she played idly with her cup of water. They hadn't spoken much on the ride over and that let Santana gather her thoughts. She was ready to ask the right questions, but she wasn't sure she was ready for any of the answers.

"So." She said and instantly those blue eyes snapped to her, she paused because they still looked so unlike the soft unsure one's she had gazed into over and over again.

"So." She tried again, "Brittany has a split personality."

"Why are you assuming that I split from her?"

Santana frowned, "Didn't you?"

"Yes, but it's bad to assume." Felicia said stirring her ice around with her straw.

Already she could feel a headache forming, "Felicia, please, I am begging you, this is weird enough, don't play games with me and please answer me honestly."

"I've always told you the truth." She pouted.

"You did not!"

"When did I lie?"

"When…" seeing as how she was never allowed to ask anything she couldn't really pinpoint one, "You told me you left your wallet at home and then took me to a place that clearly wasn't Brittany's house."

"But that was my home."

"You live in a mansion? On Brittany's salary? I don't think so."

"Never said it was my house, it's actually Rachel's. I said it was my home. Where I live and keep my things."

"But you don't pay rent!"

"I don't at Brittany's either."

"That's a technicality!"

"But not a lie."

_Damn._ "Okay well you said the cars were yours."

"Did not, I said I don't drive because I'm a horrible driver. You assumed the cars were mine and that my answer was a response to why I didn't drive them. I told you it's bad to assume."

Santana stared at her hard for a moment and Felicia waved down a waitress to give her order. Watching her talk animatedly Santana regrouped, trying to sort everything out in her head.

What the strange blonde was saying made sense now that she thought about it. With Felicia running around in a miniskirt and skintight top, she couldn't imagine her not having pictures of herself all over the place. The house had been devoid of so much as a family photo. Actually she didn't see Rachel as the type not to decorate her house in homages to herself if any of her tv spots were to be believed.

"Why weren't there any pictures of Rachel or her family up?" she asked and waved the waitress away when she tried to take her order.

"I took them all down, I don't like her staring at me when I'm there. Her walk in closet has all of the pictures in her house shoved in it." She giggled.

"And she's okay with that?"

"She gave Brittany a key, and trusts _her_ not to get up to anything in her house. But Rachel doesn't know I exist either or that I have a strict what's yours is mine policy in regards to my other half. Whenever I plan to be gone for a long time I put the pictures back in case Rachel throws a party or something."

"I would think I would have seen some of her Tony's or _something_." Santana said more to herself than Felicia.

"She keeps her awards in this bomb shelter looking thing out back, but there were things that you could have picked up on like all the letter magnets on the refrigerator spelled her name and if you had gone into the bathroom in the bedroom you would have seen it embroidered on all the towels. I didn't really think about it until after I left, but you didn't see it so meh."

Santana tried to find a loophole somewhere in the conversation and suddenly one occurred to her, "You had a driver's license and it had the same address as the house."

"Yup, I have lots of them and they have lots of addresses. I have a guy in Ohio that makes them for me."

"In Ohio?"

"I've been club hopping since I was fourteen, fake ID's are my life, especially since it's really hard to convince the DMV you aren't the person every other document on the planet says you are."

"You've been around since she was fourteen?" Santana asked, her eyebrows raised high.

"Since she was seven." Felicia said before their waitress returned and interrupted the conversation with food.

Santana leaned back heavily in her seat, "So Brittany turns seven and you just spring out of nowhere."

All of the playful mirth in Felecia's eyes vanished, "I didn't just appear. She needed me."

"What happened?"

"That's a long story for some other time." She said quietly.

Santana understood that if it had caused Brittany to spawn another personality it was probably not only a long story but an incredibly personal one so she just nodded her head and let it be.

"I can figure how you found me at Stellar, but how did you catch me in the alley?"

Felicia ate a fry before answering, "Easy, I already planned to meet you there. Those meetings aren't exactly a secret and you go every month. All I had to do was ask Lauren."

"So you've been awake… or in control at work?"

"Rarely I hate work, but I wanted to find you so I posed as Brittany and asked around. I went to the hotel and waited outside, but then I saw you park your car in the alley and couldn't resist." She said with a grin that made heat crawl up Santana's neck.

"Doesn't Brittany notice when you use her money to buy your… outfits."

"She's bad with math, so when numbers are wrong she chalks it up to being her mistake. But in any case these clothes are Rachel's."

Of everything that she had been told that made the most sense, "How did you know I was still at the office last time?"

"You always work late, that's how I knew you were there tonight."

"You are aware of things that are going on when Brittany's in control right?"

"Sometimes, if I choose to pay attention. I usually just, I don't know what to call it, hibernate I suppose, until she forces me out for some reason or another but not until recently have I had a reason to be more…active." The sentence ended with Felicia eyeing her chest obviously.

Santana crossed her arms and continued, "Well if you've been listening you'd know that we are dating, why try and ruin that?"

"I wasn't trying to ruin anything." Felicia said looking scandalized, "When you said you'd be her girlfriend I didn't think it meant you didn't want me. Besides we're in the same body so what does it matter?"

"It matters because you hid that fact from me, and if I were with you still not knowing we'd both know it was cheating!" she snapped, "Why did you even reveal yourself at all? Why drop this game since you're clearly so fond of it?"

Felicia looked up from her meal with a pout, "You were going to dump me."

Rubbing her hands over her suddenly weary eyes she cradled her face and put her elbows on the table.

"I still don't get it. When I went to Stellar Brittany said she had a lot of work to do and if you're telling the truth she had no reason to lie so how did we do… all we did without her knowing while also giving her the time to finish her work?"

Felecia laughed, "You're assuming again. I said Brittany was terrible with math I never said I was. I'm actually great at it. After I left your place I went to Brittany's and finished her work. I did all the calculations in my head, it took about thirty minutes and most of that was entering the numbers in, but luckily I'm an excellent typist too. She woke up and assumed she had fallen asleep finishing her work."

"In that case why not do her work for her all the time? It takes the average person at least one solid day to finish those even with them being partially completed."

"She usually gets her work done even if it takes forever, but I had sort of messed her up and I didn't want her to lose her job. It would mean I wouldn't get to see you again." She said with a wink.

"This… is too much." Santana groaned letting her head sink onto her arms.

"You asked, I warned you about questions."

"There is one thing I have to ask though. What are you planning to do now?"

"Applebee's is a nice start but I would like to go somewhere with a little more class."

"You want to date?"

"Obviously." She laughed, "I see now you aren't into the whole friends with benefits thing in the long run."

Santana felt a migraine coming on and rubbed her temples slowly, she knew that there was no point in trying to send her away, not until she had more information. At the same time she was still unwilling to go behind Brittany's back.

"You know what? Let's do that. But a few rules; first, no sex."

"I would like to counter with a 'No sex unless Brittany gives it up rule' because I refuse to stand idly by and watch her get some while I suffer a dry spell. Especially with her slow and steady wins the race thing going on. I mean I get it, her technique is top notch but what's the point if the crowds bored to sleep by the time you cross the finish line." She grumbled.

Santana really wanted to ask what in the hell that meant but decided to keep on task, "I suppose that would be okay. Second rule no more technicalities or non-answers."

"That's what I've been doing isn't it?"

"I just want to be clear that this is the sort of behavior I want to see from you beyond today. Lastly, you have to help me explain this to Brittany."

"No!" she shouted, so loudly a few cheering fans turned to look, "You can't do that, don't ever do that!"

"Calm down, why not?"

"I tried it once, when we were ten. I wanted to try and negotiate with her, see if maybe she'd let me out more. It didn't end well."

Santana felt nervous and she didn't know why, "What happened?"

"I left her a letter and I put things in it only we would know and as she read it she started to freak out and hyperventilated until she passed out. I haven't tried it since, but I'm really afraid of what might happen."

Only the sincerity in her voice made Santana nod, "But I have to help her somehow."

Unfamiliar blue eyes narrowed, "What's helping? Getting rid of me?"

She paused, that would be what curing her meant…

"For now rule number three is to stay out of trouble."

"Then we have an agreement." Felicia said with a wide grin.

* * *

Santana drove home, walked into her apartment and crawled into bed feeling overwhelmed on every front. She was still confused, she had no idea what Brittany having a split personality really meant and she wasn't even sure if she really believed it yet. Maybe Brittany was just pretending.

Though something in her gut told her that wasn't the case.

She needed Advil, a good night's sleep and lots and lots of answers. At the moment she only had the strength to give in to sleep, so she did.

* * *

A/N: Please allow me a minor geekout moment here. I, for about all of 9th and 10th grade, had a complete fascination with DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) also known as split personalities. If you have never really researched it I suggest you do because it's very interesting.

Some of you got what was up right away, others had it but were thrown by misconceptions about the disorder.

First of all alternate personalities do not have to be on your side (so to speak) some can behave in self destructive ways and others are downright criminal. In Chris Sizemore's case she had an alter that would constantly start some shit then bolt leaving Chris totally lost as to what was going on, how she got where she was and why everyone was angry at her (it isn't funny, but it kind of is)

Alternates can often do things the main personality can't. Some can be left handed while the main is right handed, some can even paint, sing or talk in foreign languages while the main one can't. They are for all intents and purposes a different person, they can have different beliefs, political views, religions and occasionally have a severe dislike or hatred of the main personality (and sometimes other personalities if there is more than one alternate). Though many psychiatrist (and those afflicted with DID) believe that the alters are parts of one person split to make different personalities.

I could go on and on about it forever but basically my knowledge of this disorder will shape this story for instance:

DID is hard to diagnose because it usually comes with some other type of disorder (Doesn't Brittany seem to get a little _too_ flustered at times?)

It is usually caused by severe childhood trauma that is (in most cases but not all) sexual in nature (don't worry Brittany's issue **is** **not** caused by sexual abuse)

Thanks for the reviews, favorites and encouraging pm's. Now I'm sure that you, like Santana have a lot to think about. But there are still a lot of unsolved mysteries and the matter of how to help Brittany. There are plenty of things left to uncover as the answers you sought opened more questions XD.

Hope you enjoyed it.


	8. Chapter 8

Santana pulled into her parking spot surprised that she had made it to work without crashing since she was operating on three hours of sleep. Her body had only allowed her a brief nap before deciding it was time to wake up and dwell on all the confusion she had no answers to.

Grumbling about life in general she grabbed her briefcase and stepped out of her car just in time to see Brittany approach. The sight made her stand completely still as she had no idea what to say or do but Brittany walked straight up to her and offered the familiar lunchbox.

"I made beef teriyaki today." She said quietly.

"Thanks." Santana mumbled taking it.

"I hope it's okay, I was going to ask if you liked teriyaki when you called last night but you never did."

She almost whispered that part and Santana realized that she had been so wrapped up in Felicia being Brittany she forgot that the night she had spent talking to her hadn't also applied to the woman before her.

_And that's what this is going to be like, having to do everything twice because Brittany won't remember._

Shaking that thought she forced a smile onto her face and shook her head, "I was a bit worn out after yesterday but we could do something today. I don't know maybe you could join me for lunch?" she asked lifting the lunchbox hopefully.

Brittany smiled and nodded, giving Santana a swift kiss before leaving a head of her.

Santana let out her held breath in a puff of air and began to trudge towards the office. She was going to have to take this relationship one step at a time. The only problem was she didn't know what she was stepping towards.

Once the work day began she started off strong, she calmed an angry shareholder, caught three shipping errors before they processed and responded to every single email in her inbox. However her productiveness couldn't last forever as Brittany was back on her mind the moment she caught sight of her lunch.

Two minutes of the self administered 'You have work to do' speech later she decided she had done enough for the moment and hit the internet to do some research. Which she almost immediately regretted.

Literally everything she found from the cause to the cure of multiple personalities had conflicting information. The only thing anyone seemed to agree on was that every case was unique and that was incredibly unhelpful. Nothing she read gave her any hope for the situation and the more she learned the more she felt it might be best to get out early. From what she could figure Brittany had problems, real problems, and she was ill equipped to help sort them out.

The most popular cases seemed to be more like surreal horror stories and even the less severe ones were full of tales of abuse and/or loss that seemed positively daunting. Her immediate knee jerk reaction was that she wanted out, that this was too much and that the best thing she could do would be to call the padded wagon to come out and pick her up.

But then she saw that damn Lord of the Rings lunchbox sitting there and she could only sigh heavily.

Because she couldn't do that. Not to the woman who cared about her so much and knew nothing of what had happened. Besides if what she read held any truth, and given Felicia's words it did, something had happened to her that was bad enough to cause her consciousness to fracture. Her brain had done what it could to keep her well. To leave her for an illness she didn't know she had, to dump the woman because she had found an unconventional way to survive would not only be cruel but could make things worse.

At the same time she could just stay with her out of pity because that could be just as bad.

Santana sat back in her chair and stared at her door gazing exactly where she knew Brittany would be if it was open. Until she knew more, until she had at least had another conversation with Felicia she would just be still… and maybe start keeping Advil in her purse because her head was starting to ache again.

* * *

Brittany tried not to be too obvious as she walked to Santana's door at lunchtime; luckily Lauren was out of the area so no one seemed too interested in her business. She knocked carefully on the door and after a pause she heard Santana call her in and she entered unable to keep from grinning as she sat across from her girlfriend.

"Did you manage to finish everything?" she asked, watching Santana click away on her computer.

"Actually I'm still swamped, I was… um, just doing some research."

"I'm in the same position, all I was able to do today was keep up with what came in, I'll have to finish my backlogged work when I go home."

"You don't have anything?" Santana asked as she opened her own meal.

"No." she said ducking her head feeling a little embarrassed that she hadn't even thought of that. She had honestly been stoked just to see Santana enjoying the food she made, "I don't make my own lunch."

"Why not? You're a great cook."

Brittany really did not want to tell her that it was because she couldn't normally afford the types of ingredients that were in that meal and the only way she could do it now was with the down payment Rachel had made on her shirt, "I… don't usually bother to take the time. I just grab something while I'm out." Truth with omitted reasoning was still truth.

"I see. Thanks for taking the time for me."

"Anytime." Brittany said grinning proudly.

Santana pulled out the large plastic container that held the teriyaki, opened it and pushed it between them, "Share with me." She said.

Brittany wanted to protest but Santana was already offering her the fork that was packed alongside the chopsticks.

Taking them she muttered a small thanks. "Sam saw me making it for you last night and insisted it have chopsticks, I didn't know if you could use them or not."

"I can." She said before using the aforementioned utensil and relishing the bite she took, "And once again this is delicious."

Brittany busied herself by taking a bite of her own to keep herself from grinning like a total idiot, "Glad you like it."

They finished it in silence, but Brittany felt it was an odd silence, like Santana was looking intensely for something that she couldn't see.

"Brittany?" she finally questioned.

"Yeah?"

"Have you ever had blackouts or long stretches of time you can't remember?"

She stopped and stared clearly confused but Santana was chewing on her food as if the question was completely normal, "Um… not that I can think of."

"Really? Never?"

"Not outside of the usual stuff like when I sleep or drink too much but I haven't done that in a long time- drink too much that is."

Santana frowned looking almost disappointed, "Anyone ever tell you you act differently sometimes?"

Brittany gulped, other than the long string of ex's who all told her how she was nothing like what they were expecting no such thing had happened but that was to mortifying to share with the woman she wanted to love her so badly.

"N-no not really."

She didn't seem particularly happy with that answer but nodded and dropped the subject leaving Brittany to wonder what it had been all about.

It was disturbing because it was odd conversations like these that usually preceded the end of her relationships. She sincerely hoped that this wasn't the case, she really needed to know for her own self esteem that she could keep Santana from wanting to bail for at least a month.

Brittany was feeling a spurt of desperation when she asked, "Hey maybe tonight we could go over your house and finish our work? You know just to spend some time together?"

Santana thought this over looking a little less than convinced when an idea made her eyes light up, "Sounds good but I think it would be better at your house."

"M-my…my house?" she asked thinking of all the reasons that was a terrible idea.

There were so many distractions, tonight was Sam's gaming night so it would be super noisy and Rachel liked to do vocal runs throughout the house for hours on end not to mention that the place was a mess. Between seeing Santana and work she hadn't even had the time to make her room tidy.

"I don't think-" Brittany started but Santana had clearly made up her mind.

"It'll be perfect. I know you need your home computer to work and I have a laptop so really it's the only way."

"Er, my place isn't-"

"Brittany it's fine." She insisted, "I've seen your apartment before."

In her inbox were still several files that needed to be logged and her voice mail was almost full, however Brittany knew the majority of the rest of her day would be spent trying to figure out how to make her apartment presentable.

* * *

Santana finally had a plan.

It was a feeble plan but it was a plan.

The plan was Sam. If anyone had any idea what the hell to make of all this it was him. By Brittany's account he knew her better than anyone else, but he was a tricky one to get to.

She was his boss and as such _could_ have just called him into her office, but she knew that wasn't the right approach to take. He had never been called into her office before and to do it with the sole purpose of asking personal questions about Brittany was sketchy at best.

Now going to her house for a visit? _That_ was different. She could ask him questions off the clock and not raise all the red flags. It could be casual conversation about the woman she was seeing and nothing could be more natural.

The kink in her plan became apparent when she walked into the apartment and saw the man sitting in front of the television yelling into a headset as he controlled an onscreen character that was shooting monsters.

"Um, just relax and I'll clear off some work space." Brittany said quickly as she dashed to the dining room table and began to collect the dishes and papers strewn across it.

Deciding she had to try and get through to him she walked over to the couch and sat next to Sam.

"Well how can I watch your back if you aren't anywhere near my side of the damn arena?" he shouted to what she had to assume was a teammate.

There was a long silence where he stared intently at the screen and she cleared her throat to make herself known before asking, "Is this Call of Duty?"

He turned looking surprised she was there even though she hadn't approached silently by any means, "Huh? _This_?" he laughed looking like she had just asked an absurd question, "No this is _Borderlands_."

She would have asked if there was a difference, but it wasn't what she had come here to find out and he didn't seem like someone who knew how to give short answers to those types of questions.

"Um, okay. Sam can I ask you something?"

"Hey guys I'm going silent for a minute." He said pulling his headset off, but never taking his eyes off the screen as he shot several more demon dog looking creatures, "Yeah what's up? All my reports were good right?"

"Your work's fine. Actually…" she paused to make sure she could still see Brittany in the background, the blonde was now occupied with hurriedly cleaning the stockpile of dishes in the sink so she continued, "I wanted to ask you something about Brittany."

"Brittany?" he said and threw her a glance for the first time.

"Yeah I was wondering if you ever thought she was acting… not quite herself."

"How do you mean?"

"I mean has she ever just started acting like a totally different person?"

He frowned heavily, "When we do our role playing games I guess, but that's about it."

Santana's interest immediately piqued. "Is that some sort of thing you do during the day?"

"No, at night, everyone is working during the day. I go and play at Super Games with our friends every week but Britt just comes by once a month since she's always bogged down with work. She's usually one of our NPC's or something."

She had no clue what that meant, but it could be an explanation for what was going on, "When's the next one? I think I'd like to come along."

For the first time he stopped what he was doing and looked at her fully, his expression radiated disbelief, "You would?"

"Yes."

"Um, well I think she said she'd be stopping by the next one after her date with you so you guys can just swing by then. We're up pretty late though."

"I can hang." Santana assured before he returned his attention to the game.

Brittany vacuumed and wiped everything down with a wet cloth before inviting Santana to the table where she presented Santana with a plush looking chair that she was pretty sure hadn't been there before.

"Do you want something to drink?"

Shaking her head she replied, "Not right now." while pulling out her laptop.

"Santana!" came a shrill cry from down the hall.

She turned to see Rachel coming straight for her, the smaller woman lifted her from her seat in a completely unsolicited hug.

"How are you?" Santana replied not knowing how else to respond to such a warm greeting.

"Splendidly since I have happened upon the miracle of our central hub clear of debris!" she chirped happily.

Brittany was glaring hard when she said, "Don't you have some singing to do somewhere?"

"I always have something to do somewhere Brittany." She said simply waving the comment off, "So Santana I hear that you and our resident shut in have begun an amorous relationship. Now though I have only been here a short time I have come to love Brittany and Sam as siblings as such I must warn you not to treat her ill or there will be negative consequences."

"Rachel." Brittany growled.

"She rarely leaves the house unless Sam drags her out or it's to go to a science fiction rally of some kind-"

"Rachel!" Brittany snapped fiercely.

"What?" the woman asked with a look of innocence that made her look like sugar wouldn't melt in her mouth.

"Can you go please?" she asked desperately her face bright red.

For the first time Rachel seemed to notice that she had embarrassed her friend, "Ah you desire a private moment, I see. Well Brittany I hope this cleaning spurt extended to your bedroom, it has been a complete sty as of late." She said and hurried from the living room to the kitchen.

Brittany looked positively scandalized, "It's only bad because I've been working on something for her." She grumbled.

Santana smiled, "You're embarrassed about your hobbies."

Her blue eyes flickered with something akin to panic, "What hobbies?"

"You and Sam like video games and fantasy things like that right? I mean I can tell from your walls." She said gesturing to the posters covering them, "You shouldn't be you know. If you like it you like it."

"You don't think it's childish?"

_Kinda_, "Even if it is who cares? It's your hobby." She said and refused to be swayed by the elated smile that came over her face.

Santana was pretty sure she was going to have to end their relationship, she didn't know what information she would get out of Felicia but she was sure that there was nothing she could say that would change the fact that Brittany was mentally ill and in need of serious help. And though she did want to help and she did want to try and get to the bottom of things she had only become more sure since the start of the day that she just wasn't ready to start a long relationship with someone who not only wasn't on the road to recovery, but didn't even know she needed to be.

However, even though she didn't have an exit strategy as of yet and wasn't sure how involved she would be willing to get to help Brittany see what was going on, she knew that until she was ready to make a move she wouldn't be anything but kind to the woman who had shown her nothing but the utmost respect. Brittany seemed like someone who could use as many kind words as a person could spare and it made her feel a little better about their impending breakup to be that person for her.

The trick was not falling for her any more than she already had in the process.

Given the enormity of her illness she figured it wouldn't be that hard… until they were both working and Brittany started a random game of footsie that made Santana laugh unwillingly. It was then that she realized it might not be as easy as she'd hoped.

* * *

"What do you know about split personalities?" Santana asked holding her phone between her cheek and shoulder as she looked through her closet for an appropriate outfit for her date.

"You don't call me for weeks, then you open with this random shit?" replied Sugar testily.

"Please answer the question."

"I don't know not much, only what I've seen in movies and stuff."

"I thought you might have come across something while you were on your Asperger's kick."

"It's a real thing, look it up."

"I know it's real I just don't think you have it." She sighed, "Anyway do you have a doctor or something you could ask for me?"

"Like a psychiatrist? No those are for crazy people."

Santana stopped and took a deep breath in through her nose, "Sugar-"

"I don't have one okay? My Asperger's is self-diagnosed. If you need to know so bad go to the internet, that's what I did."

"I have, and I've already been to about three psychiatrists but they either think I'm doing that 'I'm asking for a friend, but really I'm asking for me' thing or they say they can't help me unless they meet the patient. I mean there has to be one person who can advise me on how to move forward without having to schedule a meet up with the potential patient."

"And why is it you need to know so bad? Wait is it _really_ you with this problem and you're trying to figure out the difference between you a few weeks ago and you now? Because you don't need a psychiatrist I can just tell you. You got laid and it made you a happier healthier person."

"It's Brittany." She said ignoring the latter part of her comment.

"Oh. Are you sure she isn't just bi-polar or something like that because I'm pretty sure that was Quinn's problem. You're like, attracted to emotionally unstable girls like that."

"No she's not bi-polar." Santana said simply. That had been her first thought, but nothing about what was happening fit the description.

"Hmm, maybe she's just pretending. I hear people fake illnesses to excuse inappropriate behavior all the time."

"No way!" Santana exclaimed dramatically, "There are people like that?"

"Don't think I can't hear what you are insinuating." Sugar grumbled, "So you think she has a split personality right?"

"I'm ninety-nine percent sure."

"Is her other personality a bitch?"

"She's… no she isn't." Santana decided to leave off what she _was_.

"Is her other self straight?"

"Decidedly no."

"Is she into you?"

"Very much so."

"Does she kill people or do drugs?"

"Not that I'm aware of."

"Well until you become aware of such things what's the problem?"

Santana paused in her closet search to think on that, "She has a serious mental ailment."

"So do I. And I'm willing to bet anything that if you went to a shrink he'd be able to come up with something technically wrong with you. Off the top of my head I can inform you that the amount of time you spend at work is sickening, even in college you studied through some of _the_ best parties. I think this thing you have with Brittany has you at an all-time high for going out and enjoying yourself. Even Ms. Fabray had to take a back seat to your job. It's probably why she tried to set your car on fire."

"But I know this. I know I work too much and you 'know' you have Asperger's; Brittany doesn't know about her other self!" Santana snapped, exasperated.

"Maybe not but so what? If she finds out tomorrow what does it change? You have two chicks in one body who both dig you, I fail to see how that's not all kinds of awesome for you."

"Because it isn't a joke! If it really is what I think it is then someone hurt her badly and this is the only way she has to cope with it. I can't just ignore that and go Oooh! Double the fun!"

"I still don't see why not but if it's going to make you whine so much then I can call my daddy and see if he knows someone that would want to help or send some information or… I dunno whatever shrinks do."

Santana was a little shocked to hear Sugar be helpful, "You'd do that for me?"

"Sure you're like my only lesbian friend, I have to keep you happy and in the fold or else I won't have anyone to reference when I tell people I'm not homophobic."

Closing her eyes tightly and focusing on the good that Sugar had promised instead of the venomous words that were fighting to get to her tongue she said, "Kay, thanks, bye."

* * *

Never had Santana looked so forward to the end of a date. Not that everything hadn't been wonderful, Brittany looked lovely in her pale orange sundress and she had subtly ordered Santana's second choice of dish so she could have a taste of both. Everything was perfect, but she couldn't wait to see if Felicia was a manifestation of her role playing and tonight was the night to find out.

"So where is Super Games?" she asked after leaving the restaurant and climbing into the car.

Brittany looked baffled by the question, "What?"

"Super Games. Sam said you were planning to go after our date tonight."

"Erm-"

She could see about a million excuses running through her mind, "Last month's workload is over and for the next couple of days we have free time so don't try and use work as an excuse." When she looked like she was about to deny it Santana cut her off again, "I know you were about to come up with some reason you aren't going. I told you don't be ashamed of the things you like, I'm okay with it."

"You've never seen a tabletop roleplaying game have you?" Brittany asked quietly.

_She gotcha there_, "I would like to."

"It's not anything special."

"But you like to do it and I'd like to go too. Look if you don't want me there just say so, but if it's alright I really want to join you."

Brittany puffed up her cheeks and let the air out in a slow hiss before saying, "Alright. It's a little store by my apartment." She said sounding defeated.

Santana reached over and pulled her chin until they were looking each other in the eye, "Relax, I'm not coming to make fun, I really do want to go."

Finally the smile that had been there since the start of their date reappeared and her entire mood seemed to lighten, "We stay up pretty late, you ready for that?"

"I've been up late before, lets go."

It turned out that Super Games was literally down the street from Brittany's apartment as in with a mediocre set of binoculars one could see her bedroom from the front door. It was located in a small cluster of stores by a supermarket and to the untrained eye looked closed. Once inside Santana was met with the sight of a bustling shop full tables with grown men playing card games she didn't recognize and throwing dice.

Brittany led her to a table occupied by several men, the only one in the group she recognized was Sam, the rest were complete strangers. Seeing her Sam jumped out of his chair and offered it to her before grabbing two more for himself and Brittany.

"Hey guys this is Santana Brittany's girlfriend." He said and the other men smiled and waved pleasantly.

Brittany then took over introductions, "This is Mike he's the party's ninja-"

"Sam doesn't know how to let up with the 'Asian is a ninja' jokes so I am now a Dynamic Sorcerer." Mike interjected.

"Sorry, Mike our Dynamic Sorcerer, Rory our Adventurer, and Artie the Mech Pilot."

"Ahem." Came an obvious hint from Sam.

"Oh and Sam the Game Master."

Santana smiled and nodded, she had no idea what any of this meant, Artie seemed to pick up on this but clearly misunderstood her confusion.

"We're going with the BESM system this campaign that's why the classes seem a bit different from the traditional ones." he offered.

"Right." Santana said before sitting down.

At first she was mostly shocked at how many gown people were in a comic shop so late at night but then she became distracted by Brittany. The woman completely transformed in the company of her friends and not into the focused sultry persona of Felicia but into a much more calm and carefree version of herself. She laughed easily and her smile was more radiant than Santana had ever seen it, she realized that this was the first time she was seeing Brittany completely at ease and she couldn't help but want to be someone that could make her feel that way all the time.

_Not the way you should be thinking. _She warned herself.

The game began and Santana found herself so very thoroughly lost even when Brittany tried to explain the rules to her. It seemed the game required a level of imagination she didn't quite possess but Brittany was well into it.

With a little progression it was quickly apparent that this wasn't where Felicia originated. Brittany's role portrayals were of shopkeepers and elected officials, roles that were obviously written for her ahead of time by Sam. She did them well though, lowering her voice for male roles and going high pitched for children. After about an hour she could easily see why one would do this for fun, she was genuinely amused by the antics of the group and she didn't even understand what was going on half the time.

Santana amusedly watched as Sam and Artie got into a heated debate about the stats of one weapon or another when Rory came over and seated himself next to Brittany.

"Hey Britt, I got some new cards if you want to take a look." He whispered as he whipped a binder out of his backpack and handed it to her while Santana puzzled over his accent and tried to work out what he had said.

Brittany took it and looked through the pages at a seemingly endless supply of pictured cards that all inexplicably had text. Santana wasn't particularly interested in them but she wasn't quite fond of how close Rory was to her so she leaned in anyway.

Sensing her Brittany made room and showed her the binder, "Rory keeps a collection of super rare Magic cards."

"I thought people just used regular playing cards." Santana said frowning at all the pictures and symbols littered over the multicolored cards and trying to detect how they could make a deck.

"Magic the Gathering trading card game, not like casino style playing cards." he said with a chuckle.

The most knowledge she had of that were her younger cousin's Pokemon cards but she didn't really think Rory would like the comparison. "Ah." Was all she offered as a reply.

"Whoa! You got Time Walk!" she exclaimed, looking at a card with surrealistic and somewhat morbid artwork.

"Two of them." he amended proudly.

"Cool." Santana added not really knowing why she was interjecting herself into this conversation. She was supposed to be distancing herself from Brittany, getting possessive would send all the signals she needed to get rid of. But be damned if he didn't point to another card and put his hand on her thigh afterwards.

"How did you manage to get a whole page of Volcanic Islands?" she asked in awe.

When he leaned in unnecessarily to tell the tale of how he bartered for all nine of the cards Santana placed her arm around Brittany's shoulder and pulled her easily into an embrace. Rory's story faltered slightly and almost ended completely when Brittany turned in her arms to give her an unexpected kiss.

She tried to look cool when it happened but she was pretty sure she had a cocky grin on her face. She wasn't even sure if the display had been necessary, having never been around Brittany's other friends before, she had no idea if she was misreading Rory's body language as desperate flirting or if this was genuinely how they interacted with each other on a regular basis.

She began to suspect the former when after he showed off two more cards, he moved away to join the sill active argument that had somehow become about armor classes. Whatever those were.

"Having fun?" Brittany asked suddenly.

Looking down into her inquisitive eyes and seeing the hope there she had to look away, because they were making her heart do a funky little dance. "Yeah actually. I mean I literally have no idea what is going on but it is fun." She said honestly.

"Yeah it took me a long time to get it because of the math involved, but Sam mainly does it for me if I ever do make a character."

She made it a point to ask Felicia how in the hell she knew math better than Brittany and see if maybe she could share the knowledge a little.

"Hey Santana, think you want to jump in next time? I can give you a few characters to play." Sam asked suddenly.

"I think I prefer observing." She replied quickly.

"We'll induct you into the herd soon enough." Sam said grinning.

"Thanks for being okay with this." Brittany said, and with her lips being so close to Santana's neck the words reached her ears only.

"It's not really for me to be okay with or not. Like I said you should like what you like." She said hoping this lesson would carry even when they weren't together anymore.

"I know but it's important to me that you can at least enjoy things like this."

_ Do not get sucked in._ She warned herself again.

She deflected by giving Brittany a belated return kiss and ignoring how genuinely happy she was sitting just sitting next to her in small store in the middle of the night doing nothing but watch grown men argue about the price of a fake gun using an equally fake currency.

* * *

A/N:Next chapter we're going to find Felicia and demand answers! Well Santana is... she'll try anyway because how do you find that woman...

Okay so quite a few reviewers told me they are still quite confused but didn't tell me how; is it the plot? The disorder itself? If you don't understand and want to you can review as such (but please sign in or I can't reply) or you can pm me. I will gladly explain anything that has you lost and it would help me to know what I'm not explaining well so I can make it clearer.

Though you should keep in mind there are a few things that are supposed to still be mysterious at this point, like why in all the Marvel/DC universe (which are literally swimming in blue eyed blondes) is Brittany's alter called Felicia Hardy, or why Felicia waited so long to go after Santana etc. But if it is my writing, or the actual split personalities thing as a whole you don't get I am more than happy to explain and will do my best to fix it in future chapters.

If ever you are antsy for news on a new chapter I post on my tumblr when I think I'm falling behind on a deadline or something (tumblr info in my profile)

Thanks for your reviews I would be more than happy to read some more ^.^


	9. Chapter 9

"How's it going?" Sam asked suddenly in the middle of their match.

They had been sitting in front of the television playing Soul Calibur IV in silence until he had said that. Brittany was sitting upside down on the couch, her legs dangling off the back, the game was too easy right side up but even so she was schooling Sam in the art of ranged attacks, which was why he was making conversation.

"How's what going?" she asked pushing her glasses back in place without missing a beat of her combo.

"Don't play, you know what."

She did but she wasn't sure she wanted to talk about it, "Well enough." She said vaguely.

"Whatever, you're dating the woman you've been dreaming about since you first saw her, if you aren't talking about how awesome it is something must be wrong."

Sighing she made short work of Sam before letting the controller slide to the floor, "We're fine."

He frowned at her attitude, "Pick that up we still have a round left!" he snapped, which was his way of saying he still wanted to talk.

"I'm going to beat you if we fight, Cassandra doesn't have the range to counter Kilik effectively, at least not the way you play her." She sighed retrieving the controller.

"Yeah, yeah we'll see." He said partially focusing on the match but they both knew he was determined to finish their discussion.

"I'm scared I might be losing her." Brittany admitted deciding not to try and duck his questions any longer or else he would keep her there playing until the wee hours of the morning.

"What? Why? You've only been on like seven dates."

"Six, I don't count the first one and it doesn't take long for people to realize they don't like me."

"What is all this negativity? You're awesome and she's totally down with our hardcore geek status, she likes you a lot I can tell."

"I think she does too but… at the same time I just have a feeling that it isn't going that great. It's the same feeling I got before all my other girlfriends broke up with me."

"You're used to that happening so now you're expecting it, keep on doing that and it may lead to the thing you're so scared of. If she isn't saying 'Britt, I want to break up' then don't worry about it."

The room was quiet save for the sounds of Sam's struggles to stay alive blaring through the speakers until Brittany said, "Do you really think she likes me that much?"

"You didn't see you two at Super Games. It was a little sickening honestly and I think it broke Rory's heart into a billion pieces."

She frowned, "But I told him I was gay a long time ago."

"He was still holding out hope that you only said that to get him to stop asking you out. He really hoped that with the right combination of charm, cologne and Magic cards he could win you over."

"Ugh."

"Rory aside you two are clearly digging each other hardcore so don't worry over past girlfriends."

She smiled with joy that was caused in equal parts by the knowledge that someone else thought Santana was interested in her and the fact that she had just killed Sam for a second time.

"Rematch!" he growled.

Brittany only grinned as they started another battle, "What about you and Mercedes? How are things there?"

"Friggin awesome! Did you know that she met Lucy Lawless? Like several times?"

She paused just long enough for his character to hit the ground before she lay into him again, "That _is_ awesome and I would like talk about that later to discuss autograph possibilities, but I meant on a personal level."

He smiled widely, "She's great to be around and she can talk about regular every day stuff without boring me like regular girls. Mercedes is really special you know. Like I thought at first she was going to be a total diva like Rachel and piss me off after a while but she's really down to earth like all the time, it isn't an act she puts on around other people and I love that about her. Plus we have amazing bedroom chemistry so that's a major bonus."

Hearing that she failed to execute her special correctly giving him a chance to escape and struggle a while longer. "That's good." She cleared her throat before refocusing on the game.

"What about you and Santana?"

The question made her slip up again and she had to spin around to sit upright because the sudden rush of blood to her face combined with the increased gravity was making her head spin, "I already told you." She mumbled trying to finish the match quickly to escape but it was too late, he had left her too flustered and made short work of her leading them into a third round.

"You know what I mean."

"We… we haven't…"

Sam paused the game and stared at her, "Are you serious? Like not at all?" when she shook her head his eyebrows shot up, "With the way she was looking at you the other night I thought you guys had already-"

"Well we haven't." Brittany interrupted looking fixedly at the pause screen.

"Britt." He said softly and she reluctantly turned to face him, "It isn't because of… you know, is it?"

She sighed and nodded partially. Sam understanding her need for a distraction unpaused the game turned back to the screen.

"I know she wants to but whenever it gets that far I just…"

"Panic." He offered because he knew.

Sam had known about her anxiety issues since they were small and he had been the only one, even now, to believe they were a real thing. Her mother always said she was being silly or over dramatic and her father would only tell her to buck up and be brave. Sam was the only one who seemed to know that her fears ran deeper than the normal disquiet of new or embarrassing situations. He had also been the one who had taught her how to get over them, for the most part anyway. He was the one who brought her to conventions full of grown people who would dress as their favorite cartoon, television or comic book character and not give a shit what anyone thought. Her immersion into that world, though difficult at first, eventually led her to be able to be more confident and though she would still feel the tug of irrational fear every now and then it was under control enough for her to function normally and not feel like she was about to go into cardiac arrest every time she thought something embarrassing was about to happen.

Until Santana that is. Every time the woman touched her she wanted so badly to go further while at the same time she was so very scared of being less than adequate as a lover she had to put a stop to things. Her anxiety was so high she worried she might give herself an ulcer, it was at levels she hadn't felt in years and it worried her because she was quite sure that if she couldn't find a way to get over it her newfound relationship wouldn't go very far.

"I don't know what to do." She confessed quietly.

"Did you try telling her?"

"Tell her I have panic attacks when she touches me? Are you insane? I'm lucky she didn't walk out when she found out about our campaigns and by the way thanks for inviting her without telling me." She snapped but they both knew it was without real anger.

"I knew she'd be cool with it." He said with a shrug, "But seriously you should let her know what's going on with you or else she might think you just aren't interested."

"Maybe." She said before finally killing Sam a final time and winning the match.

He scowled at the screen, "This is bullshit you know, if we were playing Soul Edge I would have kicked your ass."

"Unless you want to whip out the Playstation and dig out the game to prove me wrong I'm just gonna say that the results would be the same." She laughed and got up tossing the controller onto the couch and moving to her bedroom.

Sam huffed in irritation as he moved to switch games, "You working on Rachel's shirt again?"

"Yeah, I've been a bit behind with Santana and all."

He sniggered, "Man when you two do start going at it Rachel's going to need to find a new seamstress."

"Shut up." Brittany laughed understanding his insinuation that she would get over her fears and that she and Santana would thrive as a couple. Sam always knew how encourage her without it seeming forced or condescending, his dogged unwavering belief that she could get better always made her believe she could as well.

* * *

The question that had been plaguing Santana for the better part of the week was; how does one contact someone that doesn't technically exist during all hours of the day?

She hadn't seen Felicia since their initial talk at Applebee's and she was ready for the promised answers, but she had no idea how to contact the woman. Should she call Brittany and drop hints hoping her other half was listening in? Leave a note addressed only to Felicia on Rachel's door?

Sighing she rearranged the papers she wasn't really working on and looked out over her balcony to the city below trying to refocus on her work but finding it nearly impossible. With so many questions and all the answers one mysterious person away there was no way to do her job with any sort of accuracy so she gave up and threw her papers on the small table.

At that moment someone knocked at her door and, glad for a distraction, she got up to answer it. Cautiously she looked through the peephole before opening the door and was shocked to see Felicia standing there.

It surprised her to realize how quickly she identified her girlfriends alternate self, a point that drove home how unlikely it was that this was something she was faking. It wasn't just her makeup, hair, clothing and lack of glasses that gave it away, it was in her every motion down to the very way she stood. Her stance was rigidly confident and her eyes were sharp, staring at something off to the right of the door. Even the way she brushed her hair out of her face was with more defined purpose than Brittany's timid gestures, the differences were what transfixed her leaving her rooted to the spot instead of opening the door.

However her presence had apparently not gone unnoticed, "You know if you take a picture it'll last longer. Open up and I can pose for you." Felicia said coolly staring straight at Santana through the peephole.

She pulled the door open to find Felicia standing in another too tight skirt and shirt combo, "Why don't you just use Brittany's clothes?"

"You don't like?" she asked with an exaggerated pout as she walked in.

"I-" she wanted to lie and say no but she was quite sure Felicia would see through that, "It seems like it would be easier to wear her clothes than to go all the way out to Rachel's to change."

Felicia laughed, "I only take clothes from her house sometimes. When I need to move straight from home I take them from her closet at the apartment, she's Brittany's roommate remember?"

"Fine okay I have some real questions for you and-"

"No, not doing that right now." Felicia growled agitatedly, "I want to go on a date."

Santana glared at her, "You promised to answer questions."

"I promised to answer truthfully _if_ I did, I never promised to actually answer, but I will." She added seeing the disgruntled look cross Santana's face, "Though not right now. I want to be taken out somewhere nice and treated to something sweet after. Like ice cream or something."

Santana stared blankly, "Right now?"

"Yes right now."

It was 3 pm on a Sunday so the request wasn't exactly outrageous however she had planned a small dinner with Brittany the next night and she really did have work to finish. There was also the chance that they could be seen and whether the person recognized Felicia as Brittany or not it could lead to a long list of complications.

"I don't know…"

Felicia sighed and moved towards the door, "Another time then."

"Wait!" Santana shouted out desperately, she needed answers and she could _not_ let them walk out the door, "What if I make you something?"

That got her attention, "A homemade dinner?"

"I have the ingredients for lasagna how about that?" she asked hopefully.

"Hmmm, do you have any ice cream?"

"Chocolate and vanilla."

"Perfect!"

"Okay, so I'll get started." Santana said resignedly as she walked into her kitchen to try and remember where everything was.

It had been ages since she had actually bothered to cook anything so complicated and honestly it was a stroke of pure luck she had the necessary ingredients to make the dish. They were all from completely different shopping trips, purchased for a variety of reasons but here and now they had to come together into a meal that would keep Felicia in her apartment. At first she was a little lost however she had cooked for herself a lot in college and as she pulled out her cookbook from above the stove and looked up the recipe it all started to come back as she moved around the kitchen.

Soon Felicia grabbed a chair from the dining room and sat, watching her hawkishly from the kitchen doorway. Santana felt her eyes everywhere and it was quite distracting, making her almost drop the meat twice on its journey from her freezer.

Clearing her throat she tried to get back on track, "You said the other night that you had only recently become active. Why is that exactly?"

The blonde rolled her eyes, "Do we have to talk about that?"

"I really need some answers Felicia." Santana said seriously.

"How about this, for every question I answer you owe me five minutes of making out."

Santana almost dropped the sauce on the floor as she attempted to pour it into the pot, "I said no sex."

"I didn't say anything about sex, I said making out."

"Three minutes and no marks." She bartered.

"Four minutes and I'll agree to no marks, that's my final offer."

Santana thought about that for a moment, somehow the notion of Felicia having her hands on her in a purely PG-13 manner seemed more frustrating than her previous 'questions equals no sex' proposition, "Okay, four." She agreed finally.

"I haven't taken control of this body in…" she trailed off thinking back, "Actually I'm not sure how long, six, seven years or so. After college I kind of went on hiatus."

She was curious as to the why of that but was trying to be cautious of the number of questions asked, "If that was the case then why start up again? I mean I get that you were attracted to me but why wait so long? Were you still sleeping, or dormant or whatever up until that night at Stellar?"

"For the most part I was fully aware of what was going over the years, but I promised myself a long time ago that I wouldn't interfere with Brittany's life like I had been. It was doing more harm than good. So yes I saw you and wanted to jump your bones like right away, but I didn't even though it was what Brittany really wanted too. I figured starting a relationship with her boss without her knowledge would just be me repeating old mistakes with the added plus of possibly getting her fired. But then you showed up one night looking all lonely and told Brittany exactly what you wanted in a woman and we both know you described me. After that I couldn't resist."

"You showed up because of what I said?" she asked absently, "That wasn't my question to be clear." She added quickly. "Does that mean that I made her condition worse?"

Felicia wrinkled her nose, "I'm not a condition, and no nothing changed. I was always there and I could have done what I did at any point, with or without your encouragement."

That made her feel slightly better, "Okay now answer this one. Does anyone else know you exist and if not, how?"

Her blue eyes danced, "I'm counting that as two questions, do you want two answers?"

Santana gulped realizing she was dooming herself to another eight minutes under Felicia's talented hands and mouth without hope of release but she nodded anyway, "Yes."

"There are people who know I exist but they only know me as Felicia, they've never met Brittany. Like my friend Puck back in Ohio, he makes my ID's and we go out partying together whenever I'm in town. I've known him since Sophomore year but since we never went to the same school he never knew about my other half. He's a good friend and a good lay when the pickings are slim."

Santana had to juggle the garlic to keep it from hitting the floor, "You sleep with men?" she knew that one would cost her four more minutes but she didn't care.

"I'm bisexual, Brittany's a lesbian." She said with a shrug.

Santana desperately wanted to delve into that further but decided to pace herself because at this rate she was going to question herself into spending all of Monday pinned under the blonde goddess, "Back to the original question." She said quietly.

"Hmm, the second part was how does no one know right?" When Santana nodded she chuckled, "Well that is a wasted question, I already told you I haven't been active for years. But to keep this one from being a total bust, before this, when I was running around the city no one knew because I never told them. For people who knew Brittany, if they ever spotted me, either thought I was someone else or thought it was her acting weird. Though we never hang out in the same spots so overlap is rare."

"That doesn't really answer it. I mean what about her parents? And Sam has known her since she was little so he must have noticed."

She smiled at that, "Not necessarily, I learned pretty quickly not to bother trying to convince people who knew Brittany of who I was. Her little sister thought it was a funny joke, Sam thought we were playing a Marvel heroes game and her parents… they don't listen well." She said slowly, "It's actually easier than you'd think to pull this off, but I always found it easier on the whole to just pass as her rather than bother differentiating myself to her boyfriends or girlfriends, but eventually it started to mess up her life rather severely so I went back to being my own person. I like things much better this way anyhow."

"Hold on, and this isn't another question, this is just clarification. I thought you said Brittany was a lesbian, just now you said she had girlfriends and boyfriends."

Felicia sighed and leaned back in her chair, "The boyfriends are from middle school. She was caught up in the confusion of youth and dating the sex she thought she was supposed to as opposed to the one she was attracted to."

"I see." Santana needed no further explanation, she completely understood, "What triggers you to come out?"

"I'm always around, though it is easier for me to take control if she's anxious, asleep or tipsy. If she's having an extremely hard time I might get pushed into consciousness but that's only ever happened a handful of times so I guess if you want you could say that's the trigger."

Santana wanted to ask about what those times were, but she was working her way past half an hour and had to make her last few questions count, "You made her run into the light post on our date?"

A laugh rang out, "That was all Brittany. I think normally that level of humiliation would have caused a switch but she was so resigned to never being good enough to impress you she was able to let it go."

Santana wasn't sure why but she felt a little bad about that, "If you aren't summoned into consciousness by some sort of trigger then how does it work? How is it you know what's going on in her life but she doesn't even know you're there?"

"I don't know, it's like asking how I breathe. I know my brain sends signals to my lungs, my nose draws in breath, my lungs fill and let it out. However, I have no clue how my brain _actually_ gets that to happen I only know that it does. I don't really know why I know all about her and she knows nothing about me, that's just how it is."

She nodded, that made sense, "Why can you do math while Brittany can't?"

Felicia's eyes sparkled at she dug up the memory, "Brittany spent a lot of time sleeping in math class and there was this cute girl who sat across from us so I would try and talk to her. But I kept getting in trouble so I would have to listen and do the work to be able to try again later. But that bit me in the butt because after school Brittany's mom would never let us outside until her homework was done correctly. She could do everything but the math since I was the one who learned the material so I would take over and finish it. Things went on like that until college, once we were out of that house I quit the homework BS. I'm good at math but I _hate_ doing it."

Santana nodded, thinking hard about whether or not she should ask _the_ question. The all-consuming question that she had asked once and never received an answer to. What had caused this in the first place?

She wanted to know, but then again she didn't, because if it was anything like some of the horror stories she had read about for other cases of split personalities she wasn't sure she wanted to know. Or to invade Brittany's privacy in that way.

After a solid minute of silent cooking she concluded she had to know, there was no way around it.

"Felicia… what happened to Brittany?" she asked quietly.

The other woman considered her for a moment then smiled softly, "I'm afraid that answer will cost you more than four minutes. By itself it's worth a solid hour with _at least_ the promise of some grinding."

Santana gave a pained look, "It's that bad." She mumbled to herself.

Felicia waved her hand in the air, "Actually no. It was for her, but I wouldn't say what happened to her was all that bad. Her reaction was… obviously."

It felt like a weight had removed from her shoulders, she was immensely glad it wasn't what she had been fearing which was a dark tale of abuse at the hands of a trusted adult.

"Some other time then." She said returning to the simmering sauce.

"I've already secured forty four minutes of sweet lady kisses so either way works for me."

"Hold it, I only asked ten questions!"

"Eleven, you asked how Sam didn't notice me, I counted that one."

"That was an elaboration on the previous question!"

"Elaborations count." Felicia said airily.

"No they don't! You did it before and didn't count it!"

"You asked me not to."

"Well I'm asking you not to count both!" she snapped.

"You would have had to have done that before I answered. Besides are you really going to fight me over four minutes?" she asked licking her lips, "I promise I'll make you glad you asked every single question."

Santana visibly shivered and went back to her work, "Fine forty four but not a second more, I'm putting you on a timer."

The blonde laughed again and rose to join Santana at the stove, wrapping her arms around the smaller woman from behind and kissing her neck softly, "I hope you have it nearby."

Spinning away Santana pointed her stirring spoon like a weapon to keep them separated, "I'm cooking, you have to behave while I'm doing this or I'll burn down my apartment."

"Only if you feed me my dinner."

Santana groaned, "Does everything have to be a negotiation?"

"As long as you're withholding sexytimes and kisses, yes."

Santana could not argue that logic, "I'll feed you, but your hands stay at your side until after dinner."

Felicia smiled and pranced off to the dining room to sit and wait patiently, Santana turned back to the food and contemplated the answers she had gotten while trying not to feel excited trepidation about the debt she owed.

* * *

It had been Santana's firm belief that the forty four minutes at the mercy of Felicia had been the most torturous of her life. The things that woman could do with her tongue… she could pick a random spot and _make_ it into an erogenous zone. She'd had Santana whimpering, desperate to break her own rules after what felt like hours, and when the brunette had looked up to see only three minutes had passed she thought she was done for.

But she made it.

The whole time she managed not to go below the waist and kept her fingers above Felicia's scant clothing, though she had grabbed hungrily at the exposed flesh she was able to keep herself in check. The pleasure she was given combined with the intimate knowledge of how much better it could get had been exhilarating and frustrating to the point of being maddening.

It wasn't until after her date with Brittany the next day, when they had retired back to her apartment, that she realized what maddening _really_ was. Maddening was making out with a woman who she was technically allowed to go all the way with but stalling at a point even further back than she had managed with Felicia.

Brittany had wonderful breasts, they were incredibly soft and malleable, she loved the feel of them in her hands, and she was allowed by both women to handle them as she pleased. But Felicia wanted her hands under her clothes and Santana had to fight all forty four minutes to keep things from going too far whereas Brittany pulled away every time she ventured under her shirt and got close to the hem of her bra. It was a weird role reversal and it was making her literally insane.

However she respected Brittany's wish to take things slow, and Santana was still set on trying to find an easy out of this relationship meaning that keeping things above the shirt was best.

Realistically stopping all together was best but she could not talk herself into doing that just yet.

Instead she let herself kiss Brittany until they were both out of breath and then lean in to do it again. Felicia was all about being hot and heavy but Brittany was slow and meticulous in a way that was equally arousing and it was this method that allowed Santana to get lost in her. Somewhere between Brittany straddling her and the soft kisses and gentle touches she would forget herself and push farther. And that was what was happening to her now, she forgot herself as she let her hands slide up Brittany's hips. The woman moaned into their kiss and Santana felt her pulse grow more erratic as her hands moved up far enough to feel the heat radiating from between her legs. Instinctively she pressed her thumb to the center of that heat but the surprised lurch and the pained sound that erupted from Brittany that was part gasp part moan snapped her out of her trance long enough to let her know she had gone too far again.

Embarrassed that she couldn't control herself any better she covered her eyes and flopped back onto the couch, "Fuck, Brittany I'm sorry." She panted trying to get her head to clear.

She shook her head, "No, I am. I know I shouldn't be so s-stuck but-"

Santana sat up again and gave her a silencing kiss, "You don't have to do anything you aren't comfortable with and it's clear you still aren't comfortable."

"Sorry." She muttered as she slid off Santana's lap.

"Don't be. I'm sorry I can't keep my hands in the PG zone." Santana said, still panting heavily and wishing she could discreetly take a cold shower, "Maybe." She paused to take a calming breath, "Maybe we should do something else, like I don't know Scrabble or something?"

"Okay." Brittany said equally out of breath.

Santana hopped up and grabbed the aforementioned game, bringing it back to the living room while turning on all the lights she could to kill the sexually charged atmosphere they had created.

"Are you any good at this?" she asked conversationally.

Brittany ducked her head, "Not really."

"Me either so it should be fair." She said with a chuckled.

That made the other woman perk up a little and in no time Santana had the board and tiles all set out for them to pick. Brittany tilted her head to the side as she surveyed her options and seemed to consider every tile carefully before she chose it even though there was no way for her to tell what letter it had. Santana watched with a small smile at how everything she did was with care, Brittany was the total opposite of Felicia and she could no longer pretend it wasn't fascinating.

Scrabble was supposed to have been a way to keep her from taking their relationship too far or crossing a line she wasn't supposed to. Instead it became a fun spirited game that had her wondering why she didn't play board games all the time. And it was not lost on Santana that this was the second time she had found an unusual pleasure in something simple with Brittany.

As the blonde stared steadily at the board while tacking 'uni' in front of Santana's previously played 'corn' with her brow furrowed in a look of intense concentration Santana decided that there really was no rush. Their relationship wasn't exactly taking leaping bounds forward and didn't seem like it would anytime soon. For the moment she was enjoying Brittany's company and there was no need to ruin that by breaking up with her now.

Brittany was at the very least a good friend to have and a unique one at that, besides she still didn't have the whole story on her. On top of wanting to help she needed to know what was at the heart of Brittany's problem and she was pretty sure Felicia would clam up if she broke things off with Brittany. So in the interest of Brittany's health and their continued friendship Santana decided that it was for the best that they stay together a little while longer.

And when she saw the way her face bloomed into a smile when she realized she could tack 'bow' on the end of 'rain' made her wonder if it was really that big a deal to date someone who had split personalities.

* * *

A/N: So Santana bartered some answers but still can't see the whole picture, but don't worry she will soon.

When it comes to DID the main thing to remember is that every case is unique, there are similar symptoms across the board but even then what those are is argued over by authorities on the subject. So Felicia's account of what is happening is how her experience works, but it isn't how they all are. Some with DID do have specific triggers for their alters, in a lot of cases it's stress/axiety (or a specific person or thing that causes it). Some like Brittany don't necessarily have something definitive that will automatically cause the other personalities to come out.

In all the cases I know of the alters have a complete (or nearly complete) knowledge of their hosts life (though not necessarily each others if there is more than one).

People with DID aren't often initially treated for it, usually they will seek help for exhaustion, anxiety, memory loss or a list of other symptoms, in the course of treatment their psychiatrist would diagnose the disorder. So to answer a common question, yes it is completely possible to have DID for years and never know it. I mean really who would naturally jump to that conclusion?

It is even harder to detect if the alter(s) want to keep their existence hidden, which happens from time to time.

I think one of the scariest parts of the disorder is that the dominant personality may not in fact be the real one, the original may have retreated inside themselves and only appear briefly at random intervals. There are cases of alters that go to a psychiatrist seeking to rid themselves of an 'alternate personality' that is actually the original. Which, I think, would totally suck...

Anyway thanks for the reviews and pm's they make me very happy :)


	10. Chapter 10

"Brittany this is simply gorgeous!" Rachel exclaimed when finally presented with the clothing she had commissioned.

"It came out okay." Brittany replied distractedly looking off towards the living room, wishing to avoid the rant that was about to begin.

"You simply must come and be my personal seamstress, I seriously need someone with your obvious skill to assist with the completion of my wardrobe."

"No thank you, I have a job."

"But I could pay you more!" Rachel whined looking stricken.

"I know you could but I like working with Santana." She said with a shrug, "She's the only thing about my job that makes me want to go to work every day and I don't want to quit so I can take up _another_ job I don't really want to do without her."

"I'll hire her too." She persisted stubbornly.

"I don't think she'd go for that." Brittany laughed.

"At least make a fitting pair of pants to go with this, I honestly don't think anything I have will do."

"I don't want to. I already have a ton of work and I want to spend my extra time with Santana." None of her work was actually pressing at the moment but she did not want to put up with Rachel's dramatics more than she had to.

"I'll pay you double."

Brittany sighed, she did want to keep on making Santana nice lunches and with double what she had been paid she could easily afford to take her out to an expensive dinner as well, "Alright." She grumbled.

"Excellent!" Rachel chirped before retreating back into her room.

"You should not have given that mouse a cookie." Mercedes advised from the couch when Brittany joined her and Sam.

"But she's paying me."

Mercedes nestled closer into Sam's side as he browsed through NetFlix, "Even so that woman does not take no for an answer without brute force behind it."

"If she's trying to pull Britt away from Santana that's what she's probably what she's going to get." Sam said distractedly as he browsed.

"What are you looking for?" Brittany asked.

Mercedes sighed, "Nothing yet. It's Sam's night to pick something out of my favorites but he takes forever."

"I can never really figure out what they are about from the descriptions." He said softly as he read the text under _Waiting to Exhale_.

Brittany smiled and wondered if she and Santana could do something like that, she would love a chance to browse her girlfriend's favorites, "Mind if I hang out?"

Mercedes chuckled, "It's your apartment, I should be asking you that."

"I don't mind." Sam said, "But if you have free time why aren't you spending it with your special someone?"

She looked at her feet to hide the worry in her eyes, "She's working late again. We have been spending a lot of time together so I can see how she'd be behind."

Sam glanced at her, "She's _more_ behind in her work than you are?"

"Yeah, or she just wants a break from me I don't know."

She knew that wasn't fair, Santana had been nothing but kind and loving, but with the confirmation that she wasn't the only one who found that information odd old worries resurfaced.

"Oh stop, she's crazy about you. Sam said he only mentioned your little Dungeons and Dragons game and she happily asked to be invited. Now I love Sam and all and I'm happy to get involved in the scifi thing because it is pretty cool, but even he hasn't gotten me down to Super Games."

"Yet." He added, "And may I say that we were playing a custom tabletop RPG which was _inspired_ by Dungeons and Dragons but was not actually that game. D and D has a whole different rule book and stats sheet-"

Mercedes placed a finger over his mouth, "Small doses baby, I can only handle small doses."

Smiling Brittany curled up on the couch to get ready to watch whatever was eventually picked when she heard her phone. Curiously she pulled it out of her pocket and felt her heart leap when Santana's name came up on the display.

Quickly she vaulted out of her seat and ran full tilt to her bedroom, closing the door behind her for complete privacy, "Hello?"

"Hey I just finished enough work to justify leaving for the night and I was wondering if I could come over?"

"O-over here?" she stuttered as she looked around the disaster area that was her room, she didn't exactly plan to have Santana come into the area, but if for some reason she found her way in, it could _not_ look like it did.

"Yeah I figured, I don't know I'd make you dinner or something."

"Dinner? For me?" she asked, her heart thudding at the notion and damn near stopping when she remembered the state of the kitchen.

"How's lasagna sound?"

"Uh, I don't know I've never really liked the stuff, but if you make it I'm sure I'd change my mind."

There was a long pause that she was only partially aware of as she dashed around her room shoving stray articles of clothing into her closet.

"Really?" she said sounding truly shocked.

"But if that's what you want to make I'll love it I promise!" she pleaded wishing she hadn't said anything.

"I can make Shepherd's Pie."

Brittany had never even heard of such a thing, but refused to shoot down any more of her ideas, "That sounds delicious."

"How do you feel about vanilla ice cream?"

"Um, it's great." She said absently as she sat on the floor and used her legs to force her bulging closet closed.

"Do you really like it?" her tone implied she hadn't been convinced by the previous answer.

"Not particularly, I prefer rainbow sherbet, but I don't hate it or anything so if it's what you have it's fine." She added quickly.

"I- uh, okay rainbow sherbet it is." Santana said sounding totally thrown. "I'll see you in a few then."

"Okay, see you, bye." Brittany said before hanging up, bolting out of her room and scrambling into the kitchen.

Sam watched as she began her speedy kitchen cleaning routine, "Shall I assume Ms. Lopez will be joining us soon?" he asked with a chuckle.

"It's not funny, she's coming to make me dinner and the kitchen is a mess."

Mercedes sat up and glowered at Sam, "See? She knows how to treat a lady, why don't I ever arrive to a clean kitchen?"

"Come over with the intent to make me dinner and we can work something out." Sam laughed which earned him a flurry sharp slaps on the arm, "Kidding! I was kidding!"

"What's all the commotion in here I can hardly tell a B from an A flat in there, I need relative silence while I am performing my vocal exercises." Rachel said indignantly as she came from down the hall.

"Santana's coming over and Britt's trying to spruce the place up." Sam said.

Rachel gave a soft sigh and walked over to the counter that overlooked the kitchen sink, "Brittany darling if you're so worried about her seeing this mess don't you think you should make more of an effort to keep this place in less disarray?" she asked in that longsuffering way she had.

"I do." Brittany grumbled, "But today is your day to do the kitchen."

"I can hardly see how you came to that conclusion."

"It's on the chore chart." Sam said in between placating kisses to his girlfriend.

"What chore chart?" Rachel asked with a laugh.

Brittany frowned and pointed to the large calendar magnetized to the refrigerator that clearly had her name down for kitchen duty.

"Oh is that what that is. I thought it meant it was my day to tell someone else to do it."

"That doesn't even make sense." Brittany grumbled darkly.

"I agree that's why I never implemented the system. No matter, I may not have done it on my designated day, but I have done the dishes before so no harm done."

"Like twice since you've been here." Sam snorted, "And you seem to think that cleaning the kitchen means only washing the dishes."

"Well what else would it mean?"

"It means clean the kitchen. As in make it look like it is clean as opposed to messy with a clean sink."

"Well why did no one tell me? I thought maybe it was a commoner thing to always have the house in some state of disarray. I think it makes things more authentic and charming."

"We did tell you, you don't listen." Brittany said quietly as she began shoving the cleaned dishes into the cabinets.

Rachel puffed up looking affronted, "I always listen!"

"You don't, besides my personal knowledge of your inability to listen I heard Sam and Brittany tell you that on like three different occasions." Mercedes said dismissively.

Rachel's attitude drained out of her, "Oh well I apologize I was unaware. Let me help then." She said an immediately moved to help clear off the counter.

Once Rachel was busy with the kitchen Brittany dove to the living room to collect all the scattered papers and magazines.

Standing Sam moved close so only she could hear, "Do you want us to take this party into the bedroom?" Sam asked motioning from himself to Mercedes.

"Um…" she said her face going a little red.

"Ah, need a chaperone huh?" he asked quietly.

"No!" she said instantly then after a pause her face fell, "A little…"

"Not a problem." He said before returning to the couch.

Brittany felt badly for asking them to stay around as a buffer, but she wanted to avoid another incident like the last time. She was ashamed to be so nervous about taking the next step in their relationship and if others were around that feeling could be avoided for at least one more day. And as bad as it was to pointlessly avoid intimate situations with the woman she wanted so badly to be intimate with she felt it would be even worse to tell her it was because she was having a panic attack over her inadequacies in bed.

The mere thought made her shudder.

"Sam it seems that today is your day for cleaning the common area." Rachel said faintly as she observed the calendar more closely.

"I'll do it later." He replied as he settled back into the couch, continuing to flip through potential movies.

"And you let him get away with that?" Rachel huffed to the other women in the apartment.

"Rachel trying to get a man to clean up a mess in his own home is a long and painful journey and I'm just here to enjoy a movie with my boyfriend."

"It's not a big deal." Brittany said as she continued to straighten everything that seemed even slightly out of place.

The small brunette frowned, "Well how will he ever learn for later if you don't teach him now?"

"You don't have to talk to me like I'm not right here." Sam sighed.

"I said in his own home, if we were living _together_ our house would be spotless because he would keep it that way." Mercedes said simply. "Right?" she added looking at him.

"Yes ma'am." He replied smiling happily and Brittany knew it was at the implication that they would live together at all.

She wondered for a moment what it would be like to live with Santana and it made her chest swell with happiness, but that was crushed when she remembered that she didn't have a snowball's chance in hell of pulling that off if she was going to duck being alone with her.

Letting out a heavy sigh she moved on to scrub down the bathroom, it wasn't particularly dirty and she had cleaned it earlier in the week but if Santana was potentially going to be in there she needed it to sparkle.

* * *

Of all the things she knew how to make Shepherd's Pie was probably her least favorite dish and therefore was not a good choice to show off any level of culinary prowess. Santana still wasn't entirely sure why she said it, all she could recall was that she had been thrown by the fact that Brittany didn't have the same taste in food as Felicia and had named the first thing that came to mind after that. Though Felicia had told her time and time again that they had different likes and dislikes it was still unnerving to see it in action.

She had thrown out the question about the ice cream as a way to test and see if at least that was the same, but it wasn't and because of that she'd had to visit three different groceries stores until she found one that sold rainbow sherbet. Though admittedly she would have had to stop at least once anyway since her car had been loaded with ingredients for lasagna and she had minimal recollection of the ingredients she would need for their changed menu.

So she had bumbled around _Ralph's_ for about thirty minutes with her cell phone out to look up the recipe that would begin her treasure hunt, that led her being later than she had ever intended to be, but she made it to Brittany's apartment before it got too late, all while memorizing the baking instructions so as not to look like a total novice.

The whole idea merely stemmed from the thought that Brittany always made her lunch and the first home cooked meal she made in return went to Felicia. Now the plan seemed silly since she obviously had no idea what Brittany liked and hadn't even been asked to come over in the first place. But when she knocked and the door swung open there stood her girlfriend looking like her being there was the best gift ever and she knew whatever happened the plan wasn't a total bust.

The blonde smiled her bright vibrant smile and some unhindered unchecked part of her mind thought _I love it when she smiles too… _

But that wasn't something she needed to be thinking so she squashed that thought and headed into the apartment.

Of all the times she had entered, this time marked the cleanest it had ever been. Even the dining room table that was usually encumbered with a desktop computer was completely clear. She walked in, marveling at the transformation, and as she did her eyes wandered over the still unusual sight of Mercedes and Sam sitting on the couch. They both offered her a brief greeting before returning their attention to the screen and once again Santana was hit with a wave of that unnerving surrealism that came with seeing those two together.

A feeling that intensified when once again she was confronted with Rachel Berry who seemed to make it a habit to take one full step past the line separating personal space from uncomfortable closeness.

"Good evening Santana, I would like you to know that your arrival has cause a bit of a stir, in a good way of course." She said and laughed but no one laughed with her, Santana was trying to put a little more space between them and Brittany was glaring daggers. "I do hope you come by more often, maybe then we'll even get some dusting done."

"Rachel please go away." Brittany said so quietly it was practically a sigh.

"Oh I won't linger much longer but I did want to ask, Santana as a woman of a higher status you may be able to sort out a little misunderstanding. When someone says to 'Clean the kitchen' they mean the dishes right?"

Santana stared uncomprehendingly, "No it means clean the whole thing, dishes included."

Rachel frowned, "Hmm, so either I'm wrong or I should ask someone of a higher station. I'm sure I'm not the only one who-"

"Thank you Rachel bye!" Brittany said quickly shoving the other woman towards her room.

Looking completely scandalized Rachel opened her mouth to say something else but thankfully Mercedes had been watching and had come to retrieve her friend, "Pardon her she has chronic Foot in Mouth disease." The darker woman said smoothly as she pulled her away.

Brittany was blushing and looking quite uncomfortable, for a moment Santana worried it might spark a switch between her and Felicia, but the blonde swallowed thickly and led the way to the kitchen.

"I don't know why she insists on t-talking sometimes." Brittany said in that quiet voice she adopted when embarrassed.

"Clearly for attention, but I'm afraid she's out of luck because I'm only here to see you." Santana said lightly trying to get Brittany to calm down.

Her words had the desired effect, that illuminating smile reappeared, and for some reason with her just standing there grinning happily Santana had the urge to kiss her. And as Brittany was her girlfriend she saw no reason she shouldn't, so she did, she leaned forward and kissed her gently, unfortunately it ended too soon because that same unchecked corner of her brain decided to spout off, _I really love kissing her as well._

Brittany seemed a little bewildered at the sudden affection and equally sudden retreat but managed to pull herself together and help unload the groceries.

Santana worked in a comfortable silence with Brittany at her side observing everything she did as if she were a world-renowned chef who's every move was important. It was pretty obvious that Brittany's skills were far superior but still she watched with complete reverence and by the time Santana slid the pie in the oven Brittany almost had her believing she should start her own cooking show.

"Okay it only needs to bake for a little while, just until the top gets brown, and then it's done."

Brittany nodded as she led the way into the living room where the other couple was just finishing their movie and beginning to say their goodnights.

"I like watching you cook, you move so fluidly." Brittany said as they sat on the couch.

Santana chuckled at that, "I can honestly say no one has ever told me that."

"Then no one is watching you closely enough."

She felt herself flush at the surety of the comment, it always caught her off guard when Brittany would say such forward things in such a sure and strong voice.

"It wasn't anything that great."

"It was because you are."

And there it was again, those words that were spoken with absolutely nothing but the utmost assurance that they were true. It was making her a little nervous because somehow the woman complimenting her and her cooking with a few short sentences was making her heart beat off its regular rhythm.

"Well it's been real, I'll see you all later." Mercedes said relieving Santana of the burden of having to figure out how to respond.

"Bye –er Ms. Jones?" Santana tried not knowing if she should be too formal with the superstar.

She laughed as she headed towards the door, Sam in tow, "Just Mercedes, not even my mom goes by Ms. Jones."

"Bye Mercedes." Brittany said chipperly.

"Bye Britt, you ladies enjoy your night." She said throwing them a wink before giving Sam a farewell kiss and leaving.

It was admittedly unusual when Sam came back and seated himself on the opposite end of the couch and began playing a video game. He was in an obvious third wheel position but Brittany didn't seem to mind and honestly neither did she. As much as she loved being alone with Brittany it only seemed to lead to cold showers. It was nice to have the pressure of sex off the table for one night, though she couldn't pretend she didn't want another chance to make it happen.

_And if you start sleeping with her what then? What happens to your brilliant escape plan?_ Her mind hissed at her.

However when she thought about it she was in kind of deep already, no matter how she felt about Brittany it was clear a breakup now or later would hurt her.

_But later will hurt so much more…_

She knew that. She had always known that and had been fooling herself in pretending otherwise. But when she looked at Brittany and saw those eyes that shone with adoration, and the galaxy of freckles dusted her face and that smile… it wasn't just a desire not to hurt her that was keeping Santana there, she wanted to stay. She wasn't ready to let go, but she worried that she might be being selfish because she definitely wasn't sure if she wanted commit fully to someone who was so ill.

The only thing she knew was she didn't want to think about it now. She didn't want to dwell on the possible painful future, as juvenile as that was. And when Brittany laughed at Sam's failure to shoot an opponent she also knew that the sound was something she wouldn't mind hearing all the time.

"Brittany, if you have a minute, I have an interview coming up in a few days and I'm a little stuck on what outfit to pick!" Rachel called from her room.

A look of disbelief passed over her face, "I'm with Santana right now. And why don't you just come out here and talk to me?"

"I know you're with Santana dear my memory isn't failing, but I really need to pick tonight and send a picture to my publicist for approval! If I don't have anything worth wearing here I may need you to make a trip home for me to pick out something appropriate!" Rachel continued to shout from her bedroom door.

When Brittany turned to the others in confusion at her behavior Sam smirked, "Mercedes told her to go in her room and stay there. I don't think Rachel knows she left or she would be out here being obnoxious in person."

"I'll help you later!" Brittany called back.

"That's not fair! I helped you right away when you were in the midst of your pre-date dressing meltdown!"

"It wasn't a meltdown!" Clearly wanting to stop Rachel's ongoing ramblings she turned apologetically to Santana, "I'll be right back." She said before leaping off the couch and tearing down the hall to halt the diva's next words in her mouth.

Once again Santana found herself alone with Sam and she wanted to be content to watch him play his game in silence, but her brain was busy buzzing with all the pieces to the puzzle he might have. Though it also warned her that with every answer she got she moved a little closer to a future where she was going to make up her mind about where she really stood with Felicia and Brittany.

Knowing it was weird to only talk to Brittany's best friend _about_ her, she once again lead in on a more neutral topic.

"Do you mind me asking how you met Mercedes?" she asked wondering if he could hear her given how hard he was concentrating.

"Rachel throws these big parties at her place every once in a while, to prove she's still alive to her friends I guess. She invites Brittany and me but I'm mainly the only one that goes, anyway I met her at one of the parties."

"You two must have hit it off right away."

"No, she thought I was a total idiot, but I followed her around all night and eventually, with enough impersonations and hilarious stories, she found me charming enough to give me her number."

Santana chuckled, "That's how you bag a celebrity? I wish I had know it was that easy."

"Only if you have the Jamesh Bond shwagger." He said in an accurate Sean Connery impersonation.

Santana stared at him disbelievingly for a moment but apparently he was serious, "Do you two ever go out, erm outside of here?"

He shook his head, "Not really. Tabloids would be all over her dating some number crunching dork from Downey. She doesn't mind and I don't either, but we both enjoy our privacy too much to be out in public a lot. That and, you know, Rachel's NDA thing pretty much keeps us from doing anything that draws attention here."

Santana frowned, "I really should have read that thing."

"Wouldn't matter, trust me she would have made you sign it anyway."

She watched him play for a few more minutes before finally plucking up the courage to speak again, "I hope you don't mind my asking this, I mean I don't want to seem weird asking things I could ask Brittany but… I was kind of wondering, do you know what her parents are like?"

He gave her a sly smile, "Why? You planning some face time?"

Her eyes widened at the thought, "Nothing that serious I was just curious. Brittany speaks highly of them but sometimes an outsiders view is different." She said wincing at her odd phrasing.

It was clear that Sam was suspicious of why she would question what Brittany had told her, but he seemed have gotten over it as he shrugged, "They're cool people. I guess if you want brutal honesty her mother is sort of… I don't know the word for her, strict I guess. I mean she's nice and she loves her daughters to death and she was even totally cool with Brittany being gay when she came out, but on some things she can be a little unrelenting. Like I said overall a great woman but sometimes a little _too_ no nonsense if you know what I mean."

She didn't but given that she didn't know when Brittany would return she didn't pry further, "What about her dad?"

"Oh he's awesome, he's like everyone's best friend, the guy is Mr. Fun. For Brittany's tenth birthday he made their backyard a giant water park, we were tagging each other with water guns and escaping on slip'n slides, it was awesome." He said his face softening at the memory, "He is the best, but…" here Sam paused and a worried look crossed his features as if there was something he didn't want to say.

Interest piqued Santana leaned forward, "But what?"

Sam paused his game and scratched his head, "Her dad is seriously a great guy and I always thought of him as one of my best friends next to Britt, but that was kind of the problem. He was everyone's _friend_ and Brittany… sometimes she didn't need a friend, sometimes she needed a _dad_ you know?"

Santana nodded silently and watched Sam return to the game, his face lost the worried knit and returned to solemn concentration. Sitting back she figured that what he said totally fit with what Felicia had told her. With a stern mother and an aloof father she could see how they could miss every sign that their daughter sent telling them she needed help.

The timer went off and she moved to remove the pie from the oven and when she placed it on the counter she could only stare at it.

She still didn't know what she wanted, she still had no idea what it even meant to have a relationship with someone who had a mental illness, she wasn't even sure if their budding relationship could handle the strain that her finding out about Felicia would bring.

But after talking with Sam she knew she couldn't keep ignoring it, because at the very least they were friends and a friend wouldn't intentionally ignore this. A friend wouldn't pretend everything was normal and set her up for more crushing heartache. Everyone had missed the signs that would tell them what she knew and as a friend she had to something. Even if that something was wrong or didn't help, as a friend she had to try.

Brittany managed to sneak up beside her as she stood still in the kitchen and surprised her with a sudden kiss.

"What's wrong?" she asked looking worried.

Santana only shook her head and pulled her in for another in order to stop the one thought that was trying to wriggle its way to the front of her mind. Yet when her lips met Brittany's it popped up anyway.

_You want to help her as a friend, but she's so much more than that…_

* * *

Santana watched the water calmly the afternoon sun as Felicia sat next to her happily eating an ice cream cone, which was apparently how the blonde liked to end their dates.

_That and about ten years of teasing,_ she though as she felt more than saw Felicia's eyes on her.

She had driven them out to San Diego to try and distance them from anyone either she, Felicia or Brittany might know so they could spend the day together. Like before the other woman had just shown up on her doorstep in short shorts and a tank top ready to do something fun, and she was determined the fun happen outdoors.

They had been all over the city going into shops and Felicia even found a few outfits to try on that covered even less of her body. The whole time her date had talked nonstop about the things they passed as they walked, she seemed to just say whatever came to mind when she saw something whether it was made sense or not.

At first it was kind of obnoxious because all Santana wanted to do was ask her about Brittany and she outright refused to discuss her, but once Santana relaxed and accepted Felicia wasn't about to be an answer fountain her random remarks were rather amusing. She was funny like Brittany but in a more offhand way, though they did seem to share a love of the simple things and an almost childlike wonderment with items that captured their interests.

Which was why when they took a break to sit on a bench that overlooked the ocean Santana was in a serious bind. She was looking a the water shimmering black and gold in the sun because if she looked at Felicia she would look into those bright eyes and feel that inexplicable tug that made her worry she might be falling for this woman as well and that flat out couldn't happen. This was the other woman, the extra life tacked onto Brittany's and if she got the help she needed Felicia would be gone.

Chancing a glance she looked over to Felicia who smiled, but it wasn't her seductive or coy smile, it was that same sweet contented smile Brittany would use and it made her heart clench.

Oblivious to the turmoil she was causing Felicia offered her ice cream, "Want some?"

"No thanks." She said her voice slightly hoarse.

"You sure? It tastes great, here try." She closed the space between them and pulled Santana into a deep kiss that made the smaller woman's heart pound.

Alarmed she pushed Felicia away and tried to calm the erratic beat but it wouldn't slow and she felt her eyes prickle because she didn't want things to be this way. She didn't want to be stuck in this limbo of having to figure out how to help someone who had been so damaged. She wanted to run away and stay forever at the same time. While she had been busy stalling she had let Brittany _and_ Felicia get under her skin and if she was going to make it at all she needed to start making the hard choices.

"Felicia." She said seriously, "Tell me what happened."

The blonde needed no hint as to what they were talking about, her smile faded and she looked at her cone sadly, "Why is it you always want to talk about her?"

Santana was taken aback, "Why? Isn't it obvious?"

"But I already answered a bunch of questions about her before." She said looking truly upset, "You take me out for a whole day and the only thing you want to do is talk about Brittany. You haven't bothered to ask one question about me."

"I- I'm sorry." And she truly was, she had forgotten that for Felicia her life was her own and not some mirror or imperfect copy of another, "I didn't mean to do that to you but… you have got to understand this is difficult for me. I've never even heard of someone with split personalities before. I'm not trying to be mean or neglectful but I need to know about her and you're the only person I can ask."

She sighed and shuffled her feet on the pavement, "If I tell you everything can you promise to try and like me more?"

Santana was able to pretend like the crestfallen look on her face didn't make her chest ache, "I can't promise to never ask anything about her ever again, but I will promise to find out more about you. And for the record Felicia I like you plenty."

Those blue eyes were shimmering again as she extended her hand to Santana's, "I'm going to hold you to that."

Taking it and shaking Santana grinned, "I would expect nothing less."

* * *

A/N: That's right ladies and gents as of next chapter you will be privy to Felicia's origins.

For those wondering yes I have seen United States of Tara :)

I watch all kinds of alternate personality stuff, it always hooks me. Like the one episode of Paranoia Agent (eps 3) where the woman was a tutor by day but didn't know she had an alter that was a prostitute by night. She tried to get rid of her by throwing all her clothes into the dumpster only to come home to find the ho had thrown out all _her_ stuff XD

I also read Sybil several times, which is one of the most famous cases of DID. This fic is going to be romantic, dramatic and funny, it will stay in the realm of realism with its content, but it will stay out of the dark and intensely painful places this disorder can stem from and lead to (not saying it will never be sad but we aren't going to emo slashmywrist land). If you do want that kind of reading Sybil is the story for you. Her case was special because her trauma she suffered was a story in itself, let alone what it did to her mind. Though the authenticity of her case has been argued if you actually look up the background of the man who claimed it was false and how the case notes for Shirley Mason (Sybil) were destroyed keeping anyone from proving otherwise, you may conclude, like I did, that the counter claims are BS. On top of that her accounts were confirmed by multiple sources so, yeah.

Regardless of what she did or did not have no one disputed what her mother was like or what she did, and that is really the true horror of it. The split personalities (in Sybil's case there were 16) were more like the heroes of the story really.

If you're thinking about picking it up I warn you her story is a hard read and is an account of extreme child abuse so if that bothers you, steer clear.

Thanks for all the support, your reviews are a guide (and a cattle prod to keep me writing) to let me know how I'm doing, so don't be shy let me know what you think.


	11. Chapter 11

_Brittany sat in the car looking out the window gripping the door handle far tighter than she had to. Her heart was beating fast already and she hadn't even set foot in the building yet._

_Suddenly the opportunity to ease herself out was ripped away by Lori, her mother, pulling the car door open, almost dumping her on the ground in the process. The small girl managed to catch herself before she ended up sprawled out on the asphalt and at the sight her mother sighed heavily._

_"Brittany you've been sitting in there for ten minutes, you're going to be late." The tall woman said tersely closing the door trapping the child outside._

_"I don't w-want to go." Brittany chocked out, her distress rising as she realized there was no longer a physical barrier between her and the doors of McKinley Elementary._

_Her mother sighed again and rubber her hands over her eyes in distress, "Sweety you have worked on this routine for a whole month, you're ready. So stop cowering, go out there and own it."_

_"The whole s-school is going to be watching and I h-have to do it dressed like t-this." She said quietly looking down at her scarecrow costume._

_She hated dressing up, it drew even more attention to her than her natural nervousness already did. Looking longingly at the car she desperately wished her mother hadn't locked it; she wanted so badly to scramble back inside._

_"Where is your father?" Lori asked no one and looked around for the man._

_Brittany's eyes swept the parking lot and spotted him next to Mr. Evans laughing jovially about something._

_"Frank!" the older woman barked, her husband turned and, upon seeing her irritation, jogged over._

_"You bellowed sweetness?" He said grinning._

_"Don't start, I gave her time like you said and she still won't go." She said in a lowered voice that Brittany still heard._

_Her dad took a knee next to her, "Come on Britt-Britt you've got this totally rad costume and I know you're ready to strut your stuff in there."_

_"But I don't want to." Her voice was even smaller now, she didn't like letting her dad down but she could already feel her body locking up._

_He lifted her into his arms, usually Brittany didn't like being lifted so high but she always felt safe in his embrace. She tucked her head and slid her arms around his neck to try and hold on to the only calming thing she had at the moment._

_"You dance for us at home all the time." he said, his voice bright to try and coax her out of hiding, "And for Mr. Ryerson."_

_"That's different." She mumbled._

_Usually she was taught separately from the other students in her class with Mr. Ryerson, and the man was always too busy on his phone or writing something to be bothered with her so dancing for him was literally dancing alone. At least she thought so until he began to swear up and down that she was a natural meaning he must have been looking at some point. And her parents didn't count, she trusted them, they wouldn't laugh at her or call her names like some of the kids at school._

_"And you preformed in front of your whole dance class before remember?"_

_She remembered that performance alright, Mr. Ryerson had insisted she 'Show everyone how it's done'. She had been so nervous she had excused herself to the bathroom and thrown up twice, but her parents had been there and they were so eager to see her preform so she did. Though even then it was only because it took her so long to build up the courage there were only two students still around waiting for their parents, and Sam had just taught her how to pretend there was no one else around. It had worked twice before and it had worked then, but that was with small groups of people, this was the whole student body and their parents. There was no way to block them out, especially not when Mr. Ryerson had set her up to do a solo dance number in the middle of the performance._

_"Dad I'm really scared." she pleaded holding him tighter and trying not to think of all those people watching her._

_"What's there to be scared of? It's just a play, okay it's a Halloween play but the **audience** is supposed to be scared." he laughed._

_Brittany just held him tighter and Lori sighed, "Frank she's going to be late. Now that's something to get embarrassed over."_

_Frank rolled his eyes and pulled his daughter from around his neck even though she tried to prevent it by locking her fingers. He held her easily in front of him and dangling above the ground, free from his comforting warmth, Brittany was extremely uncomfortable._

_"You're going to be great kiddo." he said smiling at her before putting her down, "You remember what Ms. Pillsbury said, you need to face your fears, that's why mom put you in the dance program, so you can be brave."_

_Ms. Pillsbury was the school counselor and Brittany didn't really like her, especially since she was so busy telling people to be brave while she was terrified of invisible bugs on her desk._

_"Some trouble with your little star there Frank?"_

_The trio turned to see Dwight Evans walking towards them, his son Sam jogging beside him to keep up with his father's long strides._

_"She's being difficult before we even get inside." Lori complained._

_Dwight looked at Brittany in surprise, "But I hear you're quite the dancer."_

_"She is." Her mother said looking down at her, "And everyone would agree if you showed them what you can do."_

_In response Brittany tried to tuck herself behind her father's leg but her mother took her hand and began to gently tug her in the direction of the accursed building. When she tried digging her heels into the ground her mother spun around on her._

_"Brittany you are seven years old, you aren't a baby, you don't see the other kids freaking out in the parking lot do you?" she said shortly._

_"Aw come on Lori, you're never too old for stage fright." Dwight said kindly._

_"Hey Britt if you're that worried think about after the play. Remember you're going to Sam's house so you guys can go trick or treating, just think about how much fun that'll be." Frank said like it was a brilliant idea._

_Brittany nodded because three pairs of eyes were expecting her to but honestly she would trade trick or treating for not having to dance in front of people any day. The only person who seemed to understand her reluctance was Sam, he watched her carefully and when her mother tried to pull her again he stepped forward._

_"Mrs. Pierce I can walk her inside." He offered._

_Brittany wasn't keen on the idea of having to go at all but if she were going to be forced into the building she'd rather it be by someone that understood her._

_Lori looked from Sam to her daughter, "If I send you with him will you walk inside like a big girl?"_

_"Yes ma'am." She said pulling from her mother's iron grip and taking Sam's soft, albeit slightly sticky, hand._

_"Okay, were going to find our seats then." She said, "And Brittany, you dance beautifully, do what you do naturally and you will see there is nothing to be scared of."_

_She nodded again even though all she felt at the moment was the blanketing feeling of complete terror._

_Her mother started off, but Frank paused before leaving to give some final words of advice, "I was told a long time ago that to get over stage fright just picture the audience in their underwear, I use that when I get nervous and it works every time." He said before giving her a stout clap on the back and moving quickly to catch up with his wife._

_"Lets get to it then shall we?" Dwight said as he began towards the door._

_Sam smiled at her as he gently guided her after him, "You're gonna do great." He said softly._

_"But I have to dance alone, in front of everyone, d-dressed as a scarecrow."_

_He frowned, "Yeah but that's cause Mr. Ryerson is weird, everyone already knows that so you don't need to worry about it."_

_She couldn't help but smile at that a little, "He **is** weird."_

_They walked quietly through the doors and to the auditorium where hundreds of people were already gathered. Brittany had hoped that most of the students and parents wouldn't show up but apparently the promise of free food and candy was enough to get a more than decent turnout._

_Dwight led them backstage near the small area where her classmates were already gathered. Brittany knew this was where she parted ways with Sam so when he tried to let go of her hand she held it tighter._

_He gave her another small smile, "Do you want me to help you run away? My dad's shown me all the back ways out of here."_

_That sounded wonderful, it was the answer to her every wish and prayer but then Dwight stepped in, "Lori would skin both of us if you did." He said with a chuckle, "Britt I know all of this is scary for you right now, but trust me it isn't a big deal. By the time you get your first handful of candy tonight you won't even remember what you were so scared of."_

_"There you are!" came an overly dramatic voice from behind._

_Brittany didn't need to turn to know her dance instructor Mr. Ryerson had found her, but she did and saw the man barreling down on her._

_"If you need me I'll be nearby." Sam said before he got too close._

_Sam's father worked as a volunteer for events at McKinley and always allowed Sam to shadow him as he worked the lights and backdrops. It was a little comforting to know he would be so close._

_She wanted to answer but was dragged bodily away from the Evans' by Mr. Ryerson as he prattled on about the integrity of his production being compromised by her absence. What all that meant exactly she did not know, however, knowing him like she did, she could assume it was nothing nice._

_He released her in the direction of the line forming just offstage hoping she would move into her position, but she stood completely still. At the the sound of someone introducing the play over the loud speaker her heart began pounding against her ribcage harder than ever and she could feel her meager lunch threatening to make a reappearance._

_"Brittany?" Questioned Mr. Ryerson's high worried voice, "Brittany honey you need get in position. The show is starting and you're a key player."_

_"I can't." she choked out, an action made more difficult because her throat felt like it was closing when she tried to talk._

_"Why not?" he asked sharply._

_She knew it was pointless to plead with this man but she tried anyway hoping someone would understand, "I'm scared." She whimpered._

_"I know you are dear that's what stage fright is." He said as he began to push towards the long line of costumed students that were waiting for the dancing pumpkins to finish so they could occupy the stage._

_Once he put her in the proper position in line he spun her around to face him, "Listen to me Brittany S. Peirce, you are an exceptional dancer and I say that with all the bitter jealously of a man who tried multiple times to join _Cirque Du Soleil_. You have a gift, a special gift that it is your duty to share with all those people out there. You're it, you are the only thing that ties this play together, these other kids don't have what you have. We are in Ohio and those knuckle dragging cretins could not possibly understand my vision of Sleepy Hollow as an interpretive dance piece but you Brittany, you have something that may get through to them." He said, a burning conviction in his eyes._

_Behind her Rick Nelson snorted, "My dad's out there and he's not a knuckle dragging crouton."_

_Mr. Ryerson gave Rick a hard stare, "As your teacher I can't respond in the way I'd like but lets just say that I do not think Mr. Nelson will get the finer points of this performance."_

_The boy's face turned as red as his rust colored hair, "Only because plays are stupid, and so is dance."_

_Turning back to Brittany he added, "This from the boy who's mother put him in my class to try and help him become a man of culture while simultaneously letting him come to school with that haircut. As I said, these people are idiots, make them see the light. Go out there and shine!" he said grandly._

_It occurred to her that he had meant to be complimentary and helpful with that speech, in actuality it had made everything a million times worse._

_He left to take his place on the opposite side of the stage and Brittany stood rooted to the spot watching him go. In the process her eyes then fell on Rick, she only knew him as the kid with a mullet and a mean streak, and right now he was standing behind her with a sneer on his narrow face, a look intensified by his skeleton costume and face paint._

_"You aren't more special than everyone else, he only said all that cause he knows you're going to mess up."_

_It was then that Brittany decided she was going to run, far and fast, as soon as she could get her legs to work, but the pumpkins finished their dance to mild applause and everyone began moving onto the stage. Her eyes widened in panic and she managed to take a step back and was almost able to take another before Rick shoved her violently ahead._

_She stumbled out onto the stage and for the second time managed not to fall though she didn't know how. When she straightened she was under the blazing stage lights and the scrutinizing stare of hundreds of strangers._

_Frantically she looked around for Sam, but couldn't see him, failing that she searched for her parents and spotted them in the front row. Her mother seemed tense and her father was smiling widely while giving her two thumbs up. Frightened blue eyes fixated on the emergency exit lights that shone dimly from the backstage area and Brittany tried to figure out how to make her body work again so she could run to it._

_But she couldn't, not then and not when the slow piano riff that signaled the intro to their first song began. Standing in a row of other students she didn't feel too bad about not even pretending to move her mouth. There were two larger kids in front of her that blocked her view of the audience and, more importantly, their view of her. So during the re-envisioned mellow version of _This is Halloween_ she was allotted time to concentrate on calming down enough to be able to run away in a panic._

_However the song finished and another melody began, one that made her blood run ice cold, it was the opening to her solo dance song. The sound put a fear in her heart like she had never known and when her classmates began to turn and look at her, wondering why she wasn't moving forward, she felt like she couldn't breathe._

_Off to her right she could see Mr. Ryerson signaling frantically for her to go, and in the audience her mother had her hand over her mouth in worry while her father was busy mouthing 'underwear' at her._

_She was content to stand there and fight the urge to pass out when she was shoved again by Rick, "That's your cue, get out there stupid!" he snapped as he launched her from their lineup and out to the front of the stage._

_This time she did fall and when she stood again she could feel a heat radiating off her face that had nothing to do with the spotlight that had fallen on her. She contemplated calling for Sam but she was pretty sure if she opened her mouth she would vomit._

_In the crowd her father was pointing obviously to his lap still mouthing 'underwear' and her mother was shaking her head slowly. A few kids in the audience sniggered and she could feel Mr. Ryerson's glare on the back of her neck, but instead of letting that overwhelm her she closed her eyes and tried to block it all out. To do what Sam had taught her and pretend they weren't there, that **she** wasn't there, that she was at home with him reading comics, eating their Halloween candy and having a great time._

_She would calm herself and run off stage. That was her plan, that was her only goal in life at the moment, and for a second she thought maybe she could do it. Until Rick got bored of waiting, dashed up behind her and yanked her pants down cheering loudly when the children in the auditorium erupted into laughter._

_For a surreal moment Brittany wasn't even sure what had happened, she looked at Rick, then down at her raggedy scarecrow pants pooled at her ankles and finally at her now exposed Mickey Mouse panties._

_Mr. Ryerson flew out and hauled Rick backstage leaving Brittany alone, frozen and exposed._

_It was like drowning without water, her lungs seemed to have quit and her heart seemed determined to blow itself out. She was dizzy and nauseous, wishing so badly someone, **anyone**, would help her get out of there._

_She saw her father trying to signal her to pull her pants up and her mother was wincing at the whole thing, the worst part was every kid in the audience was doubled over with laughter and even a few adults were chuckling._

_Brittany was trapped between the very real feeling that she was going to die and the humiliation of being laughed at after having her pants pulled down in front of the whole school. She couldn't think straight or move an inch, the lack of oxygen combined with her racing heart made her chest hurt. She looked at her mother desperate to convey that she needed help, that she was dying while they sat there and watched, but no one came and all she could do was stand there and let it all happen. Though after a few more agonizing seconds it overwhelmed her to the point that she blacked out. There was a calming peace that took over as her eyes closed as she was able to reason that at least when she woke again she would be off the stage._

_The girl woke and caught herself before she fell, looking around she saw the auditorium full of people trying to quiet laughing children or muttering to each other. In the front row she saw a solemn looking Lori watching her intently and Frank pointing to his crotch mouthing something, she scowled at that._

_The sound of music hit her ears and it occurred to her that she should be dancing, it also occurred to her that she was in her underwear with only a tattered top to cover her chest. But the girl decided it didn't matter, as a matter of fact it was better this way, clothes were constricting, especially when she was trying to move around. So she took her place in the center of the stage and began to go through the steps she remembered, the dance was simple and she went through it flawlessly._

_From the first move she made a hush had fallen over the crowd and when the music finally faded everyone was completely silent. The girl, satisfied with her performance, then turned to leave because she had bored of the stage already. Still in only her top and panties she left without offering anyone a second glance._

_She was aware that she had left her pants behind but since she was comfortable she walked calmly to her classroom get her bookbag remembering Brittany left it knowing she would return to the school later in the day._

_The room was open and she went straight to the cubbyhole that said 'Brittany', pausing to consider the label above her bag, a deep frown on her features. She wasn't Brittany and had no desire to be called that, but what did she want to be called?_

_The girl took the bag thinking hard on the subject when she heard fast footsteps coming down the hallway and seconds later Sam burst through the door, "Britt!" he called when he saw her making her glower a little; that name didn't suit her at all, even when shortened, "Britt I'm sorry, dad sent me to go get something so I wasn't where I said I'd be."_

_She smiled, her memories of him weren't her own but when she searched them she knew she felt the same way Brittany did. Sam was a nice person, she liked him._

_"It's okay, I worked it out." She said._

_"Uh, you don't want to put your pants back on?" he asked as he noticed she still wasn't wearing much below the waist._

_"I'm fine like this."_

_"O-okay." He said rubbing his neck and looking away, "We should go back, your mom and dad are looking for you."_

_"I don't care." And she didn't, she was pretty sure she didn't like them._

_Sam frowned, "They're worried about you."_

_She doubted that, if they were worried they would have gotten up on stage and helped Brittany when she obviously needed it._

_He only gave her and odd look before taking her hand and leading her back down the hall. The first person they came across was Sam's father who rushed to her side when he saw her, "Are you okay?"_

_"Where were you?" the girl asked wondering why none of the adults around Brittany even attempted to come to her aid._

_Dwight looked a little surprised by the question but answered anyway, "I was trying to fix one of the counterbalances backstage and I sent Sam off to get my kit that I left in the car like an idiot. I'm sorry Brittany, that Nelson kid is a real piece of work."_

_"I saw what happened but only at the end, I was going to go get her but then she started dancing and I thought she might be okay." Sam told his father._

_"**Are** you alright though?" he asked the girl again._

_"I'm okay." She said simply._

_"You're sure?"_

_"Yup." Dwight was nice, she decided she liked him too._

_"I'm gonna take your word on it, but here, it's cold outside." He said removing his jacket and zipping her up in it._

_It fell past her knees and she didn't like the confinement, but it was nice to know he cared, "Thanks."_

_"Come on." He said gently taking her hand and unfortunately leading her back to her parents who were looking for her out at the car._

_When Lori spotted her she came over and picked the girl up in a hug, "I'm so proud of you Brittany, you were perfect out there." She said and the girl glared, when she thought back she could see Brittany really liked this woman but decided she didn't share that opinion._

_"Why didn't you help?" the girl asked._

_"Because I knew you could do it. Whether it be to walk off that stage or finish your routine you needed to get through it on your own. Though I must admit I never expected you to actually dance after what happened." She said running a hand lovingly through the girl's hair._

_No. She definitely didn't like this person._

_Wriggling she managed to convey that she was ready to be put down, only to find Frank intercepting her decent. He raised her up into his arms and planted a big kiss on her cheek, "Nelson's boy is an idiot and I told him so for you, kid's a ginger with a mullet you'd think he'd be trying to call **less** attention to himself." He laughed and the girl smiled slightly, Frank was silly, she liked him a little, "And I told you that underwear trick would work, apparently even if you're in yours… By the by where are your pants?" Frank added seeing her bare legs stick out of the jacket._

_He looked at Dwight who shrugged, "It's how I found her, thought you guys had her stuff."_

_"I'll go get them." Lori said turning to do so._

_The girl squirmed out of Frank's arms and moved to Sam's side, "I don't want them, I'm ready to go now." She growled._

_Lori looked like she was going to protest but Dwight cut her off, "It's okay, Brittany's coming home with us anyway and they're just going to change into their outfits when they get back. I can take her now."_

_"But aren't you still helping with the backstage work?" she asked._

_"Got Chris working on it when I went to go find Brittany, Sandy's pretty much shutting the show down now anyway." He said taking out his keys._

_"I'm not sending my daughter off without pants." Lori said but the girl was already walking to the minivan that she knew to belong to the Evans'._

_Frank looked to his wife and lowered his voice, "Let her go, she's probably actually really embarrassed about what happened and needs some cool-down time."_

_Stiffly nodding Lori gave her approval and Dwight clicked the unlock button for the van, the girl climbed inside immediately, followed shortly by Sam, and closed the door. The adults talked for a little bit longer before Dwight joined them in the vehicle, he and Sam waved to Lori and Frank as they walked back into the school, the girl only watched._

_Her memory told her they weren't bad people, but she didn't like them. Frank was the only one she could see herself one day changing her mind about._

_The car started and they had pulled out of the parking lot when Sam asked, "They were going to have to get her pants anyway, why not wait?"_

_Dwight looked at the girl through the rear view mirror, "If my instincts are correct Brittany was really ready to leave pants or no right?"_

_She nodded; it was true for herself and Brittany._

_After a short drive they arrived at the Evans' household, the girl leapt out of the vehicle and walked inside enjoying the feeling of seeing all the things that were sitting in her memory. The house was as warm and inviting as she recalled it would be, and when she entered the kitchen she saw a woman she knew to be Mary Evans checking on something baking in the oven._

_The woman was pregnant, but Brittany didn't know how far along Mary was so neither did the girl but she assumed it was pretty far because her belly was enormous._

_"Hi Brittany." The woman said kindly, "I'm sorry I missed your play, how did it go?"_

_"I rocked it." She said simply._

_Mary chuckled at her answer, "Good to hear."_

_The girl was going to ask about the baby when Sam came rushing in and grabbed her by the strap of her bookbag tugging her towards his room, "C'm on we gotta get ready!"_

_She looked over her shoulder at Mary and before the woman vanished from view she saw Dwight come in and give her a kiss before she asked, "Dear why is she wearing your coat?"_

_Sam yanked the door shut and dove under his bed pulling out a red and blue outfit, "Put yours on too!" he said excitedly._

_The girl frowned, she couldn't really remember what this was about. It was Halloween and that was clearly his outfit, but was she supposed to have one just like it?_

_"Am I Spiderman too?" she asked, the name coming as her memory began to unfold a little more._

_"What? No, you're Black Cat." He said as he ripped off his shirt and pulled on the red and blue one admiring himself in the mirror immediately after even though the costume wasn't complete._

_The words Black Cat were in her memory but it was still fresh for Brittany, something she had just learned, so it took a moment for the girl to recall. Sam took her pause as total forgetfulness and dove back under his bed, this time coming out with a handful of comics wrapped in plastic._

_He shuffled through them until he came to the one he wanted, pulled it out and flipped through the pages. Suddenly he stopped and turned the book to her, on the page was a woman in a black, skin tight outfit with fur lining, she had a bold and brave face and as the girl looked over the page she remembered reading it before. She remembered Brittany liking this character, the girl like her too, liked her attitude._

_Too eager to hold still Sam yanked her bookbag open and pulled out the black and white costume, "You're supposed to be her, here put it on." He said eagerly as he returned to working himself into the rest of his costume._

_The girl shrugged removing the coat and working the costume on, it was a modified leotard and fit her skin quite snuggly. She liked it, it was like clothes, but unrestrictive._

_Once Sam had pulled on his red and blue pants and gloves he grabbed a plastic mask off his dresser and covered his face, turning to her he spread his arms, "How do I look?"_

Like a kid in a costume_, but the girl knew Sam didn't want to hear that, "You look like him."_

_"Uh," he said looking her over, "You aren't going to wear your undershirt?"_

_Searching her memory she knew that Brittany had been uncomfortable with the low cut of the outfit and had packed a white t-shirt to cover her chest. The girl didn't mind though._

_"Nah."_

_Sam blinked at her for a moment before shrugging, "Okay."_

_At that moment the door opened and Mary looked them over, "Sam," she sighed, "You know we're having dinner before you go out. You two need to change out of your costumes until after we eat."_

_"Aww mom we look awesome! Please don't make us change!"_

_"I don't want you getting upset over food stains on your costumes."_

_"Wait!" Sam said dashing excitedly to his dresser and pulling out a couple of shirts and shorts._

_He quickly threw the shirt on his head and practically jumped into the shorts before throwing the other shirt over the girls head and handing her the extra shorts. She calmly put her arms into the sleeves as he had cocooned her in it and put the shorts on, not really knowing why he wanted her to, but doing it anyway._

_"See? Now we won't stain our clothes."_

_His mother gave him a look and then her face softened as she let out a light exhalation, "If you say so Sam." She chuckled, "Dinner's ready so come get it."_

_The girl looked down at the baggy shorts and too large top that had pieces of her costume's fluff poking out of the collar, then to Sam's similar condition._

_"We look stupid." She said flatly._

_"Nuh-uh! We're in disguise. I'm Peter Parker and you're Felicia Hardy."_

_The girl would have protested that neither character would ever fail so miserably at creating a disguise, but when he had called her Felicia it had quieted her. She knew that as the name of the Black Cat and when she thought about it she found she rather liked being called that._

_As they had failed to follow, Mary called them again and Sam rushed to the door, "Come on Felicia!" he said smiling widely and taking off down the hall._

_She returned it because she decided then that she very much liked being called that, "Coming!" she called after him._

* * *

Santana observed Felicia carefully, they were now sitting in a bistro, having traveled across the street as the blonde told the tale. With everything that had been told she didn't know what to comment on first.

Felicia was playing with her napkin when Santana asked, "And they never noticed you? Not even Brittany when she realized she had missed Halloween?"

The other woman shook her head, "It was the worst day of her life, when she woke up and realized she had missed chunks of it she was more glad than anything. Mary showed her pictures of her and Sam later but she didn't think much of it, just that she looked really happy in costume. I'm pretty sure that's what made it easy for Sam to get her to dress up for conventions, she figured if she could smile on the same day that mess happened it had to be pretty awesome."

A cool breeze kicked up in the pressing silence leaving Santana to continue to form her response, finally, after thinking it over again she growled in irritation, "I thought you said it wasn't that bad!"

Startled Felicia frowned, "It wasn't. For me at least, I didn't care about Rick or those stupid pants but Brittany took it pretty hard."

"It's clear from what you told me that she should have never been forced up on that stage and I wasn't there, but her own parents shoved her out there and sat idly by while some hick bullied her!"

"I'm not defending them by any means, but hindsight _is_ twenty-twenty. Lori can be a bit of a tool, but I'm sure she really thought she was helping by not helping."

"And your teacher I mean he practically sent that kid after you by putting you on the spot like that."

"Putting _Brittany_ on the spot like that, and yes he did."

Leaning back and sighing Santana ran her fingers through her hair, "Felicia that would have been devastating for an average kid who didn't even have stage fright."

"Wasn't for me, but I'm above average." She said with a smirk.

"So after that you what? Tried to tell her parents and they still didn't listen?"

"I did tell them once, but they thought Brittany was going through a phase. It's like I said at first I found it easier to just pass as her even it irritated me to do it."

"I don't think I really understand, you sort of popped in and out of her life at random moments after that... to do what exactly?"

Felicia scowled at that, "To do what? To live my own life. Can you imagine wanting to go out and have fun and all you ever get to do all day is watch a timid girl hang out with Sam and his friends reading comics and watching tv? I mean it wasn't all bad, they did do some fun stuff but I'm not her, I don't want to do what she wants all the time."

Nodding Santana sat back, "Okay you came out to do your own thing. And how did you always keep Brittany from noticing the missing time?"

"I told you it's easiest if she's stressed, tipsy or sleeping. When she was little I only used the third and it's a habit that carried over. I would only come out at night and sneak off to play or something, which is why you only ever saw me at night because that's just when I'm used to coming out. That and she hardly ever allows herself to drink anymore. And before you ask Brittany wanted to call you to come over today but lay down to take a nap before which is why I'm here now. When she wakes up she'll think she overslept."

"What would you get up to at night? I can't imagine there would be much to do in Ohio in the middle of the night."

"More than you'd think. When I was little I would play with Brittany's cat, make my favorite snacks, and watch shows _I_ wanted to. Sometimes I would read or dance in my room, and when I got older I found more _entertaining_ pastimes."

"And when she was little she never felt worn out with you going out at night?"

"I didn't always do it. Only once or twice a week, more if I could manage it."

"So why did you stop?"

That question made Felicia pause, "Well… that's a whole 'nother story."

"I've got time."

"But I don't. Too much longer and Sam will come searching for her and that can get hairy, when people notice inconsistencies in where Brittany thinks she was and where I actually went it sometimes causes her to get migraines if she thinks on it too hard."

"Alright next time then. You will finish telling me right?"

"Yeah, but you still have to hold up your end of the bargain."

"I will I promise." Santana said earnestly.

Felicia smiled and stood waiting for Santana to join her and together they walked back to her car arm in arm.

She thought that knowing the truth would open some sort of path, give some sort of sign for what she should do next, but now all she wanted to do was drive to Ohio and punch Brittany's parents in the face. The only thing she could figure there was left to do was to somehow tell Brittany about her other half, but that was tricky as well. There was the fact that Felicia had warned her how that would go, and moreover the fact that the other woman had warned her at all. Would Felicia allow her to tell Brittany or would she snatch control away before she could get it all out? Could she even do that? Given that the knowledge made Brittany stressed and that was one of the things that made her susceptible to Felicia she reasoned it was totally possible. Likely even.

The best course of action that she could see was to ask for help from the only person besides Felicia who would know what was best. She would have to figure out a way to tell Sam and hope he had a better idea of how to handle it.

* * *

A/N: So. First I need to stress that with this disorder every case is different so Felicia's tale isn't 'How it goes' it is merely my knowledge of various accounts pieced together to make this one. This disorder is something caused by severe trauma and how it manifests can vary, for instance:

Not all alters have names. For fictional purposes it is clearer and more interesting if they do but it isn't a natural part of the process, it simply may or may not be. Some alters come into being and continue their lives under the name of their host, others sprout with a name already. It varies. As do their roles in the lives of their host.

DID does not only happen to children. There are accounts of health happy adults going through an incredibly traumatic time in life and developing the disorder, so the idea that it happens at a certain time or that there is a cutoff age is false.

And though I stated it before a few have been asked about this a few times so I'll reiterated that the abuse does not have to be sexual in nature. Anything that causes distress past the person's ability to cope can cause the brain to do this, assuming it is capable.

Honestly I find DID as the highest compliment to one's mind because of the rigid complexity and compartmentalization the brain has to operate with, but that's just me.

In case you didn't catch it Brittany does suffer from social phobia (social anxiety disorder) which is what pushed a normally stressful situation into the stratosphere of disastrous.

There is still more to Felicia's story and Santana's going to get to it, but first she needs to get to Sam. That should be interesting... I mean I'm writing it and _I_ think it is... though I may be biased.

I really hope you liked it.

Review if the mood strikes.


	12. Chapter 12

For Santana Lopez, a woman who had fought her way up the corporate ladder, it was a little weird to be so afraid to call an employee into her office. Sam was just outside her door and it would be a simple matter to call him in yet she gone as far as contemplating inputting errors in his studious paperwork to call him about. She had declined Brittany's offer to join her for lunch to give herself a little more time to think and to keep from succumbing to the urge to blurt out the truth about Felicia. After hearing the outgoing blonde's story it was getting harder and harder not to do, she almost had that morning when Brittany met her in the parking lot.

She ate her lunch in silence, focusing more on what she wanted to say to Sam rather than how to get him into her office, and by the time she had finished eating it was clear that direct action was best.

With renewed purpose she walked to her door like the boss she was, opened it and commandingly walked to his cubicle to find him on ebay bidding on a toy of some sort. Lucky for him she didn't care at the moment.

"Sam." She said and almost laughed at how quickly he shut off his screen.

"Hey boss lady what can I do for you?" he said none to smoothly.

"I need to speak with you in my office."

With that she turned and returned promptly to her sanctuary, it appeared as if it was to get Sam to follow immediately and in a way it was, but honestly it was to avoid the piercing stare of the woman in the adjoining cubicle.

Taking the hint Sam scrambled after her looking more and more worried with each step, and when she closed the door behind him he finally cracked.

"I don't usually bid at work but that was a _mint_ condition Boba Fett -"

She waved her hands to cut him off, "I'm not worried about that, I actually needed to talk to you about Brittany."

He frowned, "Again? Look not to sound rude or anything but couldn't this wait till after work?"

"So as not to interrupt your bidding?" Santana asked sitting behind her desk.

Sam blanched at that and shrugged a little, "I had real work too."

"It can't wait because what I have to say I wanted to say in the privacy of my office… I don't want Brittany hearing just yet."

Those words made Sam turn quite serious, "What is it?"

"I'm not a doctor but as best I can tell Brittany suffers from split personalities." She said clearly and without hesitation, it was out there, off her chest and now the ball was in his court.

They stared at each other for a long time before he chuckled, "Okay really what did you want to tell me?"

Santana frowned, "That's it. You think I brought you in here to tell you a joke."

"Uh, apparently you did." He answered still chuckling.

"Sam she has a serious problem and it has gone by unnoticed by everyone throughout her life, you're her friend and I'm coming to you because you know her best and I hoped you would have some ideas about how to get her help."

"I am her friend, I've also been there for her through the ups and downs of her life and its always been the same Brittany."

"But it hasn't!" she snapped incensed that he wasn't taking her more seriously, "She has this other person living inside her and I have met her, talked to her and it is _not_ Brittany."

He looked no more convinced now than at the start of their conversation, "Another person living inside her…" he said slowly as if trying to get her to understand how crazy that sounded.

It infuriated her because she already knew how it sounded.

"Yes! A whole different person who is the complete opposite of Brittany, she even calls herself by a different name."

In that instant something she said seemed to have gotten through and Sam's face took on a pained look, "Don't tell me it's Felicia Hardy."

Santana's mouth fell open, "You know?"

He took in a deep breath and let it out, "Yeah… it's this thing we used to do when we were kids, we'd play like we were characters in comic books and Brittany liked being Felicia the most, she would really get into it. And when we got older she started having girl troubles because she was so timid y'know, so I told her she should act like Felicia, even if she was really nervous but… it always sort of backfired because she couldn't keep up the act forever and once the bravado left the girl usually did too. I know it's weird and all and I'm a little surprised she's gone back to pulling that and more so that she would actually use that name out loud anymore, but it's how she deals with her nerves. She really likes you and wants to…" he paused to make a random gesture, "_you know_, but she's scared. She's sort of had a history of this happening and please don't tell her I said this but it's why she's so afraid to be intimate. She's afraid you'll sleep with her, be unsatisfied and leave like everyone else did."

Santana sat completely still, Sam had just told her something incredibly important but she wasn't quite sure what it was. Did Brittany actually attempt to gain bravery from pretending to be Felicia or had Sam and the girls she was with mistake the real thing for play?

Regardless of the answer to that question the immediate problem was the fact that Sam was still not understanding her. Sitting before him as the seconds ticked by she realized he never would, not unless he saw it for himself, and how could she arrange that?

With a sigh she sat back and waved her hand, "Alright well thanks for your time, I hope you win the bid on your toy."

"Collectible action figure." He corrected and turned to the door, but once his hand touched the knob he stopped and turned back to her, "Hey, I know I have no say in this but if you're planning to leave her over this, please be gentle. People have trampled on her heart her whole life and I think she would be devastated if you did it too." With that he opened the door and left.

Santana let him go because she had no response, she didn't know what she was going to do about Brittany, but she had no intention of being harsh should things end, that was the only thing she was sure about.

For now, her remaining course of action was to pick up the phone and see if Sugar had found anything.

* * *

Brittany watched Sam exit Santana's office with worried eyes, his face was grave and that was not a good sign. She caught his eyes and he threw her a weak smile, the sight made her stomach bottom out. The uneasiness she had been pushing aside came back in full force; that had been Sam's 'Don't worry' smile, the one he only gave when she should _definitely_ be worrying.

Santana rarely called anyone into her office, if she had something to say she said it and moved on quickly. This had been about her, she was sure of it, and it had made Sam come out looking like that.

Turning back to her screen she waited for him to lean over the space between their cubicles to make a joke or tell her what it had been about but the muffled clicking of keys told her he wasn't going to. After a moment she returned to work as well, or at least she tried, it was hard to type when tears kept blurring her vision.

Frustrated with herself she ripped off her glasses and wiped furiously at her eyes trying to understand why she was crying about this. Sam could have been getting chewed out for all his internet surfing. Santana had seemed distant this morning, ducked her at lunch and hadn't even glanced her way when she came out of her office, but that could all be coincidental. It could be all her ominous feelings from the past making her paranoid. But even if it wasn't, even if every bad thing she suspected was coming to pass she had known from the beginning this relationship would end at some point so why was she crying?

Because somewhere their relationship had stopped being a fantasy come true for her and evolved into something so comforting and real that the idea of letting it go hurt.

Wiping her face dry and shoving her glasses on she went back to double checking her figures purposefully not thinking on it any more. She wanted to enjoy whatever time they had left and she wouldn't be able to do that if she focused on some potential breakup.

However resolving not think about it meant that was all she did.

At the end of the day she asked Sam what Santana had wanted and he mumbled something about not using the internet for private use. It was an obvious lie but she wasn't sure she was ready for the truth so she let it slide.

On the bus ride home he went on about how some loser sniped the figure he had been bidding on while Brittany fell back into thoughts of Santana. She dwelled on her and their stagnating relationship until they arrived home where she went straight to her room to change into her night clothes before attempting to sleep her troubles away. And maybe it would have worked if she had been able to fall asleep. All she could do was look at the clock and think of Santana alone in her office working late into the night.

She stay like that until roughly 9:30 when she knew Santana would begin to pack up and begin her trip home. To an empty house. Sitting up she looked at the clock as if it had said something, it was 9:30 and Santana was going home to no one. The most beautiful woman in the world was going home alone with only kisses to hold her over until their next date which was almost a week away, a date that would end in a make-out session that would leave them both panting and frustrated.

_And you wonder why she wants to break up with you._ Brittany snarled at herself.

This was her fault and no one else's, Santana had been patient and kind and all she got in return was a woman who hadn't done a single thing to make their relationship move forward. Her mother had always told her that it was all in her head, that her fears were unfounded and if she could just pull herself together she could do anything.

Brittany didn't believe that, not then and not now, but now she had to try her damnedest or risk losing Santana. Maybe they didn't have a chance and it could be that sex would be the very thing to break them, but keeping her at bay was ending them for sure and she wasn't going to let her woman go without a fight.

In a flash of movement Brittany ejected herself out of bed and grabbed her phone, dialing the number for a cab as her mind raced. She could do it. She would meet Santana at home and make love to her even if it did give her a heart attack, she would not let their relationship die because she sat by and let it. The sex might be terrible and Santana may break up with her on the spot but at least she tried, at least she reached for the stars instead of sitting around and waiting for them to fall into her lap.

By the time the cab arrived she was determined, but as it drove her closer to her destination a pang of fear began to creep in, and when she was in front of the building her heart was pounding in her hears. The call box on the bottom floor would allow her to be buzzed up but she knew if she heard Santana's voice she'd chicken out so she waited until someone else exited, slipped in after them and got on the elevator where she rallied herself.

The fear was evolving into panic but she wasn't going to let it stop her, she was going to do this, she _had_ to do this or try to until she passed out.

When she arrived at Santana's door her palms were sweating and she wiped them hastily on her sweatpants only then realizing she hadn't changed clothes. She was standing in front of Santana's apartment in her purple sleep sweatpants and an old _My Neighbor Totoro _t-shirt. Preemptively she made the decision not to think anymore, at all, for any reason. The only thing she would allow was action because thinking would make her run downstairs to catch the cab again.

Not thinking made her able to pound on the door and wait endless seconds for the sound of someone approaching to reach her ears. And when Santana opened the door it kept her from wondering if the Latina had guests over for once when she kissed and immediately pushed her inside the apartment.

Santana barely had time to kick the door shut before Brittany began to maneuver them to the bedroom and when she had broken their kiss long enough to push her soon-to-be lover down on the bed Santana gave her a worried look.

"Brittany?" her voice made it seem like she wasn't sure who had burst in her door.

If Brittany had been allowing herself to think that would have made her pause and question her actions but as it was her heart was already beginning its familiar shift from fast to out of control so she didn't.

"Yeah." She answered, it was all she had, thinking was totally forbidden because it was hard enough to keep her hands from trembling to think about all the things that she could be doing wrong.

Needing to get things moving as soon as possible she lay down on top of the smaller woman kissing her on every inch of exposed skin and pushed her hands under the partially unbuttoned dress shirt that kept her from seeing the swell of the breasts she wanted to touch so badly. And without thinking she did. She took them in her hands and squeezed gently, loving the feel almost as much as the sound that Santana made when she did.

But the thrum of blood pumping in her ears was starting to drown that sound out and through her determination she could still feel the hesitation in her movements, but she pressed on. Keeping her mind clear of anything but the desire that had been building since the first moment she had seen the woman and moved the bra out of the way to take two handfuls of the soft flesh.

Santana moaned again and it made Brittany's breath come in short gasps, but she could make it, she knew she could and she wanted to now more than ever. Then Santana's hands made it under her shirt and she couldn't help but grind down onto the soft willing body below her. But that turned out to be a fatal mistake as it sparked a wave of arousal so powerful it shattered her forced mental calm and every insecurity she ever had regarding sex came crashing down with a vengeance.

Brittany would have given anything, _anything_ in the world to ignore it, but it was too much. With her anxieties came the nausea and dizziness that usually did when things had gone too far and her heart already felt like it might go out at any second.

Unable to bear another second she jumped back as if burned, cursing herself, tears already falling because she had failed, and so far from the finish line it was depressing.

Santana sat up looking ruffled and confused, "What happened?"

"I can't." she cried, "I'm sorry. I know this isn't what you want, you're an adult and you want an adult relationship but I think I'm just s-stuck at hormonal preteen who's scared of sex."

Still confused Santana moved closer wiping her tears away, "If you're still not ready then why-"

"Because I am!" she shouted, more at herself than Santana, "I'm ready and I want you but I'm…" she stopped because she was crying again and making an ass of herself.

That gripping fear from before began to surface once again and Brittany was so angry at it she wished it was a physical entity so she could focus her rage on ripping it out of her chest. She got off the bed to make a break for the door and end her embarrassment before it became any more serious. However before she could leave Santana grabbed her arm and pulled her back onto the bed. Brittany felt her heart start it's unwelcome, warning beat when she landed between Santana's legs, her back pressed against the smaller woman's breasts.

"It's okay you don't have to leave." She said quietly.

"I didn't mean to burst in here and act like a moron." Brittany mumbled.

Santana kept her hands above Brittany's shirt as she wrapped her hands around her middle, "It's too much. That was too much for you right now."

She wanted to tell her that it wasn't, that she had gone much farther with plenty of other men and women without this much trouble, but she didn't want to come off as a slut. Usually her apprehensions would subside when desire finally decided to take over. But with Santana there was no subsiding, it was constant anxiety and she was sure her fear of what would happen after was the cause. She'd had these worries before, but never with someone she wanted to impress so badly.

_'Impress'? I'd settle for 'not being a disappointment'._

"Anything past making out is too much." Brittany grumbled, "It's so pathetic."

She meant it. She had by some miracle gotten Santana Lopez to date her _and_ want sex with her and all she could do was have a mental breakdown every time things heated up.

Santana thought for a moment before pulling Brittany's hair away from her neck, "So let's take small steps." She said and kissed the newly exposed skin.

Shuddering Brittany closed her eyes and tried to enjoy the sensation but she was still completely tense for what would follow and she knew Santana could feel it. Instead of commenting on it Santana moved from her neck to her jaw and finally to her mouth as her right hand traced Brittany's entwining their fingers.

After a short time under such careful touches her body fell more naturally into Santana's and when she did the brunette brought their still entwined hands to rest on Brittany's stomach. Their kiss deepened and soon Santana pulled her fingers free but kept her hand on Brittany's as she gently took control of its movements. Her breathing hitched when she felt Santana guided her hand down her shirt, over her sweats and into making contact with the juncture between her legs but the only excessive beating her heart did was due to the arousal she felt because of the action.

Santana pressed her fingers into a steady rhythm that stimulated her faster than she had ever managed on her own. She couldn't help the sounds that escaped her but every one seemed to entice the other woman to kiss her so she couldn't feel anything but pleased when it happened.

She was sure she was ruining her underwear and probably her sweats as well, but couldn't find it in her to care when Santana was breathing heavily into the crook of her neck in between hot kisses to her skin. And when the smaller woman guided their hands from the outside of her clothes to beneath them she somehow managed not worry about that either.

Brittany had touched herself before, more times than she would have willingly admitted to anyone, but somehow with Santana guiding her movements it was the single most erotic thing that had ever happened to her. The brunette's skin never touched anything other than her hand but she kept a firm grip on Brittany's fingers as she made them slide over slick skin and tease the sensitive nerves with a finesse Brittany had never known them to posses. In some distant way she was sure this could be construed as embarrassing but she couldn't work out how because her eyes were half closed and fixed on the sight of their hands moving beneath her clothes while Santana nipped at her ear.

Strong muscles flexed and before she knew it Santana had her pressing two fingers inside herself before capturing her mouth in another deep kiss. The sensation numbed her while making every inch of her come alive, Brittany's head felt back on Santana's shoulder as the other woman made her work herself into a frenzy. Their movements were smooth and perfectly in sync as Santana rocked with her, kissing every available part of her.

In her excitement Brittany's obnoxious anxieties continued to fail to come into play when Santana's left hand found its way under her bra and began to knead her breast softly. Instead of making her panic it made moan out in pleasure and at the sound Santana grinned as she gave her another kiss.

Nestled into Santana's neck she suddenly became aware of the mixed scent of Santana's shampoo, perfume and arousal, and it was enough to send her over the edge. What _actually_ did was Santana's abrupt break in protocol when she moved her hand off of Brittany's to give her clit a quick flick. Brittany arched forward as her body began to tremble and Santana returned her hand to its previous position to help her ride out each tremor.

When Brittany collapsed against her lover she felt Santana kiss her temple tenderly, "How was that?"

Brittany could only laugh because what kind of question was that?

Santana pulled both their hands from beneath her clothes and even reluctantly released the breast that had been receiving the attentions of her other hand. Sitting up Brittany turned and looked to see the arousal alight in Santana's eyes, the sight sparked something inside her that also made old worries resurface.

Desperate to at least try to do something for her Brittany kissed her deeply while cupping her softly, trying to focus on how Santana was practically panting into their kisses and not how her lungs seemed to going on strike.

She tried to be brave, to stick out the oncoming heart palpitations but Santana seemed to sense her stress and slid back before she could make another move. Brittany looked questioningly to her, fear crossing her features as her brain immediately informed her that she had done something wrong. But before she could begin to doubt herself Santana pulled her into position they were previously in, with her back to Santana's front.

"Small steps okay?" she said panting slightly.

"Right." Brittany replied thankfully.

Santana released air from between her teeth in a slow hiss, "I think I need a cold shower."

"I'm sorry I couldn't…" she didn't even finish her sentence because she could feel her face heating up.

Santana took hold of her chin and forced Brittany's eyes to meet hers, "Can you make me a promise?" she asked and Brittany immediately nodded, "Promise you'll stop apologizing for yourself. Don't ever be sorry for being you, not to me or anyone else."

Brittany felt like she might cry again but for the first time in a long time it wasn't out of shame or sorrow, "I promise."

Smiling she gave the blonde a quick reassuring kiss, "Good."

"I think I need a shower too, and a change of clothes." Brittany said wiggling uncomfortably, the mere knowledge that she was sitting on Santana's bed, in her lap, in that state should have had her in the midst of a full blown panic attack but like everything else that had happened recently it didn't.

Santana laughed and kissed her again, "I can arrange that."

* * *

After a brief shower and being loaned a matching set of beige cotton pajamas Brittany lay wrapped in Santana's sheets surrounded by the smell of the woman and she loved it. Her girlfriend was a few feet away behind a closed door showering and Brittany really wanted to join her, but she suspected she knew how that attempt would go. Which sucked because as soon as she had gotten in the shower herself an overwhelming need to rush back out demand an encore came over her, she didn't though because that would have been incredibly unfair to Santana.

The woman already looked a little on edge from Brittany's failure to reciprocate and though she felt bad, it didn't send her spiraling into shame because Santana somehow knew how to put her at ease.

As true as that was her heart rate still spiked when she heard the water turn off and thoughts of a nude Santana exiting the shower pranced through her head.

The lack of sound was replaced with shuffling and later the sound of a blow dryer which gave her time to calm before the door opened. Santana walked out in a loose fitting red silk pajama set that somehow looked as classy as her work clothes. She moved through the room straightening stray items and putting her clothes in the hamper and Brittany found herself unable to look away from the sight. She was only walking around doing mundane things but with her hair falling around her shoulders in natural curls and her face, free of any makeup and lit softly by the lamp in the corner, Santana looked gorgeous.

She also looked much less tense and Brittany could not stop herself from wondering if something other than cold water had to do with that. The thought was halted quickly because if she was going _sleep_ in a bed with Santana she could _not_ think like that.

Once she had finished straightening her room she crawled under the covers Brittany and curled up behind the blonde draping her arm around her waist. Brittany allowed it to rest there a moment before she clasped Santana's hand in both of hers and pulled it up to her chin forcing the other woman even closer.

There was no complaint and Brittany happily relaxed into her again feeling safe in another's embrace for the first time in so long she could hardly remember when. She recalled long ago feeling completely protected in her father's arms but at some point in her life that had stopped. She still loved, even craved his hugs but they didn't make her feel safe like they used to, like nothing could hurt her. Sam had always been a comforting presence but even he didn't make her feel untouchable. But here, now, with Santana pressed against her she felt totally secure, like Santana was a guardian who would watch over and guard her through the night. And though she knew her girlfriend was only human and could do no such thing it didn't stop her from feeling like she was her hero.

* * *

Santana held Brittany and closed her eyes tightly trying to figure out what the hell she was doing. It certainly hadn't been her plan to let things go this far. One minute she was getting ready for bed and the next she was pinned to her bed being kissed silly. She blamed her libido and the sex drought she had put herself under with Felicia, but when she was honest with herself she had done it because she wanted to. Because she was the only person who could see the truth of the timid woman and in an instant had come up with a way to help her, to help _them_ with their relationship.

However in doing that she had gone too far and put them somewhere new, different and nothing but messy to try and escape from.

Taking a deep breath she inhaled Brittany's scent one that she could easily pick out through her own sheets, clothes, and her own coconut shampoo. It warmed her and made her feel a peace her mind was tired of attempting to reject.

What was done was done and at this point Santana didn't regret a thing, given the chance she would do it all again. She was tired of trying to plan an escape route while the landscape was continually changing.

Before drifting off to sleep the final thought she had was that she was going to give up trying to get away. Whatever split personalities meant for them as a couple she would do her best to work through it. If she couldn't then so be it, but if she could hold on she would because her gut told her that this was something worth holding on to.

* * *

It was almost 5 am when Brittany strolled back into her apartment. Santana had dropped her off to change and had offered to wait so they could ride to work together, but Brittany declined hoping to slip into her room and her work clothes before anyone noticed she had gone. But as luck would have it Sam was wide awake, his eyes bleary as he ate his breakfast at their desk/table.

She tried to move past him before he even registered she was there, of course that didn't go as planned.

"Where'd you go?" he asked frowning at her attire.

She was still wearing Santana's pajama's, her own clothes were in a plastic bag on her arm and she quickly hid it behind her back.

"Er, out to check the mail."

He squinted at her, "I've been up for an hour, and you didn't come out of your room."

"Why are you up so early?" she asked trying to deflect.

"Because Rachel decided to start singing opera in the wee hours of the morning. Which you would know. If you had been in your room."

"I…" she started but couldn't really come up with a lie in time.

Sam's eyes suddenly came to life with understanding, "Those aren't your pjs!" he exclaimed smiling broadly.

"Yes they are, I got them last week." She tried feebly but Sam was on the trail of the truth and wasn't going to back down.

"I thought you were being way too quiet all night, you didn't sew or anything." He paused dramatically his eyes sparking, "Because you were getting freaky at Santana's."

"No!" Brittany snapped immediately blushing a deep crimson and they both understood that to mean 'Yes.'

"Okay, okay I won't bug you about it, but she wasn't weird about it in the morning was she?"

"No." Brittany said smiling faintly. Brittany had woken and thought the previous night over and came to the rapid conclusion that she had ruined everything but Santana rose shortly after acting no less kind and loving than she always had.

Sam stood and gave her a pat on the shoulder, "And I bet you did it being yourself." She nodded almost imperceptibly, "See? You don't need to pretend to be someone else to be confident, you can be brave _and_ Brittany."

Brittany ducked her head taking that to mean he somehow knew that she had tried to barge into Santana's apartment and be some sort of brazen sex warrior, "Please don't tell anyone about last night."

He snorted, "Who would I tell?"

"Mercedes."

His face fell, "But Britt she won't tell anyone else."

"Seriously." She said her face stern, she didn't know why but she felt the need to jealously guard what had happened the previous night. I was something she deeply treasured and she wasn't entirely sure she wanted Sam knowing about it.

"Fine. No one will know." Sam sighed, and then ruffled her hair suddenly, "Congrats anyway stud."

She could feel her face heat up again and she clenched her jaw to keep from telling him _that_ title feel to Santana.

"Sam?" she questioned.

He had moved back to his breakfast but returned to her side at the sound of his name, bringing his bowl of cereal with him, "Yeah?"

"When should I…" she faltered feeling her heart thudding more heavily, not out of an irrational fear but pure justified nervousness, "When is a good time to tell someone you love them?"

Brittany asked because she just realized she had never reached this point in a relationship with anyone before. It wasn't the first time she had felt the emotion for someone she was with but it was the first time she had ever been with someone who made her comfortable enough to consider saying it to their face.

Sam cleared his throat heavily, "Um, well that depends on you, some people like to wait until the other person says if first, but that can lead to no one saying it ever."

"Have you ever said it to Mercedes?"

"Yeah."

"Who said it first?"

"I did, because I wanted her to know. She didn't say it back right away but I sort of preferred it that way because I didn't want a reflex response, she thought about it and said it when she was sure she felt the same."

Brittany nodded a look of deep concentration on her face, "I want Santana to know, but I don't want to blurt it out."

He gave her hair another ruffle before going back to the table, "Don't rush yourself, besides feeling the need to shout I love you from the rooftops usually follows a special night like you just had. You'll know when to tell her, don't fret over it."

Brittany smiled, satisfied with the answer and walked to her room to change quickly before Rachel exited her room and somehow discovered what Sam had.

* * *

A/N: Hmm, telling Sam didn't work out, wonder how plan B went...

As of last chapter a few people were a little lost as to how being embarrassed on stage could lead to something like DID. Well for starters you must understand that with things concerning trauma and pain everyone has a different threshold. Everyone handles loss, happiness embarrassment ect differently and understanding this will get you far.

For instance Chris Sizemore witnessed an accidental death and two near fatal accidents as a child, this caused her to fracture into three separate personalities (later her psychiatrists determined she had about 20 personalities that presented themselves in groups of three yikes!). But there are countless children who witness brutal acts of violence, murder, rape and so on without ever develop a personality disorder.

Louis Vive was one of the earliest recorded cases of disassociation (though not necessarily DID) and his trauma was caused by being startled by a viper. Granted vipers suck but some people have snake bites resulting in amputations and not only don't develop the condition they go as far as to go back to working with the things.

Basically there is no guide for the amount of mental strain necessary for DID, if that person has the capacity to do it and is pushed far enough it may happen.

The idea that you have to already be mentally unwell or have a weak mind to ever develop DID is untrue though those things do make it more likely. Children are highly susceptible but it does not mean it cannot happen to an adult with a strong mental resolve because everyone has a breaking point, and how the mind reacts determines what happens after a serious trauma. Whether it be to shake it off, cry, or to create a whole different person to handle it. (not saying those are the only three options but you get it idea XP)

In Brittany's case, she has a social phobia and phobias are a whole different category of suck. They can make a person react like their very lives are on the line around whatever they have a phobia of (_can_ because phobias do have varying degrees).

Brittany's mom thought making her daughter stick out the performance would toughen her up in a 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger' kind of way but for someone with a phobia on Brittany's level that was a terrible idea. The resulting stress would indeed be sufficient to cause split personalities.

With that out of the way thanks for sticking with me this far, please keep on reading and reviewing ^.^


	13. Chapter 13

Twirling in place Brittany twisted the covers around her body to attempt to shield herself from the sound of her alarm clock. But it didn't work. The shrill notes pierced her comforter and drilled at her brain until she flung back the covers and slapped it silent.

Grumbling darkly she sank back under the covers until she heard Sam pounding at the door, "I heard that, if you're awake enough to turn off your alarm you're awake enough to get up!"

"Stop eaves dropping!" she shouted back before tucking her head back under the covers.

The action allowed her to bury her face in the soft cotton pajamas that still smelled like Santana even though she had been wearing them to bed every night since she had acquired them the week before. She was fairly certain it was a creepy thing to do but there was nothing quite like going to sleep with the smell of Santana all around her, plus she had already been told there was no rush to returning them so she continued her basking guilt free.

Sam banged on the door again, knowing she had just repositioned herself for more sleep, "You know you need every second you can get, we have end of the month reports to get done!" he called out to her.

"I don't wanna!" she whined from under her covers, but she got up anyway and grudgingly got dressed.

When she finally emerged from her room she saw Sam lazily eating one of two breakfast bagels. Upon seeing her he gave her a brief 'good morning' which was muffled from the food in his mouth and handed her his plate.

"Made you one." He said clearly after swallowing.

"Thanks." She sighed.

Aside from Santana work was every bit as tedious as it always had been, she took a bus to do a job she hated for just enough money to keep her coming back for more. She hated the hours, hated the work, and on mornings like this, were she and Sam stood in their kitchen eating a scant meal in the early hours of the morning, she wondered once again why she put up with it.

Pulling his phone out of his pocket Sam noted the time, "Bus'll be here soon so eat up."

She took several bites out of her bagel and then put it down, appetite gone, "Why are we still doing this?"

"Eating?"

"No working at a job we hate? I mean isn't there anything else we could do?"

"Um with a business degree? Not a whole lot that wouldn't be the same shit in a different location. Besides it could be worse, your boss could be a sexist asshole and your nearest neighbor could be a total jerk. The pay is pretty good and we get insurance and vacation days."

"That's all true but I still hate my job."

"Then quit and work for me." Rachel said having quietly appeared behind them.

She was wearing a gold and purple robe embroidered with Chinese characters that were so bright Brittany wondered how they hadn't noticed the second she stepped out of her room.

"No." she said easily before finishing her bagel.

Rachel pouted as she began to make coffee, "Brittany don't be that way, I need you to dress me."

"Obviously." Sam mumbled under his breath as he eyed up her robe.

Brittany giggled but Rachel remained completely oblivious, "I would pay you handsomely you know that, and you are clearly much better with clothes than you are with numbers so you'd have more time to spend with Santana."

"Don't you have anything else you could be doing right now?" Sam asked glaring.

"Always, but nothing that can't wait until I've had my morning coffee." She replied and returned her attention to Brittany.

"I don't like all the math but I don't want to sew all the time either."

"But you wouldn't have to!" she said excitedly, "Just help me pick out clothes when I shop and maybe _occasionally_ make a piece or two."

Brittany read the inflection as; _all the time_.

"No."

"That sounds horrible." Sam said with a shudder, "Come on Britt, don't want to be late."

Rachel watched them go with a huff, but stopped sulking the moment they reached the door, "Oh! By the way I am hosting another soiree tonight and I absolutely insist that you both attend."

"No." Brittany repeated. After today she was going to have some free time but she didn't want to waste any of it on Rachel's nonsense.

"But I need you there for when I tell of how you won your true love's heart!" Rachel exclaimed holding her hands over her chest dramatically, "It would be even better if you could bring Santana-"

"No!" Brittany snapped rounding on Rachel, "Don't tell any of your friends anything about Santana, leave her out of it!"

Both Sam and Rachel froze because never in all their time together had Brittany been so aggressive.

"But Brittany it is such a heartwarming tale of-"

"It's my tale and it isn't anyone else's business! It isn't even yours but you butted in anyway!"

"I beg to differ! As per the non disclosure agreement you signed any life experience or knowledge gained may be used by me as a method to complete the ever growing artistic work that is Rachel Berry."

Brittany's eyes darkened and sensing things were going further down the drain than Rachel even realized Sam stepped forward, "Yeah maybe but it doesn't mean you have the right to use _her _name or Santana's. Contractually we really can't stop you but can she ask you not to as a friend?" he asked his eyes pleading.

Rachel considered them both and pursed her lips, "I suppose I could change the names and locations."

"It would really mean a lot." He said kindly.

Brittany didn't say anything because the next words out of her mouth would not be nice and might shatter their truce.

With an overdramatized sigh Rachel threw her hands in the air, "You win, in the name of friendship I'll keep the truth to myself. I shall tell my guest that, via the internet, I have been tracking Vickie and Diana from West Virginia who are an unlikely couple that met and fell in love."

"Thank you." Sam said and cast a glance at Brittany to see if she was okay with it.

She gave a small nod and turned to leave, he quickly followed, scrambling to catch up with her since she had already reached the stairs by the time he had locked the door.

"She is unbelievable." Brittany said when he finally made it to her side.

"Yup." He agreed.

They walked brusquely to the bus stop and were pleased to see it already making its way up the street. He watched it happily and she watched him thanking him silently.

She was infinitely grateful to him for keeping some of the most precious moments of her life from being spewed out to strangers by Rachel Berry. Even the thought made her cringe. She still wanted these moments, and Santana, for herself.

* * *

Ten digits sat on a small slip of paper on Santana's desk, the paper was white and the numbers were scribbled in her familiar handwriting with simple black ink, yet she stared at them like they were some sort of magical combination. As if the numbers held the answers to the mysteries of the universe.

It was the number of Dr. Shane Tinsley, a specialist who had taken an interest in Brittany's condition.

She wanted to call, to get some advice, to finally move forward in her mission to help, but instead the number had sat unused on her desk since Sugar had given it to her the week before. And as much as Santana wanted answers she was inexplicably afraid of what he'd say.

Looking at her clock she saw it was twenty minutes until lunch and she couldn't possibly stand sitting through another lunch with Brittany looking at her with those open loving eyes and still have done nothing to help her.

Resolved she picked up the phone and dialed the numbers, the phone rang three times before the receptionist picked up and redirected her call which was once again answered after a few rings.

To her surprise a smooth baritone came trough the phone, "Hello."

Slightly thrown she sat up in her chair, she had for some reason naturally assumed a woman would be on the other end… unless it was and she just smoked. A lot. All the time.

"H-hi, Dr. Tinsley?"

"Yes."

"My name is Santana Lopez, I think Sugar Motta talked to you about me?"

"Ah, yes the dissociative identity case."

She frowned at the terminology, "Yeah, I think… but it's not me, I'm calling for my girlfriend, Brittany."

"Ms. Motta told me you were looking to have her treated-"

"No, I'm not… well not yet… I don't know. Look right now all I need is advice on how to tell her about what's going on because she is totally oblivious to Felicia."

"Should I assume that's the name of this other personality?" he asked kindly.

"Yes, sorry."

She could hear the distinct sound of leather tensing as he moved in his chair, "Have you tried simply telling her about her unusual behavior?"

"That was the first thing I wanted to do but Felicia told me not to."

"Aggressively?"

"She was more worried, she told me she had tried it and it hadn't gone well. I don't think she'll get dangerous but I have the feeling she wouldn't be incredibly pleased if I told her."

There was a long silence that she took as him thinking, "The first bit of advice I can offer is not to tell her she has another personality because in all probability she doesn't. That particular disorder is very rare, more often than not this type of thing is a combination of other disorders. Telling her something like that will cause unnecessary stress and could make whatever has her acting as this other person worse. Your best option is to tell her that she's behaving very oddly and should seek help."

"I don't think that will work."

Maybe he didn't believe they were different people but she knew they were, and with Felicia watching Brittany's every move she really wanted an option that didn't involve alerting her right away to the fact that she was taking them to be treated. Besides it was hard enough trying to figure out how on earth could she tell Brittany she needed to see a doctor. The woman had enough insecurities and this wouldn't help anything.

Another silence filled the line, "Have you tried it in reverse? Asking this Felicia if she would consider therapy?"

"I haven't, but I find it highly unlikely that she would agree."

He sighed heavily, "Well Ms. Lopez this sounds like an incredibly interesting case and I would love to be of some actual help but as I understand it you two are located in California, correct?"

"Yes."

"Unfortunately my office is in Georgia. If we were nearby I would offer to meet her in person and asses the situation myself to give the best advice, but over the phone with no other knowledge than what you've noticed there isn't much I can say."

"Couldn't you… I don't know, fly down here and take a look?"

He cleared his throat, "I'm afraid my job does not allow for me to suddenly leave my patients. I could schedule some time later on to come see Brittany and spend some time observing her to discover the best course of action, but it won't be cheap and at the end off all that there could be _no_ right way to tell her."

She almost wished she hadn't called, at least with the number un-dialed on her desk there had been hope. Now she was quite firmly back at square one.

"Listen, I understand how difficult this must be and I really am sorry I can't be of more help. If you ever do find the right way to tell her, and I highly advise you do it somehow, then please have her give me a call."

Santana rolled her eyes, "I don't think either one of us can afford you to come over here and treat her."

"I'd only talk to her to try and get a read on her situation, as best I can over the phone anyway, and advise her on how to proceed. It's the least I can do since I couldn't be of much help to you and besides, I'm interested to see what Brittany's condition actually _is_."

Santana was used to the skepticism, every doctor she had spoken to was immediately dismissive of the idea that what Brittany had was an actual split personality. It was her understanding that the condition was indeed rare but she wished someone would take it at face value. Then again her constant 'it's for a friend' claims were probably the starting point of their distrust.

"Thanks for your help then." She said slowly, he gave her a brief farewell and she hung up feeling heavy with the weight of her responsibilities.

What she needed was a backup plan for the backup plan, and after a few minutes of hard thought she decided that maybe her best option was to just try what Dr. Tinsley had suggested and appeal to Felicia.

The only thing left to do was wait for the woman to appear, and since her appearance would inevitably mean the death of another plan she hoped that it would be weeks before they saw each other again.

So of course the very next day the woman was at her doorstep.

Felicia insisted that they go out again so they hopped in Santana's car and she drove until she was sure they were well away from the city, pulling over at the first place she saw that had a decent overview of the surrounding area while offering them slight privacy.

This idea didn't go over well with her passenger, "I want to go out somewhere fun." She said giving the area a quick once over, "Unless you want to fool around?" she asked her fingers already walking up Santana's thigh.

Quickly she removed her hand, "We aren't done talking from last time." She said quickly.

Her blue eyes became considerably sadder and she leaned back in her seat staring out of her window, "What do you want to know?" she asked dejectedly.

For once Santana felt truly bad for not taking more care with Felicia's feelings, the woman was so unflappable it felt like nothing would faze her but it was clear that wasn't true. It truly did wound her to be brushed aside to an interest in Brittany every time.

"What's your favorite color?" she asked, deciding to keep up her end of their bargain.

The other woman seemed surprised by the question, and the expression was quickly replaced with one of thoughtful excitement, "Um, red, definitely red."

"Why?" she asked reflexively, she knew for a fact Brittany loved all the colors equally and her favorite orientation of them was in a rainbow pattern.

"It's bright and exciting." She said smiling.

"Okay, what's your favorite place to go-"

"Amusement park!" Felicia said instantly cutting her off, "I love amusement parks!"

"Does Brittany?"

The question had slipped off her tongue before she could stop it. It had been mere curiosity because she wondered if it was someplace she could take Brittany that would please them both.

Felicia's smile withered, "No, she hates roller coasters. They go too fast and she doesn't like heights."

"But you like them right?" Santana tried to correct.

"I love them." she said with all the excitement of someone who had watched their puppy get put down.

"Felicia I'm sorry I'm not trying to be rude, I'm doing my best."

The blonde perked up slightly, "Ask me another one."

"Alright, um, if you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?"

"If I were free from any boundaries?" Santana nodded, "I'd travel around Europe because I hear they have the best dance clubs."

"Does-" she paused to reword her question to not include Brittany, "Do you go to clubs a lot?"

"Um…" she said wringing her fingers, "I used to."

"Back before you stopped coming out all together?" Felicia was silent but the answer was clearly yes, Santana pushed a little further, "You promised to tell me everything anyway so let's just get it out of the way." she said gently.

With a grudging sigh Felicia put her elbow on the door, rested her head in her hand and began speaking, "When we were little I would only come out when she was asleep and it stayed that way until about the eighth grade. You see _I_ had been noticing the other kids in our classes in a different way for years, not necessarily in a sexual way, at first I just wanted to be really good friends. By eighth grade though I was fully aware of what I wanted from the people who caught my eye. Brittany on the other hand was just arriving to the puberty party and unfortunately all she really knew was that she was _supposed_ to like boys. She started dating them, but she wasn't really interested in guys that way so it made everything kind of awkward for her. And let me tell you, as someone who was trapped in her head, it was pure torture because I was _so_ ready for sex and she was out there just fumbling. After a while with both of us getting nowhere I decided it was time for me to got out on my own and that's when I went from watching television all night to sneaking out and finding some action. That's when I met Puck."

A feeling of dread went through her at the idea of a young Brittany unknowingly having her body lent out to some loser who called himself Puck, "You lost your virginity to him? Without Brittany even knowing?"

She shook her head, "No I _met_ Puck around then, he took me out to parties. At one I met this cute guy er… I think his name was Matt, I lost my virginity to _him_."

And just like that she was furious with this unseen Matt person whoever he was, "And you just slept with him?" Santana asked feeling her untamed anger redirect on Felicia, "What happened to Brittany? I mean what did she think?"

"The next morning? That she was sore."

"She didn't suspect anything?"

"Right, 'My vagina's sore, must have gone out to have sex with a stranger last night.' That makes sense." She laughed but Santana found it anything but funny.

"How could you do that to her?" she asked looking at Felicia in a totally different light, "She could have gotten sick or pregnant and she wouldn't have even known why."

Turning from the window she gave Santana an irritated look, "Hey it's as much my body as it is hers and I did use protection."

"It could have failed!"

"But it didn't so calm down." Felicia said exasperatedly, "I was a teenager too and one that was caged up in her head all the time watching her make out with really cute guys and never getting a chance to do _anything_."

"But you share a body you could have, I don't know, had a vote or something."

"I already told you what happened when I tried to tell her about me and that was long before this happened."

Santana took a deep steadying breath, this information was a little hard to take and it made her that much more sure that she needed to get Brittany to someone who could help.

"What happened after that?" She asked even though she was almost afraid to ask.

"My first lesson in how to get lucky further from home. A few months later Brittany ended up at this party held by some high school kids and Matt was there. He remembered me and approached Brittany like he knew her and what she wanted, and in a way I guess he did."

"And she wasn't confused when he called her Felicia."

She laughed, "He only introduced himself to Brittany, _we_ never got around to names."

Deciding not to dwell on that Santana moved on, "She had sex with him at the party?"

"She did… and it didn't go well."

"Because he was expecting you."

"And got Brittany and her timid approach, yeah. He wasn't mean to her, but all three of us knew he wasn't exactly pleased with her performance." She stopped to play with her nails before she went on, "I want to say that something like that never happened again, but it kind of always did. After how Matt acted when she finally did find a nice guy to be with it made her incredibly nervous, that led her to be clumsier and more jittery than necessary for her second time. Several lovers later she was more practiced but began to realize that boys just weren't for her and that's were it started to go wrong."

"Started?"

Ignoring her Felicia continued, "Puck and I had our own thing going, but by tenth grade Brittany had stopped dating all together because she was hopelessly gay and endlessly terrified of what Lori would say if she found out. So she began a year long stint firmly in the closet and she was so far in there she wouldn't even secretly sleep with girls. But it didn't stop her from wanting them and when she went to parties she would drink to try and pluck up the courage to talk to some of the ladies there. Now I had a healthy sex drive but I think her issues were starting to get to me because when she would down a few drinks it would make it noticeably easier for me to slip in control and when I was out at a party I would go after all the girls she was too scared to talk to with and a few of the guys I had my eye on. I'm not sure if that was because we were both drunk or because it was her repressed desire making me more promiscuous but I know that I was never as insatiable as when I came out after a few drinks on the tail end of her lusting after every female in the room.

Santana focused on the steering wheel instead of allowing herself to picture Brittany as a helpless teen being flung into things she wasn't ready for. She couldn't comprehend the situation, it was beyond her because she wanted to be angry, to hate Felicia for doing what she had but at the same time she wasn't some malicious puppeteer, she was a person in an unusual situation and making the best of it. Santana's time hiding her sexual preference had not been devoid of sex in the slightest. She had gone after every girl she even thought she could get and if she had been trapped inside someone else she doubted she would have held back out of courtesy.

"What made you stop?" she asked after a long heavy silence.

"I didn't, not at first. Brittany started to gain a reputation as being loose and she thought it was because she would blackout when she drank, so she stopped drinking and going to parties but to stop having sex altogether, all of a sudden… I sort of resented it I guess. Brittany started to take steps towards dating women but I used her nervousness over sleeping with girls to take over and relieve a little stress." She said and here Santana could tell this was something she wasn't proud of, "Brittany's a sweet girl, she's all about slow kisses and love making and I just like to fuck, and as opposite as those two things are the way we go about it makes it more obvious. I... I ended up ruining every single one of her high school relationships."

"It was all about sex? That's why they left?"

"For a few but for her attempted long term relationships it was my attitude, I'm not the kind of girl to stay the night." she said with a humorless smile, "In some way or another our personality difference led the relationships she started to end. I stopped because it was hurting her so badly and she had no idea what she was doing wrong, her whole life was becoming mixed signals and she became too scared to make a move after a while. Most of the time I would be the first to consummate her relationships and that meant her first time with her girlfriends had none of the care or understanding they should have, in locations that were less than romantic. On the heels of my performance she ended up thinking she was just really bad in bed and like she wasn't worth anything more special than being dragged into some random part of school for sex. On the rare occasion she made it first I would follow and leave the girl wondering if she was just getting played. She kept trying to understand complaints about my actions in regards to things she remembered doing and it made her feel like she was an incredibly neglectful girlfriend even though she has always been the type to make lunches and bring presents. Every time she lost someone it broke her a little more, I made her so miserable I couldn't even stand to be in her head with her."

Another heavy silence fell between them before Santana spoke again.

"Sam said Brittany would sometimes call on you, or the comic book persona, for bravery?"

"Hmm, no not really. Usually when she would follow my act whoever she was with would direct her to pick up the pace and that would leave her totally flustered and off her game so it would end with her partner unsatisfied and her feeling terrible about herself. Sam did suggest she be more like the comic book Felicia and Brittany did try to remember to be more forward but well, like I said hard fucking isn't her thing. I think Sam is confusing that and the fact that this was around when I decided that I was sick of being called Brittany in bed and started identifying myself. By the time the story made it back to him he assumed it was her taking his advice way too literally."

Santana let out a deep breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding, "You dipped in and out of her relationships enough to ruin all of them and then quit because you were depressing her."

She frowned with a bemused smile, "If you want to oversimplify, yeah."

"Why not just relieve yourself with Puck?"

"Because I could only get out about one night a week on average and after a while not even that because Brittany's little sister ratted me out to Lori so Brittany's room was on watch for a long time. Besides all that Puck is his own person and as much as we like each other we were more friends than anything."

Another deep breath escaped her, "How did she ever recover from all that?"

"It was my high school graduation present to her. Sam took her out to a bar to celebrate and there was this girl there that she was immediately attracted to but was way too nervous to talk to her so after a martini I took over and talked to the girl as Brittany and invited myself to her place. When she left to get her purse I put Brittany on the front line, the woman came back and Brittany couldn't believe her luck that she was being picked up by the very person she had been looking at all night. That sort of gave her a shot of bravery and things went well for her that night, it didn't fix everything obviously but it gave her enough confidence to go into other relationships without locking up. After we got into college I still went out on my own but I took much more care with when I came and went and who saw me. By the time she graduated and moved out here I decided to give her time to get her life in order free of my influence, I dunno as a way to really make amends." She said with a shrug. "Even when I saw you and knew how much we both wanted you I let it be because I promised I wouldn't interfere but then you called me out and… well you know the rest."

One point in particular stuck out in Santana's mind and her brow knit in confusion, "Why does she have so much trouble with me?"

Felicia rubbed her forehead looking like someone who was over all the serious talk, "Because she still doesn't know what she did so wrong in her other relationships. She thinks it's the sex, which is kind of right, so whenever she's with you she becomes deathly afraid of making the same mistakes that made everyone else leave."

Placing her head on the steering wheel between her hands Santana squeezed her eyes shut and tried to order everything in her head. But it was too hard, it was too out of her grasp and she had always know that. Moreover she felt suddenly guilty for the information she had, once again Felicia was giving away things that weren't hers to give. She knew personally she would be livid if someone, living inside her or not, started spouting off the intimate details of her sex life.

"Felicia, Brittany needs help." She said slowly, "And I don't have the slightest clue how to give it to her. She needs a doctor, and I think you have to be the one to take her."

"That's not a part of the deal." The blonde replied in an even voice.

"I know. But for her sake, please, get her some help-"

"I am help!" she snapped.

Wincing at how poorly this was going over Santana sat up, "You admitted yourself that what you did hurt her."

"Back when we were teenagers!"

"But it's hurting her now, in this relationship! When she came to my apartment I was shocked the stress of it didn't push you out."

"It would have if she'd kept forcing it. That whole thing was hot by the way."

A creeping heat spread over her face and she wasn't sure why she was embarrassed about Felicia knowing what they had done, "That isn't the point. I mean it when I say she needs help, _professional_ help. This, what you have here, its worked so far because its had to, not because it's best. Is there anything I can say or do to make you agree to see someone about this?"

"And does seeing someone mean erasing me?"

There was that question again.

Did it? She had no idea, she hoped so for the sake of seeing Brittany in total control of herself but at the same time she didn't because regardless of her past she didn't want to see Felicia vanish and never return.

"It might…"

"Then why would I agree to it?" she asked her eyes hard and serious.

"I don't know." Santana said with a sigh returning her forehead to the steering wheel, "It was worth a try."

* * *

A/N: Next chapter will take off from the same day this one leaves off, Santana hasn't given up yet, but things are about to change for everyone so stay tuned.

To Humble Messenger: Well those are some serious questions XD I'll give the abridged answers cause I could write forever on this stuff if you want to ask me more stuff and get a faster reply check out my tumblr (link in my profile), you don't have to be a member to contact me:

Is there a cure for DID and if so what? DID is technically curable. Ideally with therapy you could recombine the fractured personalities but that comes with a laundry list of if's. IF the fractured personality is bad (as in he or she is into self mutilation for instance) you do not want to do that but it _could_ be possible for the attending therapist to help that personality with its issues and _then_ they can be recombined. Maybe. IF the underlying condition that caused the fracture in the first place is ongoing or repeated it could keep progress from being made and in some cases that underlying cause is not treatable. It goes on and on. Every case is unique, the causes and resulting fractures vary as much as individual people do, some may be able to get better some may not. (There is like _way _more to this but I'll probably go over it in some other chapter. Dun wanna overwhelm ppl XP) Short answer: It is possible, but there is no blanket cure in the cases where it even is treatable.

Is there anything a personality can do to protect themselves? I'm not sure if you mean the main or the alters but if you mean the main one then no not really, the brain fractures itself in an attempt to compartmentalize trauma so technically the alter _is_ the protection. I say technically because sometimes they do anything but help in the long run. If you mean the alters they can resist therapy by not showing themselves and as they can hold key information about the hosts psyche this could put a serious halt towards progress in recombining them.

Can the main personality shut them out? I've heard with a lot of therapy one can force their way to the forefront of the mind when an alter has taken over but again it depends on the person, none of these answers apply to all DID cases.

A few have asked about the correlation in DID and demon possession but my research finds those to be two vastly different things. They do share traits but the causes and effects don't line up well enough to put them in the same category though early DID sufferers were categorized as being possessed. However this is my opinion, please keep in mind I am no expert on any of this, just a woman who did a lot of research.

BTW this chapter had a lot of stuff going on and was supposed to follow Brittany and Felicia's full day but that would have made the chapter super long (in length and time to make it) _and_ it would have ended on a cliffhanger. Show some love for the mercy had on your souls XD


	14. Chapter 14

Santana's date with Felicia had consisted of a movie, one she couldn't recall because she had spent the entirety of the film fighting roaming hands, and dinner at one of her favorite restaurant chains which had been difficult to get through as Felicia spent every available moment running her foot up Santana's inner thigh.

After dinner Felicia insisted upon dessert, which was why Santana finished her meal sitting sideways to not allow her date another clear shot up her skirt like she had managed during the appetizers.

"Can I ask why you're so much better at sex than Brittany?"

She questioned her own question because she wasn't sure if Felicia's other half was permanently taboo.

After an entirely too flirtatious lick of her fork she answered, "She isn't bad at it as long as you let her work." She said with a grin, "But as for my personal history well, I was unsupervised at night with a house that had HBO, Showtime, a computer with internet access and no parental blocks."

"And that actually explains the hell out of that then."

She smiled that coy smile that made Santana's blood run hot, "I haven't even shown you half of what I can do."

"What kind of music do you like?" Santana asked her voice taking on a high pitch.

"Anything I can dance to and I can dance to anything."

She stopped her questioning to take a bite of her cake, contemplating again whether or not to ask another question she wasn't sure she wanted answered, "Have you ever had a lasting relationship?"

"My lifestyle doesn't really allow for that, especially with no one knowing the truth about me."

"Do you want to have one?"

"I can't say I'm a fan, but if we're talking about us then I think I could be convinced to change my mind."

It was only when she said that did Santana realize how much she had been dreading the answer, her mind had images of Felicia becoming bored and finding someone new. Even entertaining the thought made her insanely jealous.

"Can you? Felicia I'm willing to work with all this, but I don't think I can handle being with Brittany and you being off with someone else."

"Because you like me or because Brittany and I share a body?"

"Both." She said quickly because both were incredibly true.

She took another bite of her own dessert, "Well I can tell you that in the long term this sex embargo has got to go."

"We already agreed that we aren't doing anything as long as Brittany's still so afraid of intimacy."

"She seemed pretty comfortable last week."

Unfortunately Santana had chosen that moment to drink some water and nearly choked on it, "It- it wasn't really sex." She coughed.

"Oh, wasn't it? Because you'd have a hard time telling Brittany that."

"I mean it was, but it wasn't."

"I'll settle for was but wasn't sex." She said simply.

"Can we please stop talking about that." Santana whispered.

"You brought it up."

Rubbing her forehead slightly she moved on, "I have been wondering something for a long time."

"What's that?"

"How in the hell did you hide that hickie?"

A burst of melodious laughter erupted from her, "That's been bothering you?"

"Really bad."

"I hate do disappoint you but I didn't."

"You didn't?" Santana said frowning, she had been expecting tales of waterproof makeup and forced switches to keep Brittany from noticing.

"She put the brace on the night she fell, I took it off to come see you. It was a little stiff, but I don't think you noticed the loss of flexibility." She replied with a wink.

"When she saw the bruise later she thought it was from the fall and didn't think anything of it." She said finishing the explanation on her own.

"Yeah she covered it up with makeup herself after that." Felicia added.

Considering that for a moment she moved on, "Do you need glasses?"

"I use contacts."

Santana really wanted to ask how she kept them hidden, but Felicia had already tolerated quite a few additional questions about Brittany and she supposed there were lots of places she could hide things where her other half wouldn't think to look.

"What about-"

"My turn." She said abruptly.

"To what?" Santana replied in confusion.

"To ask you questions."

"Er, okay." She could hardly say no to that request.

"How old were you when you were deflowered?"

Santana almost spat her cake across the table, "Excuse me?"

"You know all about _my_ personal history." Felicia said casually.

"I-" it was true and it was only fair she reciprocate the information, "Fourteen."

"Later than I thought. Boy or girl?"

"Boy."

"Because you were experimenting or because you were in denial?"

"Denial, can we change the subject off of sex permanently please."

Without missing a beat she continued, "What are your parents like?"

Santana sat staring at a calmly interested Felicia, she had not expected that at all and she sort of wished she had left the topic on sex, "They're nice."

She chuckled, "Nice? You'll have to do better than that."

"That's what they are. They call on my birthday and holidays, and text me if they're too busy to talk or think I am. They aren't about big family get togethers or grand gestures, they're just nice."

"Why do I feel like the word nice is a stand in for another one?" she said giving Santana a look that made her feel like she could see deep into her soul.

She looked down at her half eaten cake and twirled the icing with her fork, "It's a substitute for tolerant."

"Because you're gay?"

Santana nodded, "And unmarried and working in a traditionally male profession. They don't like any of it, but they tolerate it."

"That sucks, but it could be worse."

"Yeah." She said sadly.

"You ever bring a girl home?"

"No. We don't discuss my love life, or my job outside of the occasional 'how are things at work?' to which we have a silent agreement that the answer should always be 'fine'."

"Would you take me home to meet them?" she asked, her eyes hawkishly interested.

"I suppose I could be talked into it at a later date, but I don't see the experience being pleasant for anyone."

"I'd take you home to meet mine." She said easily.

"I don't think that would go to well either, I'm still a little irritated about them leaving Brittany on stage to choke on her own fear."

Felicia snorted, "Not the Pierces, they suck. I mean Mary and Dwight."

Santana sat completely still, "Th… those are Sam's parents right?" she said slowly.

"I adopted them as my own."

She was about to open her mouth to argue but to a woman born of the Pierce's ignorance of their daughter's deep rooted fear it seemed like a pointless endeavor to undertake.

"Do they know that?"

Wrinkling her nose she took another bite of cake, "I tried to tell them but it didn't work, I did convince Stacey for a little while but I don't think she really got that I wasn't Brittany."

"Who?"

"Sam's little sister."

"Oh." At least it was clear as to why she never called the Pierces mom and dad.

"I'm done." Felicia said suddenly dropping her fork having indeed finished her dessert.

Startled by the abruptness Santana paid and led them out to her car feeling as if they were in some sort of rush and seeing Felecia's determined look she supposed the other woman had to get back before Brittany knew she was missing from her own home. She drove a little above the speed limit hoping this wasn't some sort of timed event while taking every shortcut and back road she knew.

They made it back to Brittany's apartment in record time and the moment she stopped the car Felicia turned to her with eyes that told her she wasn't eager to get home to end the night, but to get it started.

"I want to go to your place." She said in a voice that made it hard for Santana not to reflexively agree.

"I don't think that's such a good idea."

"Hey I was promised equal treatment." She said half playful half serious.

"But I know what you want and it isn't to stop where Brittany and I did."

"That's really up to you."

Suddenly her car was way too small and far to hot, "Can we just call it a night this one time?"

"You promised." She said again seriously.

Santana _had_ promised, and it wasn't like she didn't want to be alone with Felicia in her house, but it was a temptation she didn't need right now. Her night with Brittany had left her more than a little strung out and she had no doubt that Felicia not only knew that but how to push her already strained limits.

Santana closed her eyes and tried think of a way out of the mess she felt she was about to be in but she couldn't, not with Felicia next to her looking like she could read her every thought.

Resignedly she pulled back onto the road and drove them to her apartment with Felicia grinning in that titillating way she had. On the way Felicia talked casually about an incident where she had once fallen and scrapped her knee as a child and the trouble she'd had to go through to keep Brittany from getting too suspicious of the injury's origins.

It was actually an amusing story and she would have listened more closely but she was busy compiling a mental list of the biggest mood killers in the hopes that she could somehow avoid getting sucked in to Felicia's pace.

By the time the entered her apartment Santana was completely on edge and fully expecting to be jumped before she could make it one whole step from the door. To her total surprise Felicia breezed in and paid her no mind as she walked into the living room.

Santana followed expecting her to be about to situate herself on the couch but instead Felicia was staring at her end table like she was looking for something. Santana gave her a questioning glance to get her to explain her actions.

"You don't have any pictures of you around." She said looking to all the framed paintings on the wall that were all of landscapes or abstract objects.

"Maybe this is Cameron Diaz's apartment and I'm just pretending to live here." She joked.

Felicia laughed, "No offense but I think she'd have a way bigger place."

"Point taken."

"But seriously where are all your personal photos, I know they aren't in the bedroom."

Santana was a little surprised that Felicia hadn't attempted to use it as a pretext to get in her room , "I keep them in my office."

"And I thought I had gotten close and personal with every inch of this house." Felicia sniggered and Santana rubbed her neck to give her an excuse not to look in those eyes when she said that, "Where is it?"

Unsure of where this was going Santana led her to the end of the hall to the guest bedroom turned workspace. Felicia stepped inside like she had just been taken to a magical garden and looked around in wonder.

She first went to the massive bookshelf that housed all of Santana's favorites and then to the adjacent smaller one that had her photographs, awards and degrees.

"Why do you keep these hidden in here?" she asked looking each picture over carefully.

Santana shrugged, "Because I spend the most time in here I guess."

Felicia eyes stopped on one picture in particular and pointed, "Your grandparents?"

Moving closer Santana saw she was pointing to a picture of her on the day she had graduated high school, she was standing next to a greying man and woman who were smiling widely at the camera as Santana held her diploma high over her head in celebration.

"Actually those are my parents." Felicia gave her a disbelieving stare, "My mom was in her mid forties when I was born."

Her eyebrows went up, "That explains why they're so old school."

"You have no idea." She chuckled.

Felicia took a seat in the plush chair in front of the large mahogany desk that stood against the wall. Santana loved her small work space and was never keen on letting anyone else in, as a matter of fact she and Quinn had almost come to blows about that very issue more than once, but Felicia being there making herself at home didn't bother her in the least. If anything she was a little nervous about the other woman's opinion of her setup.

"Why do you work so much?" she asked suddenly.

And again Santana was surprised by her question, "Well being the boss is hard work."

"Yeah but there are bosses on every floor and you're the only one rolling out so late at night."

Suddenly she felt like a child having to explain misbehavior, "It's not like I have anything better to do. Besides if I ever want a promotion I had best work harder than anyone else."

Felicia considered her thoughtfully and Santana fidgeted under her gaze, "So you want to join the bigwigs in corporate? Really?"

"Why do you think I bother rubbing elbows with them at their monthly pissing contests?" She said moving to lean against her desk.

Felicia revolved the chair to face her, "If you plan to be promoted due to hard work and connections how do Brittany and I fit in?"

Another shocking question, now she was a teenager assuring a concerned parent that she would take care of their daughter, "The way you always have. I hope you know I've neglected more work for the two of you than I ever have for anyone." She said feeling slightly defensive.

"Maybe so but I'm talking about in the long term."

'Long term' talk was the last thing she ever expected to hear from Felicia, "Well what about you?"

"What about me?"

"What am I to you? You said you don't do morning afters and so far you have been true to your word. What is the long term there? I mean you spent today telling me that you pretty much used every girl Brittany was ever with for sex-"

"And the boys." She interjected.

Santana frowned, "You used the girls _and boys_ she was with for sex. So what am I to you? How do I fit into your long term?"

Felicia smirked, "I don't know, I've never had a long term before, but I want to find out what it's like."

"And what if you find you don't like it?" Santana asked, her insecurities adding a bit of bite to the question.

"I guess we'll cross that road if we come to it."

Santana's jaw clenched and she felt her chest tighten in an indefinable emotion that dangled somewhere between hurt and fear. Sensing the shift Felicia grabbed her belt loop and pulled the smaller woman between her knees, "Don't get so tense I never said I was going to."

"But I told you I can't do this, I can't handle you going off somewhere."

Her eyebrows lifted in amusement, "If you're unwilling to be with me because of what might happen it's definitely going to happen."

"And you really don't care do you?" she snapped defensively.

Even though her words were harsh Felicia's face stayed calm and her eyes were soft and reassuring, "I care. I don't want you with anyone else either. I can't say I'm even particularly fond of sharing you with Brittany."

"Share me with her? Don't you have that backwards?"

"No. We were together first."

"You say you care, but then tell me you could run off in the next breath."

Felicia smiled in a tender way that Santana had never witnessed before, it wasn't like Brittany's it was something that was totally her own and it made Santana melt into her arms a little, "I think it would be a little unrealistic of me to promise that we will be together forever. If I've learned anything it's that nothing is that definite but if you're looking for assurance that I would like that to be the case then I'm telling you now that is exactly what I want."

With a small tug Felicia easily pulled Santana into her lap and it was not lost on the smaller woman that this was the inverse of the position she had been in with Brittany, "I don't know how to do this." Santana said breathlessly trying not to let the tears stabbing the back of her eyes fall as she admitted her fears out loud for the first time, "I don't know how to be with you without feeling like I'm betraying Brittany in some way. And I feel worse that I still haven't found a way to help her."

She felt the other woman's breathing slow, "I thought we were past that." she said her voice low and hard.

Turning in her arms Santana looked into those striking eyes that were Brittany's all while holding something within that made them look nothing like hers. "How can we be? Felicia this isn't right, you're here now in a place I don't show anyone readily, I've told you about my life, my parents and my relationship with them and Brittany knows nothing."

"Then tell her."

"You don't understand it's not the same. When I share with her I share with both of you but when we're alone it's something secluded and private and it feels too much like sneaking around."

"Done much of that?" she asked playfully.

Refusing to let her make light of the situation Santana's face remained serious, "Too much, and I've had it done to me. That's why this bothers me so much."

With an agitated growl Felicia sat back in the chair, "What do you want from me then? I wouldn't know how to share memories with Brittany even if I wanted to."

Santana stood and returned to her position leaning against the desk for the sake of keeping a clear head.

"Maybe we should take small steps too. How about we start with telling Brittany about you."

Her face morphed into a scowl that was pure displeasure, but somehow looked both juvenile and adorable, "I don't want to."

"Because of how she might react? Brittany's an adult now and not only is she better able to handle herself she _needs_ to know."

The look of displeasure left and Felicia looked at her shoes with an unreadable expression, "It's not really that. I mean it is, but it's not the main reason."

Santana waited patiently for her to continue but when no explanation came she prompted, "Why then?"

"I'm afraid she'll be mad at me." Felicia muttered.

And suddenly it all made perfect sense, her reluctance was centered around a fear of Brittany knowing the tale Santana had been told and feeling so angry at the alien presence within her she would immediately seek to have her eliminated.

Santana wanted to reassure her that wouldn't happen but honestly it was what she would probably do if she knew there was someone inside her wrecking her personal life on a whim.

"Small steps okay? We tell her about you first and the past later, preferably under the care of a therapist who can help her work past it."

"And then what?"

"I have no idea really, you could talk to the doctor too, explain yourself, show that you aren't some evil being trying to ruin her. That even though some things didn't turn out for the best you _were_ there to help."

"I don't see that scenario ending with them sending me on my merry way."

"I don't see it ending with them being able to get rid of you without your assent either."

"You're guessing."

"So are you."

"But if you're wrong I die." She said a hint of fear in her voice.

"Small steps, we aren't at therapy or possible eradication, we're just talking about letting Brittany know about you."

"It may be a small step but it's going to snowball."

This time Santana pulled Felicia to her, wrapping her arms protectively around her and waiting for the taller woman to return the embrace. When she did Santana looked up at the face she knew so well yet not at all. Carefully she placed her hand on Felicia's cheek and ran her thumb across her favorite constellation of freckles because between the two women it seemed like it was the only thing that stayed the same.

"Felicia I can't make promises about the future either but I know that this is something you have to do. If nothing else you have to let her know you're there. I think we both know that as much as we want to try for a relationship, things can only go so far as long as I'm secretly dating you. Please do it or at least think about it. For us?"

After a moment a wry smile crossed her face, "I'm starting to realize I'd do anything for you." She said quietly before kissing Santana gently.

The kiss went from slow to hungry in a short amount of time and Santana became distinctly aware that they were running at the stopping point way too fast to successfully put on the brakes.

"Wait." she panted, pushing Felicia away gently.

Growling in frustration the taller woman stood back giving her a hard glare, "I wish you'd stop stopping me."

"I wish you'd stop starting. Can we just not do this?"

"Do I need to remind you of our agreement?"

"Do I?" Santana replied shortly, "I'm not going to pretend I'm not attracted to you but what's about to happen can't happen."

"I wasn't going any farther than you'd let me." Felicia said quietly.

Santana gave her a level stare, "We both know you were going to push it."

Felicia shrugged, "Maybe."

"And you don't see how that would be repeating the past all over again?"

They were quiet for a moment as Felicia looked angrily at the floor, "But it isn't fair." she grumbled.

Santana sighed and tilted her head to the side, "Is there somewhere Brittany has to be tomorrow?"

"On a Sunday? At Super Games but later in the day."

Giving her a quick kiss she pulled her out of the office and down the hall to the bedroom, Felicia gave her a curious glance as she followed, "Not that I'm complaining but I thought we weren't doing this."

"We aren't." Santana replied simply as she pulled off her shirt and skirt to change into her night clothes.

As she moved to pull them over her head Felicia moved forward and stopped her hand, "How about this, I promise to keep my hands in friendly places and you stay in those panties." She said glancing at Santana's lacy underclothes.

For a moment she considered this and tossed the clothes back in her drawer, "That's fair." Felicia smiled and pulled her own shirt over her head before Santana could stop her, "Whoa-"

"Hey I don't want to sleep in jean shorts, and it won't be a problem if you keep your hands to yourself." she said as she moved directly to the bed and crawled under the covers.

Never had Santana lamented the fact that Felecia never wore underwear as much as this moment.

Taking a deep breath she moved to get under the covers, "Alright now it's time for _sleep_." she said feeling Felicia curl up tightly to her back.

Santana sighed and decided that in the morning she would work things out, that maybe she could call Dr. Tinsley and get him to talk to her, maybe they could work out a plan together.

The goal was well meant and should have worked, but the dawn and the day that followed were not so kind.

* * *

It was a feeling that woke Santana the next morning.

In her bed she felt more than heard or saw something stir. Opening her eyes she rubbed them sleepily and turned surprised to find Felicia still with her in the morning hours. But when she looked into the blue eyes that were staring directly at her she became slowly aware that they were not giving a stare she could readily associate with Felicia.

The gaze that was returned to her was definitely more distinctive of Brittany.

Her expression went from confusion at Santana's presence and then down to their obviously compromising position with a look of pure fear, one that escalated to horror at the realization that she was naked.

"Brittany…" Santana said carefully hoping that _somehow_ she was wrong.

As if realizing for the first time that Santana was awake Brittany's eyes snapped back up to hers and a deep flush colored her cheeks, "Wh-what am I d-doing here?" she asked sitting up and pulling the covers with her, wrapping them tightly around herself.

Santana wasn't entirely sure, why had Felicia left?

"We, um- you, er..." she found herself about as articulate as Brittany at the moment.

Sighing she sat up to try and work out the mess she was in and in doing so let the covers fall from her chest, something that Brittany looked away from suddenly turning an even more solid shade of red.

Even amidst all the confusion she found Brittany's modesty endearing.

"D-did we…" she started clearly unable to finish the sentence.

"No, we were just sleeping."

"O-oh... How did I get here? And why am I naked?" she asked clearly confused.

Rubbing her eyes Santana tried to chose her next words carefully while cursing Felicia for dumping Brittany into this first thing in the morning.

Unless she hadn't.

This could be her small step, her first move towards Brittany understanding what was going on and as she couldn't be there to explain it the task had to be passed to Santana.

"We need to talk." She said softly.

Brittany gave an almost imperceptible nod as she glanced at Santana out of the corner of her eye, the smaller woman didn't miss how her eyes darted to her chest before returning to fixedly stare at the nightstand. It was clear that no serious talk could happen while she was in her underwear so Santana rose and fished a t-shirt and jogging shorts out of her dresser before returning to sit on the bed.

Wary blue eyes watched her after she returned clothed, "You w-want to talk about last night?"

"That and several nights before that."

Confusion returned to her face, "We haven't been on a date since…" here the blush returned as well, "Last time. I don't even remember coming here." She said looking around as if there might be some clue as to how she had arrived.

"Brittany." She said successfully getting the other woman's undivided attention, "I don't know how to tell you this, and trust me I have gone over different scenarios in my head for weeks trying to figure out what's best, but you have an alternate personality."

Clearly from her rigid posture and fearful eyes she had been expecting something else, when Santana's words finally sunk in she frowned, "I have what?"

"An alternate personality." She said because regardless of what Dr. Tensley thought Felicia was exactly what she claimed to be. It was one of the few things she was sure of in this situation.

"What does that mean?"

"There is another person inside your head that sometimes takes control."

Brittany's expression turned from lost to stunned, "So I ripped off my clothes and got in your bed?"

"Brittany _listen_ to me. It wasn't you, like literally wasn't you. Last night we went to dinner and a movie and we talked, for hours, about you and her and us."

"Her who?" she asked looking worried.

"Felicia."

"You're seeing someone else?" the hurt in her voice made Santana sweep the blonde into her arms and reassure her, to tell her to forget everything and that it had all been a bad joke.

"No… yes…no- It doesn't matter the point is that both Felicia and Brittany are you!" she said exasperated at her own inability to explain better.

"What are you-"

"Okay your second grade Halloween play!" she exclaimed, excited to recall she had proof, "You didn't want to perform but your parents made you anyway and that Ricky kid or whatever forced you center stage, that's when it happened. That's when you broke off into two people."

Looking at the absolute horror on Brittany's face it was hard to remember why telling her that had seemed like a good idea, "H-how do you know about that?"

"Felicia told me, she told me about Matt, she told me about your history with relationships in school. She told me about the girl you met in the bar when Sam took you out to celebrate after graduation." Santana rambled off all the facts she could hoping one would hit home and convince her of what she was being told.

Instead of looking like she might believe the things being told to her Brittany's eyes widened and she began to look like she was about to be violently ill.

* * *

Brittany had no idea what was going on, all she knew was that this moment had to be the worst of her whole existence.

Her head was almost splitting with pain as she tried to remember how she had gotten here, and the more she thought the more it hurt, but for her it was perfect because the pain distracted her from the raging panic that was threatening to take over. Santana knew, about everything, about all her failed relationships, about the play, about Matt...

"Why- how did you…" she tried to ask but the words wouldn't leave her.

Did she also know she had cried after? How ashamed she was that she let him have her after barely learning his name?

It was so humiliating there wasn't even a category for it and in response she could feel her lungs seizing and her stomach threatening to send up everything inside. Tears ran down her face as she began to rub at her temples to try and relive the building agony and a whimper of pain escaped her. It was all crunching in on her now. Somehow Santana knew about everything and apparently in the middle of getting her sex act together she had claimed to be a different person, whatever fresh embarrassing hell that was it had chosen _this_ woman to display itself to.

Her stomach roiled at the very notion that now she had another problem hindering a normal relationship.

"Hey don't cry."Santana said softly trying to brush her hair out of her face, but the hand was pushed away as Brittany fought her way out of the covers and dashed for the bathroom where she vomited noisily into the toilet.

Another wave of nausea hit and she vomited again trying not to choke on the remnants of food she didn't remember eating while her airway decided to start constricting. She wanted to calm down, she wanted the pain and sickness to stop so she could quit making a fool of herself and understand the situation, but the only thing that was getting through was that Santana knew _everything_.

That alone made her heave into the toilet again.

Santana followed in time to see her lose the remaining contents of her stomach to the toilet. Carefully she moved to pull her hair back from the edge of the bowl but at her touch Brittany jerked away and scrambled to the small nook between the toilet and the tub looking positively violated. Because she _felt_ violated, like someone had come in the night and ripped every private moment form her mind and showed it to the world. And sitting on the bathroom floor naked, crying and puking she felt exposed to her core in every way she had ever feared. This was her worst nightmare times ten and to have it happen in front of Santana was the only thing that could make a horrific situation a million times worse.

That hated feeling, the one of drowning in a room full of air her heart pounding in her ears made her feel like a little girl again, not the happy one that her dad had taken on camping trips but the scared one that couldn't dance in front of her friends because she was scared she'd make a mistake. It made her feel like she hadn't made any progress in her life at all and what it had come to was literally dying of shame in front of the only person she never wanted to see her like this.

"Brittany it's okay." Santana said soothingly as she knelt before her.

She wanted to say something back but she knew it wasn't going to happen, because she hadn't been able to take a full breath for quite some time and she was sure any second she would pass out.

* * *

Santana wanted to try to touch her again, to hold her hand and calm her but the eyes that met her were almost unrecognizable in their fear, and she was worried for the short gasps her breath was coming in. But then it evened and they eyes that had been so afraid hardened into an expression she had never seen before.

"What the fuck did you do that for?"

Santana's mouth hung open, "Felicia?"

Without answering the other woman stood and turned on the sink to wash out the remnants of sick that lingered in her mouth.

"Felicia right?" Santana repeated determined to get an answer.

"Yes." She growled, "Obviously it's me since you triggered a fucking grand mal panic attack!"

"Me? You're the one who left her here this morning! What was I supposed to do? We agreed last night we should tell her, I thought this was your way of starting it off!"

"She just woke up before me!"

"You sleep?" she asked genuinely confused.

"Yes this body needs sleep!" Felecia yelled.

"I mean I thought you were always conscious!"

"Why the hell would I be conscious _all_ the time? Do you have any idea how boring, not to mention draining, that would be?"

"How the fuck am I supposed to know that? I have no clue how this works!" she shouted back.

"It doesn't even matter! If you didn't know fine! But the proper response to waking up next to Brittany is not to tell her everything all at once! What happened to small steps?"

"I- she wasn't believing me." Santana said feeling for the first time that this really was all her fault.

"Of course she wasn't! It isn't something anyone is ready to believe, it's that disbelief that has kept me hidden for years! But instead of introducing the idea in stages you told someone with a severe fear of being embarrassed that you knew every humiliating and private thing about her! That would have been bad enough from a _stranger_ let alone someone she cares about! On the heels of seeing her clearly panicking about last nights activities you tell her just about every intimate thing you know about her! Like a total dumbass!"

Angered by the name calling, accusations and their stinging truth Santana fired back, "Since it was such a stupid idea you should have just taken over and stopped me-"

"I tried!" she bellowed, "But she was keeping herself relatively calm until you started spouting all that nonsense! There was nothing I could do until she had already heard it!"

"You could have come out then." Santana said softly not even knowing why she was trying to shift the blame back to Felicia.

"You'd already told her, and you seemed to get how stupid that was, so I was going to try and give you a chance to fix it but then she pushed me out." Felicia said with what was clearly barely contained rage.

"I messed up."

"Yeah you did." She said shortly and marched out of the bathroom.

Santana ran after her and managed to stop her from leaving the bedroom by catching her by the arm but Felicia spun around and shoved her bodily across the room sending her flying over her bed and crashing to the floor.

"Don't fucking touch me! I told you this was a bad idea, I _told_ you!"

The only thing Santana was really registering was fear, because she hadn't known the woman to posses enough strength to hurdle her so far and she had never seen anyone as angry as the woman that stood at her doorway.

Half of her girlfriend was furious at her while the other half was in desperate need of consolation and she had no idea how to fix either situation. She would have also classified herself as lost but in the book of her life she had passed lost three chapters ago.

She _finally_ could see the full scope of things for the first time. How in over her head she was how totally idiotic she had been to walk into this thing blind and then allow herself to stay.

Those thoughts led her to only watch as Felicia put her clothes back on and stormed out the door.

The only thing Santana let herself think when the door slammed shut was that maybe it was for the best, she only permitted that thought to because otherwise she would dwell on how badly she had just hurt two people she cared about, and how much it hurt her that they left.

* * *

**A/N Edited: So this chapter was apparently too much. I'm not in the habit of changing things but seeing as how it was just generating about 10 hate reviews for every one positive I decided to edit it. Really this is for you guys, I have this story in my head the way I want it but if I'm going to bother to type it out it needs to be something people can read. If you still hate the story at this point Sorry I tried my best honestly but deviating any further than this just wont work for my outline and I'd have to start over.**

**I would like to address the main concern about things becoming to Felicia heavy, please remember Felicia IS Brittany, not some OC. Sweet simple loving Brittany is only half of cannon Brittany, there is also the girl who was known for sleeping with every boy in the school. The girl who's first time was an 'alien invasion', the one who broke Santana's heart at the lockers for Artie only to inexplicably break up with him after their one and only fight. (granted I'm using the writing flaws to grant flexibility). Felicia is just a name given to that half of Brittany so for those that hate her so very much please feel free to continue doing so but remember for me they are two halves of a whole. Anxiety issues aside it is the same Brittany.**

**I've been accused of insensitivity to the mentally disabled but I can't agree with that. Santana's mistake in the first draft was a mistake many do make with or without the confusion and pressure of this disorder, but that was kind of the point. And more importantly there isn't really much point to a story if the whole thing starts with every character making all the right choices and things only going wrong out of pure bad luck. Character arcs can only happen if there is character change but what is the point of change if they start out perfect?  
**

**Anyhow you can tell me how much you hate how things are going again, though most swore never to read again. And serious apologies to those who like it the way it was. This change won't derail the overall fic too much, if anything it makes it a little shorter because there are a few less things to deal with.  
**

A/N:There are a lot of things happening here. Felicia's anger is actually a lot of things at once, but I will tell you that regardless of her feelings she never reacts well to people who push Brittany too far.

The change between one personality and another is usually a rather instantaneous thing, as is their creation (sort of like a mood swing) and the rules of consciousness for the main personality vs the alters (as everything) varies. Though the brain is never actually completely at rest it couldn't keep the body, under the control of one personality or the other, active at all times. You need rest no mater what DID or no. Santana's assumption that Felicia was somehow always sentient and in control of Brittany's comings and goings is incorrect. Felicia as well as her need and ability to switch are controlled by the brain.

If you then ask; How does that work? I would have to answer; The same way it picks who you're attracted to and what foods you like. No clue. Alters can be 'trained' for lack of a better word, to come out at specific times, and usually as I mentioned before there can be triggers that cause them to come. But on the average day you may wake up as you, you might wake up as them. Depends on the person, depends on the brain.

There are theories, some more sound than others, but honestly it's another way of the medical community saying 'I don't really know' (at least that's how I interpret it).

Going to try my best to keep you from hanging too long. Summer job is coming. I don't plan for delays but you can poke me on my tumblr to make sure I'm still trucking ^.^


	15. Chapter 15

Brittany woke with a start to find herself sprawled on her bed dangling half off with the most gruesome headache she had ever felt in her life. After she squeezed her eyes to the pain and lifted her hands to her face she realized that that she had to lower them to get them to their goal since she was half off her bed dangling upside-down.

With an almighty heave she sat up and looked around the room squinting against the dim light that seemed blinding. Rubbing her head she moved to the edge of the bed and tried to remember how she ended up at home, but all that got her were flashing images of herself making a fool of herself in Santana's bathroom and she immediately quit.

The next sensation to hit her was the horrible taste in her mouth, at first she suspected bile but the sour cutting taste was hours old liquor.

Now frowning deeply she stopped and thought hard about what had happened and though it made her throat tighten with emotion she remembered Santana trying to tell her something before everything went so wrong. Something about split personalities.

Which she knew nothing about outside of television, but she was pretty sure that whole thing was mostly fictional.

Then again she had somehow managed to leave Santana's, get liquor and back home without knowing it and without stumbling in front of a bus. Quite frankly with alcohol in the equation it seemed _less_ likely than the other option.

Shakily she stood only noticing for the first time what she was wearing, a hot rush of fear went through her at the thought of having walked to or from Santana's in the getup she was wearing and quickly she discarded the small clothes to pull on her more comfortable lounging clothes. A quick glance at a clock told her it was 7pm on Sunday, that information made her do a double take that had her staring at her clock until it was 7:03 on a Sunday.

Determined not to let what might have happened between memory lapses get to her she exited her room silently in the hopes of getting to the bathroom and into the tub where she could soak and hopefully think.

She needed to get her bearings.

She needed a second to figure out if everything was as bad as she thought it was.

She needed everything to have all been a bad dream.

Quietly she closed her door behind her, careful not to let the latch make a sound and when she turned, proud of her silent exit, she saw Sam and Mercedes looking at her with wary eyes.

For a long drawn out minute they just stared at each other, the only sound filling the air was Whitney Huston's _Run To You_ as _The Bodyguard_ played, completely ignored, in the background.

"Hey Britt." Sam said finally.

"Hey." She said back still not moving.

"You feeling okay?" Mercedes asked.

Brittany felt the cold hand of fear creep over her because they were looking at her like she had done something she obviously had no memory of doing.

"Why wouldn't I be?" she asked cautiously.

"Cause you stumbled in here drunk and half dressed and almost bit Rachel's head off when she went in your room to talk to you." Mercedes said quickly looking just as confused as Brittany felt.

Deciding that locking herself in her room and never coming out wouldn't solve anything she cleared her throat and started down the hall to the bathroom, "Oh, I forgot. I'm fine now."

Sam stood and moved close enough to speak only to her, "Do you need to talk?"

She shook her head because she was nowhere near ready to share what she was pretty sure had happened in real life, "No, enjoy your date." She said trying to twist her lips into a convincing smile.

She didn't stay to see if it fooled or not, instead she went straight to the bathroom and closed the door heavily behind her. With a steady determination she filled the tub with water and leapt in, not even bothering to fill it with bubbles.

The water was hot and soothed muscles she hadn't even realized were tense, sighing she considered just staying in the tub forever. But it wouldn't solve her problems, unfortunately it seemed nothing would.

Instead of fighting to remember what had happened at Santana's she tried to recall the last thing she had been doing before her blackout, but came up with nothing other than trying to get a head start on the work for the week and dozing off somewhere around the bottom of a column of numbers she couldn't remember the purpose of. She supposed if she had stumbled home drunk then that explained the missing day since it wasn't the first time she had woken in a strange place after drinking.

But at least it wasn't a strange place this time, it had been Santana's house then her own room after that so by all counts this was the safest blackout she'd ever had. Once she'd gotten drunk at a party and woken next to a man she had assumed was a trucker in a hotel room that looked like where the beginning of CSI episodes happened.

Recalling that she let herself dip deeper in the water until it was just under her eyes. She couldn't really make sense of the past few hours and truthfully she didn't want to. Whenever things like this had happened in the past she forgot about them because even trying to sort it out made her head pound and breathing more difficult.

But this, _this_ new incident was not one she could ignore.

The issue with Santana was off limits though, it hurt too much and made her ill to try and recall. It was horrifying. Let alone what stupid shit she might have done _before_ she woke up.

Rachel on the other hand was a smaller more manageable problem; she had yelled at Rachel and she should apologize. She could do that.

With a goal in mind the rest of her soak was pleasant and her mood improved enough to empty the tub a little and refill some of the water with a decent helping of bubbles. Once she had soaked and relaxed she got out dried off and dressed again, ready to exit with a new purpose. However her new purpose found her first.

"Ready to address the masses now are you?" came Rachel's stern voice from directly in front of her.

The little woman was standing right in the doorway, arms crossed, her face set into a deep scowl. Brittany's heart jumped into her throat with fear at the sudden appearance and she barely managed not to shout with surprise.

_How long has she been standing out here?_

"Hey Rachel I was just about to come see you." She said slipping out of the bathroom and putting a few feet between them.

"So _now_ you want to talk? _Now_ you have a moment to not be a rude brute of a woman?"

"I'm sorry I had a lot on my mind." She said hoping to diffuse her rage before it got started, "I didn't mean to yell." The end of her sentence was punctuated with a pout that had gotten out of countless scoldings.

For the first time it didn't seem to be working, "You storm in here drunk, _wearing my clothes_ and yelling at me when I was trying to politely ask for a private audience with you even though I was _quite_ cross with you **before** you came in acting like a hooker at happy hour."

Honestly that _would_ have caused her a great deal of embarrassment, but Rachel had a knack for exaggeration and so did Mercedes on occasion.

Then again Sam had been looking at her like he was very worried…

"About what?"

She frowned, "About what, what?"

"What did you come in my room to talk to me about?" Brittany pressed still unwilling to deal with the other issues.

"Oh." She said thrown off her rant and now seemed slightly shy, looking around and grabbing Brittany's hand Rachel pulled her into her room.

The mood changed from confrontational to conspiratorial as Rachel closed the door behind them closing Brittany into the small space. Patiently she waited for her roommate to say something, but instead of speaking the actress just paced in the small space between her bed and her overfilled closet.

"Okay." She said finally ceasing her movements and facing Brittany, "The first thing I want to say is, though I am flattered that you like my attire enough to want to wear it you should, firstly, have asked and secondly have found something in your size. I mean honestly I don't even really wear those outfits in my day to day, they are specifically for character immersion since, as you know, I have been offered many roles as a woman of the world-"

"Not to be rude but…" Brittany said motioning for her to get to the point.

"Right, I can sometimes get off topic with my expatiations." She paused again and clapped her hands together, "Brittany you are like a sister to me, really, and I am so happy that we have become so close but I think it's time we talked boundaries."

"If this is still about the clothes I really didn't mean to take them I'm sure. I… I've been kind of…off the past few days." She said the last part slowly to make sure at no point did she slip and show how much that worried her.

"No, no, the clothes thing, I have heard, is a natural part of the roommate experience and is also common betwixt those sharing a sisterly bond. This is about you and Santana."

The name made her heart twist and her face became hard, this was what she had been avoiding in her mind and she knew she had no patience to listen to Rachel's ramblings in conjunction with that.

"Rachel I already told you that what happens between us is between us."

"Well not when it happens in my house." She huffed.

"What are you-"

"The other night when I was hosting my little get together, _that you wouldn't go to_." she added with a disappointed look, "My security guard informed me that there was some…. interesting footage."

Brittany tried not to roll her eyes, Rachel's large lazy security guard was tactically, read: idiotically, placed in a small security station way out in the back yard to guard her 'secret' awards bunker. All he did was watch video feed of the outside of her mansion and patrol the small exaust port that came up from underground. He was pointless, the bunker was pointless, anything he could have seen from there would be pointless and she began to suspect this conversation was pointless as well.

"What'd he find?" she asked figuring giving in would be easier than trying to escape this lecture.

"A… moment of intimacy between you and your par amour."

"What?"

Rachel squeezed her eyes shut as if speaking in plain English hurt her, "Through a window a camera caught the two of you mid coitus in my bedroom."

Both women were silent as they stared unblinkingly at each other, "What?" Brittany repeated.

"Listen I don't actually mind you using my home for your nighttime activities, but this is where the topic of boundaries comes into play, you see that you would use _my_ room-"

"Hold it, back up, you think I was having sex with Santana in your house?" That was absurd on so many levels it was actually funny.

"I _know_ you were."

"Uh-huh, and why do you have a camera that points into your bedroom?"

"It doesn't, it pans _past_ it and it happened to find my windows open which revealed… the information previously mentioned."

"You must have us confused with some other people."

"With some other interracial lesbian couple that have access to my mansion? I don't think so."

"Rachel I haven't been to your place since the last time you sent me to get your special face cream."

Nodding the small woman marched to her desk and returned with a laptop in hand, opening it she typed in an absurdly long, yet easily discerned password.

_RachelBerrySuperStarNumber1 because no one in a million years could figure that out._

"I thought you might feign innocence of this but I have proof regrettably."

A few keystrokes later Brittany was looking at video feed of the outside of Rachel's home, for a long moment there was only darkness though through it all Brittany kept her eyes on the window.

"It happens…" a flash of movement had her hand pointing to the window. "There!"

Brittany felt a headache and tried not to raise her voice, "That was riveting, I see how you made that connection-"

"Shhh, that's not all… and here." She said.

And this time it was more obvious.

The curtains were not completely open but the resolution of the film was sharp enough to show two women who were very naked and very much 'mid coitus'. And Rachel had been right, they did look like her and Santana in a vague distant figure kind of way, she would have said as much but something stopped her. Something that felt like de ja vu and made her head hurt, the scene was as familiar as it was unfamiliar. That, with everything else that had happened, was starting to push her barely stable mental resolve and she backed towards the door.

Rachel seemed not to notice her reaction however, "Now I will have you know I'm not just accusing you blindly, I did cross check your entry code times with the time of this footage and it matched up so it really had to have been you. I _am_ assuming the other woman was Santana but I don't think you are wooing other Latinas on the side." She said tittering at her own joke then, seeing the increasingly worried look on Brittany's face, she paused, "Unless you are."

"I'm not I…" Brittany started but turned and dashed out the door.

"Wait we still need to discuss the issue of _boundaries_!"

* * *

Brittany ran as fast as she could down the empty sidewalk along the bus routes deciding she would catch the first one that she came across. In the meantime she would run, as fast as she could manage, towards Santana's house. Because as much as it was the last place on earth that she wanted to be at the moment it felt like the only way she could get the answers she wanted was to find her girlfriend.

If she was still her girlfriend.

If Santana even wanted to be her _friend_ anymore.

Three blocks later she caught up with a bus and dashed onto it only to realize that not only had she not brought her bus pass she hadn't even put on real clothes. The realization didn't faze her since the chill night air burning her lungs was keeping her head clear, frozen, but clear. Also because it seemed most of her best moments with Santana were in her lazy clothes, they were like a good luck charm. She hoped the luck would hold out long enough for her to find she had dreamt the past two days.

It took her the better part of two hours but by the time she arrived at Santana's door she was ready, actually ready, to knock on it. She did and recalled as the sound of someone approaching became louder that being ready to knock on the door and being ready to face the woman she loved were two different things.

It was too late though.

The door swung open and revealed a haggard looking Santana who's eyes widened in shock at her appearance.

"Brittany." She said in a tone that could have been an exclamation if her voice weren't so hoarse.

"What did you mean about me this morning?" she asked because her heart was already in her throat and she couldn't waste her words now. Her time had gone missing before and she had let it go because it was something to be swept away. A night of partying with an unidentified stranger was not something she would look in to, but something was happening to her and now it involved Santana and she had to know what. She _needed_ to understand what she'd been doing.

Santana seemed almost afraid to answer as her eyes fell to the ground, "About you having split personalities? Just that, you have one."

"But what does that mean?" she asked taking a step forward and to her shock Santana took one back closing the door just slightly as if afraid of attack.

Realizing what she had done Santana pushed the door open and returned to her previous position, but Brittany had already seen the fear flash in her eyes.

"There is someone inside you. Someone else entirely and she sometimes takes over your body." She said carefully.

That wasn't really believable, but coming from Santana it seemed irrefutably real because she just wasn't the type to make things up like that.

"Did I, er, you and her have sex?"

"Not last night." Santana answered looking desperate to be understood.

"But you did before, at Rachel's." She didn't ask because she didn't want a lie or a candy coated truth.

Her eyes widened at that, "How did you…"

Brittany tried to process that news and what it meant to her but nothing came of that venture, "So you did? You had sex with the other me person?"

"Yes." She said so quietly their breathing almost drowned out the sound.

"How long ago?" It was odd, in her head she was trying to place this event, if she could place it then maybe she would know how to feel about it.

"It started on the night I went to Stellar."

"Did it ever stop?"

"When you asked me to be your girlfriend."

That got a reaction from the lung department as her breathing became shallow, "Did you know it was me the whole time?"

"No." she said and this time Brittany had to lip read.

"You were seeing us both at the same time." She said piecing things together, though they weren't quite fitting.

How did she feel about that? She and Santana had been sleeping together for months without her knowledge? What did that mean for her?

"How…" she asked and swallowed thickly because her throat was trying to cut her off by drying itself out, "How did you know about the play?"

"Felicia, your other personality, she told me."

"About everything?" she asked feeling her every nerve tense in anticipation for the answer.

"Brittany you need to know I don't think any less of you for-"

"She told you about Matt and the play and all the people I've been with right?" she interrupted because she knew candy coating when she saw it.

Santana didn't reply but the look she gave said it all.

Brittany felt ill again, however this time she refused to break down. If she had to stand at Santana's doorstep and silently asphyxiate rather than to be the hysterical mess she had been this morning.

_A morning that wasn't a dream._

Now she was really ill, but she held her ground. Even though those brown eyes she still loved so much were boring holes into her that made her feel like she were the naked panting crazy person on her bathroom floor again.

"I'm sorry I broke it to you like I did. It was wrong of me and everything that happened was my fault." She said.

Brittany wanted to tell her there was no way she was in the wrong, that she was the sick one and that _she_ was so very sorry for what had happened, but she could tell from the tightening in her gut that it was unwise to open her mouth.

She still didn't know what to make of the split personality thing, but that or something damn close must have happened for Santana to know the things she did. No one knew about Matt, not even Sam. Awkwardly she stood in front of Santana as she tried to not slip into another total meltdown and get some sort of grip on what was going on. But then she saw Santana about to say something and in that split second, in that instant she knew she had to act.

Because this was a nightmare in slow motion.

Because her mouth was going to open and the same words that had come out of every lover's mouth would leave hers and she couldn't bear it. She couldn't let Santana tell her that maybe they should take a break or see other people because it would smash her into a million pieces.

Her mouth opened because it had to, because the fear of Santana saying what everyone else had overpowered her rapidly racing heart and constricting lungs.

"Maybe-" she sobbed and covered it with a cough, "Maybe we should just end this now." She said and even though this had been her predetermined path it hurt so badly to watch Santana stand there and not object to a single word. "I mean I didn't know about any of this and I think I need to go and take care of me before I can come back to the idea of us."

It was very similar to what her first real girlfriend had said to her and she realized how much of an ass she must have been to say that to her because Santana wasn't even crying like she had been and it still killed her to say.

"I… think that might be best." Santana replied.

Closing her eyes Brittany managed not to cry and opened them again to find Santana looking at her with the saddest expression on her face. She wanted to hug her and kiss her and take it all back, but those eyes ripped at everything, _saw_ everything and it made her ill all over again. Looking at Santana's arms they still seemed so safe and inviting, but she couldn't handle being so exposed under that gaze, it was too much. As far as she had come with her anxieties that was just _too_ far.

"It really was fun." She said hating herself for over simplifying the best relationship she'd ever had, "More fun for you I guess." It was a joke, a jab at the thing she still didn't understand, but the look that crossed Santana's face made it look like she had been cut deep.

Brittany was about to apologize when Santana left her doorway leaving her house wide open. It could have been an invitation inside but somehow she doubted it and prepared to walk away when the smaller woman returned with a piece of paper in her hand. For the first time she took a step outside her door and placed the paper in Brittany's hand holding it far longer than she had to.

"I got this number from Sugar in an attempt to figure out how to help you when I found out." She laughed abruptly looking at the floor hiding her face from Brittany, "And after all the work I did to find someone to help me I go and do the exact opposite of what he told me to."

She didn't look up again and Brittany was in no position to make her as her eyes were fixed on the sight of Santana's hand on hers and the sweet pain the sensation caused because it wasn't going to happen again.

"Call him." Santana continued as she looked up at Brittany again, "He's a doctor and he can help you since all I did was make a mess of things."

Her eyes were so sincere and kind, and as much as Brittany still wanted her, to love her and to be loved by her those eyes reminded her of what that woman knew. And it turned her most beloved sight into something she couldn't stand to see.

The realization almost overwhelmed her but she kept herself in check, stepping back she choked out, "Bye then."

Santana watched her, the expression on her face somehow sadder than before, "Bye." She said her voice just as broken.

For a moment Brittany considered telling her, even though things were ending she wanted to tell her, at least once, what their relationship had meant to her. To do like she had on their not-quite first date and tell her how thankful she was for the chance to be with her. She wanted to tell Santana she loved her.

But that was too much. That seemed to be the only dear thing in her heart that those eyes hadn't already ripped from her very soul. She needed to keep that to herself because Santana had too much of her already.

Turning she walked away refusing to turn back because if she did Santana would see that her face was completely wet from tears.

* * *

Santana closed the door after Brittany left and leaned against it.

She told herself it was for the best, that Brittany was seriously ill and still had another personality that may still be furious with her. As a matter of fact she had been half expecting Felicia slap the shit out of her for continuing to talk about the subject at all.

Walking back to her office she continued to pat herself on the back for handling the whole thing so well, remembering that she had gotten over heartbreak before and that she hadn't even been with the other woman that long so it wouldn't be that bad.

She had survived Holly and Quinn and she would survive Brittany.

That was what she told herself as she went back to work and again when, after three hours, she hadn't typed a single word but had gone through a whole box of tissues.

It was the mantra that got her to sleep that night, and in the morning when she saw the brightly colored duck piggy bank still on her night stand it gave her the strength to pick it up and carry it to the trashcan.

* * *

Monday's always sucked. Always.

But _this_ Monday was a new brand of shit.

Brittany had woken feeling just as sick and hurt as she had when she went to bed and on the bus ride to work Sam kept passively trying to ask what had happened. She knew it wasn't fair to give him the silent treatment but she wasn't ready to share. Everything was still too open and raw, there was no way she could handle another person being able to see so much about her. Sam already knew some of her most closely guarded secrets but not everything, and not this, not now. She didn't need him to become like Santana, to have those eyes that could see it all.

Walking into work Brittany avoided the parking lot like the plague, a move that earned her more questions from Sam, so she was a little surprised to find that Santana hadn't arrived yet when she arrived at her cubicle.

Then she remembered that the last time that had happened was the night after Santana went to Stellar. Where they apparently had sex.

She still couldn't wrap her head around that.

Though considering the possibility of her running around seducing her boss she could now understand the other woman's sudden interest in her.

As her thoughts continued she stared at the empty office only to find her view blocked by Sam, "What's going on with you and Santana?" he asked kindly over his cup of coffee.

Only the knowledge that he really wanted to help kept her from snapping at him, "Stuff I don't want to talk about." She said admitting for the first time that anything even was going on.

He nodded, "We missed you at campaign."

She had forgotten all about it, "Anything interesting happen?"

A smile graced his lips, "The usual, Artie spent two hours rolling to check for traps then Rory ran in and set them all off while Mike yelled and I took the air ducts avoiding the whole mess."

The tale made her smile as well and once again she was thankful for him in her life, he always knew when to leave things alone.

"I'll be there next time."

"You better." He said lightly before returning to his cubicle.

Turning she stared at her own monitor and wondered for the billionth time what she was doing. Why was she at this job doing things she hates for so little pay?

It was the same question as always, but this time it was on the heels of waking violently from a beautiful dream. She lost the woman she had desired of for years, and worse yet, that same woman had become what she considered to be her one great love. Bitterly she wished she had just let Santana dump her because then she couldn't put all the blame squarely on her own shoulders.

With that and a day full of more numbers looming she felt like she might actually be losing her mind. Her eyes went from her computer screen, to her phone and then to her bag where the number Santana had given her was tucked away in her wallet.

She hadn't called it yet but she began to think that it would be the first step towards… something. And honestly as long as that something wasn't numbers she was willing to give it a try.

* * *

"Oh what the hell…" Sugar muttered as she walked into the darkened apartment.

Santana was sitting at her kitchen table looking at what appeared to be a ceramic duck, crying in hickuping sobs.

"Please tell me you did not call me over to join this pity party because whatever this is about I want no part of it."

Santana sniffled and picked up a quarter from off the table and placed it into the ducks back, it was then a recording came through.

_Come on Mr. Duck please talk, it's for someone very special._ Came Brittany's faint and slightly distressed voice from the small figure. Shortly after a loud and almost grudging _Quack!_ followed.

Santana could see the image clearly in her head of Brittany juggling a duck in her arms as she tried to get the creature to make a sound for her recording. The thought made her smile and cry at the same time.

"This cannot be healthy." Sugar mumbled as she walked through the apartment turning on all the lights, "I'm surprised you aren't in here drinking yourself into a stupor."

"I'm out of liquor and I was hoping you'd be a designated driver." Santana replied seriously still looking at the duck as she picked up the quarter that had dropped back out.

The coin had come with the duck and had fallen out as she had been about to throw it away and then…

She had pulled the stopper out of the bottom to make her self-torment easier. So when she put the quarter in again _Come on Mr. Duck please talk, __it's for someone very special_. Quack! it would drop right back out making itself available to cause another knife plunge in her chest.

Sugar finally stopped turning on lights and sat at the table, "Alright, you win, what's wrong?" she asked unwillingly.

"Brittany broke up with me." Santana picked up the quarter again and dropped it in, _Come on Mr. Duck please talk, i__t's for someone very special_.

"Why?" she asked incredulously.

"Because I deserved it." _Quack!_

Santana reached for the quarter again but Sugar slapped her hand away, "Couldn't you do something more stalker chic like listening to her on voicemail or something?"

"I messed up! You went through all that trouble to find a damn doctor and I didn't listen to a fucking thing he said!"

Sugar leaned back at her outburst, "So you told her then?"

"Yes I told her!"

"I would ask how that went but I suppose I have my answer."

Santana reached out to put the quarter in the duck again but Sugar pulled it out of reach, "You need to get out of the apartment." She said moving to help Santana up.

"I know that, I'm supposed to be at work."

"Where the duck whisperer is? No, you need to be as far away from there as possible right now because you are going to do something stupid if you see her. Get up." She said heaving Santana out of her chair and towards her bedroom, "Put on something nice and clean up your face for godsakes."

She did as she was told and soon was in Sugar's Bugatti on her way to what she assumed was a bar. Instead they went to Beverly Hills to shop at her friend's favorite clothing store.

Thinking on who this was she supposed she shouldn't have been surprised.

Of course Sugar tried to distract her with talk of dresses and shoes but all Santana could hear was the distant sound of Brittany's voice begging a duck to offer the finishing touches on a gift she had worked so hard on.

"It's not like it would have worked." She said out loud, she needed someone to concur the thought because she wasn't convincing herself anymore.

"Do you think they have this in purple?" Sugar asked showing Santana a sleeveless dress.

"I don't know ask someone who works here." She snapped and her friend shrugged returning the garment to the rack.

"Doesn't matter it looks like something made for fat people who just became skinny, but expect to become fat again."

Santana didn't bother asking.

"I don't know why I'm having such a hard time with this." She said trying not to cry in public over a woman she had only been dating a couple of months.

_Women_ she had been dating a couple of months.

"If I bought this belt and got that dress in purple it would look like something that a naturally skinny person would wear don't you think?"

Gritting her teeth Santana pressed on, "It's not like we were in love or anything. I mean Holly and I were together way longer and I didn't take it this badly." Quickly she rubbed the sting from her eyes, "Maybe I'm hormonal."

"Ooh! I love these shoes! And they would be perfect with the dress… except they are purple too… then I'll look like a skinny sexy grape-"

"Sugar what the fuck did you even come to my place for?" Santana snapped suddenly, "Clearly my pain doesn't bother you so why come and drag me out to a store I can't possibly afford so you can ignore me?"

"If you want something off the racks all you have to do is ask so there is no need for that tone. And I'm ignoring your whining because I hate playing this stupid game."

"What game?"

"The 'I'm not in love but obviously I am' game. I have no idea why people think I will sympathize with that or anything for that matter."

A chill ran up Santana's back as Sugar said the very thing she had been wishing she wouldn't, "I'm not in love with her."

"You seem to have confused me with someone who didn't find you in the dark crying over the echo of Brittany's voice through a ceramic duck."

"Shut up! You don't know what you're talking about."

"That reaction? That one right there proves I'm right and so does the fact that you had the nerve to bring up Holly like she was a real romantic interest. You didn't want love from her you wanted stability."

"I did _not_!"

Sugar signaled for her to lower her voice as she returned the purple pumps to the rack, "I am not going to argue you down about Holly friggin' Holliday. I _am_ going to see if they have that fat-but-could-be-slimming number in purple and I am going to leave you here to consider this. Brittany is the first non bitch you have ever dated and she dumped you, that led you to call me, a college friend you rarely call unless you really need something. To cry like an infant while missing work, your one true addiction slash passion and then defend your relationship with Holly like love fit anywhere into that. If you don't love her then I'm Carrot Top."

"But..." she started and stopped when she realized she had no counter point.

"I got you out of the house so you could stop wallowing and clear your head, but its been an hour and I'm bored. Either grow a pair and start thinking up ways to get Brittany to take you back or go ahead and cry a literal river, but don't follow me around my favorite store lying to both of us. We both know how badly you are bullshitting right now and I don't want to play."

With that the other woman walked away leaving Santana totally floored.

* * *

A/N:So last chapter got nuts. To be clear nothing has changed for the overall direction of this story, it's all heading where it would have anyway just with some adjustments to the time frame and of course a couple of conversations are no longer needed but the core parts will be scattered to other moments.

I'm not sensitive about criticism (I'm not now and I wasn't then so don't be afraid to let me know what you think) and though I didn't agree with most of the interpretations of Santana's actions I take reader perception into account. As I said I do this for reviews, they tell me where I'm going right and wrong, so if I post a chapter and the vast majority of the responses are negative (ranging form 'I didn't like certain parts' to 'You and this story suck' and 'You are a horrible insensitive person') I have to assume I did something wrong. I'm not so big headed I think I'm always correct and in this case I saw how I could make a change without compromising the story on the whole so I did.

I know it's my story to take where I will but I think it's important to listen to feedback. I've seen plots go sour due to fan interference, but I've seen a writer's unwillingness to listen to criticism do the same.

After the change I got a ton of feedback telling me I had, in fact, been on course but mah, I won't change it _again_ since that would get confusing. I'm going to take it from here but please trust you are still seeing the same general overall outcome of this that you would have otherwise. The path may be altered slightly but we'll still get there. (If you want to know what all the fuss was about the original part with Santana and Felicia's time together is up on my tumblr.)

In the original ch 14 Santana's problem was she had no idea what to make of the situation nor what Brittany would or would not approve of her doing with her other self. Maybe even kissing Felicia was too far, so since she could be in the wrong anyway may as well be _totally_ in the wrong.

I'm not saying that's how the situation should be handled, it was just her thought process while being seduced by the person who was/was not her girlfriend.

Btw if FFdotnet kills this story then I'll post on tumblr till I figure something else out.

This was supposed to be one chapter long chapter, but it was getting _too_ long and (if you don't already know) I work constantly so I gave you this. Hope you liked it, yeah it's a little sad but trust me :)


	16. Chapter 16

Tuesday arrived to find Santana stubbornly back to her normal routine, she woke at her usual time, ate and arrived at work early as had been her rigid regimen for years. Unfortunately all it did was the same thing it had the last time she had tried to ignore the need for change; point out the stark contrast between how things had been and how they were now. Which was awful.

It was difficult for her to remember why she had been so stuck on this way of life in the first place, doing little besides bouncing from work to home, where she did more work. All it got her were connections to people she'd rather not know and led her down a path that let her become an adult with Sugar Motta as the closest thing she had to an actual friend.

By the time she exited the elevator without her lunch box, a morning kiss or the weird sort of happiness she felt from getting both she was in an even worse mood and she carried that attitude to her office to blaze though everything she had neglected the previous day.

She worked past lunch, refusing to exit her office for any reason from fear of seeing the one person that could prove how affected she was by her shitty weekend. She tried to once again remind herself that she had gotten over Holly and Quinn, but she couldn't pretend that was a valid point anymore. Sugar was correct in her assessment that Holly had never been a serious love interest. They got along and liked most of the same things and after Quinn that had seemed ideal. Losing Holly was more like losing a once good friend and she hadn't lost Quinn so much as survived her.

Those _two_ women completed her whole entire list of long relationships, and she was pretty sure that was sad.

Then there was Brittany.

The woman who had slipped in under the radar and changed everything, whatever may have been going on with her she made a fantastic girlfriend. Both parts of her were unique and captivating in different ways and even if the world were full of people with split personalities she doubted even then that she'd be able to find someone with two halves that she lov-

Santana had almost thought the word but cut if off, because as right as Sugar could be she was wrong about this. It wasn't love. It was an out of control infatuation. That was all.

Because the breakup was so fresh it felt like she had lost love but it wasn't that. Santana assured herself that in a few months she would feel about Brittany as she felt about Holly; that the split was painful at first but was really the best thing for all involved. Though the two women and the relationship they shared with her were totally different she was quite positive that her feelings now would blow over.

Cloaked in a new set of assurances she returned to her daily tasks and even stayed to her usual time of 9:30 just to prove to herself that things were getting back to normal. Her heart wasn't in it and she didn't get half of what she needed to done but when she started to pack up later that night she still felt a little better. The enthusiasm would come with time, right now there was safety in routine.

Santana turned out the lights and exited her office only to have her shaky confidence completely destroyed by the sight of Brittany. The other woman was still in her cubicle going over the figures on her screen, her usual bun slightly messy from where she kept scratching her head with her pen. She wasn't doing it now but Santana knew that was the cause because she had spent hours observing Brittany while she worked and had somehow memorized her every habit in that time.

She knew she should just leave, head off to the right and slip out unnoticed, but she didn't, she walked up to the blonde to attempt to rebuild her defenses. Santana approached on a mission to show both of them that things didn't need to be awkward, that friendship wasn't off the table.

That feeble surety led her to clear her throat and the sound startled Brittany allowing Santana, for a brief second, to see her blue eyes clear of any sort of pain or worry. But when she recognized who was standing at her door those eyes filled with hurt and shame and it was difficult to look at. Apparently Brittany felt the same because she dropped her gaze.

"H-hi Santana."

"Hey." She said, annoyed that her voice cracked slightly, "You almost done or are you taking this home with you?"

"I'll take it home, I-I didn't know it was s-so late."

Brittany was stuttering again and Santana felt a little wounded that things had regressed so far, "How are you?" she asked sincerely deciding to skip the small talk.

"Fine." She mumbled picking at the hem of her skirt.

Santana wasn't sure if she didn't believe that because Brittany wouldn't look at her or because she needed to know she wasn't the only one suffering, "Really?"

She offered a nonchalant shrug, "I've had _better_ days."

"Did you try giving Dr. Tinsley a call?"

Brittany's hands clenched in her lap, "C-can we not talk about that please?" she asked softly and for the first time she looked up at Santana.

The brunette felt her heart break at the look Brittany gave because it reminded her of a kicked puppy but mostly because in that instant she began to desperately miss the look those eyes used to give her. The look that made her feel like she was the most special woman in the world, the one that was full of love and trust and it was no one's fault but hers it was gone.

Overwhelmed she nodded and walked away, throwing a 'See you tomorrow' over her shoulder.

Running to her car Santana was able to make it almost halfway home before she broke down worse than she had in her kitchen.

* * *

Tuesday night started with her trying to find a way to negate the feelings that had started to batter her after the encounter with Brittany. However she gave up the effort rather quickly.

She loved Brittany. All of her.

The word filled her mind unchecked and finally she allowed herself to admit the truth in it. She loved Brittany, her habits, her adoring looks and even her other half, she loved her trust and the time she took to show she cared. Every part of her was amazing and somehow only now could she admit it, just in time to watch Brittany cringe at the very sight of her.

By bedtime she made up her mind that she would fix that, she had overcome many obstacles in her career and she was sure with her determination and drive she could win Brittany back.

However no amount of drive could help the fact that Brittany didn't come in to work on Wednesday.

The discovery had Santana hovering impatiently at her door, waiting for her to possibly arrive late. An hour after the work day began she hit the end of her patience and approached Sam who was, once again, on ebay.

"Evans."

He jumped and turned of his screen off before spinning around in his chair to face Santana, seeing that it was his boss and that she looked none too pleased he hung his head.

"Would you believe me if I said that wasn't what it looked like?"

"Where is Brittany?" she asked, still not caring about his improper use of company property.

"Uh," he started clearly thrown by the question, "I don't know. She was gone when I got up this morning."

Santana felt herself tense, Brittany could have gotten up to go somewhere to relax for a day or Felicia could have taken over and gotten up to old habits...

Involuntarily she shuddered before marching back to her office and taking out her phone. Quickly she dialed Brittany and was distressed to find that it went straight to voicemail, worse than that it had the default recording so Santana didn't even get the pleasure of hearing her voice. Frustrated she hung up and glared at her door as if it were the thing hiding Brittany from her.

She had no idea what to do now besides wait and that was going to be agony because her mind would _not_ shut up. It thought of every possibility for her unexplained absence and none of them were good.

Brittany being led to sleep with some stranger unknowingly was distressing enough but thinking of Felicia finding someone else made her feel furious and jealous as well. She supposed it was because she felt more for Felicia than she had initially thought and she regretted so much upsetting both of them so badly.

The minutes ticked by with no word from either woman though she called Brittany's cell countless times. By lunch she had a mental catalog of everything she loved about Brittany and Felicia and it was making her miserable. So to try and distract herself she left her office and began to patrol the floor looking for any excuse to take her mind off the woman who wasn't there.

Which made it either bad or good luck that the first person she ran into upon exiting her office was Lauren.

"Good afternoon Ms. Lopez." She said in that way of hers that was somehow both polite and slightly rude.

"Afternoon." Santana replied gruffly, hardly in the mood for Lauren's borderline confrontational attitude.

The large woman held a stack of papers in her hand that she offered, Santana took them looking the documents over with a detached interest until she saw Brittany's name appear. Snapped into focus she read again realizing that these forms were requesting use of her vacation days for an unspecified reason.

Looking back up at Lauren she frowned, "When did she give you these?"

"She didn't. I came in this morning and they were on my desk."

This worried Santana even more than the option of Felicia running off somewhere because if this was really Brittany it meant she had both of them trying to avoid her. Looking over the papers again she felt her heart skip a beat when she read the vacation would last two weeks.

"Don't you need my signature before you can authorize this?" she snapped, it was stupid to get angry at Lauren but she couldn't help it, she didn't know how to be any angrier at herself.

"Yes, I do. As you can see I am standing here now, before you, awaiting authorization."

Looking up quickly she stared at Brittany's empty cubicle then over to Sam's, she had left and not even told her best friend where she was going. Or she had and he was lying to her.

The papers were suddenly very heavy in her hands and she turned to her office to get a pen. If Brittany needed the time away she would give it without complaint, if Sam wanted to keep her whereabouts a secret that was his right. But the second Brittany returned from wherever she was they were going to have a serious conversation.

* * *

As it turned out nothing was that easy.

It was quickly apparent that Brittany hadn't told Sam about her impending departure and it stung to have to inform him why she was no longer privy to Brittany's whereabouts. He took the information of their breakup well enough but seemed a little irate with her until she clarified that she had been the dumpee, then he seemed mainly confused.

Days passed and she discovered the decision to wait until Brittany returned to be the hardest of her whole life.

Calling her constantly was ruled out because Brittany had surely seen the other missed calls and would return them when she was ready. So instead of occupying herself with endless ringing on a phone no one was answering Santana made up little scenarios that always started with Brittany meeting some other woman who found out about her split personality and loved them both. Sometimes it ended with them parading their happy relationship in front of her office while others ended with their wedding, in some exotic location.

Before Brittany Santana had never known she had such a vivid and _persistent_ imagination and it truly sucked that now was when she was discovering it. Because for two whole weeks her mind went over every possible way she could have already lost both women forever.

In response she buried herself so deep in her work some nights she never made it home, merely sleeping on the desk and waking to start again. It didn't help take her mind off Brittany but it did make the endless days blur together in such a way that she was surprised when the Monday that marked Brittany's return was upon her.

That morning she was up and off to work exceedingly early and waited nervously in her office for Brittany to arrive. Usually her door was closed but on this day she kept it wide open as she waited to see some hint of the woman she had been longing to see.

She covered her obvious interest in the empty cubicle by pretending to do work, she had to pretend because she was far too nervous to actually focus and also because her relentless work ethic from the past two weeks had left her with nothing of value to do in any case.

After an hour she gave up the pretense and started pacing feeling anxious and slightly fearful of rejection and of the potential appearance of the faceless new lover that her mind had conjured up.

She came to an immediate halt when Sam came into view and sat at his desk and waited patiently for his roommate to appear.

But she didn't.

Deciding to give her a few more minutes she resumed pacing and the _very_ second those five minutes were up she redirected her feet straight towards Sam's desk.

"Where is Brittany?" she asked immediately.

For once she had caught him actually doing his work, "Um, hello to you too." He said with a wide grin.

"Evans." She warned.

"She came back this morning." He said seeing she clearly wasn't in the mood for light banter. "She's still a bit jetlagged so she decided to stay home today." Santana wasn't exactly sure of the face she pulled at the news but it apparently worried Sam, "She'll be back tomorrow and I went ahead and covered all her work so it's not like she's really needed right now. She just needs a little rest and she'll be back to work."

She wasn't about to explain that she had no intention of firing Brittany for taking an extra day, she had other things on her mind. The moment he explained the situation she had understood, Brittany would be in on Tuesday and merely needed some time to get her bearings at home.

But her brain had started up again, playing new movies for her benefit, and she knew she could not possibly wait another day. Mind made up she retrieved her keys from her office, went directly to her car and drove straight to Brittany's apartment.

When she arrived she wasted no time in marching up the stairs and pounding on the door loud enough to wake all the neighbors, but she didn't care she _needed_ someone to answer and when no one did she pounded again her face set in a grim scowl because she wasn't moving until someone opened the door.

After her fourth pounding she heard the lock click and the door swung open to find Brittany rubbing her eyes sleepily. However the moment she saw who was on the other side of the door she became alert.

"Santana?"

"Can I come in?" she asked abruptly.

Brittany moved aside more out of reflex then a desire to let her in but said nothing as she closed the door behind Santana and followed her as she went straight to the living room.

"Is anyone else home?"

Brittany shook her head, "Rachel's at a press conference, she'll be moving out soon so she can start filming her movie."

"Good, come sit with me." Santana said patting the spot next to her as she sat on the couch.

She did as she was asked, her eyes looking anywhere but at Santana, "I didn't mean to take another day off, but I was really sleepy when I got back."

Santana really wanted to ask where she had gone but it wasn't any of her business and she wasn't going to pry, "Don't worry about it, I'm not here about that, I-"

She had gone over and over what she wanted to say but now that it was time to talk nothing seemed good enough, Brittany still wouldn't look at her and she had no idea how to fix that.

"I want you to know that I'm okay with you as you are." She started, "I know what I said freaked you out and I don't blame you for wanting to put an end to this but can we not do that? Can we give us a chance?"

Brittany looked up at her slightly, a weak smile on her lips, "I would like that." A weight lifted from Santana's chest, all the previous images of another lover flew out the window, "But I can't." and just like that the weight came crashing back down.

"Why not?"

"I…" wringing her hands she placed her elbows on her knees and stared at the floor, "I never wanted to break up with you in the first place. But I can't… Santana I can't look at you anymore."

Those words probably hurt more than anything anyone had ever said to her, "Is it because of what I did with Felicia?"

Brittany shook her head, "No. I still don't have any real feelings on that. I guess I should be mad or something but I'm not. If there was some part of me that could get up and do something about all the things I felt for you then it makes me feel a little hope for _this_ part of me." The words were faint as she spoke quietly to the floor.

"Then why?"

She swallowed heavily and seemed to shrink into herself with her next words, "Because when you look back at me I feel like you see everything I don't want anyone to see. I feel naked and…" she choked on a sob and for the first time Santana realized she was crying.

"I make you feel exposed, because of what I know about you?" she said thinking quickly.

Brittany nodded, tears splashing to the floor as she tried to wipe them away, "I know you aren't judging me but-"

"I get it. I've learned your secrets and for you that's a big thing. I took something important from you without asking." She said, because it was how she had been feeling for a long time.

Her curiosity and desire to help had led her to listen to what Felicia had to say, but it had been a massive invasion of privacy. It was different from a friend telling another's secrets, these were things she hadn't told a single soul, she had trusted no one with this information and now suddenly Santana had it all.

"I understand that it was _her_ that told you but I still…"

Santana got up, pushed the coffee table from in front of the couch and stood straight backed in the middle of the living room. Her next move may fix the problem at hand or do nothing at all but embarrass the living hell out of her, but at the very least she owed Brittany this, regardless of the result.

"When I was ten there was this girl I liked, she was the first crush I ever had, I became her friend and thought we might be girlfriends until I kissed her and she slapped me across the face. I tell people that I lost my virginity to the quarterback of the football team at my high school, but actually it was to this horrible little gnome of a boy called Jacob Ben Israel. He seemed like a sure thing and I was right, I actually slept with him three times in an attempt to prove to myself that it was just sex with him that I didn't enjoy not sex with all boys. And it gets worse, the little tool gets such an ego boost from sleeping with me that he was somehow able to charm his way into the pants of every girl I had my eye on. The first adult I was technically out to was a friend of my mother's who caught me fingering her daughter in the back seat of her car _while_ she was driving us to the movies. She never told my parents but then again they weren't really friends after that. Please do not **ever** repeat this, but once in college Sugar and I got completely plastered and ended up sleeping together. She doesn't remember, but it lasted _almost_ a whole minute and the last thing she said to me before she passed out was 'You make a stupid face when you come. Asperger's.'"

She paused trying to think of something of substance and finally found a truth that she didn't want to say even in the interest of getting Brittany back, which was why she forced herself to say it anyway.

"The first girlfriend I ever had after I came out… her name was Mackenzie. She was predictably a bit of a bitch but I loved her, and she loved me too but not enough to put up with my work habits. In my life I've only had two serious relationships and I knew when I met both women that it was going to be a disaster. I do it because…" she paused again because now she was crying too and this was truly hard to say, "I do it so I don't have to look at me, so I don't have to see what I'm doing wrong. I knew Holly would never settle down but I pretended like it might happen and when she left I could say it wasn't because I worked too much or wasn't attentive to her needs, it was because that's how she was and Quinn… I don't even know what kind of self-hating place I was in when I was with her, but I hope to never be there again. I kept finding the worst possible women to settle down with as if to make sure I'm lonely even when I'm with someone. Things have been that way for so long that I didn't even know what to do when something good came along."

* * *

Brittany didn't know what to say, she could hardly believe Santana was standing there and just spewing out personal things about herself. It made her so happy that the other woman cared that much while almost making her wince in sympathy. No matter what she wouldn't have the courage to stand up and say things like that to an _empty_ room.

She thought Santana had finished but she took another breath and continued, "I told Felicia I work so much because I have nothing else to do and that I want to climb to the top of the business world but honestly it's because I'm _that_ woman. The one desperately trying to gain her parents approval in a profession they don't respect. I think everything I've ever done has disappointed them besides graduating from school so I'm on a hamster wheel running at something I can never have and throwing away years of my life to get it. I'm afraid to look at me because I am so ashamed of what I know I'd see."

Brittany stood looking at the woman before her for the first time in a long time and she found with Santana crying and helpless in front of her it was impossible to feel hurt by her gaze. Now she could see it for what it was; lonely and pleading for forgiveness she didn't realize she didn't have to ask for. Under it she still felt exposed but now it was to someone who was just as bare and offering protection in her loving embrace.

Without a word Brittany went to her and was relieved when Santana opened her arms and pulled her into a tight hug, "You didn't have to say all that." She said, fresh tears coating her face.

"Yes I did." Pulling back slightly Santana took Brittany's face in her hands and looked into her eyes, her own brown orbs shining in sudden delight, "There she is." Santana said rubbing her cheek gently, "There's the look I remember. I missed it so much." Her eyes were so intense in that moment Brittany was mesmerized by them, "And I missed _you_ so much because I finally realized how much I love you."

Brittany felt her breathing hitch at the word and she tried not to look surprised, "Wha-"

She had fully intended to say it first but Santana had beaten her easily.

"Brittany when I'm with you work just isn't that important. There isn't a document on my desk I'd rather finish instead of being with you. When you look at me I'm not scared to see myself anymore because I know it can't be that bad. It took me this long and a kick in the ass from Sugar to get that, but I do now."

She wanted to profess her love as well, but it was too much like a reply instead of a heartfelt statement. The time wasn't right for her to say it yet, but she wanted to so badly. She began to worry if Santana would be discouraged by her failure to return the sentiment but she seemed to not even have noticed since she kissed her gently on the cheek and continued to revel in their eye contact.

"I love you so much and I should have seen it a long time ago. I love you and…" she hesitated and for a wild minute Brittany wondered if she were going to propose, "And I love Felicia." Brittany frowned, but only for a moment as it was merely from confusion, that name still didn't register as a part of her upon first hearing it, her reaction seemed to worry Santana a little, "I've never had to deal with something like this before and if you would rather I not see her I would be respectful of that."

Brittany shook her head smiling at Santana's response, "I seriously mean it when I say I don't know what to feel about her but right now I don't see how I can object to you loving someone inside me."

Santana smiled back and leaned forward clearly asking permission for a real kiss and Brittany gladly gave it to her. It was slow and loving and it made Brittany cry a little more out of the bittersweet ache of the whole morning.

When they parted Santana looked deep into her eyes and asked, "Brittany Pierce will you be my girlfriend again?"

And there was the ache again stronger this time because things were about to become more bitter than sweet, "I want to Santana, more than anything, but I can't."

Confused Santana released her slightly, "You still can't get past what I know?"

"It's not that."

"Did I not tell you enough? I've led a relatively boring life so you have all my big secrets and humiliations but I'll list all the small ones if that's what it takes." She said with such seriousness Brittany had to smile.

"I can't tell you what it means to me that you would open yourself up like that. I apparently can't do that kind of sharing unless I'm in another state of mind. But that was only part of the reason, I can't because I'm sort of on doctor's orders not to."

Now Santana was truly confused.

"Huh?"

"On the vacation I took, I flew down to Georgia to see Dr. Tinsley. After you gave me his number I called him and he was so nice I asked if he would treat me. He said he would if it was actually a case of multiple personalities, so I went for assessment."

The story stopped so Santana gave it a prod, "And?"

"And he said that I do have another personality."

"Took him two weeks to work that out?"

"Felicia didn't make an appearance for most of the time apparently but when she did he talked to her and decided, I don't know, that she wasn't just me playing around I guess."

"Well that's wonderful!" Santana exclaimed, she had really wanted for Dr. Tinsley to be the one to treat her.

"But it means I'll have to go to Georgia, at least for the first part of my therapy."

Santana frowned and took a step back, "For how long?"

"At least a year."

Now her mouth was completely dry, "A year?"

"At least, it could be longer. He said if I make enough progress I can come home and he'll travel to see me for sessions."

Taking a moment she considered what this meant and though she didn't like it the situation wasn't unworkable, "Brittany if you're worried about a long distance relationship I promise I can wait."

Sadly she shook her head, "I still can't. Dr. Tinsley told me that it would be best for me to come out there and stay alone for the earlier parts of my treatment. He says my natural need to please others will interfere my recovery. He thinks my fear of disappointing others will make me more resistant to the natural changes I might go through while I'm there. I'm not really allowed to talk a lot to anyone but Sam and Rachel."

Santana wrinkled her nose, "Why only those two?"

"They're the only two people who I don't try to change myself to please, or at least that's what Dr. Tinsley thinks."

"How are you going to afford all this?"

Brittany grimaced, "I had to take Rachel up on her offer to make clothing for her."

"So. What does this mean for us?"

Brittany's face fell, "I don't know. Who I am in a year could be totally different from who I am now. I want to say nothing will change between us but a year or more with very little contact and me undergoing therapy…"

Santana closed her eyes and pulled Brittany close again, "I want you to get better but I don't want to lose you."

A teary laugh escaped her, "I've been feeling the same way since he told me."

"What... what if we stay together now?" she asked still holding her close, "Just until you leave, and when you come back we start fresh and see what happens."

Brittany smiled her full beaming smile for the first time since Santana had come in, "I would love that actually."

* * *

Just as the two week vacation had passed painfully slow the three week timeframe for her to move went by almost instantly. Brittany had found a relatively cheap apartment while she had been away so all there was to do was to pack her things and ship them over. Santana was over daily to help her pack but mainly it was to to be at her side for every second left to her.

They worked in relative silence, merely enjoying each others presence but with every day that passed the tight painful feeling in Santana grew worse. She couldn't help but feel that these were their last moments together.

What she wanted was for time to reverse, to have Brittany in her arms without an impending separation. She missed not knowing what was going to happen in the future, and she selfishly wished that when Brittany and Felicia returned nothing would have changed about either woman.

These thoughts were what permeated her mind when they kissed and when she would hold Brittany close as they ate pizza for dinner after a long day of packing. They never revisited the intimacy of the night in Santana's bedroom but they did still make out like pubescent teens, though their kisses lacked intensity that led to sexual frustration but were instead the frantic kisses of two people who knew this could be the end of something they wanted to go on forever.

Packing with Brittany meant seeing her closets and drawers and the varied and interesting clothes she had within. Most had a story that came with it and though Santana usually had to beg to hear it they were always worth the effort. The day always held a laugh or a smile that endeared her to Santana a little more making the knowledge of what may well happen even worse.

Every night Santana left she did so knowing she was growing more and more attached to someone who may not even want to talk to her anymore in a year's time.

Sam helped pack but mostly kept out of the way as it was clear they preferred to have privacy. He had been told what was going on after Brittany returned and though she had explained the situation he still seemed to be having a hard time believing it. Not that she could blame him, she hadn't truly believed it at first when Felicia outright told her the truth, even with her suspecting something along those lines from the start.

Which was another thing, Felicia failed to make an appearance in all that time, but Santana wondered if it was better that way.

Rachel moved out a week before Brittany though her leaving was a grand affair full of long, long, long goodbye's and promises to keep in touch. She had a team of about thirty people move her out of the apartment and Santana and Brittany had watched them haul the amazing amounts of stuff out of her room. Even Brittany hadn't been able to fathom where she'd been hiding two treadmills or what's more why she would need them.

And then, like the Monday of her return, the Wednesday of Brittany's departure arrived without warning and Santana took the day off work to bring her to the airport.

She arrived early to hopefully get some extra goodbye time in and when she knocked on the door she was fully ready to be greeted by Brittany's warming smile. Instead the door flew open to reveal Sam looking around conspiratorially.

She was yanked in the door and before she could protest he whispered, "She's in there."

Santana followed his pointing finger to Brittany's room, "I could have guessed that."

"No, not Brittany. Felicia, she's the one in there."

Tensing a little Santana's voice dropped, "Is she mad?"

He shook his head, "She's packing the last of Brittany's carry on stuff."

Looking over his nervous state she frowned, "Why do you believe it's her? Yesterday you were still saying you were sure nothing was wrong with Brittany."

He looked at Brittany's door as if to be sure Felicia wasn't listening from afar, "I went in there to give Brittany her going away present. It was a season one box set of Xena Warrior Princess signed by Lucy Lawless, Renee O'Connor, Kevin Sorbo _and_ Michael Hurst. And she took it and said 'thanks.'!" he whispered fiercely as if that would prove something.

Santana was lost on so many levels, she sort of recalled the show he was talking about from when she was little but the names meant nothing, except Kevin Sorbo, though she might have been confusing him with Kevin Bacon…

"How does that prove anything?"

"Thanks? For a gift like that? I had to beg Cedes every day since I heard she was leaving to get those signatures on that thing and Brittany would know that. Plus she would have flipped the fuck out to get a gift that awesome. _I_ would flip out to get a gift that awesome. That woman in there, the one that took it like I gave her a crappy homemade card put together with Crayola and construction paper, is _not_ Brittany."

Santana could help but chuckle, "I'll go see her anyway, regardless of who she is right now her body has a plane to catch."

She walked to the bedroom door to find it slightly open and knocked lightly before pushing it open. Inside Felicia was leaning against the window sill in the empty room looking at the street below. She was wearing Brittany's clothes and glasses and her hair was up in the bun Brittany normally kept it in, but even without Sam's warning would have recognized her. There was something in the way that her eyes took everything in that gave it away.

"Is it alright if I join you?"

Without turning away from the window she nodded and Santana entered the room closing the door behind her. There was nothing left in it except the air mattress and blankets Brittany had borrowed from Sam and the red carry on bag by Felicia's feet.

"I'm sorry." Were the first words the other woman said to her.

"For what?"

"For pushing you. I was angry and scared." She said it without any real emotion, her eyes still trained on the ground below, "Scared of _this_ happening actually."

"I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have just blurted everything out like that."

"I wasn't even really mad at you." Felicia said blinking slowly and resting her head on the glass, "I keep on hurting her. Every time I think I've grown out of it I do it again somehow. I should have gotten her home before she woke up but… I just wanted a little more time with you and before I knew it I fell asleep."

Santana closed the distance between them and stood at her side, "It's not all on you. You did your best."

She shrugged, "Doctor Tinsley recommends I undergo therapy before we even discuss _reintegration_."

That word hung heavily in the air.

"He plans to make you two one person again?"

"He plans to try." She said simply.

"Would it really be that bad?"

"I love Brittany like a sister, but is there anyone you like so much you'd be willing to let them take over your mind? To me it sounds worse than death, worse than those marriages where one person gives up every dream they ever had to support their spouse."

"I am really glad you decided to show yourself to the doctor, but what made you do it?"

She sighed and shifted her weight before replying, "I knew that if I didn't he may never believe her and she was already so confused and hurt. I couldn't do anything to make it better besides allowing her to get help." They stood watching the world go about its business for a few more minutes before Felicia spoke again, "I lied before."

This startled Santana, "About what?"

"I said that before I came after you I hadn't taken control of this body in several years but that's not true. There was one time I had it for the majority of three days. It was when you first started working for the company and Brittany and Sam were transferred to your floor. She was so worried you might call on her to answer some finance questions she was up all night double-checking her figures so by the time she got to work she was dead tired and falling asleep every few seconds. I didn't want her getting fired on the first day with the new boss so I took over just to keep her looking awake and attentive, even though her fatigue was wearing on me. But then you walked in and…" she turned her head slightly so she was partially staring at Santana, "It was love at first sight. I was totally blown away by you. There you were, the new girl in the boys club, and you walked in like you owned the place. I wanted you so badly but I was still determined not to screw up Brittany's life and I knew seducing her boss would do just that so I behaved, but for two more days I used Brittany's exhaustion to stay in charge and do a little stalking. I watched you every moment you were out of your office and kept my hands to myself, even though me taking those few days led Brittany to never actually know what her job title was under your regime." A dry chuckle escaped her as she turned her head just enough to see Santana, "I always did my best. I know it didn't always work out but I tried."

"I know you did." She said softly.

Felicia turned her head back to the window and closed her eyes, "I did all I could to make things right. And _I_ saw you first but gave her every chance to make a move even though I wanted to from the first moment I saw you. So…" her eyes opened again and they were so much sadder than anything Santana had ever seen from either woman before, "Why do I have to go?"

Santana tugged her away from the window and held her close, "Don't think of it like that. Brittany just needs you again, she needs your memories and your bravery, she needs you to help make her whole again." She said refusing to cry as long as Felicia wasn't.

"At the cost of everything I am."

"I don't know how therapy will work for you two but I'm sure it's not as simple as throwing you away or forcing you two together if you aren't ready. Brittany's scared too because of all the ways you could change her, and I'm scared because it could take two women I love and turn them into someone who doesn't love me back." She said and her words made Felicia hold her tighter.

"I don't want to lose you."

"Me either but that might be how it has to be." She said feeling that ever-present tightness constrict a little tighter.

"It's not fair." She mumbled into Santana's neck and seconds later she felt hot tears on her neck.

Santana couldn't agree more, but she didn't say so, instead she held Felicia by the window and let her cry her sorrows into her shoulder as she silently did the same.

* * *

Brittany woke to find herself at the airport, looking around she saw Santana in the drivers seat smiling softly, her eyes red from tears she didn't remember her shedding.

She had lost time.

Meaning Felicia had been out again.

The notion scared her but not so much with Santana nearby, with the other woman she knew she was in the best possible care. Santana unloaded her single carry on and together they walked in as far as they could together before it was boarding passengers only.

At the gate Santana handed her the bag and they stood quietly before each other not knowing what to say.

That wasn't entirely true.

Brittany knew what _she_ wanted to say. She wanted to tell Santana how much she loved her, and how no matter what she would never forget the months they shared, even if her personality totally changed. Somehow Dr. Tinsley may get her to a place where she didn't love Santana anymore but she would never forget that love or how it made her feel.

At the same time it was too tragic, to confess her love only for it to possibly vanish. She didn't want that for herself or Santana. It was better to leave it and if the words were still in her to say when she came back she would then… if Santana even wanted to hear them anymore.

That possibility hadn't even occurred to her. A year was a long time and Santana was a desirable woman, one that shouldn't have to wait around for her to _maybe_ get better. But she wasn't selfless enough to tell her to go off and find someone else and she wasn't selfish enough to tell her to wait. Instead she gave her a small hug and a kiss.

"See you on the other side of all this okay?" she said throwing as much cheer into her voice as she could manage.

Santana nodded, "I'll be here. No matter what you'll have me, at least as a friend."

Brittany wanted so much for them, more than anything she wished she could have been sane enough to make love to Santana one time without risking cardiac arrest, but it was too late. It was time for her to leave and possibly never come back as who she was at that moment.

"I'm going to miss you." Brittany said, "I know I can't talk to you a bunch but I'll call when I can."

"Okay."

She could tell Santana wasn't capable of more words because she was just as close as Brittany to becoming a blubbering mess.

"Bye then." She said quickly before she turned and entered the final gate.

* * *

Santana watched Felicia and Brittany walk away from her again, the first time it had been in hurt and rage, this time it was on pleasant terms. Even so this time there was no amount of denial or positive thinking that could change how helpless and lost it made her feel.

* * *

A/N: The end.

Naw not really. Can you imagine XD What if I really did that?

_Anyhow_, with DID since there is no solid consensus on any part of it so how each doctor would treat it may vary (meaning what Shane does isn't _the_ way to handle it). Though some psychiatrists don't believe it is a disorder at all (at least not as it is described) but merely some other psychosis that is being misdiagnosed. There is a test (more of an examination for the mind) that can be administered to determine if the patient has a certain mental or personality disorder, including, of course, dissociative disorders.

And though DID is controversial the International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation has a set of guidelines that are most commonly used when dealing with this disorder. However the order of the steps that the guideline outlines can be rearranged or revisited as needed and, as with any treatment for physical or mental illness, may need to be tailored to the patients specific needs.

The goal of the treatment is reintegration of all the alters though sometimes this goal isn't feasible, the idea is to get as close possible.

With this process a strong support network is recommended but Brittany's treatment will require a little isolation. Though next chapter it will hopefully be more apparent why. We will also be time jumping. I would go into Brittany's therapy but this isn't that kind of story, don't worry though I won't leave you in the dark as to what she gets up to.

Whelp, I'm gonna celebrate finishing this chapter, play my Vita in transit to my next job and await your thoughts.

PS please pardon the typos I just _know_ I'm leaving littered all over the place, I can feel them staring at me but _I_ can't see _them. _My excuse; I'm on serious time constraints, I'm my own Beta (major mistake but it's the only way to get things done is a timely fashion) and I'm pretty friggin dyslexic.


	17. Chapter 17

It was early on a Friday afternoon when Santana pushed open the doors to Super Games to find Sam, Rory and Artie already there, predictably arguing about some inevitably unimportant thing or another. Her entrance gained no attention since they were all talking over each other in an attempt to win their debate, but even if they had noticed it wouldn't have caused a stir because she had been coming to the shop regularly after work for half a year now.

It had started as an attempt to be in a place where she and Brittany had once shared a pure and simple moment and to keep close to Sam.

He had stopped working for her a few months after Brittany moved out, with her _and_ Rachel gone he had needed new living arrangements, which he found staying with Mercedes in Malibu. He now did his financial work for a gaming company and seemed much happier on the whole with his overall situation. Santana was happy for him, but him leaving his home and job meant she knew no one who kept in touch with Brittany so she had come here.

They never really talked about her or how her treatment was progressing beyond simple 'she's doing fine' updates but it meant everything to her that there was someone who knew how badly she needed even that bit of information. As far as she knew no one but herself, Sam and Mercedes knew the truth of Brittany's absence so he really was her only option.

Brittany had called her a handful of times since she had moved and they did little beyond share how their respective days went. And Felicia never called her at all. The only thing Santana had really learned was that Brittany's initial treatment had to be extended so now, a year and seven months later, she still hadn't laid eyes on the blonde.

The funny thing was, even though she had started coming to Super Games to be near Sam for the sake of Brittany, over time she went because she wanted to. Sam had become a friend without her noticing and, she had to grudgingly admit, so had all the other guys, even Rory who constantly spoke of Brittany as if she was a girl he had _almost_ charmed into dating him. Santana had gone from hanging around and watching them play tabletop campaigns while finishing work to joining them on their endeavors. It had been a slow transition but one that had her here with a dice and a sheet of paper filled with character stats nonetheless.

Much to Sam's never-ending delight.

The moment he saw her interest he became her Nerd Guru, as she liked to call it. Though she couldn't see herself on ebay trying to bid her paycheck away on a first edition comic, he had gotten her to watch the Batman films, which she had grudgingly admitted she liked. He now seemed dead set on getting her into Star Trek, so far she had kept him at bay but he wasn't the type to give up.

Approaching the group she could see stress lining Sam's face as he labored to explain himself, "I'm not saying _you're_ stupid Rory, I'm saying the things that come out of your mouth are. Batman could totally stop Dr. Doom."

"It'd be a Doombot and it would explode killing him. They proved it on Mythbusters." Rory shot back.

Artie snorted, "There was no such episode I promise you. I have seen them all."

Santana set her briefcase down on the nearest table gaining the group's attention for the first time and Sam looked back at her a moment clearly torn between finishing his debate and talking to her.

"Artie please explain to him all the ways he is wrong, I'll be right back." He said before moving across the room to stand next to her.

"Hey Santana."

"Ready for a long night of looting and arguing over said loot?" it wasn't totally a joke, most of their campaigns degraded into petty arguments, but that was part of the fun of it.

"Always, but I needed to ask you a favor." He said and the look in his eye told her he was up to something.

"What?"

"So it turns out Brittany's been cleared to come home, her plane comes in next Wednesday, but I have a company event to get to and Cedes is recording that night so we won't be able to pick her up. Could you?"

The news was sudden and jarring, Brittany was coming home. She didn't know how to feel, excitement was what she wanted but fear and worry were the dominant emotions. Was Felicia gone? Was Brittany the same? She wanted to ask, but was terrified of the answer and moreover didn't want to pry into whatever personal information she had told Sam.

"I… yeah I could do that, just send me the flight details."

"Awesome." He said grinning at her.

Santana was fully aware that this was his way of giving them a gentle nudge back towards each other. There was no way he couldn't make time to pick up his best friend, he would take a taxi or walk before he let her get off the plane with no one to greet her.

"Where am I taking her?" she asked hoping he wouldn't go as far as to suggest Brittany stay with her. They needed to ease back into seeing each other again and that would not happen crammed under the same roof.

"I already did some apartment hunting for her but she'll be the one to make the final decision. We'll be roommates again until then."

Santana smiled thinking about the three of them in one home, it reminded her of the time before Brittany left and she wondered if it would be anything close to the same again with her possibly being a different person.

"It'll be good to see her again." She said neutrally.

Sam gave an amused smirk, dug into his pocket and handed her a key, "It's a spare for her since no one will be home and, y'know, she'll be hanging around for a while."

The key sat in Santana's hand as the first bit of tangible evidence that Brittany really was coming home. The last time they had spoken was almost four months ago and she hadn't seemed that different, but then they hadn't discussed anything that would give any real changes away. She wanted to see her very much, but she wasn't sure if she were ready for the heartbreak of finding out that the woman who had left was really gone forever.

Holding it firmly she took a seat and busied herself with her stats sheets, dice and other evidence of how much she had changed in nineteen months. She went from working late and only going out for business related affairs to leaving work on time to spend her afternoons in a comic shop to play games with grown men. She was at an all time high for the number of friends she'd ever had all at once and even though they could be obsessive and a little nuts about fantasy characters they were far better company than the pompous, gluttonous dipshits she used to go to dinners with.

Brittany had ruined her work ethic, after she'd left Santana couldn't bring herself to be that same person anymore. Once she faced what she was doing it was impossible to keep it up, her parents disinterest still bothered her but she wasn't going to punish herself over it any longer. Change was necessary and a little difficult at first since the inspiration for her slacking had left but she eventually learned to pace herself. Fully aware how wrong it would be to make such a change for someone else she decided to do it for herself and the health of any future relationship she would have. Of course it didn't stop her from picturing Brittany in this possible future scenario, but the point was she wasn't the sole reason.

Things got easier when Santana started coming to the small comic shop because here it was easy to forget what worried her. And when Mike finally showed up and Sam started them off, she did just that, allowing herself to get lost in a fantasy world because the real one was about to get a little too real.

* * *

Brittany's flight was scheduled to be in at five in the afternoon, but Santana was waiting for her at four o'clock, her leg nervously jumping as she went over all the things she could possibly say to her. After so much time apart and such a brief but intense history what was safe?

Did Brittany want to forget about their past together? Would she still want to be friends?

Santana had to assume at least that since Sam had sent her on this mission. As the person most privy to Brittany's recovery he would know if it was wise to send her or not. She had to trust that as a friend of both them he wouldn't be so stupid as to send her straight into a painfully uncomfortable situation.

These thoughts were still chasing each other in an endless loop when the plane landed and the passengers started disembarking. And suddenly she wasn't so ready anymore, she needed more time because as always she wanted to hide in the comfort uncertainty brought. Yet she didn't move, she was here now, her heart jumping weirdly every time a tall blonde came into view.

But then _her_ tall blonde arrived.

She was wearing a tank top and shorts though not at the provocative low cut and tightness that Felicia preferred nor with the conservative simplicity Brittany was partial to. It was firmly in the middle and she looked quite nice. Her hair was down around her shoulders and her glasses were gone allowing her eyes to shine brightly.

Santana opened her mouth to call out but Brittany spotted her a split second before she could and smiled in that familiar exuberant way.

"Santana!" she called and came straight towards her making the smaller woman really want to run now.

Holding her ground she stood awkwardly still not knowing if a hug or a handshake were appropriate but Brittany made the decision for her and hugged her tightly, an embrace she returned with ease.

"Welcome home." Santana said simply.

Brittany pulled back beaming and looking around, "I forget, which way is baggage claim?"

Pointing behind her Santana began to walk towards their destination, "This way."

"It's so good to be back." Brittany sighed as she took in all she could of the city from the windows.

"I thought you had fun in Georgia."

"I did! I stayed in the Atlanta area mostly but sometimes I got on the freeway and just drove."

"You got a car?" she asked surprised.

She nodded, "Yeah I was able to afford one with what Rachel is paying me, I was worried about being too terrible behind the wheel to get my license but it turns out the test is really easy and even then it wouldn't matter because no one in Georgia is good at driving."

"What happened your car it since you flew here?"

"Oh it got totaled in a parking lot a few months ago. Some guy was cutting through to get to the back of the shopping center and hit it."

She frowned, "In a parking lot? How fast was he going?"

"Fifty-five or so, but it was raining, that's why he hit it so hard."

"Who the hell goes fifty-five in a parking lot in the rain?"

"Told you they were all bad at it." She laughed.

It was the same light airy laugh as before she left and though there was no reason that would have changed, it was comforting to know that one of the things she loved the most about Brittany remained the same.

They arrived at the baggage claim, grabbed Brittany's things and went out to Santana's car, the taller woman busily rattling off all of the adventures she'd had in the city. Brittany suggested they go out to lunch to catch up and Santana directed her car to the same Thai place they had gone out to so long ago. She wasn't sure why she did it, maybe to see if it would get a reaction, but either Brittany didn't notice or did and didn't think it was worth commenting on because she went inside without a word about the choice.

They ate in silence before Brittany began to ask after what Santana had gotten up to and she then had to reveal the thing she had been hiding ever since it started.

"Um, I've been spending a lot of my time at Super Games actually." She admitted with a light chuckle.

Brittany's eyes widened, "Really? Doing what?"

"Playing Sam's weird time traveling campaigns and Artie's weirder fantasy science fusion numbers."

She laughed heartily and Santana felt her heart beat faster because it was everything she remembered. The smile, the laugh, it was so much like her Brittany, but was she? Was she same in any of the ways that mattered for them to have a chance together again?

"You mean the one's with the pixie robots that have guardian dragon knights?"

"The very same."

"His campaigns are always weird." She laughed again, "So are you observing or actually playing?"

"Actually playing."

"Wow." She said in pure amazement, "Well now that I have time I have got to join you guys again, I'd love to play opposite your character."

Santana smiled and looked down at her food not knowing if she should ask the question that was on her mind. It was burning her insides demanding to be let out and as much as she wanted to keep on talking about the little things she just _had_ to know.

"I hope you don't mind me asking but how did things go down there with Dr. Tinsley?" she asked.

Brittany's excitement faded noticeably but her smile remained bravely in place, "Well he let me come back home, that's a start." Santana nodded thinking that was all the information she was going to be given but Brittany went on, "I had a bit of a setback around the time of my original return date." The table was silent again but she refused to push the subject even though she was dying to hear what happened, "I… we were at the point where he was making me talk about my past and getting Felicia to do the same, I started to get my memories back, well I gained hers really and…" Brittany stopped and shrugged, "There isn't a way to put this nicely; I started hating her and after a while I started hating myself because I didn't know how to honestly differentiate us. I mean she is me, even if she isn't."

"You remember everything?" Santana asked a little apprehensively.

"Not everything, but my childhood and most of my teenage years are pieced together."

"I'm guessing you got to a place of understanding about her then? I mean since you're here now." She said trying not to think of Felicia being no more.

This was everything Felicia had ever feared, being found out, hated and eradicated. It was weird to feel such a sweeping sense of loss for someone who hadn't actually left, yet technically had. Maybe Brittany and Felicia were fundamentally the same but she couldn't shake the memory of that woman who stood alone in an empty room afraid of the future and lamenting her past. It was confusing on a level she wasn't ready to deal with.

Brittany gave it some thought and took another mouthful of food before she answered, "You could call it that. My therapy was set back because Dr. Tinsley needed us to be comfortable with each other before he'd attempt to try merging us again, so now we have this complex system worked out."

Santana blinked, "Wait she's still alive- er awak- around?"

"Yeah." She said with a simple shrug.

It was clear she wasn't ecstatic about it so Santana didn't give any indication of her happiness on the issue. Brittany was clearly well on her way to recovery but thankfully her return didn't mean the disappearance of her other self, maybe it was the wrong way to think but the circumstances weren't right to send the other woman off.

"What kind of system? If you don't mind me asking."

Shaking her head Brittany began to spin her food around on her plate, "We both have things we have to do, like I have to dress up more and she has to show less skin so we agreed on a wardrobe that's in the middle." She said indicating her clothes, "I let her out on certain days and nights but she has to leave me a note saying where she went and what she did while she was out." To this Brittany frowned, "Which is really weird because she has different hand writing than me. We also had to change one major habit that we have that makes the other person uncomfortable when the issue of merging is brought up, so she isn't allowed to go off and have sex with strangers and I have to dance again."

Santana's eyebrows shot up, "How has that gone?"

"Not well, but since Felicia kept up her end of the bargain, at least as far as I can tell, I went to a few clubs and gave it a shot. It didn't last for more than a few minutes but it's progress."

"It really is." She said enthusiastically hoping Brittany wouldn't take her accomplishment lightly.

The words had the intended effect as her eyes danced with joy, "Dr. Tinsley has been treating my anxiety which as it turns out was pretty serious."

Santana had already deduced that but looked surprised anyway, "Really?"

She nodded, "He said I had already come really far with Sam's help. Apparently me being able to cosplay was a huge step and he said it sped up my recovery a lot. I think so too because the first few times I left the house in this stuff," she indicated her clothes, "I had to think of it as a costume to the worlds biggest convention otherwise I might have died of embarrassment."

Santana chuckled, "But you look great."

A light blush dusted her cheeks and Santana had to resist the urge to kiss her, "I wasn't wearing this exactly when I first went out, Felicia and I were still finding a meeting place on clothes."

"What does Felicia get up to these days?"

"She dances mainly. I think she might have visited every club in Atlanta."

"Have you two had any issues with relationships?" she asked while kicking herself for not being able to keep off that subject for three whole hours after seeing Brittany again.

"No." she said and left it at that.

The abruptness of her answer left Santana more than a little worried but she was not going to push any further than what she was given so merely returned to her meal.

They returned to her car with Santana feeling the weight of the universe on her shoulders because Brittany was back to being her usual happy bubbly self and proving that as much as she had changed she was still the same, but now she was her own woman. She wasn't the fawning trusting person that had sat alone in her cubicle wishing for someone she thought was out of her league she was carefree, learning to be more confident and apparently not even worried where their relationship may or may not go.

Santana wanted to scream and cry about it but instead she drove Brittany to Mercedes and Sam's house while keeping a smile crammed on her face. Though her happiness wasn't all faked. She was genuinely glad to see Brittany back and doing so well, and the news that Felicia was still around and under some measure of control made her even happier.

But Brittany didn't even bring up their relationship, like it was too far in the past to be remembered, and Felicia had made no attempt to contact her.

It was everything she had hoped for and everything she feared.

Pulling up to the driveway she popped the trunk and got out to give Brittany her bag, the blonde took it and gave Santana another hug that she accepted greedily.

"Thanks for coming to get me."

"Course." She said, clearing her throat to keep her voice from cracking, "I'll see you around right?"

"Duh! I'll be at the first campaign I can get to." She laughed.

Santana flashed a grin and headed to the driver's seat, "Until then."

Brittany waved as she backed down the driveway and onto the road and Santana left feeling slightly worse in that moment than the day that Brittany left.

* * *

The moment Santana got home she picked up her phone and called the only person she knew would give her the kick she needed to get over this. To tell her to appreciate her remaining friendship and get started with finally moving on with her life.

Sugar answered, but only after Santana demanded it through the voicemail, "What?" she grumbled.

"Brittany's back home."

She could hear a dramatic sigh come through the receiver as Sugar held it to her chest while she collected herself, "Please tell me this is not the only purpose of this call. 'Hello Sugar how are your CD sales', that would be nice."

"You post your sales numbers of facebook daily, and then send them to me though email."

Another sigh, "It was just an example."

"She came home today and I… I don't know what I was expecting from her but she's acting like nothing ever happened between us."

"Ouch. That sucks for you."

Both women were quiet for a moment before Santana said, "Is that really all you have to say about it?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"Tell me to get over her or something!" she snapped, "Do what you always do, be a rude bitch and help me see what I'm supposed to do!"

"As honored as I am that you think of me as your moral compass I must warn you my advice comes from a place of not giving a shit. And right now I don't give enough of one to have an opinion on this."

"Sugar!" she whined, "I really need your help because I have been waiting for this girl to come home for damn near two years and now it's like we never happened."

"But you knew this was a possibility. As a matter of fact you are the one who explained that very scenario to me and said the words, and I quote, 'I'm not going to waste the next year waiting for her, if we meet again and she wants to be with me and we're both unattached then maybe we'll get together again'."

Santana glared at the phone as her own words were repeated to her, "That was bullshit and you know it! And I know you do because that is exactly what you said when I said it."

"Then by your admission she's your one and only. Too bad she friend zoned you."

This wasn't the kind of brutal honesty she had been hoping for and Santana felt hopeless tears fill her eyes, "So I'm just supposed to watch her go on and find someone else?"

If eye rolling made a noise Santana was sure she would have heard it then, "If you want to."

"What does that mean?"

"Santana if you are still so in love with this girl and she isn't telling you to back the fuck off then I don't see the problem. Just win her heart again."

"It's that easy is it?"

"I don't know is it? What did you do to get her before?"

"I… nothing she sort of just came to me."

"Oh well you should maybe come up with a more complex game plan than Sit and Wait and _then_ go get her."

"How would I even-"

"Look Tana I have no idea, I am not in the business of lady catching the only advice I have is ask her on a date and bring lots of money, that always works on me."

"Thanks." She said suddenly and hung up, because Sugar had pulled through again.

If Brittany didn't feel the same then she had to somehow get those feelings back. Should all else fail she would move on gracefully and with her head held high, but not without trying.

Not without letting Brittany know that she hadn't forgotten what they shared.

* * *

For the next two days Santana tried to plan the perfect date except it was damn near impossible because she wasn't sure what would and would not entertain the woman now. As a matter of fact she had never been entirely sure then. Brittany seemed to enjoy anything they did together but it was clear she couldn't rely on her presence as the determining factor in how enjoyable the evening would be.

And then there was the issue of Felicia.

She had fully expected the other woman to knock on her door at some point in the night for two nights and not once had she appeared which made her think at least one half of Brittany was beyond her reach. There was no way she could be with Brittany and have Felicia doing her own thing with whomever, that would make her crazy, but that would come later. It was clear Felicia was taking large steps to being a better person and she couldn't see her as being too unreasonable. Besides she needed to go one step at a time and she was already making a list of reservations for a date she hadn't even gotten yet. Which caused her to stop again. Brittany might not even accept the date.

Deciding she couldn't count herself out of the race before even putting on her shoes she ignored that insecurity and focused on trying to find the best way to ask her out.

It took till the end of the week and about six more calls to an increasingly exasperated Sugar to finally work out that the best option was to go up to her at the campaign she would be joining and ask her out. This option had driven her friend berserk since it had been the first answer she offered only to have it brushed aside and then chosen 300 options later.

When Santana arrived home from work that Friday she had a few hours to get ready before it was time to go to Super Games and she hoped to use them to practice her exact tone and approach for asking Brittany out.

Only she was already there, outside her apartment knocking on the door. Quietly Santana walked up behind her grinning softly and thinking that maybe she could ask now without prying eyes. But she apparently made too much noise on her last step and Brittany turned to face her before she could pull an appropriate greeting out of the air.

"Hey there."

And just like that Santana knew this wasn't Brittany.

Calculating blue eyes stared back at her and her mouth opened and closed wordlessly, she had at no point planned on what to say to Felicia. It was doubly hard to come up with something since she had been completely out of contact with her the entire time Brittany had been away.

"Well don't rush to say hello." She laughed.

"Hello." Santana said because it was the only word she could remember as a greeting at the moment.

"I missed you." She said scooping Santana up in a hug that lifted her off the ground.

"I missed you too." Another reflexive response but it was true.

"Let's go." Felicia said and pulled her back down the hall.

"Where?"

"Anywhere."

Santana kept it simple and drove to the familiar location of the ocean front where there was a beautiful view, benches to sit on and a vendor that sold Felicia's favorite ice cream.

Wanting to waste no time Santana started in on her the moment they sat down, "Why didn't you call?"

Taking a laborious lick of her cone Santana was amused too see not to terribly much had changed about her personality either, "Cause I wasn't allowed."

She hadn't been expecting that, "Why not."

"Shane said if I couldn't keep the conversation off of our relationship then I couldn't call."

"Dr. Tinsley?"

"It's easier to call him Shane."

"Why did he tell you that? I thought Brittany was the one he was worried about."

Felicia looked conflicted for a moment, "She is, that's why I couldn't."

The answer was cryptic in a way that Santana hadn't been privy to since before she knew Brittany and Felicia were the same person. But if Dr. Tinsley had ordered it she wasn't going to press.

"Why didn't you come over then? I was expecting you long before now."

"Wasn't my day to come out. I usually get nights and Monday mornings but I negotiated a little Friday time for myself." she said with a smirk, the explanation made her feel much better about their estrangement.

"Fair enough. Alright tonight I'm going to…" she drifted off realizing that she was about to do something incredibly insensitive. She had been about to inform Felicia that she planned to try to reinstate her relationship with Brittany, but it wasn't just one person she needed to consider. "Brittany didn't really elaborate on what the policy is concerning you two and dating."

Again her eyes drifted and she took a distracted lick of ice cream, "We don't really have one per say."

"Would it be wrong to see you both?"

The question made the other woman adopt the most adorable thinking face as she considered her answer, "No."

"What I really mean is would it be alright with Brittany?"

"In theory."

"Can you please give me a straight answer here?"

"In the case that Brittany dated you again, yes, it would be okay with her if you saw us both."

A single perfect eyebrow went up, "Why did you phrase it like that?"

Sighing Felicia finished her ice cream and tucked her hands into her lap before responding, "Because it's one of the conditions of my 'release'. Brittany's main problem with me is that I have unrestricted access to her thoughts and feelings and that I tell others her business. I'm not allowed to tell you her feelings on things or give answers that give them away. If the response doesn't pertain to me I can't tell you and if it deals with both of us I can only tell you my answer. Though I am allowed to tell you what I _expect_ her feelings to be in a _hypothetical_ situation… which is why I had to think so hard about my answer."

Santana wasn't entirely sure what she had just been told but she understood the part about privacy, Felicia had rattled off all her secrets like they were ingredients on a box of cereal.

"Okay. Um, well I want to try again. I plan to ask Brittany out tonight to see how she feels about us as a couple and I would like to revisit the issue with you as well."

Felicia laughed, "So formal." She said tilting her head to the side, "But if you're asking if I want to be your girlfriend _again_ it doesn't really apply."

Santana felt her heart sink, "Why not?"

"I never stopped being your girlfriend, you broke up with Brittany not me. Which is another reason I wasn't allowed to call." She huffed.

Santana smiled, "As excited as I am to hear that, you know if Brittany doesn't want to be with me we can't be a couple on the side."

Her blue eyes saddened, "And I wonder, would this apply the other way around."

She nodded solemnly, "It would. If this were reversed I wouldn't give up trying to win you over it would only mean Brittany and I couldn't really be together until I did."

Felicia's face lightened considerably, "Then here's hoping she takes you back." she then leaned forward and gave Santana a swift peck on the cheek, "That was for luck, because I seriously miss getting into your pants." She said with a wink.

Nodding Santana couldn't keep the heat from rising to her cheeks, Felicia noticed and giggled softly as she moved closer and rested her head on Santana's shoulder.

After a moment the smaller woman spoke up, "I'm not asking you to tell me her thoughts but can you please tell me, as someone who knows them, is this something I shouldn't even try. Like a mistake that could ruin our friendship or something?"

Felicia once again gave her answer careful thought before replying, "Honestly, I have no idea."

* * *

Santana drove them both to Super Games and on the way she saw Felicia scribbling a note that she desperately wanted to read but didn't peak at.

When they arrived she sat in the car with Felicia but got out with Brittany, the change was sudden and without warning, but Brittany seemed used to it and looked over the paper in her hand frowning slightly the more she read.

At the end she crumpled it up and looked over to Santana, "It's time for campaign right?"

"We're a few minutes early, but yeah it is." she said before walking Brittany to the door and opening it for her, "After you."

She smiled that bright smile and Santana felt a surge of want that made her almost blurt out her question prematurely. On some level she hoped Felicia hadn't told Brittany what she intended to ask her, yet in some ways she did want that to be the case since she was pretty sure Brittany wouldn't let her embarrass herself in front of everyone.

They walked inside to the excitement of everyone in the shop, the patrons all gathering to greet their long lost comrade; even the owner came out to give her a quick hug.

Santana hung back through all the excitement letting everyone else have a moment but then Rory came flying up with his hair slicked back and a twinkle in his eye.

He presented her with a single long stem rose and an overdramatic bow topped with a kiss to the back of her hand, "Welcome back m'lady. We've missed you and might I say you are looking even more lovely than when you left."

Santana wanted to punch him in the face, because he was muscling in on her woman and because she was pissed she hadn't thought to get her flowers.

Brittany took the rose, and thanked him quietly clearly slightly embarrassed by the attention but she pressed on anyway never stuttering once as she replied to his onslaught of questions about her time away.

At this point Santana couldn't help but inch a little closer to Brittany as Rory seemed to have decided all on his own that he should be the person at her side though the rest of the greetings.

By the time the excitement died down they moved to the table where Sam sat waiting, they joined him and to Santana's never ending annoyance Rory planted himself right on the other side of Brittany scooting his chair close to hers under the pretext of explaining a card tournament he won.

Santana tried to keep the scowl off her face but she was pretty sure she was failing, especially when he outright said, "By the way since I hear you're unattached what say we go out for a drink sometime soon?"

_Why you little-_

"I don't drink and I still only date girls remember?" Brittany said softly as if explaining something simple to someone stupid and in Santana's opinion she was.

"Right!" he said slapping a hand over his forehead, "What about dinner? We could go out to dinner?"

Artie gave an exaggerated sigh, "Unless you had a gender swapping operation no one else knows about leave her alone, it's murder time!"

Santana had never particularly liked Artie, he was the guy that took the rules _way_ too seriously and was the only person she had ever met that could take in game racial prejudices towards Elves personally but in this moment he was her favorite man on earth.

Rory rubbed his neck bashfully and shrugged, "Worth a try."

Santana wanted to punch him again.

Sam took the silence that followed as a cue to begin and from then on the night took on a pleasant quality that surpassed anything she had felt before. If she were the woman she was the last time they had been in here together she might have tried to play it off as the joy of finally doing something fun after a hard days work or from watching Rory get taken down a peg. But she wasn't that woman so she could easily admit it was getting to sit next to Brittany and watch her be completely relaxed. It was heartening, and terrifying when she considered how badly she could mess it up.

And that was still a very real possibility, but she was not going to give up the fight.

The night ended with Rory caught in quicksand, a trap Santana maliciously let him walk into, and her and Brittany's characters together on horseback literally riding into the sunset. An imagery Sam had clearly cooked up on purpose.

It was almost two in the morning when they called it quits and started out to their cars, Sam seemed to be in an insane hurry because he left before Brittany could catch a ride home. And once again Santana sure that wasn't on accident.

Though his meddling did give her the chance to ask what she wanted, it was squandered as she opted instead to listen to Brittany talk excitedly about her favorite parts of the campaign. Santana got her all the way home and would have let her go to ask another day, but then she saw that damn rose and cleared her throat getting the other woman's attention.

"Brittany, I know we haven't really discussed this but how about a date?" she said speaking a little louder than she had too so she could hear herself over the sound of her own voice telling her to shut up and wait for a better time.

The blonde paused and looked at the rose in her hands turning it slowly in her fingers, "Um, yeah I guess so." She said softly.

Santana deflated a little at the weak reply, "Do you really not want to? You don't have to do it just because."

Looking surprised Brittany waved her hands, "No it's not that. I want to go, yes, I'll go out with you." She said with much more happiness that she'd had before though it was clear that something was troubling her.

"Sunday sound good?" she asked hoping beyond hope that it was because that's when she'd made reservations.

Brittany thankfully nodded, "Sounds great."

They said their goodbyes and Brittany exited the car leaving Santana to once again feel like with every step forward she was getting closer to a brick wall that would crush her. But with a smirk she threw her car in reverse and backed out of the driveway because whatever obstacle thought it was getting in her way she was going to smash through it.

* * *

A/N:You wanna get all up in Brittany's mind doncha well you'll have to wait XP

The prevailing question is what is the prognosis for this kind of disorder.

(as always) It depends. On the person, the cause of the split, the number of personalities, the doctor, any preexisting conditions etc.

Realistically it can take years before reintegration is complete (if it is even achievable) and even then it may not be possible or other complications may arise. I wont go into too much detail here because it'll be pretty thoroughly explained next chapter.

As far as treatment goes the guidelines follow a three step process (that I am going to hella simplify because I don't want to write a term paper on this XD)

The first step is health and wellness, basically getting the person to a place where they can function with their disorder and form and maintain a healthy relationships with others. This is where the personalities and the host would receive therapy for individual issues (like Brittany's social phobia)

The second step deals with accessing traumatic memories while taking special care not to cause additional personalities to emerge.

The third deals with unifying the personalities into one with a combined knowledge of all consciousnesses.

The order can be readjusted as needed and steps can be revisited, it's all par for the course. Brittany got caught up between step two and three, her reaction to her memories brought the need to return to step one hence the extension of her time away.

Shane is making Felicia and Brittany change to make each more comfortable with the other (and the idea of _being_ the other) so their final fusion will seem less undesirable. An important factor with treating DID (at least within the teachings of these guidelines) is to treat the patient as one whole individual and not two (or several) people in one body. It is stated that no personality (including the main one) is to be treated with favoritism or to be ignored due to inappropriate or outrageous behavior.

However there is also the side of this where DID appears in trials (State v. Grimsley, 1982, State v. Badger, 1988, State v. Rodrigues, 1984 etc) and the question is continually raised, should a person be held accountable for the behavior of their alters even though they cannot recall their actions and in many cases do not even know they exist? And if so how can you punish an entity that can merely escape inside the mind?

Tricky.

Lots of stuff covered but lots left out, don't worry we'll get to it next chapter.


	18. Chapter 18

"So what's the plan?" Sugar asked lazily from her perch on Santana's bed.

The other woman was standing at her dresser mirror applying the finishing touches to her makeup, hearing the question she met Sugar's eyes in the reflection, "Well she really likes scifi so I thought I'd take her to the movies to see this new space thriller, it isn't exactly romantic but I hope it shows I remember the kinds of things she likes, then I have reservations at Paulo's and after that I have arranged for a horse drawn carriage ride through the park…" her explanation faded as she noted the expression creeping onto Sugar's face, "What?"

"That sounds awful."

"Which part?" she asked defensively.

"All of it. It sounds like a bunch of random things thrown together out of desperation."

Which was exactly what it was.

"Just because it wouldn't impress you-"

"Who are you kidding, that wouldn't impress anybody. Moonlit rides in a park led by a smelly beast and a hobo are not romantic, the chemistry between the people in the carriage make that happen and apparently you've lost the Lopez mojo."

"This is what you said to do!" she shouted, her fear that this was an enormous mistake increasing tenfold.

"There is no need yell at me. And I never told you to do this, I said to win her heart not date her. You can do one without the other."

Santana stood, lipstick in hand, staring back at Sugar, "I should cancel." She said suddenly.

"No." the petite woman stood and turned her back to the mirror, "It's too late now, you have to pick her up in an hour so she's probably already halfway done getting dressed, just finish with the makeup and go get her. I've invested too much time into this relationship and I'm not even in it, you aren't quitting now."

"But what if this _is_ a huge mistake?"

"Then try again. Look I have my reservations about this because, yes, you might be rushing her but I get the urgency since she seems to be ready to move on. I was just talking out loud, don't worry about it." She said rubbing Santana's shoulders and getting her to relax.

Santana gave a mild nod to acknowledge her returned resolve, "I don't plan to rush her though." She said, more to calm herself than to convince Sugar, "I only want her to know I'm still interested, I don't want to lose her only to find out it's because I was too scared to tell her that."

"I hear you." Sugar said sitting back down having talked her friend out of backing down, "But are you sure this is a good idea since she seems to still be so coocoo for Cocoa Puffs? I mean it doesn't seem like a whole lot has changed."

Santana glared at her over her shoulder, "Trust me she's come a long way."

She left it at that, unwilling to share the more private details of Brittany's recovery. Santana was fully aware of what it meant for Brittany to even attempt to dance in a public place alone, that by itself spoke volumes of her progress. Her anxieties had been no little thing and one of the main hindrances in the progression of their relationship, and Felicia was now held accountable for the things she got up to. Both parts that made up that one woman had changed rather significantly, her only worry was that they might have changed too much.

"So what's plan B when this grand night out fails?"

"Sugar!"

"Asperger's."

"Don't start that again." Santana growled slamming her makeup bag back on her dresser and rubbing her forehead roughly as she leaned against it, "What am I going to do?"

"Hey I don't really know Brittany, maybe your very odd plan will work. Did you get her a gift at least? Like chocolates or flowers or whatever poor people give each other."

Santana's eyes drifted to a green bag in the far corner of the room, "Sort of…"

Sugar followed her eyes and walked over to the bag but suddenly Santana dashed across the room and pulled it out of reach, "What the hell?"

Rolling the top closed Santana shook her head, "No peeking."

"What's in there?" Sugar asked, her curiosity peaked.

"Nothing that concerns you." She snapped.

The bag contained a sad and tragic attempt at a stuffed teddy bear. Santana had attempted making it several months before in the hopes of having it ready for whenever Brittany returned home. Three weeks later the finishing touches were put on and Santana realized that what she had created was a disgusting monster not to be viewed by the public. Its head was bulbous, its ears and eyes were out of proportion with each other and to say the stitching was sloppy would be an outright lie. It was atrocious. The fabric was mismatched on accident and to top it all off the whole thing was uneven and lumpy from the poor stuffing job.

She had attempted to make it better in future attempts but each try came out worse than the last meaning the weird asymmetrical Frankenbear was the best she could do.

When Brittany had returned she had left it shoved in the trunk at the foot of her bed because there was no way she was going to ruin their reunion with the thing. But now she was considering it because like Sugar had said she was desperate and hoping to get some 'It's the thought that counts' points.

"What if I gave you Lucile for the night?"

Santana's eyebrow shot up, "Lucile? Really?"

"Yup."

"And Brad?"

"And Brad."

Santana thought the offer over, "In exchange for what?"

"That bag."

"To see what's in it?"

"To keep because I know whatever it is it's for Brittany and you're going to be too chicken shit to show her. If it's hilarious enough I'm going to take pictures and post them on facebook."

That was a frightening prospect but then again there was no proof she had made the bear and they had absolutely none of the same facebook friends.

"Lucile, Brad and a gift basket like the one you accidentally sent me on Valentine's Day that time."

It had been meant for Sugar. The woman liked to send herself extravagant gifts on holidays in order to prompt bigger, better gifts out of would be suitors. Santana was fully aware of this ploy so didn't have her hopes dashed too hard when one day at school she was presented with an overwhelming assortment of desserts and wines by an easily confused courier. She took one look at the giant card that said _Sugar Sugar how you get so fly? _and slid it across the table to the woman waiting crossly next to her.

Sugar's eyes narrowed, "How about I just glance in the bag and we skip the basket."

A heavy silence fell and Santana thought hard before saying, "Alright."

Leaning forward she opened the bag and held it up so Sugar could see the contents.

For a long second they just stood like that, Santana holding the bag and Sugar looking inside, her face completely void of all emotion. Until she burst out laughing so hard Santana worried it might wake the neighbors.

"Oh! Oh my GAWD! What the hell! Please don't tell me you made that!" she screeched through her laughter.

Santana threw the bag back to its earlier position and folded her arms, "It was a first attempt." She mumbled.

"Have you never heard of Build-A-Bear?" she cackled crawling to her feet using Santana's bed for support.

She had known this would be the reaction and was doing her best not to let it get her down, "It was supposed to be something totally handmade like she did for me."

"But she's good at it. Santana that thing is a stuffed nightmare! You know what? Have the basket I'll have everything set up for you in a couple of hours at the usual spot. I need that thing, no one will believe how hideous it is through description alone." She said retrieving the bag.

Santana would have refused but the basket would do more for her than the bear and with her future with Brittany on the line she decided to just let Sugar mock her this once.

"You have to promise not to show Brittany though." She said, suddenly serious.

"I never see her, how could I possibly?"

If Felicia had taught her anything it was to be wary of strange wording like that but she needed Lucile and Brad tonight, it was a far better idea than what she had been planning. It would give them a chance to talk alone and hopefully discuss what it was they were going to do about their future together.

* * *

Santana pulled up to the Jones/Evens estate looking smoking hot in the little red dress she kept on reserve for when the best impression possible needed to be made. Throwing the car in park she stepped out to go and retrieve her date, but apparently her arrival hadn't gone unnoticed.

Mercedes was waiting for her at the door smiling, "Come on in, lookin' good by the way."

"Same to you." Santana said noting the elaborate evening gown she wore, "You and Sam have plans tonight?"

"It isn't just us." She said in a tone that said wasn't too happy about it.

Santana was about to ask but got her answer in the form of a high-pitched squealing of her name, "Santana! It's been too long!" Rachel called from over the banister of the floor above.

The woman looked spectacular in a dress that went from a pale to a deep rich gold making her look like a shooting star. The patterns and stitching were unmistakably Brittany's and whatever Santana thought about Rachel the woman knew how to pick a seamstress.

Rapid footsteps announced her approach and soon she had Santana in a hug, one she gingerly returned, "Hi Rachel."

They hadn't actually seen each other since she moved out of the old apartment but Rachel had often sent her signed copies of new albums or magazine interviews. According to Mercedes it was a standard gift to those she decided were friends though Santana never did get how _she_ managed to get on that list.

"How have you been?" she asked, not because she cared but because it was polite to ask.

"Well enough, I only recently finished my new film, the research Sam and Brittany provided proved invaluable of course. I actually came to talk to Brittany about starting a clothing line but she's being her usual stubborn self." Leaning in she whispered, "Maybe you could talk to her about it, get her to see reason."

"I'll see what I can do."

She wouldn't, but she wanted Rachel to back off so she said she would and it worked like a charm.

"I must say you look simply astonishing tonight? Where might you be taking our little Ms. Pierce tonight?"

"Nowhere you need to know about." Mercedes said flatly as she guided the smaller woman out of the room by the elbow.

"See you later then." Rachel threw over her shoulder before being pulled into the living room.

A moment later Sam descended the stairs looking handsome in a full tuxedo, a Cheshire grin planted on his face.

"She's coming." He said as he came to a stop by her side.

Santana looked up just in time to see Brittany arrive at the top of the stairs and jog down throwing curled hair over her shoulders. She was wearing a shirt and jeans that were just tight enough to signal Felicia's involvement without looking like she needed to shop in the adult section.

When she was close Santana couldn't help leering and apparently neither could Brittany but their similar distraction meant each missed the other's preoccupation.

Sam gently cleared his throat, "Well then you ladies have a nice night." He said and backed into the same room Mercedes and Rachel had disappeared into.

"Ready?" Santana asked, trying not to stare too blatantly.

"Yes." She replied.

And like that Santana was on the spot, it was time to impress.

She walked her date to the car and once inside Brittany was insanely inquisitive about where they were going, turning it into a game of Twenty Questions, and it wasn't until they pulled up in front of Paulo's that she was finally silenced.

"Food first?" Brittany asked rhetorically as she stepped out of the car.

Santana passed the keys to the valet and nodded, "Amongst other things."

They walked inside the building to find that it was much larger on the inside, the top floor was a large circular balcony holding all the tables and overlooking the lower level that housed the bar and dance floor.

The moment Brittany's eyes spotted the large open space with a small crowd of people moving to a moderately fast beat her eyes widened slightly in alarm.

Knowingly Santana went to her side, "It's just there to look at, they always have professionals down there so there's something entertaining going on. If you want to go we can but you don't have to." She said softly.

Brittany nodded and followed Santana to their table where they had a choice view of the floor below. While the blonde looked down, apparently considering her options, Santana cleared her throat regaining her date's attention.

"Listen before anything else I want you to know that this is seriously a no pressure date. I know that I asked you out suddenly and maybe that was a mistake on my part but I really missed you and in all this time my feelings for you haven't changed." She said, she was putting herself out there again in a way that made her wholly uncomfortable.

It did nothing to reassure her when Brittany only nodded in response.

Santana put on a brave face and picked up her menu to look it over though she already knew what she wanted. She couldn't get a read on Brittany no matter how hard she tried and she was really, really trying. The only thing she could pick out was indifference and it was scaring her, but Brittany had agreed to this date. That had to mean _something_. Right?

Santana pushed her way into some small talk and once they were off the topic of romance Brittany opened up and told her all about Atlanta and some of the things she got up to there. The blonde regained her bubbly attitude and soon Santana was swept up in her stories of the horrible public transit and the unpredictable weather of Georgia. But as Santana found herself laughing at the description of a pollen tornado she felt a pang of sadness because she was once more remembering how at ease Brittany could make her feel. Even in the simplest things the woman could make her smile and laugh, and just now it was saddening because it was one of the things she loved so much about the woman before her.

Friendship was an option, there was no reason they couldn't remain close and not be romantically involved but over the past year it had become quickly evident to her that Brittany had gotten a hold of something she couldn't get back. She had suspected after Brittany left, but she knew it after her birthday passed and she didn't even try to go out. All she did was sit in her room and mope giving the ceramic duck on her nightstand longing looks. It was plain obvious by the time a small handmade stuffed bear came in the mail and it made her whole week brighter.

Turning her fork in her hand she looked at Brittany who had stopped talking in favor of looking down over the balcony.

"I think I might want to try it." She said eventually, "Dancing."

The clarification was unnecessary but Santana nodded anyway, "Now?" she asked carefully.

Brittany threw her a small smile, "Better be now or I'll lose my nerve."

They rose from the table and walked down to the large dance floor where there were already several couples out doing their thing. The music had a faster pace than when they had first arrived though it wasn't too loud or imposing. No one was doing anything too fancy and the attention of the dining crowd above and the drinking crowd around them was diverted yet still she could see it was giving Brittany pause.

"Forget about them." She said into Brittany's ear, "Just focus on me."

Fearful blue eyes found hers and never left as she guided them into the center of the group and let them fall into a gentle sway. It was reminiscent of their night at the club and this she was sure Brittany remembered because a small grin appeared on her lips.

"Where are we going after this?" Brittany asked suddenly.

Santana was jarred from her reminiscent thoughts and had to struggle to remember, "Well I did have several other reservations for us tonight but canceled them and got something special set up. I think you'll like the new plan better anyway."

"You aren't going to tell me what it is are you?"

"Not a chance." She said with a laugh.

Brittany chuckled too and suddenly they were moving, like really moving to the rhythm of the music pulsing in the air. Santana was surprised to see Brittany maneuvering both of them skillfully across the dance floor with an ease that was awe-inspiring, never once taking her eyes off Santana's. She wondered if this was a skill Brittany had been hiding or one Felicia had somehow allowed access to but after realizing there was no way to work that out she simply allowed herself to be swept off her feet. Which troubled her again because she was the one who was supposed to be doing that to Brittany.

The song ended and suddenly the room was filled again with the people they both seemed to have forgotten. People who were now giving them scattered applause.

Santana worried that Brittany may become distressed upon seeing so many eyes had been watching, but the only indication of that was the blush that crept up her cheeks as she gave a brief bow. They returned to their seats with Santana not knowing what to expect but when she saw a smile on the blonde's face as they sat down she knew all was well.

"I made it through the whole song." Brittany said looking down in amazement at the floor below.

"You didn't just make it, you dance beautifully."

"I'm just surprised I'm not more rusty at it. I guess Felicia's been keeping my muscles trained."

If she were being honest with herself Santana knew she wasn't that exceptional a dancer but she had some moves and she knew for a fact Felicia did too, but what they had done was more of a contemporary ballroom dance and she wondered where she had learned that. There was still so much to learn about the woman before her, there were so many parts of Brittany and Felicia that she had never seen.

"You haven't danced at all since you were little? Not even in private?"

Brittany shook her head, "Not like that. I may do a little jig if no one is watching and I hear some music playing though. The only real exercise I've been getting lately is when I jog."

"Is that something you recently started?"

She nodded while chewing a mouthful of food, "Since I didn't have campaigns or work I started to venture out a little more."

"Speaking of campaigns Rory just doesn't give up does he?"

Brittany chuckled, "He's almost as persistent as the women down in Atlanta, there was this one girl who got up to jog with me every morning, she was really pretty and funny but she smoked a lot so she never made it past the first block."

Santana knew full well she had no business getting jealous or angry but she was both just the same, "How did that turn out for her?"

Brittany frowned, "She came over one night with some movies and wine coolers to try and hang out but unfortunately it was Felicia's night to be in control and she was kind of, er, mean."

The word 'unfortunately' didn't sit right with her, "You weren't able to see her again?"

_Did you want to see her again?_

"Felicia made it pretty clear that she was to steer clear of my place and she did. She kind of did that to anyone who came by when she was in charge."

That was truly fucked up for someone trying to have a life in a new city, but she simply couldn't help but be thankful for the intervention.

"That kind of thing happened a lot?"

"Yeah especially the few times I went to clubs."

"Did… was there someone who was able to help you get over your fear of intimacy? If that's okay to ask."

She only shrugged, "I didn't hook up with anyone, I did make a few friends though not the kind I'd go out for a drink with… if , you know, I ever went out for drinks."

The information was a little discouraging and Santana decided to leave it at that.

They skipped dessert to go to their next and final destination leaving Santana to bank everything on that. By now she had hoped to have an idea as to what the cause of Brittany's hesitation was but two hours into the date she was just as clueless as when she started and beginning to regret cutting the carriage ride out of the nights plans.

Santana took her time in driving to the pier in the hopes that she wouldn't arrive too early and have nothing to show. However when they arrived, as promised, there in the water was a large yacht with the word Lucile written on the side in large glittering cursive letters.

The boat was legendary, it had seen more epic long lasting parties than any other and had done so through rain or shine. Santana had no intention to throw the kinds of parties Sugar used to, but the ship was the perfect place to complete their date. It was a luxury yacht with rooms for all kinds of activities all available in one portable place.

On the top deck stood Brad, a bearded man in a tux, who offered a brief wave. She had known him as long as she had known Sugar but knew next to nothing about him other than that he was Lucile's stoic friendly captain. That and his almost unnerving unwillingness to speak was what made him a perfect choice to direct this voyage.

Brittany was clearly surprised when she was led to the boat but got on without a word, allowing Santana to take her onto the main deck and look out over the ocean.

It was late and the water was bright with the colors of sunset as it pulled out onto the distance. The view was one that Felicia had always enjoyed and though they were quite different it was clear that Brittany liked it too. After a moment of watching nature put on its light show the engine roared to life and they took off from the pier, Santana guessed that they were headed to the usual coasting spot just off shore that provided an amazing view of the city and the horizon. It didn't take long to find her assumption was correct and she hoped it would create a mood that would leave a hard to forget impression.

The whole time Brittany silently watched the water go by and when the view of the shore reached the height of its beauty she moved to the opposite side to take it in. Santana wanted to say something, to ask how she was enjoying herself, to suggest they partake in one of the hundreds of activities available to them but she didn't want to interrupt. The blonde seemed deep in thought and she only prayed that if the thought was of her it be positive.

Finally she decided to take her place next to her and watch the skyline as well when Brittany spoke, "It's so pretty out here."

"Yeah." She agreed not sure where to take it from there.

Santana was fully aware that now was the time to start being charming but she was so lost, she couldn't think of anything about her that was special enough to make Brittany want her. She had literally no idea what her once girlfriend found most attractive about her.

"You wouldn't happen to have a coat would you?" she asked suddenly and Santana was abruptly aware that the night breeze was quite cold.

"No, but let's go inside I've arranged some desserts for us."

"Okay." She said smiling her teeth chattering lightly.

Upon entering the sheltered part of the deck their eyes were immediately drawn to a large spread of chocolates, candies and cakes all arranged in a free standing pyramid that Santana was surprised hadn't collapsed the minute they took off. She was beginning to think Sugar had overdone it as this was far more elaborate than anything she had ever seen but Brittany's gasp of delight made her immediately grateful for the favor.

A sparkle in her eye Brittany approached the display, "I think they have every type of cake imaginable." She said before spotting a bottle of champagne and apprehensively eyeing it.

"Non-alcoholic." Santana clarified.

"Oh." She said her smile returning.

Santana walked away to retrieve glasses while Brittany circled the display her eyes wide with wonder.

It took a minute to remember where they were kept but soon she had two in her hand and was walking back only to find Brittany was missing. Frowning slightly she stepped around the stack of treats to find her staring at one of the cakes with a curious expression.

Moving to see what was causing such a reaction she walked to where Brittany was, and the minute she saw the back side of the display she knew immediately what had caught her attention and it made her blood run cold while her temper ran red hot.

There at the base sat the Frankenbear in all his horrible glory and then, as if to make sure there was no way out of this tragedy, Sugar had taken the liberty of tying a bow around it and dangling a card that read, To: Brittany From: Santana from its neck.

And just like that she was no longer thankful for her friend and was thinking of ways to terminate said friendship as soon as possible.

"You made this?" Brittany asked picking up the catastrophe.

"Um… no." she said and when it was clear that she wasn't exactly convincing anyone she sighed, "Yes."

"You made it for me?"

"I tried and I failed. You made it seem easier than it actually is."

Brittany looked at the beast with the most unhappy expression Santana had seen on her since her return and she had half a mind to tell Brad to turn the yacht around and ram the damn thing into Sugar's house… somehow…

"Why?" she asked looking right at Santana as if it were a voodoo doll of her sister stuck full of knives.

"I- I don't know I wanted to do something for you since you always made me things." She said quickly before setting the glasses down and reaching out to take the offending doll but Brittany pulled out of her reach.

"You could have just bought something."

"I know." She said feeling grouchy, "Brittany I know it's bad you don't have to rub it in."

Frowning she looked down at the bear like she was going to cry and Santana knew she had failed, Lucile, Brad and the romance of the open ocean combined couldn't fix this.

But something did because her face pulled back into a tight smile and she shook her head, the threatening tears vanishing like magic, "It's cute."

Santana stared at her for a moment and decided that whatever had just happened was best left alone. Instead she poured a glass of champagne and they drank on the deck before partaking of the assortment of sweets followed by a leisurely game of pool. A game Santana was more than a little surprised to know Brittany could play, and quite well at that.

Much to Santana's annoyance the bear was never far away, its mismatched eyes staring blankly at her throughout the evening. And when she fished a blanket out of one of the closets to drape over Brittany as they revisited the outer deck it sat waiting as well staring its weird dead stare.

"You sure you don't want to, I don't know, throw that overboard?"

Brittany looked over at the bear and hugged it pulling it under the covers with her.

Was she envious of it? Yes. Incredibly so.

"No I like him." She said before leaning back and looking at the sky beyond the boat.

Santana leaned back in her chair as well feeling that despite her best efforts the night had been a monumental failure, the gesture had been nice but not enough to win her heart. She had considered all kinds of things to try and show her feelings, everything from singing ballads to her over the PA system to outright groveling but she had promised a no pressure date and that would be the exact opposite. She had backed herself into an unworkable corner with no way out.

Taking a deep breath of the cold night air she let it out creating a small puff of steam, "I won't give up you know."

Brittany looked over to her confused, "On what?"

"On us. I understand that things have changed, but I still love you."

The words caused Brittany's eyes to well up with tears that really did fall, "I wish you hadn't said that."

Santana sat up feeling her heart breaking because she was pretty sure this was where everything came to a sudden end, "I know I said no pressure and I meant it, I'm not saying you have to feel the same I just want you to know how I feel."

"Santana my feelings for you are the same as before I left. Maybe even stronger."

Truly confused now she scooted to the edge of her chair trying to work out what that meant, "But you've seemed sort of indifferent to everything since you got back."

She shook her head, "I've wanted to kiss you senseless since I got off the plane."

"Well if we feel the same then what's the problem?"

"I don't want to be your girlfriend again."

Those words put a lump in Santana's throat, "Why? Because of Felicia?"

Brittany shook her head making more tears fall into Frankenbear's uneven head, "Because of me. Santana I'm sick."

"Sick how?" she asked alarmed, Brittany gave her a disbelieving look and Santana gave it right back, "You can't be talking about Felicia, I already know about that."

"But it's more than that Santana. This it isn't going to change anytime soon." She said her voice muffled by Lumps the Bear.

"I know that too, I'm sure Felicia's mentioned that we've talked."

Lifting her head Brittany wiped at her tears clearly trying to calm down, "Dr. Tensley said that this kind of illness can take years to straighten out and at the end it may turn out that the best I can do is cope. Even if I did manage to become one person again I could be someone totally different from both of the personalities I have now. And since my split is cause by my anxiety it isn't impossible for something to cause it to happen again after I get better or for what I have now to get worse." It was clear it was causing her intense stress to admit this and Santana wanted nothing more than to hold her but she knew that would be a bad move.

Small steps.

They still needed tiny steps to get anywhere.

"I wasn't just sitting around waiting while you were gone. I did some research so I already know those are possibilities. And I'm not afraid to be with you through that. It may turn out that you have a third personality that hates me or that your final one is simply not into women. I get that being in a relationship with you right now is a gamble but you're worth it. I'm not willing to give up on you based on what _might_ happen."

Brittany sniffled and hid her face in her bear, "You always say nice things like that." And her tone made that sound like a bad thing.

"So will you consider going out with me again?"

Now her face was plain miserable, "I still can't."

Pulling the bear down she looked Brittany in the eyes, "Tell me what's wrong. Please? Can we get this all out in the open because I need to know what this is about."

"Felicia and I…. we don't get along very well. At first I hated her and eventually Dr. Tensley got us to cooperate but we still fight over almost everything."

Santana tried to figure how such an argument would play out but every guess was more absurd than the last so she just asked, "How do you two communicate?"

"Through Dr. Tensley mostly but occasionally he records her and plays it back for me later, she apparently automatically knows my responses."

"Okay. So you two don't agree on me?"

A small weak smile appeared on her face, "You're the only thing we agree on and that's the problem."

"How?" she asked, Brittany had yet to explain how all these positive points were all working against her.

"The only reason Felicia doesn't sleep around anymore is because she is still in a relationship with you."

"That bothers you? Me being with her? She said you might not mind but if you do that's-"

"No. I…I admit it doesn't exactly make me happy or anything. But if I have an other self who is going to sleep with someone I'd rather it be you than some stranger somewhere."

"I won't if you don't want me to."

She shook her head, "That's not even what this is about, it's about what this means for our relationship. With her being like this it's more like a hostage situation."

"I'm still not getting the connection here Brittany, everyone here seems to want to be in a monogamous relationship… as much of one as we can manage in this situation so what's the problem."

The Frankenbear came back up hiding her face again, but this time her words were clear, "As long as we're together it's fine, but if we break up then I'm back to square one with her. She's determined to have her own life as long as she can manage it and if she's not with you then she'll find someone else. I didn't want to be distant with you but I'm in a terrible position here. Dr. Tensley warned me about coming home and indirectly pressuring you into getting back together by being too eager, he said it would be bad for both of us, and that I should be completely honest with you about my condition and my treatment before we even talked relationship. But then on the plane I kept thinking of you staying with me because you didn't want me to get set back in my recovery and it made me so sad. Then I started thinking maybe it would be better if we just weren't together anymore and I just work through these issues now instead of after having my heart broken. By the time my flight touched down I decided to just be cool, thinking you'd lose interest if you thought I had but then you say and do things that make it impossible. I know you love me now while everything's fine but it won't always be and even with all we feel for each other I don't want you staying with me out of pity." Brittany stopped and looked at her desperate to be understood.

For her part Santana was silent because she completely got the concern, there were so many ways things could go wrong for them and she knew from her research that there were times where Brittany's illness would put tremendous strain on the both of them.

The situation was still confusing and there was so much to work out, and she wasn't going to pretend that it wasn't going to be difficult, but she did know that she wasn't ready to give up.

"I still want to try. I won't lie and say that I would never factor in your recovery as a reason to stay together but I can promise it will never be the only reason. If it gets to be too much I'll tell you and we'll work something out. I'm still your friend you know." She said smiling.

Brittany pulled the covers up a little higher so the only thing peaking out was her blue eyes and the bear's multisized black ones. "Santana that's sweet but I'm a crazy person and even if I become one person I'll still have my anxiety to deal with."

"You're not crazy."

"I kind of am."

"Fine then be _my_ crazy person. I still love you. All of you. We don't have to date right now, you just got back and there are a lot of changes we both have to get used to but I want to do it together. You're beautiful Brittany, in every way, and I know you're going to find someone to be with multiple personalities or not. And that someone is going to have to deal with all this and accept Felicia regardless of how she feels about them, that someone is going to have to help you get past your fear of intimacy and I really want the someone to be me."

Brittany fiddled with the ear of her bear, "I want it to be you too."

Santana smiled at her feeling absolutely elated, "Then will you give me a chance to do better than last time? I made some mistakes and though I may make more this time I'm better equipped to handle this, I have a much better idea of what I'm getting in to."

"Okay…so we're girlfriends again?" Brittany asked sounding unsure.

Santana thought for a moment, "How about we not label it since all the weight of what that means upsets you. Let's just be… together. I'm only interested in you and I don't plan to go anywhere else. If you feel comfortable enough to say we're dating then we'll do that, for right now we're friends with potential for more, how about that?"

More of her face poked out from behind the hideous toy, "Can we be kissing friends?"

She chuckled, "I would like that."

Brittany immediately left her chair and joined Santana in hers wrapping them both up in the blanket before kissing her deeply. It was sweet and slow and somehow everything Santana remembered and more, she had assumed that over time her mind had over exaggerated how much she enjoyed the feeling of Brittany's lips but it hadn't. At all.

When they parted the moment was warm and perfect framed by a bright and vibrant skyline, though, for Santana, slightly dampened by the friggin demon bear that sat between them.

Gently she reached and tried to tug it away but Brittany wouldn't let it out of her grasp.

"Um, do you think we could seriously burn this and you give me a chance to do a little better?"

A frown crossed her face as she once again pulled it out of reach, "Never." She said stubbornly, "His name is Patches."

"But it's horrible, you really weren't even supposed to see it."

"Too bad, he had my name on him so he's mine." She stuck her tongue out in defiance but that only earned her another kiss.

They stayed like that for a long time, wrapped in each other's arms sharing slow kisses…with Patches watching silently.

_Pervert_. Santana thought acidly.

Brittany kissed her several more times before she stopped, clearly struggling to say something. Santana took her cheek in her hand and found her eyes urging her to speak.

"While we're kissing friends can you s-sorta stay that way with Felicia too?"

Santana understood how nervous this made her if it caused her to start stuttering again, "Of course. Nothing happens between us without your approval."

"I don't want to share you with her but Dr. Tensley said it was a good thing and I'm lucky she likes the same person I do. And since she's a part of me that I'll have to embrace it would be good for you to have a relationship with her as well, though he did say it didn't have to be a romantic one... He said other things too but they were really embarrassing."

"Then keep them to yourself and only tell me if it makes you comfortable." Santana said feeling curious but more determined to keep the other woman feeling safe with her, "I'll see her, but not have sex with her if that's what you prefer."

Brittany shook her head, "She made it pretty obvious she won't go for that, not in the long run anyway. I'm sure she'll keep herself under control until we figure ourselves out but she made it really clear in therapy that she wasn't going to be an extra wheel in our love life."

"Maybe I can talk to her about it?"

Another head shake, "We both tried but that's kind of nonnegotiable, and I don't mind the idea of it, not really. I mean I'm not exactly thrilled but since we share a body and one brain is controlling us both I can't bring myself to get too worked up about it."

The blue eyes fell and Santana could see that creeping fear in them, there was something waiting to be said but it was plain she was afraid to say it, "What else is bothering you?"

Her head fell slightly, her chin resting on Patches' ear, "S-since I'm coming clean and all I'll admit I'm totally intimidated by your relationship with her."

"Don't be." Santana said quickly, eager to squash the concern.

"I can't help it. Besides I know she's more your type than I am."

Santana's lips quirked, "You are my type. I said I wanted someone totally different from me and you are exactly that."

"You know what I mean, I don't exactly meet your specific preferences."

"My specific preferences have changed significantly since you last asked."

"The fact that everyone who sleeps with her becomes totally disinterested in me hasn't."

"Brittany." She said and waited patiently for a wary pair of eyes to meet hers, "We aren't even close to being ready for that yet, but when and if that time comes do you really think I would leave you because I think she's better in bed. Assuming she even actually is."

"I don't but… the fear is still there and I does bother me that she would potentially be the only decent thing about our sex life." She said apologetically.

"That won't happen." Santana said dismissing the last comment, "Anyway, let's cross that road when we come to it. Right now how about I get you home? It's getting colder by the second."

Brittany nodded and Santana gave her one final kiss before she went up to tell Brad it was time to head back. She did it feeling a giddy euphoria from having succeeded in getting herself and Brittany on the right track. But there was also a heaviness that was the seriousness of the situation, if things weren't handled carefully this time around it would be catastrophic and possibly irreparable. Yet as scary as it was she preferred this to the alternative of moving on having never tried to work things out.

The ride back to shore and the drive back to Brittany's were both far more comfortable and relaxed than the drive there. Santana held Brittany's hand for no reason other than she could and it felt great. They weren't dating, not officially anyway, and maybe they never would. Brittany's disorder may rip them apart before they even get started, but when Santana got her final goodnight kiss she _knew_ the risk was well worth the reward.

* * *

A/N: For a few readers Felicia's continued existence is an annoyance and Santana's interest in her moreso but if Santana were to outright shun her or treat her as if she were somehow less of a person than Brittany it would only make things worse. The treatment for DID recommends to not ever do that for a laundry list of reasons but for this story the reason Santana doesn't is because Felicia is a major part of Brittany and she falls her for too despite herself.

As for relationships and DID from what I've been able to gleam what is and is not acceptable is generally between the parties involved (excluding extreme cases where it is between the parties and the psychiatrist), but honestly that's true of any relationship. Some with DID fully embrace alters as parts of themselves even though they are individuals others not so much.

On to the merging. What Brittany said is a possible prognosis for any DID patient. The whole entity that emerges from therapy may be a mixture of the personalities presented or merely a separate one that has a complete knowledge of the other's thoughts and feelings of the past. Like a someone reading another's past from a book with an objective eye. The results can vary dramatically.

Moving along, reviews and constructive criticism are welcome, as you can see I take them very seriously and even if I don't exactly agree I will try and figure out where I may have gone wrong and think on how to do better in the future.

I was planning for the next chapter to be the last one but it isn't exactly shaping up that way... I dunno I'm done giving predictions on the exact number of chapters but I can tell you we are really close to the end.

And no worries as of next chapter we'll be back up in Brittany's head XD


	19. Chapter 19

The sun blared through the open window waking Brittany before her alarm clock had the chance. Blinking rapidly, she sat up and looked around trying to distinguish where she was versus where she last remembered being.

Like before she was alone in the bedroom of her new apartment, but instead of her bed she was now in the plush armchair by the window. Sitting up, she rubbed her eyes and looked around for the note she knew was waiting for her. It was on the nightstand full of words her hand had written that she didn't remember.

Picking up the paper and looking at the unfamiliar writing she got a flash of the weird sensation that went through her every time she read something Felicia wrote. It was eerie, like hearing a strange noise in a decrepit house, there on the paper was proof that something was definitely wrong in her head.

Brittany rolled her shoulders and plucked up courage that wasn't really there before reading it.

_Didn't do much with my morning, called Puck, the guy I told you about from Ohio, and ordered a new ID for our apartment. _

_Had lunch at a Chinese place that was a little sketchy, if it __gives you an upset stomach__, my bad._

_Spent the afternoon with Santana. We stayed at her place and watched The Devil Wears Prada**, **if you want to watch it with her too that's cool 'cause we didn't get too far into it before we started making out._

_And no I didn't break any rules, hands stayed above the clothing._

_Which is why I had to take the liberty of relieving myself at home._

_Several times._

_This kissing friends thing sucks._

_I'm not rushing you or anything but everyone's ready for the next stage here. And I know you're all worried about us being compared in the sack, but as someone who knows how we both work can you trust me when I say it'll be fine?_

_Anyhow, Shane called and said he'd be down in a few weeks to see how we're doing, I told him my schedule but you'll have to call him to give him yours so he can plan when to come._

_-F_

Brittany reread the letter several times before crumpling it up and throwing it away. It had taken the better part of a year to get used to the idea that not only did Felicia take control of her body, but even when she was in control the other woman had unrestricted access to her thoughts, it was constant surveillance. Only the knowledge that they were to become one in any case kept her calm, that and Felicia's agreeing to not spew her deepest, darkest secrets to any listening ear.

Though Dr. Tinsley had made her concede that the only person she had confided in had been Santana, and they did both trust her. But it had still been the main point of contention when she was first coming to terms with her other half.

Knowing Felicia was in her head listening and watching often led her to want to talk to the other woman out loud but she refused to add _that_ to her list of eccentricities. Instead she thought '_Thanks for telling me'_, and went to get dressed.

Once she was finished she set out on her morning jog, a habit that had followed her from Atlanta, and tried not to dwell on the fact that Felicia had been all over Santana the previous day. But she couldn't avoid it. All she could do was wonder if Felicia was a better kisser than she was or if Santana was getting a little sick of her showing up all the time even though it was as different people.

It had been three months since they had started seeing each other again and the pattern was usually two days for her and two for Felicia, the remaining three were for Santana to get work done unless she needed more for particularly busy days. That got tricky when it started to cut into her days with Santana leaving the other woman with Felicia exclusively for two weeks, until Santana came over to their apartment, work and all, just so they could at least spend time together.

Brittany smiled to herself as she jogged, remembering that of all their dates that gesture had made her the happiest she had been in a long time. Santana had sat on the floor in the living room, papers spread out everywhere, with Brittany curled up in her lap, just watching her work. Later that night Brittany made them dinner and they ate on the paper-cluttered floor talking about how their respective days went.

It had been pure bliss and was the moment when Brittany had been closest to telling Santana that she loved her, but she hadn't. Not yet, because whatever it was they had she didn't want to ruin it by saying the wrong thing. She wasn't sure how those words could ever be wrong, especially when they were so obviously true and Santana had no problem saying them over and over. But like most of her fears it had no real basis.

Which had her back to thinking of Felicia's note.

Brittany knew that Felicia was ready for things to get more serious and given how badly she wanted to as well she had to assume Santana was nearly up a wall. They had been in a good place for a while now but even Brittany had to agree things were stagnating, it was time for them to move forward. And not because of fear that she would be left, pressure from her other self, or a raging libido. It was time because she loved Santana so much and wanted to express it physically. As inept as she may be at the act, the time was right to try, it wasn't fair to anyone to keep things where they were any longer.

It brought a lightness in her step to have reached that decision, a little surprising since the idea of making a fool of herself in bed still horrified her. However it was freeing to know that something new was on the horizon for her relationship with Santana, and it wasn't going to be forced or rushed like the last time she attempted it. She knew exactly how she wanted things to play out.

* * *

Unfortunately for her nothing worked out how she planned.

Her first attempt at a first time was thwarted by bad weather, the second by Rachel needing an emergency consultation that she was contractually obligated to solve and the third by herself. Everything had been set, dinner, candles and fresh fluffy sheets for the bed, only to find her anxiety hadn't agreed to this little party and kept her from opening her mouth to talk let alone anything else. Santana knew something was wrong but didn't pry, they only sat on the couch watching some weird show on Animal Planet, laughing every now and again.

That night she had been thrown from her goal by reality, it pained her to realize that with all the progress she had made some things were still the same. She wasn't about to give up, but she concluded that maybe she needed a little more therapy before she attempted the act again.

* * *

It was late on a Friday when Brittany next went to visit Santana. Winter was approaching and the air was nippy meaning she had several layers bundled together. She didn't want to risk a cold since that would put kissing off the table and that was one of the main highlights of her day.

Santana let her in and gave a greeting kiss that Brittany eagerly returned, "How was work today?" she asked as she followed the other woman further inside while unraveling herself from her winter wear.

The smaller woman shrugged as she went into the kitchen and began pulling out a couple of mugs, "Got a promotion."

Brittany gasped, eyes widening, "What? Santana that's great!"

She glanced up as she reached into the cabinet searching for something, "I guess. It's funny because I used to only think about getting space on the top floor but now I don't really care. It'll be good because I'll have more time for us but that's about the only upside."

"That and like way more money." Brittany said, still excited.

Santana pulled out packets of hot cocoa smiling when she saw Brittany's reaction to its appearance.

"I make more than enough now."

"Come on you have to be a little excited!"

She filled the mugs with water and put them in the microwave with a little sigh, "I'm mostly just pissed that I wasted years busting my ass to get ahead and it's when I slack off that they decide that I'm upper level material."

"You weren't totally slacking, you had that whole month where all you did was work."

"Because I had been slacking." She laughed, "Most of that was backlogged work that was due and there was some ridiculous mixup in shipping that had the company thinking someone had lost a million dollars in merchandise."

"Clearly you had it under control so you deserved it." She said confidently.

Santana chuckled, fixing them each a mug of the sweet-smelling beverage and led her to the living room to drink it. Brittany moved towards the tv stand to pick out a movie, since it was what they usually did on evenings like this before going to campaign but Santana held her back.

Giving a questioning look she sat next to her, "What is it?"

"I don't really want to watch anything, actually I don't even want to go out later. I just want to talk for a while."

Brittany's face broke into a smile. She completely agreed, though for her any activity with Santana was just fine. Campaigns had been bothersome though, Rory was constantly asking what was up with them, they were obviously together but he seemed unsatisfied until they defined their relationship in terms he could understand. Sam was great at putting a stop to it but it was still an annoyance.

"That's fine with me. What do you want to talk about?"

"How are you doing?" she asked and Brittany knew she was referring specifically to her treatment.

She couldn't help the fact that her face fell a little so she covered it by taking a tentative sip of her drink and setting the mug down. Santana did the same but ended the action by opening her arms and letting Brittany crawl into them because somehow the other woman instinctively knew it was her favorite position to be in. It made her feel safe and comfortable like it had before, when talking about her illness it was easiest for her with strong, warm, comforting arms around her.

"I'm doing okay I think. Dr. Tinsley's coming in a few weeks to talk to me… us."

"I know Rachel's paying you a lot but can you afford that? If you need me to I'd be more than happy to help."

She smiled slightly, playing absently with the collar of Santana's blouse, "No, it's hardly costing me anything. After he found out I really had another personality he said he was willing to take on my case for cheap if I agreed to let him publish my case in a medical journal or something like that. But don't worry, names and locations are all changed and if that's not okay I can tell him to leave you out of it all together." She added swiftly.

Santana chuckled and gave her a kiss on the forehead, "It's fine."

Calmed, Brittany lay her head against Santana's chest listening to her heart beat, it was one of her favorite things to do. Whenever she was out in her daily life and something became stressful she would remember its strong, steady rhythm and make her own heart beat match it.

It was easily her favorite sound in the whole world.

In moments like these it was hard to remember that Santana was in fact shorter than she was, the brunette seemed so much bigger when she was holding Brittany in her protective and comforting embrace.

"If things are going well I think he's going to invite my parents back to another session."

Santana looked at her in surprise, "Back? You've already met with them?"

"When I was in Georgia."

"How did they take the news?"

"About the way I thought they would. My dad was just shocked the whole time and my mother didn't believe anything the doctor told her until it got bad and Felicia pushed her way out and… made a scene. Then mom shifted to 'It's all my fault' mode."

"That sounds a lot like my parents when I came out to them. My mom just stared at me for a long time then went back to eating and my dad choked on his food. When they finally decided that I wasn't joking my mom went on and on about how she should have never bought me Barbies with removable clothing or let me join the girls swim team when I was little."

Brittany knew what she was doing.

When asking about therapy or personal facts about her Santana would often reply casually with a personal story about herself. She was positive it was to keep her feeling comfortable, making sure Brittany wasn't the only one sharing deeply personal information leaving her to feel exposed again. It was an incredible gesture and completely unsolicited. Brittany wanted to tell her it wasn't necessary, that they could have a conversation without quid pro quo, but the truth was it _did_ help. This system kept her calm and relaxed when she told Santana something private. Furthermore it was an incentive to keep talking because she wanted to know everything there was to know about Santana.

Shifting their positions to get to her cocoa Santana replied, "Not to be insensitive, but the way Felicia told it this was both their faults."

"It was, but they didn't know any better. Mom was sad and crying when she left and dad was still speechless. I wanted to apologize for making them fly out to be ambushed with this stuff but Dr. Tinsley made me promise not to a long time before they showed up so I didn't. I wanted to at least tell them that I forgive them for what happened but he told me not to do that either since it wasn't up to me to do so. I can forgive them so easily because Felicia is the one who has all my resentment apparently, but that seems weird to me since that's what brought her into being in the first place."

"Doesn't mean she has to like it."

"I guess not."

"Just so you know, I'd be more than happy to come to any sessions if I'm needed."

Brittany felt warm just from hearing that and, to hide her sudden shyness, reached up and grabbed Santana's mug to take a sip.

"Hey, you've got your own!" she laughed but let Brittany have it anyway.

"I like yours better. I think you put extra marshmallows in it."

"It was prepackaged!"

"Then the company did." She said placing the mug on the coffee table before returning to her favorite spot, "And no, you aren't needed at the moment but you might be later. Right now we're focusing on repairing Felicia's relationship with my parents."

"She told me she considers Sam's parents to be her real ones."

Brittany wrinkled her nose, "Yeah she motioned that. I would hate to have to drag them down here, too. Dr. Tinsley already wants me to consider telling my friends the truth about why I left."

"If you plan to introduce Felicia to everyone, we will have to have a long, serious talk with Rory."

Brittany chuckled a little but the mirth was lost in what she wanted to say, "You won't mind? Everyone knowing that you're dating a nutcase?"

Santana frowned, "Where did that come from? I don't care who knows about us or what they think about it. Besides, you are talking to the woman who dated Quinn Fabray and that was one **crazy** chick, if I wasn't embarrassed to be seen in public with her, and I somehow wasn't, then there is no way for me to complain about anyone else."

Brittany nodded and thought about that, "Then, um, maybe it's time we were official again." She said softly.

"Are you sure?" Santana asked looking reserved yet on the edge of excitement, "Because I'm content to wait."

"I'm not. I don't want to be undefined anymore because I'm so sure I want to be with you."

Santana lifted her slightly so she could give her an easy, soft kiss, one sweetened with cocoa and marshmallows.

"So I can go into work tomorrow and tell everyone I was kissing my _girlfriend_ last night?"

Brittany laughed and kissed her again, "Yeah."

What started off as slow, leisurely kisses escalated to Brittany being pinned beneath Santana in a much more intense exchange, though it didn't take long for the other woman to lean back taking her hands and placing them firmly at her sides.

Brittany shot her a concerned look but Santana only shook her head, "Sorry I just need a minute." She said, her voice thick with arousal.

Sitting up, Brittany did her best to cool down as well, but looking at Santana's swollen lips and reddened cheeks did nothing to help, "I'm sorry you're in this weird sexless place with me." She said sadly.

"I'm not worried about it, it's not a hard thing to get over when I think of how important it is to get things right this time. But more importantly, you promised you'd stop that."

"Stop what?"

"Apologizing for yourself."

She remembered making that promise, it had been after they had taken that first small step to a working sexual relationship. Memories of that night always got her going and it was no different now, but now it was making her want to do much more than remember.

Maybe she could still do this if she stopped thinking about everything all at once. She was worried about her performance, her abilities compared with Felicia's, and the morning after. It was too much, Santana had said small steps, so that's what she needed to do here. Instead of worrying about everything all at once she needed to take one small step at a time.

The first was to move forward and kiss her gently, a kiss Santana backed away from, "I know I said a minute but I need a little more-"

Brittany quieted her with another kiss, "It's okay." She said meaningfully before taking Santana's hand and guiding her to the bedroom.

Regardless of her mindset nervousness crept in, but then she spotted the ceramic duck she had made sitting in the center of the other stuffed animals she given to Santana over the years. Seeing that calmed her, because it reminded her of how far they had come and how a couple of years ago this entire scenario would have been pure impossible fantasy. They showed that little steps could lead to big change and she needed the reassurance.

Pulling Santana on the bed with her she began to kiss her again, but was stopped when Santana held her back slightly.

"Are you really sure you want to? If I made you think you have to do this-"

"I am. I'm ready but I am still really nervous." She said giving a tense laugh.

"Don't be. All the things you're worried about, let them go." Santana said holding her close before their lips met again, this time the physical connection put them right back were they had been before their pause in the living room.

It was intense but not at all rushed, they were in a place where time didn't matter and they could undress each other slowly, savoring each expanse of skin as it was revealed. Brittany could feel her heart pick up a beat that was a lot faster than necessary, even when considering the circumstances, but it was manageable. Like when they danced she only focused on Santana, on the feel of bare skin beneath her fingers and the way her lips were trailing hot kisses up and down her abdomen.

By the time their lips met again they were both naked and panting and Brittany was already so close to release from the soft touches and kisses she almost called the whole thing off but then Santana's eyes met hers and stilled her worries.

"I love you." Santana said softly, her hand tracing a very specific pattern on her cheek.

Brittany opened her mouth to say it back, but the words were still stuck and fixing that was out of the question when the hand on her stomach began to travel down between her legs. Her heart sped up again but at this point she was unable to determine whether it was anxiety or arousal. She had to assume the latter when Santana looked to her for permission and she nodded eagerly.

Small, strong fingers explored the wet heat between them before entering her slowly. Brittany grasped on to Santana roughly, trying to keep herself under control. The task went from difficult to damn near impossible when she began to move them and the sensation far surpassed their last encounter. Santana found a steady tempo making Brittany's nails dig in deeper, she tried to stop but the combination of what was happening to her and her inability to hold her release off made that impossible. Santana was deep inside her skillfully hitting every place that made her back arch and her breath come in ragged gasps. In the spirit of self-sabotage she began to wonder if Santana knew her body so well because of Felicia, but that line of thinking would only ruin the moment and the small step they were trying to take so she focused on the pleasure pounding through her instead.

She knew she couldn't last long which made the inevitable less upsetting when it happened. Gripping her lover even tighter Brittany came completely apart in Santana's arms, moaning loudly into her shoulder.

Falling back onto the bed Brittany watched Santana brush her hair from her face smiling faintly, "You're so beautiful, do you know that?"

With what had just happened it seemed absurd to blush at that but she did anyway, "You aren't so bad yourself." She joked.

Santana kissed her tenderly before moving to get up but Brittany stopped her knowing Santana didn't expect anything more tonight. But she had more to give, she may not be a great lover but she was ready to try to be better. For a start she wasn't going to let her girlfriend leave without even trying to get her off.

Sheepishly she pulled Santana back on the bed, straddling her to make her own intentions clear.

"Maybe we should leave it there. Small steps." Santana said even though Brittany had already seen the evidence how ready she was for a larger step.

"This is small enough. The problem wasn't you, it's me. I'm worried about how I'll do." She admitted.

Santana nodded and Brittany took a deep breath, trying to still her racing heart. At this moment she knew it wasn't the aftershock of her orgasm that was making her shake, the anxieties that had always plagued her were coming back because now was the time. Now would determine if she was as bad as her mind had led her to believe she was.

Leaning down she kissed Santana and adjusted her position to have access to the juncture of her tan thighs. Timidly she rubbed Santana's side just to get herself started on the journey downwards, but before she was halfway there her heart was trying to escape her chest once more.

She closed her eyes to try and get a grip but it only got worse by the second until she felt Santana's hand on her cheek. When she opened her eyes steady brown ones stared back.

"I'm here Brittany, I'm not going anywhere." She said giving a look so strong and intense Brittany forgot her fears for a moment and focused on the woman beneath her.

"I know I'm just a little…" she didn't know what she was besides nuts.

Santana's palm pressed between her breasts over her heart, "Relax." Taking another deep breath Brittany let it out slowly only to find that Santana was breathing with her, "Again." She said and they repeated the action.

Once she let the other breath out Brittany found her heartbeat had indeed slowed to a reasonable pace. Santana knew it too and smiled up at her as if her comfort was better than any amount of sex in the world.

It was then that, "I love you." Spilled from her lips.

Santana's smile only widened before she leaned forward and planted a slow, loving kiss on her lips. Being lost in it allowed her to move her hand without prompting a panic attack and she was finally able to touch Santana in an intimate way without feeling like she might pass out.

And the sound that erupted from Santana when Brittany's fingers found her sensitive nub immediately became her new favorite sound in the world.

With a renewed confidence she leaned in to taste Santana's lips again because suddenly she was sure she could do this.

* * *

Santana moaned slightly as Brittany once again brushed right past the place she was needed most. By this point it was very clear why anyone who was expecting Felicia and ended up with Brittany would react poorly. The blonde seemed to be systematically locating her most sensitive areas and then avoiding them. It had been titillating at first but now she was in a perpetual state of heightened, almost painful, arousal with nowhere near enough stimulation for release.

For a while she had considered just showing her what to do but back when Felicia was still giving out trade secrets she had mentioned a part of the problem came from others throwing her off her rhythm. She didn't want Brittany back to being too scared to touch her and besides, she seemed to be concentrating exceptionally hard on the task, kissing and nipping at Santana's neck in a way that kept her worked up but did nothing for the situation below.

Santana instead began to think about how to subtly give her pointers in the future, and if it would be best to fake an orgasm rather than put a halt to this if it ran on too long.

Later, when she looked back on the night, she would suppose it was those distracting thoughts that allowed a real orgasm to totally blindside her. It was shocking and alarming to abruptly be hit with such an intense sensation, especially coming from a place nowhere near that.

She had just enough time to realize that Brittany had finally found one of the spots she had been missing before the other woman moved her fingers and hit every other one as well. Santana wasn't sure if it was another climax that hit her or a strong aftershock of the first but it made her head snap back and a strangled groan escaped her just in time for it to happen again. It was almost frightening to feel it happening for a third time and when it did she almost blacked out. Desperate, she tried to get her bearings but she somehow had no idea where she was in time or space, everything was beyond her understanding.

A gentle nip at her neck grounded her slightly and when another surge of pleasure hit her she held onto Brittany for dear life because she was the only thing that made sense at the moment.

It happened two more times, at least she thought it did because she was relatively sure she did actually black out for a moment. When she came around and was finally aware of air, gravity and time again, Brittany was above her looking down in concern.

"Was that okay?" she asked worriedly.

And, like Brittany when she had asked that question, she could only laugh, especially since full motor control of her tongue hadn't been restored yet.

Santana lay on her bed just breathing deeply before she managed to ask, "Where did you learn to do that?"

"Mosquito bite." She answered.

The absurdity of the answer was so purely Brittany, "What?" she laughed and kissing the girl.

"When I was little my mom told me not to scratch mosquito bites so I didn't but they itched so bad I would scratch the area around them. That only seemed to make it itch more, at the same time it felt that much better when I finally gave in and scratched it. It's the same idea."

"You are incredible at it." Santana said testing her legs to see if she had feeling in them again. She didn't.

"I had a lot of practice." She said easily, then realizing what she said she quickly corrected, "On myself!" then understanding how _that_ came across she buried her face in the sheets.

Santana pulled her girlfriend out of the covers and kissed her reddened cheeks, "You have nothing to be embarrassed about, when I was in high school I had a vibrator I used so much I had to buy an old handled game system to justify the amount of batteries I was buying a week."

"You're exaggerating." Brittany said though it was with a small laugh.

"Sadly I'm not. My mom got a game for it for Christmas one year and I was so confused. The thing was still unopened under my bed."

She giggled at that and Santana happily kissed her again.

"But seriously I was okay?" Brittany asked looking unsure.

"You were way more than okay. I'm going to need a nap before I can walk again I think."

"Alright now you're exaggerating." She said amused.

Santana looked her right in the eye, "Not this time either. I don't know who told you what about your sexual prowess but you have nothing to be afraid of."

"Not even Felicia." She joked.

"Not even her." Santana replied seriously.

Surprise washed over her face at that reply and a pleased look replaced it as she curled up next to Santana pulling the covers up and over both of them. Brittany nestled in the crook of her arm since Santana hadn't really moved, mainly from the continued non-cooperation of her limbs, and just like that the quiet of the night took over. Santana was fully aware their friends may wonder where they were but she hoped Sam would figure it out and press on without them.

_And maybe pull Rory aside and rub it in his face a little._

That made her grin, but a real smile bloomed when she heard Brittany say, "I love you." again quietly before she drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Santana woke to find Brittany sitting on the edge of the bed in one of her silk night shirts, her blonde hair was tousled everywhere and she seemed to be reading something. Curious Santana sat up and looked to discover it was one of the corny romance novels she tended to keep in her night stand to put her to sleep.

Noticing she was awake, the book was closed and Brittany said, "Nothing in here is nearly as hot as you two last night."

Santana became immediately more awake with the realization that this was Felicia, "Where's Brittany?" she asked feeling foolish because she technically knew the answer to that question.

"She's still a little worn out, last night was more of a mental strain than anything but it was major progress." She said tossing the book back on the nightstand.

Looking at her still naked state she looked cautiously back to Felicia, "So I take it you're here to…"

"Give you a morning sexing? No." she said simply, and Santana could not pretend she was not genuinely surprised.

"Why not... not that I'm asking you to."

"Because this is unsanctioned out time right now and I don't know how Brittany would feel about me going for it the morning after. Besides I would rather us have a romantic date that ended in spectacular sex than a quickie sandwiched in between Brittany's regular appearances."

A small frown creased Santana's brow, "Look I know we agreed on this before but I think one of us should let Brittany know-"

"Don't worry I wouldn't start working you over without giving her the heads up, especially since hickies are fair game again." She said eyeing Santana's neck.

She could only imagine how it looked at the moment, "We really have come far and I don't want to mess things up by going behind her back."

"I'll give you a permission slip signed by Brittany, would that make you happy?" Felicia snorted.

"Yes, it would."

They stared at each other a while before Felicia scratched her head, "Seriously?"

"We both owe her at least that much."

"Ugh!" she growled flopping onto the bed, "Fine!" suddenly she flipped over her eyes quite serious, the same vibrant electric blue from when they first met at the club, "But when I get that signature no more cock blocking from either of you."

"No one has a cock so I can promise nothing."

Felicia's eyes sparkled, "You have absolutely no clue what I am planning for you."

That sent a shiver up her spine, "How about you clear it with her first and we'll talk more about it then."

Rolling her eyes Felicia crawled across the bed and kissed her deeply, "I'll have your desired paperwork soon." She said.

And just like that she was gone and Brittany was looking at her confusedly.

"Felicia was here?" she asked looking around.

"Only for a few minutes."

"Did you…" she started not knowing how she wanted to phrase the question.

"No. I told her she needed signed permission from you first."

Brittany laughed, "You already have my permission but it does mean a lot that you want to be extra sure."

Santana took Brittany's face in her hands and said, "You _still_ need her signature though, that's the new deal."

They both knew she was talking to Felicia, sure it would work and the other woman had gotten the message but talking to someone in Brittany's head was still all kinds of absurd. Brittany chuckled making Santana do the same until it degraded into full blown laughter.

* * *

A/N: With 95% certainty I can tell you that the next chapter is the last one.

Some food for thought: In the _Journal of Trauma & Dissociation_ there is an article on DID and general dissociation (go figure) that states that DID isn't as rare a condition as we are led to believe. Though cases where it presents in such extremes as Sybil are indeed rare the comorbidity inherent in the disorder usually leaves the symptoms buried under other more common or similar psychosis, leaving a very narrow window of 'diagnosability' for patients that actually do have it. That combined with the comparatively poor awareness in the average clinicians about the disorder is believed to leave many undiagnosed.

Seeing as how there is so little reliable information about DID (at least I never found a lot) I can see how that could be.

I have read a bit of material on how DID isn't a real disorder (as described anyway) but when I think on the multiplicity of the average human mind when dealing with _one_ entity it's hard to disregard the possibility of the mind fracturing in that way. But I'm not a doctor, it's just my opinion XP

Thanks to **chombiric** for helping me beta.

As always reviews are quite welcome as are pm's. I read every one even if I can't squeeze in the time to reply, they are the reason I write fanfiction at all :)


	20. Chapter 20

"Ready?" Santana asked looking over at Brittany.

The blonde looked out the car window to Rachel's mansion already alight with the ongoing festivities.

She wanted to be ready. With two solid years of therapy she felt she should be ready, but she wasn't. Already her heart was racing and her palms were sweating. There wasn't even a measure for how desperately she wanted to be able to get out of the car, but she knew what was waiting inside.

"No." she said feeling nothing but shame, she wanted to show how far she had come so much, but things like this always set her back.

Santana sighed and Brittany sunk into her chair a little feeling it had been aimed at her response, but instead the brunette leaned over to her and pulled her face up to make eye contact.

"If you don't want to go you don't have to, Rachel's a pro at making excuses and Sam and Mercedes can back her up. That said, maybe this guy can convince you to go." She said with a slight growl and upon seeing Patches pulled from the back seat a smile spread across Brittany's face. She knew the innate distaste Santana had for the bear, but it was Brittany's favorite possession. Her smile only grew when she saw he was in the tuxedo she had sewn for him.

"Thought he could display the merchandise." Santana said with a shrug.

Brittany couldn't resist giving her girlfriend a kiss, "Thank you." she said holding him tightly.

Patches was wearing one of the first outfits Brittany had created in a series that would, hopefully as of tonight, make up her first ever fashion line. It had started with just the bear, she had created countless outfits for him to wear, much to Santana's everlasting chagrin, but then Rachel had seen them and insisted that they would be perfect as a children's clothing line. With the star's contacts it wasn't long before she was being commissioned by big name Hollywood actors looking for something to parade their children in while going down the red carpet.

Tonight was supposed to be an exhibition of sorts, a party to let her meet potential buyers for some of her more popular works, to put them into mass production. Brittany wasn't too worried about that, she made more than enough taking private commissions and selling her ideas off didn't bother her in the least since all she had wanted in the first place was to make Patches look stylish. The people inside waiting to meet her were what was making her heart race.

Holding her stuffed bear did give her a big boost of courage though and since he was displaying her skills it wasn't unusual for her to carry him around at such a high-class party. And having Santana nearby was a huge help, as was remembering that Sam was also waiting for her, so she was able to grab her purse and open the car door.

Upon stepping out, she saw the corner of a piece of paper sticking out and she tucked it back inside determined not to think on it, because that was the last thing her confidence needed at the moment. Feeling a flare of anger with herself for even bringing the paper along she growled lightly and shook out her hands, trying to release the tension before looking at the mansion with a renewed sense of purpose.

"You look absolutely gorgeous tonight by the way." Santana said while guiding her to the door.

When they arrived, the door opened almost immediately and the sudden movement made Brittany hold Patches tighter.

Rachel stood looking quite radiant in a red and gold number that Brittany had made for her some time ago. The small woman had claimed it was her favorite… but then again she said that about everything Brittany made her.

"Come in, come in! Everyone is waiting for the main attraction!"

Santana waved the other woman away, "They're going to have to wait, we're going to find Sam and Mercedes first."

Rachel looked rather put out but nodded as she stepped back and pointed to the back porch, "They're outside watching the fire juggler."

"You have a fire juggler at an event to promote Brittany's clothing line. For children."

"It's all for show Santana there aren't actually any children here." She said indignantly, and then turning to Brittany she whispered, "If The Other is here tell her I said 'hello'." Brittany rolled her eyes and nodded.

She had recently told all of her close friends about Felicia and, in addition to Sam, her other self had made some personal introductions to Mike, Mercedes and unfortunately Rachel. The brunette had been rather stunned by the notion and ever since had referred to Felicia as The Other in public. Of everyone, Rachel had been the easiest to convince of the reality of her condition, but both she and Santana suspected it was because she loved unusual drama and their situation was just that.

Walking to the place where they could easily spot Sam and Mercedes they suddenly saw that all of their campaigning friends were present watching a man in a hula skirt flip fire two stories into the sky. Brittany felt her spirits lift a little more at the idea of having so many of her friends present as well.

Brittany greeted everyone easily and, seeing her, they all spoke at once, congratulating her and recommending the best food to be found back inside. They sat together and talked for a while, her anxieties washing away as Artie launched into a speech about why the Star Trek movie sequel was bound to fail and Sam indignantly defended the nonexistent film.

Glancing over at Santana she saw that the other woman was merely observing with a grin, leaving Brittany to think that this hadn't just been Sam's idea.

She was about to ask as much when the patio door opened and Rachel stepped out, "Brittany, darling, may I borrow you for a minute?"

She stood and Santana moved to come with her but she shook her head, "I feel pretty good right now, let me try on my own. Well, with Patches…" she added taking the bear in her arms and giving Santana a parting kiss.

Strengthened by her friends' presence she marched inside after Rachel to meet whoever it was that it was so important she see and do her best to not falter.

* * *

Santana watched her girlfriend leave with worried eyes and briefly wondered if she should follow her just in case. Brittany had been acting a little strange since the morning before last. She had become exceptionally irate when Santana had moved Patches from their bed to the dresser. At the time she thought it was because Brittany had believed she'd finally thrown the thing away like she'd been threatening to do since he showed up on Lucile or nerves due to this upcoming event. But thinking back that couldn't have been it. Brittany knew she wouldn't throw the bear away knowing how much she loved it, and her response to nerves was a quiet, nervous breakdown, not aggression. A worried frown came over her features as she gave it some more thought, which was how Rory was able to sit next to her for a whole minute before she noticed him.

"What do you want?" she snapped. She hadn't meant to be rude but the thought that Brittany may be harboring some new hurt bothered her and she had never been particularly fond of Rory.

"Um, can I ask you something?"

"You just did."

"Can I ask you something else?"

"You did."

"Can I-"

"Rory, what's your damn question?" she sighed pinching the bridge of her nose.

"From what Brittany said I gather that Felicia is inside her body but is a different person, right?"

"Right." Santana said warily wondering where this was going.

"Is it possible that _Felicia_ isn't a lesbian?"

_I should've known._

"Actually Felicia is bi and she happens to already be dating me."

"Oh come on Santana it's hardly fair for you to date both of them!" he whined.

Across form them Sam spoke up, "Dude we already had a talk about this. Leave Brittany _and_ Felicia alone."

"But-"

"_Alone_."

"I would listen to the man Spuds, because I have a short temper with you hitting on Brittany already." Santana warned.

Rory gave a forlorn sigh, and got up to return to his former seat allowing Sam to occupy the space instead, "Sorry about him, he spotted us all leaving Super Games together and sort of invited himself along. You know he's harmless right?"

"You sure?" Santana asked looking across the way with a raised eyebrow.

Sam followed her gaze to see Rory next to Mercedes offering her a flower picked from a nearby decoration. The dark skinned woman was laughing behind her hand but Sam didn't find it amusing in the least.

"Hey!"

Rory jumped a little and gave Sam a bashful grin before sliding away to join Mike and Artie, but not before throwing Mercedes a sly wink.

"Don't think I didn't see that Flanagan!" Sam barked.

"Does he just have a fetish for women that are taken?"

"It might be an Irish thing, I don't know." He said frowning at the man a while longer before he turned his attention back to Santana, "Are you and Britt doing okay?"

She had to assume that he knew about the escalation of their relationship since he and Brittany were very close, he probably also knew that Felicia was now her lover as well and that the idea didn't have Brittany jumping for joy.

"We're good. Why, did she say otherwise?"

"She never says things like that." Sam said giving her a knowing look and Santana nodded.

Brittany wasn't one to come right out with what bothered her, it was in her face and voice that one had to find the clues to detect her true feelings. The words only fueled the thought that something was wrong with her.

"What was it she didn't say?"

"Nothing, I just need to check that everything's going well. She doesn't rely on me to look out for her as much anymore and I get worried." He said simply shrugging a little.

It gave Santana an odd sense of pride to hear that, though she did feel a little bad for causing Brittany and Sam to not be as close.

"I do kind of hog her."

"It's a good thing." He said suddenly laughing, "I wasn't actually complaining. I'm really happy that I'm not the only person in the world she has to confide in, but she's like my little sister… um, sisters now I guess. Whatever, I just want to be sure she's happy."

Santana nodded, "I'm doing my best." She said and thinking back to how upset Brittany had been the day before left her feeling like she wasn't quite doing that.

It wasn't her intent to ignore Brittany's request to attempt meeting with potential clients on her own, but she saw no harm in merely being nearby. Leaving the porch she found her in conversation with a tall, broad-shouldered woman decked in a cowboy hat and jeans. It was her immediate thought that this chick was hitting on her lady, but given the general body language that felling was temporarily quelled. Brittany was chatting happily with the woman and when she spotted Santana she became even more excited.

A little surprised at being dragged into the conversation, Santana allowed Brittany to guide her over to the woman who looked at her through beady eyes, "Ms. Beiste, this is Santana Lopez, my girlfriend, she made Patches for me." She held up the bear to emphasize her point.

Santana eyed the woman up and was a little taken aback when she held out one large, solid hand. She took it anticipating a strong shake, but the bone-crunching grasp surpassed her expectations a little.

"Shannon Beiste, but y'all can just call me Shannon, pleased to meet you." The woman said, a thick, Texan accent coating her voice.

"Likewise." She whimpered pulling her damaged hand back.

"Brittany's been telling me all about her clothing line and I gotta say she does make some nice duds. Saw what you did for the Bradjolina kids, finally got them to stop looking like porcupines in a pillow factory."

Santana frowned as she replayed the comment in her head, she was relatively sure it made no sense, but decided that outlandish comments were to be expected from the types of people who willingly attended Rachel's parties.

"Yeah, she's great at what she does." She offered mildly.

"Now about this clothing line. How determined are ya to make children's clothes?" she asked.

Santana thought that was an odd question, but Brittany answered it quickly enough, "Not very. Rachel saw the work I was doing for Patches here and thought it was a way to get me into the fashion industry. I do like making clothes, but not all the time. I have the most fun when it's something I can enjoy afterwards."

Shannon seemed to consider her words carefully, "Alright then, if you aren't married to the idea then maybe I can get you to drop the children's wear and work for my costuming department."

Brittany only stared back at the woman clearly not understanding, so Santana stepped in, "Who do you work for?"

"Myself actually. Big Beiste Productions is my company."

Santana had to scrounge in her memory to pull up what that meant, "You were the one that produced Rachel's movie?" she asked, because she didn't really remember. She was sure Rachel had mentioned it several times but she hadn't exactly been listening.

"Yep, sure she squawks more than a canary tied to a flagpole, but she's a good girl. Means well."

Choosing not to throw in her two cents Santana moved on, "So you want her to make costumes for your movies?"

The older woman nodded and all of a sudden Brittany was back in the conversation, "Costumes? You want me to make costumes for films?"

Santana had no wishes for this night other than for Brittany to get through it without feeling boxed in or anxious. She wanted to take the woman home feeling good about herself and her progress, but seeing the way excitement took over her features at the thought of costume design, she now also wished for her to get this job.

The large woman nodded, "Our last designer quit after Rachel started in on her about how to properly use sequin on anything she wears. True, that lady could barely get an iron on patch to work right, but no one deserves to get chewed out for three hours over one mistake. Anyway, when she mentioned this party was for you I admit I was interested to meet the person who managed to dress the woman for so long without going crazy."

Santana's eyes cut to Brittany but she was laughing amusedly, apparently finding humor in the statement, "I'm already there, so I guess that's why we work."

"No, you're not." Santana said seriously, she couldn't stand Brittany being self-depreciative, even in a joking manner.

The blonde smiled and gave her elbow a reassuring squeeze before returning to her conversation, "I would love to do costume work… I think… wait, what kinds of costumes?"

"Whatever you want. We're working on enough projects for you to take your pick. Victorian romances to alien invasions, though I warn you, if you go for the romances your odds of having to work with Rachel increase tenfold."

Brittany seemed hardly able to contain her joy, but Shannon didn't notice as she had spotted Rachel headed their way.

"I think that's my cue. She's been tryin' to talk my ear off about some new script she wrote." Quickly the woman pulled out a card and tucked it into Patches' lapel, "Give it some thought and call me when you make up your mind." She said before vanishing into the group of people behind her and out of sight.

Rachel appeared seconds later holding two champagne glasses and looking a little put out, "I could have sworn I saw Shannon a moment ago."

"Must have been your imagination." Brittany said taking the card and tucking it into her purse.

Santana sniggered before taking the extra glass from the small woman and downing it, "What do you say? Want to find some more job offers or are you done for the night?" she asked Brittany.

Rachel huffed and went on and on about how she couldn't be through when they had only _just_ arrived, but she was totally ignored.

"I'm fine, Shannon was really nice and easy to talk to. I'll be okay for a little while longer."

"If you're still open for business then there is something I want to discuss." Rachel interrupted, "Brittany your, erm, delicate issue, though a life obstacle, is a very intriguing case. I must express an interest in- and hear me out - making your life story into a movie."

"No." Santana and Brittany said simultaneously.

"Now, now before you decline I would like you to consider the possible advantages to this. It could make millions aware of your condition and it could be healing to talk about your situation to someone other than a select few. I would be more than honored to write the screenplay and-"

Santana placed her hands on Rachel's shoulder and looked her in the eyes, "Rachel. Look at me and listen, I mean really hear me right now. The answer is no. It will not change with more talking."

"But I merely wanted to express-"

"Rachel. No."

The diva sighed and nodded, "If you're going to be so inflexible about it."

"We are."

For a second it seemed like she was going to open her mouth to comment again, but another guest came up to get her attention and before she could refocus on them, Santana led them away.

* * *

Throughout the night Brittany met and spoke with countless people about possible jobs. Some wanted to feature her work in magazines while others wanted to commission her for specific jobs. She nodded and politely accepted the offers she wanted and declined the ones she didn't. With every passing encounter she felt better and better about herself as she proceeded not to panic under all the attention she was receiving.

Of course she was more than aware that her ability to handle these encounters over a long period of time had everything to do with the woman who stood dutifully at her side and the bear she kept in her arms, as well as her friends that showed themselves now and again, unintentionally relaxing her in the midst of conversations, making them more casual than business.

The night wore on and soon she had reached the end of her energy spurt as she took a seat in one of the many available chairs on the back porch where her night had begun. Santana sat next to her yawning widely and the sight made her stomach clench, but she couldn't think about that. Not now, not when everything was going so well.

They sat in relative silence watching Rachel start an unplanned karaoke on the stage in her yard that turned into more of a concert once Mercedes joined her. Santana watched, laughing with the antics going on before them while Brittany thought over all the offers she had been given that night and once again feeling a thrill of excitement when she imagined being a costume designer on a big movie. Automatically she reached for her purse and pulled out the card Beiste had given her, but as she did she saw the corner of the paper again and the thing she had been trying to block from her mind began a rampage, sweeping away all of her happiness.

It was her usual letter from Felicia, the ones she found in the morning on her nightstand detailing all the interactions between the other part of her mind and the rest of the world. She didn't know why she had kept this one, maybe in the hopes that in rereading it she would be able to jar her memory slightly, but all it did was make her feel worse.

Glancing to make sure Santana's attention was firmly elsewhere she pulled the note out and read it one more time.

_Jogged this morning like you asked me to. Can't say I enjoy it like you do__,__ but it is cool to get outside. Speaking of cool__,__ it's freaking freezing first thing in the morning so can we get a better jacket? _

_Santana made breakfast and we ate in the usual place, she went to work and I went out to check out some of the dance studios around cause I want to join one. It's an indoor activity and you did promise to dance more__,__ so maybe when I go you can go some days too. Just a thought though__,__ I'm not going to force it, you've been doing pretty good on your own._

_Spent the night at Santana's but you've probably picked that up by now, you also may have figured out we had sex last night as she is sleeping naked as a jay bird and I'm not about to fix that. I know you hate it when I go into detail about what went down so I wont. I will tell you __I wore her out and it may leave you a little sore because even with all the dancing and jogging it was a bit of a workout._

_-F_

Brittany's brow furrowed with the effort of keeping herself calm, it was something she had accepted would happen, but she still couldn't keep from feeling… she didn't quite know what. It wasn't jealously, not really, it was more like a cross of intimidation and worry. The night before last she and Santana had been intimate and then last night she and Felicia had gone at it. Tonight was a big deal for her and she wanted to celebrate when they got home, maybe ending the night with a little more than cuddling, but with Felicia's insatiable appetite how was she supposed to do that? Santana was already sleepy and it wasn't even ten, how could she ask her to keep up this pace when she had work in the morning. And though it wasn't the demanding chore it had been before, it wasn't something to be done on practically no sleep.

When Brittany boiled it all down to the basics, she mostly worried that Santana indulged her sexual advances so she wouldn't develop even more of a complex about it than she already did.

"Hey." Santana said nudging her elbow.

Brittany jumped and shoved the note back in her purse, though she knew Santana would never read them. And Santana knew she knew, which made her reaction even more unusual.

"What's going on with you lately?" she asked seriously.

"N-nothing." Silently she cursed her stutter.

"Nothing you want to talk about here?"

"I'm fine, really."

"Yesterday you just about bit my head off for moving Patches and today you seem fine and then I glance over to see you looking like someone drowned a kitten."

"I wasn't upset that you moved him, I thought Felicia had." She said not willing to deal with the other issue.

"She can't move him?" Santana asked because this was news to her.

"I don't want her to touch my things."

"Um, hon, I don't know how to tell you this, but she touches your things all the time."

"I know and that's why she can't touch Patches. He's mine. He was a gift for me and only me because he only had my name on him." She said returning the bear to her arms.

Santana gave her a searching look before glancing back out at the festivities exploding to a fever pitch on the lawn, almost no one was left inside and she decided that was their cue. Quietly she took her girlfriend's hand and led her out of the mansion and to her car before driving to Brittany's.

The blonde was silent on the drive, because not only had she let her insecurities spoil her victory over her anxiety, she had ruined their evening with her weird preferences about the handling of a stuffed bear.

She expected to merely be dropped off since Santana had to be half asleep already but the brunette walked her to her door and came inside without a word. Brittany didn't mind but she suspected Santana had picked up on her mood and was about to have a serious talk with her.

One she didn't want to have.

"We didn't say goodbye to anyone." She said trying to start a topic that wasn't about her or Felicia.

"They'll understand." She said pulling off her coat and taking Brittany's as well before hanging them both up.

Brittany stood stock still playing with Patches' ears as she tended to do when she was nervous before Santana returned wrapping her arms around her in a hug that was automatically returned, "You're uncomfortable with Felicia and I being together." She said.

She shook her head, "It's not that."

"Then what? You have to know I'm just for you. The you that is Brittany and Felicia. And if you want something that is only your own then you must not feel like that's the case."

"I don't want…" she paused because this was another of those moments where she worried if Santana might try and say what would make her feel better instead of what was true. "I don't want you getting too worn out and being with Felicia and me sexually… It's kind of a lot to keep up with. I just want you to know I'd understand if you wanted to be with me less."

"Where is this coming from? Brittany, I told you I don't prefer her."

Turning, she hid her face in Santana's chest, "You have to say that."

"You think I'm lying?"

"I think you don't want to hurt my feelings."

"For a long time you were led to believe you don't know how to please a woman, but let me tell you that isn't true at all."

Brittany smiled a little and peeked up at her, "I believe you when you say I'm not terrible, but I think it's a bit of a white lie to say I'm anywhere near as good as Felicia. I don't remember everything from the past, but I do know she puts on a better show."

"You two aren't even comparable."

"Said by people who don't want to hurt anyone by making a comparison."

Santana sighed and stroked Brittany's hair, "And by people telling the truth."

"I love being with you and I'm not saying I'm giving up, but I don't want you to wear yourself out putting up with both of us."

"Then why are you passing me off to Felicia?" she asked with a chuckle.

"Because she can do more for you in that department."

Taking Brittany to the couch Santana sat comfortably and opened her arms to her girlfriend and, grudgingly, Patches.

Brittany crawled into them and allowed herself to be held as she arranged the stuffed bear beneath Santana's clasped fingers.

After a few moments she relaxed a bit and Santana pulled her closer in a reclined position, "You trust me don't you? To tell you the truth?" Only when she nodded did the other woman continue, "When I said you two aren't comparable I'm not trying to get out of giving you a response. I should start by saying I never get tired of sexy times with my girlfriend, so you can go ahead and stop worrying about that. Next I want to clarify what I meant by non-comparable. Felicia is talented at sex, all three of us know it and it would only be dishonest to say otherwise. However, what Felicia does would work on anyone at anytime, she's all about giving all she's got and getting to the goal as fast as possible. But what you do won't work on everyone, because it takes time, care and for you to pay close attention to who you're with and they have to be willing to let you. Brittany, you know my body in ways Felicia doesn't have the patience to and when we're together it's something unique and special. You make love to me and _make_ me feel that love. I don't think it's fair to compare you two because she loves me too, but she can't show it the way you can when we're together so she tries to make up for it by making every encounter an all-night party. I like both aspects of your personalities and really, for me, it comes down to the fact that I love you. The person as a whole. I'm never tired of you and I don't know how to compare one part of someone I love against another part of the same person."

As always, Santana's words were just right and everything she wanted to hear but still her head was unable to let it go, "But let's say you could only pick one of us to be with."

"What? Forever?"

"Forever."

"Like, just for sex or the whole personality."

"Just sex."

"Neither."

Brittany frowned and sat up abruptly clutching Patches to her chest and glaring at Santana, "You're dodging the question. You can't pick neither."

"Well, I do. Because picking one of you means the other feels neglected and I don't want any part of you feeling that way. There is no preference, if you made me choose only one of you to be with I would feel like absolute shit because I'd know was hurting you badly. If not directly by picking her, then indirectly by picking you. You two only have one heart and I want to do everything in my power not to break it."

There was a rebellious part that wanted to fight, that wanted to force Santana to choose so she could go ahead and say she preferred Felicia. But Brittany knew sincerity when she saw it and though she could doubt the woman before her regardless of what her gut told her she knew that if she did that she would truly be lost. Her girlfriend was telling the truth, a truth she needed to believe for her own peace of mind.

Relieved she dove back into the most calming place she knew in Santana's arms, hiding her face in the other woman's chest again. She wanted to apologize and wished with all her heart she could have erased that expression of self-doubt, she wanted to thank Santana for understanding what she really needed to hear and for not getting sick of her trying to put a rift between them to try and save herself from potential heartache.

Instead of saying any of that her emotions came out in a small sob that made the smaller woman tighten her hold. Brittany covered the only visible part of her face with her bear, now wanting to apologize for being such a weirdo and crying for no real reason, but she knew Santana would have none of that.

She settled for croaking out, "Thank you."

Santana pressed a light kiss to her cheek merely holding her as they sat in the dark of the living room. Soon Brittany's tears subsided and as she wiped them from her face she felt Santana tense to say something.

Wondering what it could be she waited with baited breath before Santana asked, "Are you sure you won't let me make you a better bear? I've been practicing my stitching."

A laugh erupted from her as she shook her head holding Patches closer, "He's like my official mascot anyway, there's no way I can change his face now."

"I'll give you unlimited kisses."

"You give me those anyway." She chuckled.

"Unlimited kisses in the place of your choice."

That made the blonde halt for a long moment before she shook her head again, "No deal."

"Brittany what do I have to give you to let me correct this monstrosity? Seriously name anything."

Blue eyes narrowed slightly, "Let me fix the recording in the duck."

"Never." she responded immediately.

When Santana had let her hear the recording that had made it onto the small speaker inside the ceramic bank she had lamented the mistake as Santana regretted Patches, however both were unmoving when it came to allowing the other to repair the imperfections of their gifts.

"Then he stays the way he is."

"Come on I just want to restitch him and fill him with the right kind of stuffing, I won't even mess with his weird skin or funky eyes. I mean everything is wrong with that bear, your duck has exactly one mistake and it's my favorite part of the whole thing."

"And I like Patches because of his mistakes so we're even."

Santana growled and rolled her eyes ending the motion in a glare aimed at the bear, "You suck."

Brittany yanked him away from her girlfriend's gaze, "Don't be a bully." With a laugh Santana kissed the frown off her face until she was laughing in her arms, "See? I told you unlimited kisses were already free."

"Yeah, yeah." She sighed.

"Hey Santana?"

The brunette paused to look into bright blue eyes, "We're going to be okay, aren't we?"

Another kiss met her lips but this one was longer and deeper than the other, "We're going to be just fine."

* * *

A/N: As you command this isn't the last chapter. There will be an epilogue, how long it will be I do not know.

My inability to predict this comes from having to compensate for what was taken out of chapter 14. The idea was to deal with that in this part, now I'm having to work around it and it's hard to guesstimate. Maybe I'll do a sequel or continue this story at a later date and deal with what I skipped.

Brittany's reaction to her illness isn't as uncommon as one may be led to believe. For a person finding out that they have DID the responses can (as always) vary. Like with any illness it can range from anger and fear to acceptance and indifference sometimes even happiness that all the unexplained symptoms can be identified and dealt with. The same is true for responses to the alters, some people want them gone, others embrace them as parts of themselves and aren't interested in merging.

This story is my take on how Brittany in this universe would handle this disorder, her reactions, symptoms and treatment shouldn't be taken as a normal because (and I know I say this a lot but it's important to remember) there is no normal.

As of ch14 I had someone send me a youtube link to an old HBO documentary on DID in the hopes I would properly educate myself on the disorder... yeah... For those looking to research _anything _never base your research on one source and when it comes to documentaries please remember this: They are made to be watched.

Documentaries spend most of their time on the extremes of any one topic as they usually have half an hour or more to try and keep people engaged. And seeing as (once again) there is no consensus in the medical world about the disorder a documentary should be viewed and considered as a part of a _collective _of information gathered. There are many ways for DID to present itself, a documentary can only cover a few select cases and, like with any mental illness, there are fakers and those who have been misdiagnosed. Giving even more reason to use as many sources as possible.

Long story short (too late I know XD) this is just one possibility in Brittana form. Hope you enjoyed the chapter and I'll see you again on the flip side ^.^

Oh! And to the person who asked me how old Brittany and Santana are (forever ago) the answer is yes to your estimate. I shant repeat it because it is rude to declare a lady's age to the public XP


	21. Chapter 21

**Epilogue**

Santana walked the winding confusing halls on the lot of Big Beiste Productions hoping that she hadn't somehow gotten lost between the check-in gate and her destination. She hoped even more that she wouldn't run into Rachel.

This was her first time visiting her girlfriend at work, even though Brittany had been working on set for several months now, and she was more than a little afraid of committing some faux pas. After asking a few grumpy-looking gentlemen moving an enormous set of lights where the costuming area was, she finally ended up on the right track and arrived in front of a relatively small structure set up next to what she assumed was the studio the movie was being filmed in. She gave a light knock and heard a quick, 'Come in.' filter out to her.

Cautiously, she opened the door to find Brittany hard at work over a drawing table, alone amongst the countless racks of clothes. It was a little surprising because Santana had always pictured dozens of other people with her when she worked from the way she describe her average work day.

She cleared her throat, causing Brittany to turn around, and immediately she knew Brittany wasn't there.

"Felicia? I thought Brittany handled work?"

The blonde stood smiling broadly, "You know, one of the things I love most about you is your ability to tell us apart instantly." She said pulling off her glasses and tossing them to the table.

It was then that Santana noticed a rather horrific looking wound on her wrist and she gasped rushing to her side, "What happened?"

Felicia frowned and looked at her wrist, "Oh, I was hanging out with Tina in the makeup department, she does awesome special effects work." She added with a chuckle.

Letting out a relieved sigh, Santana sat in the chair Felicia had previously occupied, "Alright, that's two major shocks in under a minute, is this what movie making is all about?" she asked lightly.

"Is it really so shocking to see me?" Felicia pouted.

"No, it's just Brittany made it clear that she really loves her job and I was worried that something might have happened to force you out… That _didn't_ happen, did it?"

Felicia shook her head as she leaned against the edge of the table, "We're doing a costume set for about three hundred uniformed actors of varying ages, so I'm calculating the amount of fabric we'd need."

Santana looked surprised, "And Brittany asked you to do that? She switched on purpose?"

Grabbing a napkin Felicia began to wipe the grisly wound off her wrist, "Not really. I mean, she did sort of ask me to, but she didn't know how to get me to come forward. As you know I'm not really into math, but she fell asleep trying to figure out how much suede to order, so I decided to cut her a break."

"Speaking of breaks, I have to assume I've arrived conveniently at lunch time."

Felicia beamed, "You have, meaning you have the honor of taking me to lunch. There are a ton of places nearby."

Hesitating, Santana stood and hung back, "I kind of wanted to take you _and_ Brittany out to eat."

Tilting her head slightly the blonde frowned before looking at her feet, "So I was planning to talk to you about this over food, but I guess we need to do it here." She said and Santana felt a rush of fear.

"About what?"

Without answering Felicia grabbed a chair from somewhere within the mass of clothing in the room and pulled it so close their knees were touching. Santana felt tense; Felicia had never been the one to have a serious talk with her, leading her to think that this must be incredibly important.

"So you know we saw Shane a few weeks ago?" She started.

Santana did know. As far as she was aware their meetings had mainly focused on Felicia and Brittany's relationship with their parents for quite some time now.

"I do." She said nervously.

"I had a pretty major breakthrough with Lori. Though I don't feel like calling her mom anytime soon, I managed to find it in myself not to hate her." Santana smiled briefly at the news, happy that it happened but wondering why telling her required such a somber delivery, "That was a month or so ago."

She frowned, "Brittany didn't say anything about it."

"I asked her not to, because I forgave the woman but I needed some time for those feelings to settle before anyone else knew. What we've been dealing with the last few months since then is _us_." She said, stressing 'us' to indicate all three of them.

"What about us?"

"Brittany and I have had to negotiate some changes and one of them is about how to be with you. Right now if you want to tell us something, you tell Brittany and hope I get the message; you never talk to me directly about big decisions. Like when you asked us to move in with you, you asked her. The two of you worked it out and, yes, you did leave the final decision to me but how in the hell could I say no at that point? Brittany was out of her mind excited and you clearly wanted it badly-"

"You didn't want to move in with me?" Santana asked worriedly.

"No, baby, you aren't hearing me, I did want to. I'm very happy being with you, but what I'm saying is whenever something happens the two of you discuss it and I get to weigh in at the end after you've hammered out all the details."

"I… I mean you could make your own suggestions."

She shook her head, "Hardly. Brittany and I walk a tightrope with every single thing we do and her hearing that I've changed the deal would fuck things up. And I don't want to do that over some minor adjustment."

"What do you want to change?"

"Nothing." Felicia said exasperatedly, "There is nothing now I want to change. This isn't about that specifically, this is about the fact that I had to watch on the sidelines while you two planned for the future and then dropped in a quick 'Oh, by the way Felicia, is it cool with you?'."

"I didn't mean to, I thought… I thought it was okay." She said sadly, wishing she had seen this coming in time to correct it.

"I'm not mad or blaming you for not knowing, as far as you knew it was fine with me. But you two have arguments and move on to makeup sex before I even get a chance to say if I'm over what happened. This isn't me saying that I don't forgive you for something, I'm telling you that the way my feelings have never come into account on things like that has been an issue."

Santana had no idea what to do about the problem and at the moment it was her deepest wish to know the right thing to say, "I'm sorry." she said, since it was the only thing she could think of.

Felicia only smiled and shook her head, "Don't be sorry, like I said you didn't know and neither did Brittany. That's what we've been dealing with when we see Shane… that and some other stuff, but one thing at a time. There is no easy solution that doesn't make me feel like I'm being placated and I know you are such an awesome girlfriend you'll do everything humanly possible to keep that from happening. So what we concluded was that whenever possible, provided I discuss it with Brittany first, I be the one to introduce big changes to our relationship. And that's kind of what I want to do now, not just because of therapy but because it was my idea."

"And what is that?"

"I want to discuss marriage."

Santana's eyes widened, "Marriage." She repeated wondering if she heard wrong.

"I want to marry you. We both do and I know you want to talk it over with Brittany first, I mean we've come a long way but that is a huge step and we need to keep them small, but I want to let you know that it's what's been dancing around up here for a while." She said tapping her forehead.

"And Brittany really wants to as well?"

"I've only been authorized to tell you she's interested, not her degree of interest." Felicia chuckled.

"I must confess interest as well." She was more than interested, but she was also stunned and a little nervous.

A smile bloomed across Felicia's features, "Perfect! Then everyone's interested. I mean, I know we still need to meet each other's parents and figure out how a wedding with three brides works... or if we would even do both at the same time. Not to mention once we work out the details I plan to propose properly with a big ass diamond ring and everything."

Suddenly a painful thought hit Santana and she couldn't help but voice it, "But the goal of therapy is still to merge you and Brittany together, right?"

Her smile faded and she looked at the floor, "Yes."

"And there is still the chance that if that happens Brittany may not want to be with me anymore for one reason or another."

"That's also true."

"So doesn't this seem… I don't think I could handle a divorce from her on top of all that change."

"But it's only a possibility and not a likely one, plus we are still a long ways off from Shane even trying to make us be one person again. _Plus_ divorce is just as likely for a regular marriage."

"Felicia-"

"I want to marry you." She said and there was such emotion in her voice Santana felt her heart break for the woman in front of her, "Santana, I don't know what I am, not really. Maybe I'm some crazy figment of Brittany's imagination, maybe I'm a soul trapped in a body with her. I'm half of her but I don't know how. All my life I've been alone in her head fighting to have my own way while staying hidden and all I did was screw us both up. Until I knew you I'd never even considered love or marriage and when you first met me I was just _starting_ to learn what being responsible meant. But now I want you for real, not to have known you and disappear having never been anything more than a temporary extra in your relationship with her."

"You aren't."

"I will be. I'll be the woman you miss; the residual of myself in Brittany will make you smile and remember me fondly, but I don't want to be that. I don't want to be remembered as a side effect of a mental illness, I want to be your wife. Even if it only lasts a little while."

She wiped away tears threatening to spill over and Santana found she had to do the same, "I don't know if I can get a separate marriage license for you and Brittany."

Shrugging Felicia rubbed her eyes dry, "I'll get Puck to fake one. I'm really only concerned with how you'll remember me, not the state."

"I will remember you and not as a person I once knew who is gone. I'll always love you and Brittany with all my heart." The next words were a deep-rooted fear that choked out of her as she struggled to say them, "Even if you don't love me anymore one day."

Santana was used to being the comforting one when things got serious, but when the first tears actually did fall down her face, the taller woman scooped her up into her arms.

"I am allowed to tell you that we are both worried about what could happen to us in the future. All I know is I want to marry you, because I don't want what we have to disappear without a trace, and Brittany feels the same. She's just as afraid of losing herself in the transition."

It was a little distressing to hear that Felicia still felt so forgettable, "I understand, and I definitely want to talk more about it with you _and_ Brittany." She said wishing that the woman didn't feel like she needed to give her a ring to be remembered by.

Smiling, Felicia leaned forward and kissed her passionately, a kiss that went from Santana's lips to her neck where she felt the other woman making her mark. She wondered if it was an unconscious thing or a prearranged agreement that Felicia always marked the right side of her and Brittany usually went for the left. She wondered that until a particularly hard suck on her pulse point shot an incredible sensation straight between her legs and suddenly every touch and kiss was charged with lust.

"Oh!" They both stopped and turned to the door where an Asian woman stood looking shocked, "S-sorry I w-was looking f-for, uh… bye." She said dashing back out the door and closing it behind her.

"Aaand that would be Tina." Felicia said stepping back with a chuckle.

"Must have given her quite a scare, does she not know about us?"

"She knows Brittany doesn't let up about you. That's just how Tina is. Whenever the director comes running all upset about something they both get to stuttering and I swear it's the cutest thing. He can't even get mad at them."

"Good to know."

"And by the way that reminds me," She said kissing the bruise that Santana knew had to be forming on her neck, "there is this other thing we've been going over with Shane."

"Uh, Felicia, I still need to talk with Brittany about this and I don't know if I'm ready for another big emotional talk before that." She said and honestly she wasn't, her heart was still trying to recover from thinking of marrying Felicia and Brittany only to wake up one morning to find she had lost both.

"It isn't a big thing. Well, it is a big thing, just not a big emotional thing."

"Okay." She said warily.

"Sex. We need to change up the sex a bit."

Santana frowned, "In what way?"

"It's a part of the ongoing thing Brittany and I have with trying to comfortably be more like each other and this is one of those things. Our approaches to sex are totally different, as you are aware, and I need to learn to go a little slower, while Brittany needs to learn to pick up the pace."

"But wouldn't that mean you just switch? And I love you both the way you are."

"Hey, we aren't abandoning what we're best at, we're just learning how to do both. I can't tell you what she hopes to get from it, but I can say that I want to have a little of what she has with you. To get to know your body better, what makes you tick." Felicia said, slowly tracing a finger along her jaw and down her neck.

She couldn't pretend that having Felicia trying to learn all of her personal erogenous zones didn't make the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

"You two don't have to do that."

"We know, but we want to. I do kind of run at it a little too fast." She said with a half-smile and Santana knew she was recalling the conversation she'd had with Brittany all those months ago.

"You know I wasn't complaining about how you do your thing right?"

"I'm aware that I'm a sex goddess," A glint flashed in Felicia's eyes as she kissed Santana again, "but after you said that, I began to want more than hot sex and hard fucking. But, and Brittany requested I ask you about this as well, you're going to need to guide both of us along the way because this will be uncharted territory."

Now she was thinking of teaching Brittany to be rougher and Felicia to be more tender, "How long until you're off work?"

Felicia giggled and gave her a quick peck on the lips, "Slow down tiger, we've got four hours left on the clock and then there is still campaign to get to."

"We can skip campaign."

"I'll think of something, but we can't skip out and you know it, Sam would be devastated."

It was true, tonight was the start of a new campaign story and the first night that Mercedes would finally join them, and in a weird twist so would Sugar. Once the woman found out Santana knew _the_ Mercedes Jones it became an instant issue that she somehow allow them to meet. As such, her interest in Santana's pastime saw a 10,000% spike when she discovered that the internationally acclaimed diva was opening her home to friends playing the game. And sure Sugar wasn't a friend, or an acquaintance for that matter, but she figured since she knew Santana it would work.

So after hopping on her private jet and flying back to L.A. from New York, Santana's longtime friend was back in town and due to meet her that night. Santana often wondered what the woman would say if she found out she also knew Rachel Berry, but she wasn't sure if the NDA had some sort of long-standing clause about that, so she just kept it to herself.

A belabored sigh escaped her and she rested her head on Felicia's shoulder, "Then let me take you out to lunch, just us and after work I take Brittany out to dinner. Would that be alright?"

"That would be perfect."

* * *

There was a small bar and grill not too far from the lot where Santana got them a couple of sandwiches and they ate outside in front of the building, enjoying the noonday sun.

Santana watched Felicia eat with the most pleased smile on her face, "What's so funny?" she asked, almost laughing herself from the other woman's mirth.

"Nothing, I'm just happy."

"Are you?" she asked seriously, hoping the woman wasn't trying to fake it for her sake.

"I really am. I mean, I could think about all the bad things that could happen, but it wouldn't solve anything and would ruin how glad I am that you're here with me now."

She nodded, understanding, "I think I should do the same. It's hard not to get caught up in what could happen to us instead of enjoying the present."

"Whenever I worry about the end I think of you when you came to me by the window." She said with a weak smile, "I really thought I was being shipped off to die and then you came and held me and made me feel like a real person. Not just an accident created by fear, but an honest to goodness person who meant something to someone. I don't think you know how much it meant to me to have that, to have someone know who and what I was and still care about me. It kept me strong when I saw Shane, even though for the longest time I though of him as an executioner. So even if knowing you leads to my demise, there is always that; there will always be that moment where I knew someone cared about me and whatever happens it was worth it to have felt this way."

Santana fiddled with her food unable to stare down such honesty, "I can't be the only one. I'm sure Puck would miss you."

"You don't know Puck. He wouldn't know anything had happened to me unless you told him and if you explained I was an alternate personality of Brittany he'd probably be like 'Whoa, wild.' and go on about his day."

"If you put in some time with Sam and the others they would love you as well. Right now they only know you as Brittany's other half, but when they see what I see they won't do that any more."

"And what do you see?" she asked, taking a bite of her sandwich.

Santana had to think, there was something in both Brittany and Felicia that had caught her attention and she wasn't sure how to phrase it.

"Something unique." She offered simply.

Felicia snorted, "Obviously."

"Beyond the split personalities. You both are extremely unique in a captivating way."

Nodding in understanding, the blonde finished her food and tossed her plate into a nearby trashcan, "Break's over in an hour." She said allowing Santana only one more bite before tossing her plate as well.

"It takes like five minutes to walk back." Santana whined, watching her sandwich fly into the trash.

Felicia smirked and Santana had a sneaking suspicion why the other woman wanted to return so early. When they made it back to the small building and she found herself pinned against the wall she knew she had been absolutely right.

They kissed heatedly for a moment before Felicia was already trying to pull her skirt up around her waist.

Gently, Santana halted her hand and gave her a few more short kisses, "Maybe now would be a good time for a lesson in going slow."

"On the clock at Brittany's job in her workspace? No, I think we can start that later, this is a quickie situation." She said trying again to lift Santana's skirt, but the smaller woman kept it firmly in place.

"It won't take more than an hour and you'll love it, I promise."

Grudgingly, Felicia released the skirt and allowed Santana to kiss her again, even more slowly this time. She let her mouth slowly explore Felicia's skin, unable to keep from marveling at how all the little things that drove Brittany wild didn't get the same reaction from her alter. She did discover new ways to please her, like when she kissed the soft skin behind her ear it made her shudder and when she raked her teeth over the same area it elicited a sound she had never heard from Felicia.

The blonde was quick to locate the area behind Santana's knee that made both her legs weak, but Felicia found that knowing where it was like Brittany did didn't mean she knew how to work it. Her amateur efforts took their toll though and soon Santana couldn't stand anymore, making Felicia push her over to a table covered in fabric and unfinished costumes. She easily lifted Santana up and onto the table before leaping on top of her.

As Santana sank back into onto the pile she couldn't help but ask, "Is this really okay?"

"I'll have them washed." Felicia said evasively before kissing Santana's neck.

"There, the spot you kissed earlier."

Without any more direction Felicia found the mark she had made, attached her lips to it and sucked so hard it made Santana arch her back and stifle a moan, instantly soaking her underwear. Noticing the reaction she got the blonde did it again and found that exact spot behind her knee, finishing the move by giving her clit a firm press, making her come apart on the table fully clothed.

"You're right, I do like this." She said, her eyes taking on that familiar predatory glint.

"You cheated. You still have a lot to learn missy, this can be done without going between the legs." Santana replied rolling them over and pulling off Felicia's shirt.

She resumed her exploration, testing the sensitivity of the familiar body, finding even fewer similarities here than on her neck . Brittany loved breasts, to handle them and to have hers touched, but Felicia was no more or less sensitive than the average woman. However, in an odd discovery, she found if she kissed or nipped at her armpits or even the skin around them she could easily make the other woman achieve climax and she did, multiple times, until Felicia had to pull her away from her newfound playground.

"Can we get to the real sex now please? Because I'm ruining my pants." She panted, lust and love in her eyes.

Nodding Santana removed her clothes chuckling while Felicia scrambled out of hers before their bodies met again. Though, she still wouldn't let Felicia go at her usual pace. Santana kissed her again, forcing her to calm down, the blonde's right hand clasped in her own, while she slowly pushed their centers together. It was Felicia's natural instinct to buck into her lover, but Santana placed a strong hand on her hip and guided her into a lazy, gentle pace that built up slowly.

The blonde was panting heavily clearly wanting to take control, but Santana had a firm hold on her. Even when she leaned forward and nipped the tender area behind her ear making Felicia whine loudly and writhe below her.

"I want to marry you." She said quietly between gentle nips to the sensitive flesh, "I want us all to talk and work this out but you have to know that I will never forget you." A light pinch of teeth made blue eyes roll in pleasure, "You are someone who matters, but that's not all, you are someone I love so very much. And you need to know there is no way I will ever forget how I feel about you."

A small whimper left Felicia's lips before she came and the moment she did, she latched onto the magnificent bruise on Santana's neck making the smaller woman muffle screams of pleasure in the pile cloth and clothes.

Breathless, they laid next to each other before Felicia leaned over and kissed her one more time offering an exhausted smile, "I love you too." she said, nuzzling her neck.

Santana returned the gesture before saying, "I'm sure you have plenty of time before your break is over, but I better go before you get the energy to go again. You've got a lot of writing to do."

Felicia sat back and laughed, "You know me too well."

* * *

Brittany sat at the table of a fancy restaurant reading the novel Felicia had left behind.

Apparently there was a lot to cover and for most of it she was grateful that her other self had breached certain topics in her honor because there was no way on earth she would have gotten through the subject of marriage without sparking a panic attack on the first word. It took the majority of her anxiety on the issue away when she read that Santana was open to the idea, but a bit came back when she read the part about Felicia admitting their fear of vanishing.

She had forgotten about that. She had ignored the possibility on purpose, because Dr. Tinsley said it was so unlikely, but it was still a real concern. She read on about their day, the requests of the director and how Tina had caught her and Santana in a compromising position. The last part made her blush, as did Felicia's report that Santana had been incredibly receptive to the idea of sex tutoring, with them getting in one lesson before the end of lunch.

Looking up she saw Santana chewing lightly on a breadstick while reading something on her phone.

"Santana." She said quietly.

Turning off her phone and swallowing her mouthful of bread she gave Brittany her undivided attention, "Yes?"

"Felicia… she told you that I felt the same as her right? About the possibility of me vanishing as well?"

"Yeah, she did."

"Well I want to tell you myself, I love you and no matter what happens, the me that's here now always will. Whatever sort of messed up thing my brain might do in the future, I love you so much. But if it's too much, if marrying me is too much of a risk, we don't have to have an official ceremony, at least not between us. Felicia is the one who is scared of leaving nothing behind to be remembered by; I only worry about what happens to you after, because I know how much you love me and I know it would break your heart."

"Britt, it's only a possible outcome, a possible outcome years in the future by Dr. Tinsley's estimate, so we shouldn't say our goodbyes. I'm planning to have you in my life forever, I'm not ready to prepare for the end. I never will be. I want our relationship to go as far as it can. I already told you I don't want us shortchanging ourselves because something may go wrong later."

Brittany placed the stack of papers back in her satchel as she remembered the time Santana came to her apartment to return it. She ran her fingers along the edges slowly while also thinking on the countless days she had spent dreaming of simply having a conversation with her boss. And now here they were, planning their forever together.

They finished dinner, and after Santana paid the bill they got in her car and drove Mercedes discussing all the ways the night would be amusing. When they finally pulled into the long driveway already full with cars Brittany waited to leave the car, instead turning to Santana eager to ask what was on her mind.

"Why are you so good to me?" She asked with a small laugh.

"Because I know how lucky I am to have you. I almost messed up beyond repair once."

"You didn't mess up. Neither of us were prepared for what was happening."

"When I told you what I knew, I messed up, and I don't want to ever see you hurt like that again." She said brushing Brittany's hair back and rubbing that same pattern on her cheek.

Brittany smiled and moved closer giving Santana a sound kiss that may have become something more if a loud banging at the window hadn't broken it up.

"Twice in one day!" Santana snapped as she turned her eyes on the intruder.

This time it was Sugar who was standing outside the window impatiently making the 'roll down the window' gesture.

Grumbling Santana lowered the glass barricade, "What?"

"You have to come in with me or it'll seem weird. Wait, is Mercedes even here yet?"

Pinching the bridge of her nose Santana sighed, "We just go here and were having a private moment. But yes, I would assume she's here since this is her house."

"Well, wrap it up, I need to get in there."

Brittany knew Santana was more than a little irritated, but after finding that the small woman was a major part of the reason they were together at all, she had always been inclined to try and help her out whenever possible. She had convinced Santana to allow Sugar to join them and now she got out of the car causing Santana to automatically follow.

"So is Mercedes really into this crap or can I fake it?" Sugar asked Santana as Brittany knocked on the door.

"You fake Asperger's, your singing career and having a soul, so I don't know why you couldn't fake this."

"Your ever present sarcasm aside you're right, I'm a pro at this."

The door swung open and there stood Rory with a wide smile on his face, his eyes skimmed over the new arrivals but the moment they landed on Sugar they lit up.

"Why hello there." He said smoothly leaning against the doorframe.

"Out of the way, Potato Peeler." Santana said pushing past him and taking Brittany with her.

Brittany giggled at the look Sugar was giving Rory as he continued to try to chat her up at the door. Her girlfriend pulled them into the living room where everyone else sat waiting, they greeted the group and she took a seat on the couch between Santana and a slightly disgruntled Mercedes.

"So he finally got you to join in."

"It's going down in my living room, I can hardly escape."

"You were the one that didn't want the paparazzi finding out that you were in a comic book store." Sam said laughing.

At that moment Sugar stormed in looking irate, but the look evaporated when she spotted Mercedes. Her demeanor changed to one of pleasant politeness and she sat down on the other side of the singer.

The bright smile on her face did dim when Rory perched himself on the arm of the couch next to her but it didn't stop her from introducing herself, "Hello, I'm Sugar Motta, the best friend of the ever rude Santana Lopez who neglected to introduce me."

"Mercedes Jones." She said extending her hand.

Sugar took it excitedly, "Oh, I know exactly who you are." She said waving her hand airily.

"Let's get started." Santana said cutting off anything else Sugar might say.

* * *

It was clear after the first few minutes that this wasn't going to be an easy transition for their new additions. Mercedes was having a hard time distinguishing in-game dialogue from regular conversation, which almost resulted in Mike getting smacked when his mage made a disparaging remark about her dark elf. Sugar got the dialogue fine, but seemed to be having trouble grasping why her character couldn't buy better armor; the idea that she or any character she controlled could be poor didn't quite translate.

However an hour later, after Mercedes killed an evil warlord and Sugar made some cash stealing from Rory, everything started getting better.

Brittany merely delighted in being able to share her favorite hobby with Santana and Sam at the same time. It never got old, because she still remembered the woman she used to be, the one who was scared to even mention that she played the game at all. For a while she sat quietly, only speaking up when it was her turn to, but was unable to be truly emerged in the gameplay as she was still thinking about the future. She wondered if Felicia's disinterest in comics and fantasy would change her love of it, and if so what that would do to her and Sam. Sure, he would always be her friend, but they had formed a special connection through their shared interest. She worried about Patches and what some recombined version of herself might do to him, like throw him in the trash or shove him in a box for storage.

Suddenly everything wasn't alright. The future wasn't hopeful, it was terrifying. Sitting up, she tried to look normal and think of a reason to excuse herself but as always Santana was one step ahead. Her arm went around Brittany's waist, pulled them back together and discreetly she put her lips by her ear, echoing her words from months ago.

"We're going to be fine."

Brittany was still tense against her as she nodded slightly, "Are you a mind reader?" She chuckled humorlessly.

Santana shook her head, "You've been getting less and less relaxed over the past few minutes. You should be having fun and you're clearly stressing." Her voice was low so only Brittany heard.

"There's no way to be sure everything will be fine." She mumbled.

"There isn't, but I know it will just the same." Santana took her hand and interlaced their fingers, pulling Brittany's arm around her.

Artie seemed to have noticed the private moment and looked like he was about to comment when Sugar cut across the group with a sharp "Time out!".

All talking ceased as she dug into her purse coming out with a stack of hundred dollar bills, "If I give you this, can I just change my stats? It's too hard to work for the upgrades."

Sam looked at the cash, then down at his own prepared notes, "That seems reasonable." He said taking the money.

Artie's mouth fell open and he looked scandalized, "You can't just let her do that! What about everyone else?"

Sam fanned himself with his newfound wealth, "Pay me two grand and you too can have a spontaneous level up."

"There isn't even a story-relevant reason for her to have gained power at level one!"

"A magical fairy appears before the party and blesses Sugar with the power of stat changing."

"Bullshit!"

"Hey, calm down Artie and show some respect for the lady." Rory challenged from his perch.

Sugar seemed unperturbed since she was busy erasing her old stats and writing in new numbers. Mercedes started to do the same making Sam sit up in his chair.

"Whoa! 'Cedes, no cheating!"

"If Sugar's doing it I am too."

"She paid me!" he protested.

"How about this, either let me change the fake numbers or I start withholding real sex."

"Proceed." He said easily leaning back in his seat.

"What the _fuck_ man!" Artie snapped.

Sam shrugged, "You could offer to withhold sex too, but I think you'd have better luck using Sugar's plan."

"Who even is this chick? Did we invite her?" Artie raged glaring at the rule breaker.

"Leave her alone, I said." Rory said again looking puffed up and ready for a fight.

"No need to get all rowdy, I'm not even changing them that much." Sugar said simply.

"It's the principle of the thing, Artie just doesn't know how to treat a woman of your fine stature." He said and placed a hand on her shoulder.

Sugar looked at the hand and then up to him before taking her pencil and pushing it off.

"Look," she started and Brittany already knew this was going to be bad, apparently so did Santana because she was already chuckling, "Ronald is it?"

"Rory."

"I don't care. You have been hitting on me since I came in the door, but I need to make it clear here that I am out of your league. Well out of your league. As a matter of fact, if your league were to explode I wouldn't hear the sound for another three days. So please, please give up."

Mercedes burst out laughing and turned to Santana, "I see why you two hang out now."

Brittany thought the most amusing part was that Rory seemed hardly deterred.

They were able to finish the rest of the campaign in relative peace and by the time it was over Sugar and Mercedes were already Facebook friends and Rory had gotten Sugar's number. Not from Sugar of course, Santana had given it to him saying her friend deserved it for 'pulling that stunt on Lucile'. Whatever the stunt was Brittany didn't know, but she was sure it must have been bad.

It was almost two am when they got into the car to head home. Brittany was tired and ready to go to sleep, but then Santana spoke and her voice pulled the blonde back into consciousness.

"On our third date I think… I _think_ that might have been when I fell in love with you. It's a hard thing to pinpoint but I'm pretty sure that was it."

The statement caught her off guard and made her frown a little as she pieced the meaning of the sentence together. On their third date she didn't remember being particularly charming, she recalled accepting that Santana would probably break it off with her so she had merely relaxed and enjoyed their time together. Afterwards when she had been asked for another date, it had totally shocked her, but she readily accepted.

"But that was before we started dating."

"I know. I was still dealing with trying to figure Felicia out, and I thought what I felt was pure curiosity about you possibly being her. Looking back now, I think that was it. Where it started."

"I'm glad I was able to charm you." She chuckled.

Santana laughed as well, "What I mean by all this is that's how I know we'll be fine."

"Because of our third date?" she said.

It was clear that Santana was trying to phrase her thought better, "When we were walking on the pier and you were relaxed and just being yourself you were so beautiful. And I don't only mean in a physical kind of way, you radiated something beautiful and it made me ask you out again."

"I don't know about all that." She said blushing, "Inside I'm pretty broken."

"That's what's happened to you in life, not who you are. You are something so special, even split in two you're still amazing and I can't in my wildest dreams imagine how two parts of someone so exceptional can be anything less when put together."

"You know I hate being pessimistic, but we really can't just ignore the bad options." Brittany replied sadly.

Santana was quiet until they reached a red light to turn and look at her, "I'm not, I'm just telling you that I don't see how there can be two of you who love me so much changing into one of you who doesn't. Maybe I'm being unrealistic but I don't care, the woman on the pier is the same one in the car with me now and I know if she doesn't want to lose me, she won't."

"That makes sense, a lot more than the idea of me forgetting my feelings one day. You know all the talks I've had with Dr. Tinsley and he never managed to put it quite like that."

"I can't take full credit. Felicia was the one who made me think about it, she found something about us that she would never regret no matter what happened, and I did the same. Falling in love with you is something I'll never regret. And the way it happened, what I felt that day, what I feel every time I see you, has to mean something. I know love can't keep bad things at bay, but I think this time it will."

"Do you sit at home when I'm not around and practice sweet things to say?"

"From time to time." Santana said, kissing her right as they were bathed in green light.

Santana took the wheel again and drove them the rest of the way home. The car was silent, but it was a pleasant silence, one that was hopeful and comforting.

When they arrived home she dressed for bed in the same silence, each woman merely enjoying the other's presence. Before they went to get into bed Santana moved Patches from his perch on their pillows and placed him on the dresser, in the center of all the other stuffed animals, next to her duck bank, one of his arms draped around it. The sight made her smile widely and Santana couldn't help but smile back.

Once the lights were off and Brittany had curled up comfortably next to the smaller woman she finally allowed herself to really believe the words that Santana had been assuring her of since they had gotten back together.

That they were going to be just fine, for a long time.

**End.**

* * *

A/N: Woot! Done. Gonna use my next lunch break to actually eat XD Though I will miss trying to down a granola bar and a mountain dew while typing... sorta.

Okay to answer story related questions.

**Why out of all Marvel and DC characters did you pick Felicia Hardy? She looks nothing like Brittany, why not pick someone like ****Karen Starr**?

Looks weren't an issue given the origin, when choosing these were the requirements, 1) Female 2) Must be an antihero 3) I have to actually like the character (Karen is a textbook hero and I _hate_ her).

That narrowed it down to Selina Kyle and Felicia Hardy (Catwoman and Black Cat) however even though I like Catwoman more, I am more of a Marvel fan and if you've ever read Glimpse or Random Glimpses you'd know why choosing the name Selina would be a bad idea.

**Wait! Does Brittany ever become whole?**

It was never my intention to have her end this story as a single entity because in order to do that (assuming I wanted to) I would have to jump way into the future, ignoring all the interesting dramatic milestones that would come with it. I would potentially want to revisit this universe and if Brittany were whole now the sequel would be a Brittana story with none of the elements that made the original so captivating.

**How was chapter 14 supposed to play out/ Where can I read the original?**

In the grand scheme of things Brittany and Santana just weren't ready to be together before she got therapy so Santana's mistake, though a heavy one, was reasonable in that the situation was far from normal and therefore could be worked with. So when Brittany returned they would have to deal with it and the plan there was to deal with Felicia's mirrored issues. Where Brittany is afraid of sexual intimacy Felicia is (though not to the same degree) afraid of verbal intimacy. She loves to talk and be charming but fears rejection in the sense that people who come to know her will only think of her as an illness not a person, so she guarded her thoughts on things like love and tended to air Brittany's most personal thoughts to compensate. Slowly she began to express herself, the first time was in Santana's office, she couldn't express her true feelings all the way and only spoke in vague indefinite terms about their relationship though it was her best attempt at expressing how deep her love ran. At the window before they left for Georgia she was finally able to open up and say what she'd been hiding and by this chapter she can easily tell Santana her worries. The aftermath of chapter 14 would have dealt more extensively with that, Felicia's dependance on sex for communication and Brittany reforming a trusting relationship with Felicia and Santana.

If you want to read what was taken out it's here:

0atis.

tumblr.

com

/post/24490379531/the-lost-chapter-14-insert (all one line no spaces)

**Where can I find more info on DID?**

Um okay this is a hard question, because I don't want to list something and have to explain that the book isn't the final word on DID, you have to read and draw your own conclusions. One book will tell you that what it says IS the way things work while another will state the opposite and both will have compelling arguments. I recommend "Dissociative Identity Disorder in Adults, Third Revision" from _The_ _Journal of Trauma & Dissociation _for a relatively easy breakdown of DID, cures, causes and misconceptions ect. Even though the main goal of treatment is integration there are equally convincing accounts stating that isn't necessarily the best option.

For the sake of this fic I did fact checking with medical journals to make sure my knowledge of the disorder was up to date but I have read a lot of books (like real life physical text) on the subject, some fictional, some clinical, some damn near unreadable because of the terminology. I can't remember every one I read as my initial research was from high school but I can shoot off the popular text I always remember like _Sybil, Sybil In Her Own Words, Three Faces of Eve, When Rabbit Howls, Nobody Nowhere, A Fractured Mind_ and _Multiple Personality Disorder from the Inside Out._ I won't turn this into a reference page but you can PM me if you want me to give a better list ^.^

Wikipedia isn't _terrible_ but please remember it _is_ Wikipedia and you get what you pay for... and it's free.

However if there is only one thing you remember about DID it should be this; DID isn't a disorder that has people acting out in extreme fashions the disorders, and/or trauma that _usually_ accompany it are. There are individuals with multiple personalities that live happy productive lives and do not lament their lot in life.

**Sequel?**

Maybe if Glee doesn't piss me off so bad I quit the fandom forever. This story followed a pretty basic format as far as DID stories go, as in discovery, diagnosis, recovery (though I do think I managed to spice it up a bit) but if I did pick this up again I would deal with all the things that I set up to be continued but left seemingly resolved just in case I don't come back to it.

Thanks again to **chombric** for the beta assist and to you for all the reviews and support and please know it's _never_ too late to leave one :)

Plan to have one of Ella's shorts up on my tumblr before the weekend's out so visit or follow me there. I can't promise a sequel but put me on author alert if you want to keep an ear out.


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